Authors Note: This update is especially for Nyx Thranduillion ...since you asked so nicely! Only one more chapter to go after this one!
His father came out to greet them on their arrival and he was welcoming and effusive to both Legolas and himself but of Elladan there was no sign, not there, and not inside later when he went to his room. Eventually he sought his father out.
"Where is Elladan? He told me he would be coming here when he left Tirion." A feeling of unease settled in his stomach due in no small part to Legolas's determined insistence he must see his brother.
"He is here Elrohir, search him out. He needs to speak with you."
"So Legolas says, but what is so important Father? Is he well? When last I saw him he was...not himself" It worried him, how distressed Elladan had been in Tirion, how unlike his calm self.
Elrond sighed, "He is well enough, or will be, I hope. He needs you Elrohir. If he will not speak clearly with you, you must make him."
His father would say nothing else, even though he pressed him and so he retreated to the gardens in search of his brother. He took some finding, but eventually he stumbled across him, as far from the house as was possible.
"Elladan!" He ran towards him when he spotted him and was rewarded by a small smile on his brothers somber face. "I have been looking everywhere for you!"
"I heard you were here, and with Legolas no less," Elladan sounded cautious and perhaps with good cause. "How are things? Did you speak to him?"
"I did!" His joy when he thought of Legolas was all consuming, he could not contain it. "We have both admitted things...perhaps we should have said some time ago. We are starting again. Things are well Brother! I understand him better I think. He loves me!"
"How could he not?" Elladan smiled, "You are so loveable."
"And you?" Elrohir took advantage of the lightening of his brothers expression to push for information.
"How was your talk with Father? Did he help you for it seemed you needed it."
And Elladan's face closed down before his eyes.
"Yes it was helpful," was all he would say.
"Father says I should talk to you. He advises me to persist until you tell me whatever it is that has been bothering you...and Legolas does as well...what is it?"
"Nothing," Elladan avoided his eyes and he didn't believe him.
"I am not a fool Elladan. You may think me one but it is not so."
Elladan's shoulders slumped,
"If you really want to hear it you should sit... it is a long story,"
And so he sat and his brother was right, it was a long story and one he struggled to believe. He listened as Elladan told him of a lost love, a love he didn't even know existed..., a loss he had been completely unaware of.
It left him speechless, a chaos of emotion. His heart bled for his brother, all that time, and none of them knew. What would be it be like to lose Legolas? He could not imagine it. He was full of self recrimination, how did he not know this? How did he not see it?
And then there was the anger and the anger won out.
He leapt to his feet and paced up and down in front of his brother.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" He cried, "Why do I only know this now?"
"I am sorry, Elrohir, I was afraid you would reject her."
"That is not fair!" he swung around, eyes flashing, "What have I ever done to deserve that? As if I would ever reject ANYONE you loved! Is that what you think of me?"
"No," Elladan held up his hands in supplication, "No, of course not. I was wrong...I don't even know why.."
"I do not know you. Has our whole life been a lie? You are not the Elladan I thought you were. All this time...where is my brother, the brother I thought I had?"
"I am," Elladan stood and took his hands, "I am still the same, I am still Elladan."
"You are not MY Elladan. Did he ever exist?" He pulled his hands away. "And Legolas knows this? Legolas? Before me!"
"By accident, Elrohir, and only recently. I did not mean to tell him, I was trying to help you,"
"This is too much Elladan...I need to think." He swung on his heels and ran, away from his brother whose newly discovered grief made him feel so wretched, such a failure, for whatever wrong Elladan had done him by keeping this secret he should still have known...he should have known!
He ran down to the sea, not because it was a place of respite, it wasn't, he hated it still, but because he knew he would find Legolas there and he did. He was there, wandering amongst the shallows, spray in his hair. He heard Elrohir coming and looked up, walking towards him with a smile until he got close enough to see his face.
"What is wrong?" and he lifted up a hand to gently stroke Elrohir's face.
