The dream came that night. Endless suffocating water everywhere, weighing him down forcing its way into his lungs, sucking the life out of him. He woke with a start, breathless, gasping for air and terrified.
It frustrated him. Why did he dream like this? He could remember so little of his accident so why did it emerge to torment him with these dreams?
He could not sleep after that, the possibility of returning to the midst of the dream meant all chance of sleep had fled, so instead he lay gazing at the stars through the leaves above his head and thinking of Legolas. Eventually his thoughts were disturbed by the faintest of sounds and he frowned in concentration. Was it the vestiges of the dream haunting him or simply the waves below lapping on the shore. Curiosity got the better of him. He had to see what it was.
Slowly he descended to the ground. There in the moonlight was Legolas swimming in the sea. That had been the noise he heard. He stood and watched because he could and marvelled at his beauty, the way the moonlight made the water sparkle as it slipped across his skin, the glow of his hair as it floated through the water. He drank in every moment of the vision he could before Legolas sensed he was there and stood, breaking the magic.
"Elrohir..." He said and Elrohir braced himself for more panic, another round of accusations of spying perhaps but Legolas had calmed himself it seemed and instead he smiled,
"Will you join me?"
It was the last thing he expected and he froze for he could not do it. He could not go into that water.
His silence did not faze Legolas who simply held out his hand in encouragement.
"The water is warm, you will enjoy it I promise."
He wanted to...oh how he wanted to but there was a wall of fear between him and the sea.
"I cannot Legolas." He shook his head, "I cannot do it."
Legolas looked at him carefully and he imagined his eyes saw right to the heart of him, then he tilted his head in confusion.
"You are afraid." It was not a question but a statement of fact.
"I am sorry." He felt so foolish now and ridiculous. "The water... I have dreams...I do not remember the accident but in my dreams I am drowning and I cannot breathe. I can't come in...I can't come near it." As if to illustrate the point he took a step backwards, anything to get away from that water.
"I am here. I will keep you safe." Legolas reached his hand out again towards him and he torn,
"Trust me Elrohir...trust me."
He wanted to, he really did. He wanted to take that hand. It seemed so long since they had touched. Tentatively he took a step forward and then another until the water lapped about his ankles.
"Elrohir..." Legolas smiled widely, "you need to take off your clothes." He looked down at himself, what an idiot, what had he been thinking?
"You could say," Legolas continued his eyes sparkling with amusement, "that was where you went wrong last time." He could not resist smiling back at him, it was irresistible.
He turned and struggled out of his clothing the whole time feeling Legolas's eyes burning into him as if he was memorising every muscle. He was in a rush, he had to do this before he lost his nerve, before he thought any more deeply about the reality of stepping in to that water. Even so he felt his heart hammering in his chest as the water crept ever upwards and every step was an agony. He feet were like lead but he focused on Legolas's hand reaching out to him and swallowed down his fear. Still when Legolas leaned over and closed the last few inches that lay between them he grasped at that hand with panic and desperation but Legolas laced his fingers through his own so they were intertwined with a grip of steel.
"It is alright," he said softly, "the sea is calm, it will not harm you. I will not let you fall." And in that moment he believed him.
"It is foolish," he tried to explain his irrational fear. "I know it makes no sense, I know that I am safe but the fear consumes my commonsense."
Although he kept his tight grip on his hand Legolas looked away, his eyes sliding off to the side and Elrohir sighed. He must think him a childish fool.
"I don't know why it is this way," He said trying to defend himself.
Legolas glanced up at that.
"I am afraid also," he murmered.
He remembered then Elladan surmising Legolas might fear the water just after he disappeared.
"Of the sea?" It made no earthly sense for Legolas was standing there giving no indication the sea was anything but a source of joy for him.
There was a shake of the head.
"I too have dreams which plague me," Legolas continued. "I search for you, in the water. I see you, touch you, but always you are too far away. You slip though my fingers and in the end...you are lost to me." he gave a shudder. "I cannot breathe, I cannot think, I cannot ..." He trailed off in distress.
And suddenly Elrohir saw the truth.
"When Elladan found you, before you left...it was after that dream?"
His brothers description of blind panic flashed through his mind.
"Yes. I am afraid I will lose you..." He gave a bitter laugh. "It is ironic really since I do not even have you in the first place. Forgive my behaviour earlier. I had not expected you to say...what you said. I was overwhelmed... terrified..."
"That is why you ran! That is why you disappeared to Tirion!"
It was a revelation.
He did not know what to do, he could not promise to never leave, that was impossible.
"I cannot promise you will never lose me Legolas." He said, "I would if I could but I do not know what lies around the corner for me. I can promise...I CAN promise I will always return, I will not stay away. I will break down the very doors of Mandos's Halls to reach you if I must. I will hunt along every shore to find you."
