"Okay…so I have a question for you" I looked up at Nathan who still had his arms around me as we leaned back against the head board of Brooke's bed.

"Ummm…okay" he had that stupid smirk on his face which meant he was about to pry.

"What's up with you and Lucas…I mean you guys looked kinda cozy the other night"

"You know…Haley said the same…same words and all." He laughed as he shook his head.

"Doesn't surprise me…but I really wanna know…you guys act more like friends with benefits then just friends."

"What makes you say that" I questioned as we looked at each other. "We've always been like this" With the exception of the make out sessions we'd been having Lucas and I were the same in high school.

"Yeah I know…and I've always thought you two look a little more then friendly."

"I guess…but I told Brooke earlier…I just can't go there right now…with anyone…especially not Lucas."

"Why…" I sighed deeply as I let my body completely relax against his.

"I do care about him…I was in love with him in high school and I still am"

"So then what's the problem Peyt…"

"That is the problem….Nathan that would be a huge risk for me…I've never loved anyone the way I love your brother and I know he loves me. No one can make me feel the way he does but that also means no one can break my heart like he can." I hadn't realized the tears broke free until Nathan gently wiped the away.

"Luke would never break your heart Peyton…he couldn't dream of it."

"You say that Nate and I wanna believe you…but he already has…between Brooke and Nikki I've had my heart broken, mended, and then broken again."

"That was high school Peyt…and I'm not trying put you down or anything, but with Brooke and Nikki you pushed him away"

"I know I did…I also know that I'll do it again. With everything that's been happening in my life…I'm not ready to open up to someone. Nate…things happened that…it makes it even harder for me to trust people. I feel like shit because I know Lucas would never hurt me…but I just can't get that thought out of my head."

"Can I ask you something else…and for I one I promise not to make you talk about it" I wasn't ready for Lucas…but I wan even more unprepared for this conversation.

"Okay…" my voice was hesitant and he sensed it because he pulled me closer to him.

"What did you mean before when you said you stayed with Stan no matter what he did" once again I could hear his heart rate increase. He knew the answer…it's one of those times when you know what the person is gunna say but for some sick twisted reason you still need to hear it.

"Nathan…" I was fighting back tears again. I didn't wanna talk about this…the thing is he already has it figured out…I never wanted him to know…I didn't want any of them to ever know how bad things really were.

"Never mind…you don't have to…god I'm sorry….Peyton"

"It's fine…look…I need to get out of here…I owe Luke a serious apology" i got off the bed and turned around to face him.

"Alright" he looked at me sympathetically…that was the exact look I was trying to avoid.

"Bye" I mumbled as I turned my back to him and walked out. I was quiet as I went downstairs…I didn't wanna run into Brooke. The only talking I wanna do right is apologizing to Luke…I owe him a lot of apologies for a lot of different things over the years…this just happens to be an apology I need to take care of quickly.