He took his rage out on his belongings because in truth it was himself he was angry at and it felt good to destroy things. Deep down he wanted to hurt himself...destroy himself and the fool that he was. Instead he ruined the things he cherished and yelled out his pain. He didn't care who heard, despite the late hour. He wanted them to hear, to come and stop him, to help him regain control.

In the end it was Elladan of course who came. It was always Elladan who had his back. The only one who truly knew what his life had been like. How hard it had been.

"Brother," he cried, stepping into the chaos, "What are you doing? Stop this!"

Elladan stepped up to him despite his obvious churning anger with no fear and gripped his hands tightly.

"Stop this now."

"You were right." Now that someone was here he could begin to wind back his emotions, cage them and hide them. Thank goodness for Elladan for without his calming presence his anger scared him.

"I am a fool."

"Why do you say that? What could deserve all this?"

"I walked down to the sea," he confessed.

"Why?" Elladan folded his arms around him and held him tight. "Why did you do that? I know you are not comfortable there."

"I saw Legolas," he mumbled into his brothers shoulder.

"Did you follow him there then?"

"No." He sighed, "but he was there when I got there. I spoke to him," it all tumbled out now, all his anguish.

"He has found someone else Elladan. I have been too slow, I have wasted too much time and I have lost him!"

Elladan pulled back and looked at him with a frown of concern.

"Why do you think this Elrohir? You must be mistaken."

"I am NOT mistaken. I saw him. I saw them together. I know what I saw."

"Did Legolas tell you they were together? Did he tell you he had someone else?"

"He told me nothing except that I was not welcome there. He did not have to tell me. I could see for myself."

"This makes no sense to me." Elladan said seriously, "Perhaps all was not as it appeared. Tell me what you saw Elrohir. Tell me exactly."

And so he did. He told him of his strange walk down to the sea when he did not know why he walked that way, of watching Legolas swim under the moonlight, of Legolas's harsh words and the rejection they carried with them. He did not hold back when he spoke of the fire that burned between them, but when he reached the arrival of the breathless, panicked stranger and the conversation that followed Elladan stopped him. He was not interested in hearing more.

"Did you question that?" he asked intently.

"What?" Elrohir had no idea what he meant.

"This Sindar said he fished Legolas out of the sea, that does not sound good Elrohir, think about it! Did you ask what had happened?"

"No..." In fact now his brother pointed it out that did not sound good at all and it hadn't even registered in his brain. He had been too focused on the body language between the two of them.

"So a stranger arrives in a panic because he has lost track of Legolas, says he has previously had to save him from himself. That it would break his heart if it were to happen again and you do nothing? You did not even notice that? I cannot believe you Elrohir!"

"Legolas swore it would not happen again." He said in a pathetic attempt to justify his actions. It did not convince even himself.

"Oh that's alright then." He flinched at Elladan's sarcasm. "The fact he has had to swear to that I am sure means it was not important! You really are the bitter end, Elrohir."

Now the picture had been painted for him he was horrified.

"What do I do?"

"Do you even have to ask? Go and see him tomorrow and check he is alright."

"I don't know where he is."

"You have managed to bump into him twice already. I am sure you can find him." He knew Elladan's disappointment in him was justified. He should have paid more attention. How could he have overheard that conversation and not asked questions?

"You don't understand Elladan." He pleaded, "He does not wish to see me. He will tell me nothing. He will turn his back on me again."

The truth was he did not want to chance seeing Legolas with this other Elf. No matter how desperately he was worried about him he could not bear to see that again. It was a knife through his heart.

"Who are you?" Elladan gasped, "Who are you and what have you done with my fearless, honourable brother for I do not even recognise you Elrohir."

"I am myself," he stumbled over the words, "As I have always been Elladan but I cannot do this."

"I will do it then."

"Thank you." He managed to say with relief. Elladan would always save him.

"Do not think I do this for you . I do it for myself. I wish to ensure Legolas is safe and it is obvious you care more for your damaged feelings than Legolas himself."

The door slammed shut behind him and Elrohir was on his own with his guilt and his pain. Everything was going so badly wrong and no matter what he did he could not stop it.

It was after lunch the next day when Elladan sought him out. He had spent the morning in an internal chaos. Every option he thought of was wrong. Nothing would solve the mess of tangled problems. He was staring into a black abyss and there was no way out.

"I found Legolas." Elladan's voice was tight and clipped, he was still angry with him then.

"He is quite safe, if you want to know."

"Of course I want to know! What did he say?" Then because he could not help himself..

"Did you see the other...the Sindar?"

"I saw no-one but Legolas. He has assured me of his wellbeing. Why should I tell you more when you could not be bothered to see him yourself?"

"He would not have talked to me!" he cried. Elladan was being unfair, he did not understand and it was a frightening thing not having his brothers full understanding.

"He is leaving to return to Thranduil and the woodland folk."

"Leaving to avoid me." His bitterness overflowed.

"Probably. I would not know as I did not ask his motives. He asked after you Elrohir. He wished to know you were fully recovered. He apologised for his rudeness last night. If you had had the courage to come with me maybe you could have received that apology in person."

"What should I do? Do you think I should follow him?"

"I am past caring what you do." Elladan snapped. "I have listened to you as you ask my advice but when I give it you ignore it. I am tired of it Elrohir. Why do you even ask me? You will do what you want in the end and then cry to me when it does not work. You are on your own."

