He hadn't expected his brother back so quickly, but back he was and in a most peculiar mood.

"Did you see Legolas?" He asked desperate to know if they had spoken.

"Yes." was the one word answer he received as Elladan sorted through the pile of belongings spilling out of his bag on the bed.

"And...did he read my letter...how was he?"

"Later Elrohir," Elladan frowned, "I have only just returned. Give me a chance to bathe and get rid of the dust of the road first." and he pulled his shirt over his head adding it to the pile.

"I will wait here then..." He said half heartedly and stood awkwardly as Elladan disappeared towards the privacy of his bath. What was wrong with him? He seemed tense and distracted, not himself at all

Disheartened, he eventually sat on the bed to wait, throwing Elladan's discarded shirt aside but as he did so something fell out of the pocket, a piece of paper. He knew he shouldn't but he could not resist picking it up. Perhaps it would explain his mood?

It was his letter. The one he had spent hours writing, unsure how open and how honest he should be. Wondering if Legolas would even want to receive it. It seemed he didn't for here it was...sent back to him. Holding it in his hand he felt his heart tear apart. What else could he do?

"What do you have there?" It was Elladan, clean now still drying his wet hair with a towel.

Guiltily he leapt to his feet, he should not have looked through his things.

"My letter." He said sadly, "He sent it back."

"He did not send it back!" Elladan was over beside him in a few strides and he grabbed the letter from his hands. "I put the letter in my pocket by accident and forgot to give it back. That is all."

"You don't have to protect me Elladan. I knew all along he was not mine to have, I hoped we could at least talk though..."

He was completely surprised by Elladan's reaction.

"Stop it!" And he pushed him in the chest so hard he stumbled back on to the bed.

"Ow!" He exclaimed , "What are you doing?"

"I am sick of you!" Elladan cried, "Sick of the pair of you, you waste so much time! You have it all for the taking but you are so afraid you will not act!"

He was flabbergasted. What was this anger? Where had it come from?

"You do not know how lucky you are Elrohir...but you will squander it all for the sake of what?"

"What is wrong?" He asked with concern, this was so unexpected. Exactly what had happened while Elladan was away?

"YOU are wrong! You are wasting precious time. What if Legolas had not reached you after your accident? What if you had died? How much time together would you have wasted?"

"But I didn't." He was so confused and he just couldn't understand what was making his brother so upset, they were in Aman, they had all the time in the world surely.

"You can't get it back Elrohir...you can never get it back..." And Elladan turned away from him abruptly.

He reached out to pull him back and a frisson of alarm ran through him.

"Are you crying?"

"No." But the reply was strangled and he knew it was a lie.

"Tell me what upsets you so brother, Let me help." This was not like Elladan at all and he felt worry twist in his gut.

But Elladan did not answer, he did not look at him but made a show of angrily rifling though his belongings on the bed as he dressed.

"You need to go and see Legolas." He said eventually as if Elrohir had never asked his question. "He wants to talk to you."

"I cannot go there! What of the other?..." As much as he wanted to see Legolas he did not wish to meet that Sindar elf who looked at Legolas with such love again. His heart would not bear it.

"There is no other!" Elladan snapped back. "I saw no evidence of him. Perhaps he is a figment of your imagination invented so you do not have to face your fears."

"He is not! He is real. I cannot go there."

Elladan rounded on him again and he could see his face was tear-streaked.

"Go and see him. You are a fool...you are both fools. I have tried to help you but you will not be helped, either of you. I have had enough Elrohir. Don't see him then ...ruin your life if you want, I wash my hands of it...I am going to start looking after myself."

"Why won't you tell me what is wrong? What has happened? Something has happened."

He reached out once more desperate to comfort, but his brother only pushed him away.

"Go away Brother, It is not as if you will ever understand. You have the earth at your feet and you throw it all away."

"I do not want to go...you are upset..."

"Then I will!" Elladan cried and pushed past him to walk out of the door, and Elrohir was left standing, bemused staring after him as the door slammed in his face.

Despite several attempts he did not see Elladan again until the next day when he arrived unannounced in his room, tense and controlled.

"I am going to Father." he said cooly.

"Now?" Elrohir was startled, "Wait I will come with you, why didn't you say?"

"You are going to Legolas." Elladan replied, "and I need to speak with Father on my own."

"About?" He was even more concerned now, something was badly wrong and as much time as he thought on it he could not work it out. Why would Elladan not speak to him? They had no secrets from each other.