"I have been talking to Elladan." His voice was more bitter than he had intended, none of this was Legolas's fault.
But Legolas did not react to that. Instead he stood and gazed at him, head to one side as he pondered on something.
"So he has told you... then why are you here?"
"I needed to see you."
"You should be with him, not me."
"He has lied to me! For years Legolas! This is so big that I can't... I can't...what he thinks of me...the person he must have thought me to be to keep this from me. Am I so judgemental I would reject his lover because of her status? I would not. I would never!"
Legolas took his hands then and held them for they were shaking with his anger.
"He has wronged you, yes, but this is not about you Elrohir. It is about him. He has suffered alone, by choice I know, but still alone. I have lost many and it has been hard but I cannot imagine doing it on my own. I cannot imagine it Elrohir."
Elrohir was overtaken by a wave of shame, he had left his brother alone.
"Go to him," Legolas urged, "Put your hurt aside, you can deal with it later. Go to him now and give him all the love I know you would have given him all these years he had given you the chance."
"He is right," he said in horror. "I am as bad as he obviously thinks I am."
But Legolas shook his head,
"You are not. You are beautiful, caring, loving, and he needs you because he loves you, As I need you because I love you."
It was good to hear those words, unasked for, he had waited a long time to hear them.
"Go!" Legolas smiled as he gave him a gentle shove. "Go and be the brother I know you want to be. I will find you later and we can talk then about how hurt you feel."
Elladan was not where he had left him but it was easier to find him this time. He went to his rooms as a first port of call. His heart was in his mouth as he knocked on the door. A part of him hoped he would not be there, that he would not have to do this, but he was.
"Elrohir," Elladan look exhausted, so weary, "I am sorry Elrohir, I don't know what else I can say."
"No, don't. You don't have to say anything." He knew he needed to make this right, "I should not have left you. It was selfish of me... I want to help, let me help."
Elladan shook his head,
"I have hurt you, I have hurt Father as well and now, here, I do not even know why I did it. Why didn't I tell you? I was such a fool Elrohir! A young, stupid, fool. And then later it became to hard to tell you. I didn't know where to start, it was easier just to keep on as I was."
"Easier to deal with the loss of her all on your own?"
"Nothing made much sense then," Elladan shrugged. "Nothing about that still does to be honest."
"Well you are not on your own now." He spread his arms and gathered his brother into them, "I am here now."
"You always were there," Elladan murmured into his shoulder, "Even if you didn't know it. I have leaned on you, you have always helped me in the dark days."
He spent hours then talking to his brother and it was late when he made his way to Legolas's room. He wondered if he might be asleep but was relieved to see the light escaping under the door, even more relieved to be greeted with a smile. Elladan's emotions had drained him and Legolas's obvious joy at his arrival eased his soul. He needed his light and his love.
"Is all well?" he asked
"Yes...or better than it was anyway. I still do not understand why he didn't tell me. He has not been able explain it to me. Am I that untrustworthy, truly? Would you think me capable of rejecting someone simply because they are different, someone my brother loved?"
"I do not think it was about you Elrohir." Legolas looked at him seriously.
"But am I? I need to know!" To think his brother had thought so little of him hurt deeply.
Legolas sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around him pulling him to lean back against his chest.
"I am different," he whispered in his ear. "You do not reject me."
"You are a Prince!"
"I am Silvan, as she was..."
"I love you , it is not the same."
"You did not reject Aragorn, even when Arwen loving him meant he took her from you."
He thought on that. It was true, that had hurt but he could never have stood in their way.
"But I loved him too," he murmured, "He was my brother, I loved him too."
"Listen to me Elrohir if you will not believe the truth before your eyes. You are not that man and never have been. You would not have turned from her. You would have helped them. The fault for this lies with Elladan, not you, and he has paid a high price."
"I know," he replied, "He has paid a high price indeed. No wonder he was so upset at us wasting time."
"Then let us waste no more if it." Legolas said with a smile,
And he couldn't agree more.