"You say that now," Legolas said sadly, "But perhaps if you were in the Halls I would no longer be enough." It was an odd thing to say and he frowned in response.
"How could you ever not be enough?"
Legolas dropped his head to look into the water, the fingers of his free hand drifted through it, dancing amongst the gentle waves as if the touch of the sea would calm him.
He was so different from the Legolas he had known before, the Legolas he had watched for so long in Arda. He felt he no longer knew him...or had he never known him in the first place?
"You have changed." He blurted it out before thinking and as soon as he said it he wished he could take it back.
Legolas lifted his eyes and met his gaze,
"I have changed. I do not deny it. Can you still love me despite it?"
He did not need so much as a second to think on his reply.
"Of course! Not despite it...because of it."
He barely had time to draw breath when Legolas's lips met his, insistant and demanding they reignited the fire within him and took his breath away.
He was left gasping when Legolas drew back and smiled wickedly,
"That is to leave you in no doubt it is not you taking advantage this time. I am in control here Elrohir. Shall we do this?"
It was all he could do to nod yes. His head was spinning, this was not what he expected when he came down from his bed in the trees.
"Good." Legolas replied and suddenly he looked very dangerous. Elrohir began to wonder exactly what he had got himself into.
"But not here." Legolas continued, "I want you to enjoy this and here you are too tense...maybe another day I will show you what fun we can have in the water. Today I think we will stick to the shore." And he lead him by the hand back to the sands and up into the trees.
Elrohir could do nothing but follow...and at that moment he could think of nothing he would rather do.
...
The sun lit golden highlights through Legolas's hair as he lay sleeping and Elrohir could not take his eyes from it. He reached out to touch...was it truly as soft as he remembered it? Was he really here? He remembered that first night they had spent together, the night of Aragorn's death and in the morning he had rushed away and Legolas had seemed detached,
consumed by the sea. What was he saying, he was still consumed by the sea.
At his touch on his hair Legolas's eyes blinked slowly and his head turned to gaze at him.
"It is true," he said, "you are here."
"Is that a good thing?" Elrohir was unsure. He had been swept off his feet and he had not anticipated it but in the cold light of day Did Legolas regret? Was it just a spell of the sea and the moonlight which had worked it's magic on them last night.
But Legolas's face lit up with a smile more beautiful than any he had seen before.
"It is beyond good," he said and pulled himself to sit.
"Last time you had to leave, this time we will savour this I think." And Elrohir was amazed, could it be he was thinking of the exact same hour in their past as he had.
He felt compelled to reach out to touch his face.
"I want to take away all your pain," he murmered for he knew Legolas still had pain aplenty lurking in his depths.
But Legolas took his hand into his own.
"You cannot do that."
"I can! Let me try," He was adamant, he would be able to help him, he must!
"I must do it myself, I see that now. It has to come from me and it will not be easy, truthfully I do not even know where to start, so long have I floundered in this grief...but this will make me stronger." It was the softest of smiles Legolas bestowed on him then.
Legolas frowned then at an internal thought and suddenly his demeanour, which had been light and euphoric became solemn. He leaned forward to look Elrohir in the eye.
"Have you spoken to Elladan?"
Elrohir did not want to be talking about Elladan now.
"He sent me here. He told me you wished to see me."
"But what else did he say? Did he speak to you of anything...important?
"What do you mean Legolas? Why this talk of Elladan of all people? He spoke to me of you, that is all. What happened here? He was not himself when he returned."
Legolas paled at that.
"Not himself? How so? Where is he?"
"He has gone to see Father." Suddenly Elrohir began to feel uneasy. An uncomfortable feeling churned in his stomach, had he missed something? Why was Legolas suddenly so concerned? What was going on with Elladan?
"You must go to him!" You must go to him now and make him speak to you!" Legolas was agitated and this made Elrohir increasingly anxious.
"About what?" If he was honest with himself he didn't want to go. He wanted to stay here...with Legolas whom he had only just discovered. Why would he want to leave him?
"What is so important I must go? He is with my father, he will be quite safe. It will wait surely, this mystery we need to discuss. I want to stay here with you Legolas, at least one day. I will go to Elladan tomorrow. Last time..." he hesitated about mentioning Aragorn, the last thing he wanted was to unleash another torrent of grief, "Last time we...last time I left hurridly, I do not want to do that again."
But Legolas rose to his feet,
"Then we both will go. I will come with you but you must speak to him. It is important Elrohir!"
"Then tell me what the problem is since you obviously know. Tell me."
But Legolas shook his head,
"Elladan must tell you. It has to be him who does."
It was then his blood began to run cold, all his euphoria and wellbeing drained away for what could be so important?
It could not be good. He remembered Elladan as he had been when he last saw him, angry and volatile.
It was not like Elladan.
It was not Elladan at all.