"I am not happy to let you go alone." He placed his hand on his brothers shoulder. " You are not yourself. I want to help."

"Then go and see Legolas...tell him your feelings. That will help me, if I know you at least are happy."

"I can't!" He did not even truly know why.

"I don't want to hear it Elrohir. I don't want to hear any more excuses." And Elladan turned away his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I will go then." he could not bear to see his brothers despair. "If it means this much to you I will go!"

"And tell him that you want him Elrohir for he believes you do not. I cannot believe you told him that. Are you that afraid?"

Elladan kept repeating that, he thought, accusing him of being afraid and he wasn't...he was sure he wasn't.

"I didn't say that. Why would I ever say that?"

"Well he believes it, and I believe you said something like it."

"Why is this so important to you Elladan...Legolas and I? Why is it upsetting you so?" This was what made no sense to him. He knew his brother cared for him and wished for his happiness but why were his struggles with Legolas causing him so much grief?

"Because I do not want you to have to live with regret Brother. It is a terrible thing...I will see you when I have spoken to Father. You will find me there." And Elladan turned to leave.

"Do you?" Elrohir grasped at the thought that occurred to him just as Elladan reached the door. "Do you live with regret?"

Elladan's face when he turned back to look at him was tired and weary and lined with grief he had not seen before. Had it been there all along and he had just not noticed?

"Just speak to Legolas and make sure YOU do not." Was all he said in reply and he strode away leaving Elrohir alone and in turmoil.

"Elladan!" He cried and he ran through the door after him, "Elladan!"

"Go and see Legolas." Elladan called back without even turning around, and he disappeared around the end of the corridor. Elrohir felt an ache, a strange emptiness at the disappearance of his brother. There was a chasm between them that had never been there before. He could not remove the newly found idea that had formed in the back of his mind. That he had missed something, been blind, That he had no idea of what lay in the depths of his brother, and it frightened him.

...

He did not waste time going to see Thranduil. He did not have the patience or the fortitude to sit through formalities, instead he went straight to the glade, to Legolas's talen they had built together. A part of him was terrified he would find Legolas with that Sindarin stranger but impatience won out over his fear this time. The glade when he entered appeared as empty and abandoned as it had been the last time he and Elladan had come there on their search and he stood uncertain in the middle waiting...for what he did not know. It was late and he really shouldn't tarry here long.

"Elrohir,"

Legolas's voice rung out clear and true and his head snapped up towards it. There he was sitting in the talan. Why had he not seen him there before?

"Will you come up?"

He frowned, Legolas looked pale, dark circles under his eyes and his face solemn.

"You sound as if you were expecting me." he called up to him, for he did and that in itself was strange.

"That is because I was. Elladan said he would send you and I have been waiting."

He was glad he had come then. The thought of Legolas waiting patiently for him only to have him never appear was a painful one. Slowly and with trepidation he climbed upwards into the talan and sat awkwardly on the floor where Legolas himself sat. Something was very odd here.

Legolas sat beside him in silence. He was so tense, the tension poured off him in waves and he looked steadfastly at the floor in front of him twisting the hem of his shirt in his fingers. He was obviously nervous and Elrohir could not help but wonder why. At last the silence got to him, he could not bear it a moment longer and he blurted out the first thing he could think of.

It was not how he had wanted to begin their conversation.

"Where is your friend?" He asked.

"My friend?" Legolas looked up startled. "What friend?"

"I met him in Tirion..." Suddenly Elrohir felt ashamed. He had no right to pry into this.

"Ah..." Legolas gifted him a small smile, "You mean my minder."

"Minder?" Just what did he mean by that?

"Sent by my father to keep me safe because they do not trust me...with anything." The last was said with bitterness and Elrohir leaned forward with interest.

"He did not seem to be just a minder." He couldn't resist finding out the truth of it.

"Because he is not just that." Legolas looked him in the eye for the first time. "He is my uncle, my father's brother. I forget you would not have met him but you have heard of his existence surely?"

"Your uncle?...Your uncle?" He knew he was repeating himself but he could not help it. The Sindar was his uncle...not a lover after all. How could he have been so foolish! But oh...this was good news indeed!

"Yes. I said that." Legolas gave him a strange look. "He died beside my Grandfather. Did they tell you so little of our part in the Last Alliance that they didn't even mention that?"

