Title: When all you could do is love yourself

Author: BlackFenra

Warning: YAOI! Boy's LOVE! Read at your own risk!

Rating: Mature

Character: Shuichi Shindou (Hence the story was in his perspective of the things that happened)

Disclaimer: Gravitation is not mine to own. It's Murakami-sensei's. After reading YukixHiro pairing, I felt that Shuichi needs a space within which he could breath and cry his heart out after being betrayed. I feel for poor Shu, though I must admit YxH pairing is hot in their own right.

Chapter 3: The Nightmare he could not escape

Shuichi ran for who knows how long until he could not stop to catch his breath. He can hear his heart very loudly, every thump echoing in every walls of this complex only the gods know where. He was running aimlessly, within the pitch black dark of his surroundings, turning to his back every seconds that counted. He must find a way out, that he must do. Solemnly praying for some miracle, it appeared before him. White light. His escape.

Only to pray that he be swallowed by the darkness again.

It wasn't the light that stung his eyes, but the souls that caught in an embrace before his very eyes, wildly chasing each other, two beasts skillfully tending to their carnal needs, one screaming in pleasure, the other one drowned in lust and desire.

"Eiri, do me more! Oh my... Oh yes! Yes! Yes!"

"Do you like it so much, huh? Hiro..."

"OH YES! Be mine, Eiri! Aghh... Mmm..."

"I'm yours Hiro. Yours."

"Oh my goodness! I love you, I love you... I love... Ahh!"

"How would you like to live with me forever, my love?"

"I'd love to! Ahh, yes there... More..."

"You smell so good, you know that?"

"Then eat me! Devour me! Take me..."

Shuichi just stared, unable to utter a sound, unable to move. His feet was rooted in the ground, his hands being bind by an unseen force. He want to close his eyes and ears, but every time he tried, his neck stiffened, every scream shot through his body like bullets. Only in his mind that he was able to let out the sounds of pain and agony.

"Stop... Stop, stop, stop, stop!" Shuichi mouthed the words but the beasts never heard him.

Suddenly, the beasts, still not done with their activity, stared at him. He could not look away. The sounds of skin slapping with each other, the look of lust overcoming them was just too much for Shuichi. Any seconds soon, he know he was about to break down or die there and then.

"Stop with this torture... Please, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop..."

With a reckoning force, he let out a loud shrill cry.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


"Shuichi!" K shot up in his seat and ran towards the guest room, followed by Tohma and Suguru. The violent squeal sent shivers right through his spine, and K sprint towards Shuichi, not minding the mental curse that's unconsciously coming right out of his mouth.

"Shuichi! Shuichi!" K hurriedly approached the room and yanked it open with force. His eyes widened, as he saw Shu, arms reaching for something invisible, panting, his skin pallid. He went straight to the bed and tried to shake Shu who was violently fighting off the touch.

"Shu! Get a grip of yourself! Wake up!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME! BASTARDS! TRAITORS! AAHHHHHHHHHH!" Shuichi resisted, and even if he was pinned down by K's strong arms, he continued to fight, unyielding to the request of a certain gun-trotting manager who is now losing his calm.

"Tohma..." K helplessly called on their president, who if it was the very first, unable to comprehend the situation at hand. Tohma had heard of Shuichi having nightmares in regards to the incident with Aizawa, however it seems that his nightmares are not related to that. Tohma was feeling overwhelmed with the emotions Shuichi was showing him.

"Shu! Wake up! It's us! It's me, Suguru!" Suguru ran to the other side of the bed, trying all his might to wake Shuichi. He seems so desperate that he is unable to keep calm.

"You could have just killed me bastards! Just do it!" Shuichi continued to scream in agony. Tohma winced at the impact of the cry in his ears.

The adults can only stare at the keyboard prodigy as he tried to wake his vocalist up. He was crying himself and shaking the other as if his life depended on Shuichi opening his eyes.

"Shu, please! Open your eyes!" Suguru now feeling scared, suddenly slapped Shuichi's face.

If it was the sudden slap on his face or if he ever finally heard their voices, Shuichi stopped struggling. Then he slowly opened his eyes.

"Shuichi! Are you with us?" Suguru was the first one to wave his hands on the singer's face.

"Traitors they are..." Trembling, tears unceremoniously started to trek down Shu's face, agitating the already frightened K. Never had K felt so helpless in his life, he always had his way through it. But seeing Shu having nightmares, K was so sure he lost his composure and the strong-man-shall-win aura.

Tohma bowed his head down. He never thought that Eiri would once again find a way to torment the poor child, if ever all the pains he has given the brat wasn't enough. Yes, he may not be at all good with Shindo being his partner, but everything has its limit. Even he knows that. He could have break it off with the brat in the most acceptable terms, not by adding stress to his already depleting morale. And to top it all, this has to happen before a major concert before them. This will certainly tip the balance off for the band.