It was those last words that broke him. The idea of being stuck here in this hell without even his brother. He had always had his brother. He leaned against the wall behind him and slumped down to the ground. His head in his hands. He was so tired and he had nothing left to give, nothing left even for himself let alone Legolas. Yet he had promised his mother he would not give up, she had warned him it would be hard but if he had known it would be this hard...

"I want to go home." He said.

"What, you will run back like a child to our parents house?" Elladan's words were cutting.

"Not there, that is not home, back to Arda. There must be a way. This place... Nowhere in this place is home." He did not realise until he said it that was exactly how he felt.

"I do not want to be here. I do not fit...nothing is as I imagined it...it is all wrong. Everything is wrong, even Legolas."

He felt Elladan drop down to sit beside him.

"We cannot go back Elrohir." He said softly.

"I will find a way. Anything, anything but staying here. I must be able to get out of here...I cannot be trapped...I want to go back!." He cried out in he was saying made absolutely no sense, he knew but at that moment Aman felt like a cage encircling him, an iron collar around his neck.

Elladan placed a careful hand on his arm.

"There is nothing for us back there Elrohir, even if you could get us back. All that remains there is the agony of watching those we love slowly die. We cannot take any more of that. You cannot take it. We have to make it work here. We have nothing else."

"I do not belong here."

"I know." Elladan pulled him close. "I know this is not what we expected. I know we do not belong, not yet, but we have to find a way."

They sat in silence, the thudding of his brothers heart played a quiet calming melody to his own.

"I had no idea you were this unhappy" Elladan murmured quietly, "I think...I think you need to let Legolas go."

"Let him go?! Let him go?" He pulled out of the embrace startled. "That is not possible Elladan, how can you suggest that? Do you know me not at all? What has happened to us?"

"Not forever, just for a while, just for now. You cannot hope to sort out what lies between you until you have found your feet here, until you are happier. Then you can help him. You need to concentrate on yourself first Elrohir."

But he shook his head resolutely, he did not want to think of letting go. Even though he was exhausted by it he had promised not to give up.

"I do not think you have anything to worry about," his brother continued, "with this other Sindar, Legolas's heart is as tightly entwined with yours as you are to him. It is obvious. Leave him to Thranduil to look after for now and start looking after yourself."

"I do not know where to start." He sighed,

"We will stay here I think." Elladan mused, "I know this place sings to you." and he placed his hand upon Elrohir's chest. "I have seen it relax you. Of all the places here we have been this one is the best for you. We will stay while it soothes the edges of your heart."

"I do not think anything can soothe my heart."

Still the idea of remaining in Tirion with Elladan eased a tiny portion of the churning within him. It was alluring but he felt he had to argue, to justify his guilt.

"I promised our mother I would not give up on Legolas. I promised her! But I am tired of struggling with the way he makes me feel and I can do nothing right with him. It overwhelms me Elladan but I cannot give up and break a promise. She warned me it would be hard and I did not listen."

"You would not be giving up on him. You would be thinking of the long term. Look after yourself now and you will be better able to look after him later. He will be safe with his people. Then when you are happier you can attack those walls of his slowly, it will be easier Elrohir, when you have the stamina." And he smiled, "You will be regrouping for a final assault!"

"I had imagined this place," Elrohir said quietly, "held it in my head for so long until I knew exactly what it would be like. It was all that kept me going sometimes when things were at their worst. We were supposed to be healed here. It was supposed to be safe, all those troubles taken off our shoulders...and it was all a lie. We were tricked to get us here. It is no better than Arda, no different. There is no help for us here." he realised then that he felt cheated, cheated of his childhood dream of a paradise that obviously had never existed.

"There are people here who will help us heal," Elladan answered gently. "Mother and Father are here, how long have we wished for us to be reunited?"

"Mother is different, she has changed." He replied bitterly.

"But she is well...and still who she always was inside, brother."

He sighed as a wave of grief and loss engulfed him.

"Arwen should be here." He whispered underneath his breath though he knew his brother could hear, "We are not reunited without her."

He felt the tears spring unbidden to his eyes as they always did when he let his thoughts wander to his beloved sister and the low point of his life...losing her.

But Elladan shook his head resolutely.

"No." he said, "If the reality of Aman has taught me one thing it is that she should not. She made the right choice Elrohir. I argued with her that she should sail with us. Valinor would heal her. How wrong was I. Think of how hard it is for us, how unhappy you are. Imagine her here for eternity separated from Estel without the magical healing we were promised. It would have killed her anyway."

He thought on that and realised his twin was right. It would have been a torture for her and for them as they watched her.

"Did she know?" He wondered out loud, "Did she know it was not as we had been told?"

"I don't know, but I am grateful she did not come."

"You are always right Elladan." He said with a smile. I should listen to you more. How do you always manage to be right?"

But Elladan looked at him sadly,

"I may be able to give you good advice but I am not good when it comes to managing my own life you know. I am lonely in truth."

And he smiled in response to Elrohir's astonished look,

"Yes, lonely, despite the glory of your company! Legolas may cause you heartache but at least you have him...and you Will have him in the end, I am sure of it. There is no one for me."

"Perhaps we will find someone for you here?" he said gently.

Elladan leaned back against the wall beside him and softly he murmured as if only to himself,

"I do not think she is here."