"No...I knew...I knew Thranduil had a brother... I knew he died there...but...Legolas, in Tirion...I thought you loved him."

"I DO love him." Legolas gave him a look of confusion. "He is my uncle, of course I love him and he, me. He at least has returned to us." and at that he looked swiftly away although Elrohir imagined there was a catch in his voice.

"I am pleased though," Legolas continued quickly, "that he was here to greet my father when he arrived. It helped...it helped with his disappointment."

He wondered what disappointment Legolas might mean but before he could prod further something flashed through his mind, something Legolas had just said and he remembered Elladan pouring scorn on him before for not listening...not caring.

"Were they right?" He asked urgently,

"Who? What do you mean?"

"Your father...your uncle...were they right when they thought they needed to keep you safe? Were they right not to trust you?"

"Hmm," Legolas went back to fiddling with his shirt anxiously, avoiding his eyes, "Perhaps...but I am safe and well now and they still do not believe it."

Legolas took a deep breath then as if he prepared himself for something unpleasant, something he did not want to say.

"I have promised I will speak honestly." He said, and Elrohir felt a rush of gut wrenching anxiety.

"Elrohir...I cannot do this any longer."

"Do what? You cannot do what?" Alarm rushed through him for what could he mean?

"I cannot be friends with you."

"What?" This was not what he had expected just moments ago. It seems he should not have wasted time worrying about Legolas's supposed Sindar lover when Legolas did not even want him for himself anyway...not even for a friend.

"Don't say that!"

He wanted to cover his ears...to block out what he was hearing but Legolas rushed on, the words tumbling out of him in a cascade or confession.

"I understand..." he said, "I understand you don't want me that way. I respect that, but it is too hard for me Elrohir, because I love you. It is tearing me apart being with you but never being able to have you, not truly, not in the way I wish. I have tried but I cannot... It is not your fault...It is mine. I have to let you go if I am to be well and I want to be well."

"No!" he leapt to his feet in distress. "No! You do NOT understand," he cried. "You cannot let me go...you cannot. Please Legolas!"

"I can't do it Elrohir...please try and understand. I have tried-"

"You cannot let me go because I love YOU!"

And he watched as Legolas's face drained of colour,

"You do not. You told me...you told me you didn't want me the night you arrived."

He frowned in concentration as he filtered through his memories of that night,

"You have it all wrong. I said I didn't want this...I wanted to do things right, I took advantage of you once...after Aragorn...It was wrong, I didn't want to do that again and you were so unhappy...Eldarion...his letter. It was happening again and things were supposed to be different. You were supposed to be healed. I promised myself I would not use you so again."

Before his eyes Legolas shut down, his face closed over and his eyes were hooded.

"No one takes advantage of me Elrohir. I took what I needed...what I wanted that night. No one uses me."

He was confused now for this response was not what he had anticipated. Had Legolas not just told him that he loved him?

"I thought I had...that was how it felt to me..."

He did not know now what it was Legolas wanted from him and desperately he grasped at his hands and drew them towards him. Was it his imagination or was Legolas shaking?

"Can we start again? Please don't put me aside, there is no need for it. Friendship is not enough for either of us. I love you...I love you too..." and he realised then at that moment that it was true what he had heard, what Legolas had said, that he loved him also. Elladan had been right all along.

"I have made a mess of this Legolas. Please say we can try again."

"Let go! Do not touch me!" Legolas yanked his hands out of his grasp and pushed him away as he struggled to his feet.

"Stay away." he backed himself against the wall.

Elrohir was more confused than he thought he had ever been.

"Is this not what you wanted?" his hands dropped limply to his side. Had he misread everything again? It was almost as if Legolas was afraid of him as he stood pressed as far away from Elrohir as he could get, chest heaving, hands shaking, his eyes darted around the talan for an escape route.

"I need to think." Legolas said at last in a voice that was strangled and trembling. "This is too much. I need to think." And he bolted...down the ladder to the grass below.

"Legolas!" Elrohir began to descend, he could not let him get away this time.

"Stay there!" Legolas cried, "Let me be. I will sleep under the stars tonight. Stay there Elrohir please! Just leave me alone now."

And something in the desperation of his voice made Elrohir stop, made him not follow but remain where he was for he suddenly realised if he pushed too hard now he may lose him forever. He did not understand however and he watched as Legolas withdrew, into the shadows and underneath the trees. He did not leave the glade, he did not go out of sight but as far as Elrohir was concerned they were further apart than ever.