Suguru weakly sat on the floor, his hands covering his face. Never had he cried for something so unusual. But the spine-chilling encounter with Shuichi's nightmare attack has sent him high on a massive headache assault. If Hiro saw the consequences of his affair with Yuki Eiri, he would be so damn sure that their guitarist would pay dearly. If Hiro could have seen the horror in Shuichi's eyes, then he would have not done it.

"Water..." Shuichi stated weakly.

K struggled to rush to his ward's side. "I'll get it." And then he was gone through the door, leaving Suguru and Tohma. It was the only way he could get away from the unstable tension inside the room. He had to calm himself as well.

Shuichi slowly rose in his bed. On cue, Tohma flicked his gaze towards his pink-haired, cash magnet vocalist. But Tohma was so sure he didn't see one bit of the old Shuichi Shindo he had known in years in the man he is staring at right now. He was devoid of life, his purple eyes dead, and he looked matured than his age could justify. The only vestige left of Shuichi was his signature pink hair, though it had somewhat lacked of vibrancy. Only then it hit Tohma what a wreck Shuichi was in only a day. Only yesterday that he saw the beauty of this kid, his angelic face capturing those who lay their eyes on it.

Tohma had known about Eiri and Hiro's illicit affair half a year ago when one of his CCTV camera caught the gorgeous blonde novelist and Bad Luck's amorous guitarist making out in one of their unused soundproof studio. Tohma, who can't turn a head away from the affair summoned both concerned parties but was only met with resistance from Eiri himself, fighting against the idea of not seeing the one he truly loves, or so he says. Particularly, he was not anymore interested meddling in Eiri's romantic affairs, but was only concerned of his company's reputation being used like a cheap motel you could find in a downtown.

He was even made to promise not to speak about this with Shindo, and he himself won't want to tell the singer about it. Because he would want the kid to be the one to find out about his lover and best friend double-crossing him. Now, as he can readily see it, Eiri and Hiro would be in hell, no doubt. The guy had suffered so much in Eiri's hands, though Tohma knew that what Shuichi only needs from his brother-in-law was love and loyalty, which is now heartily given to his good friend. He hate to admit it, but he applauded Shuichi right now for being able to make it before breaking down in front of Eiri.

Suguru, on the other side, just stared back at an almost dead Shuichi. He was awake, but his eyes- the once beautiful purple orbs that he can only wear in the most amazing grace, is nothing but lifeless. But even in those eyes, he can see the turmoil beyond Shuichi, grasping him with might, binding him slowly to its will. He is now afraid for Hiro's life, seeing Shu seething. This is not a good sign. Shuichi, though had slept, looks so wasted it would seem to an outsider that he was up for an all-nighter. Suguru's eyes scanned through Shuichi's form. He knew at that moment, the guy will never be the same again.


After K brought the water to the room, Shuichi once again closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. The pop star looked too tired to stay awake, and the men knew that he needed it. They slowly closed the door of the guest room and went back to K's living room. It was still morning and yet they felt as if the day had gone by, feeling out of energy themselves.

"Eiri is in for trouble, but I doubt he'll mind," Tohma stated as a matter-of-fact. He sat down at the posh luxurious sofa and took off his coat. The heat didn't help. And his brain just stopped functioning ever since seeing his prized artist seething like a demon would. Traces of him being an angel all gone.

Suguru exhaled deeply and sat beside Tohma. "Hiro should have his red hair cut off by now, if he won't like Shuichi tearing his scalp and pulling out his brains."

Tohma snickered at the comment his younger cousin made, proof that the Seguchi/Fujisaki bloodline isn't something you'd mess with. "For once, I would like to side with Shindo-kun. Eiri had gone too far this time. Can't he see the kid's struggle? I could only hoped that Mika won't know about this development."

K brushed his hair with his hands. He was still anxious. "If your wife knows, God forbid, what she would do to his asshole of a brother."

Tohma and Suguru agreed in unison.

"I am assured that Shuichi is now freeing himself with his predilection with Eiri." K took one of his guns and started polishing it, as if it was some way to ease the tides in his heart watching Shuichi a while ago. He treated the kid like his own son would, seeing to it that he was protected somehow, not as the star he was in charge with, but an angel who needs his constant shield against harmful deeds. And now that the tables turn, can he still protect Shu?

Tohma folded his arms and sat royally. "Can he tear himself away from Eiri? That kid had been put through a lot and he keeps on coming back. Surely, he'd seen this coming."

"If they wanted so much to let Shuichi know, they could have told them in the first place. Do they really need this much drama?" A foul-looking Suguru scowled at his manipulative cousin.

The trio fell into silence when they heard the familiar tune of Rage Beat somewhere. K hurried to where the sound was coming from and stopped at his entertainment set. There above the LED television set is Shu's phone. He forgot that he put it there after taking Shu's wet clothes into the laundry.

Once again, the phone started ringing. K looked at the screen and saw Yuki's name being the caller. K tossed Shu's mobile phone to Suguru.

"Take the call. Tell him Shu's with you and that he slept over at your house because their were some parts of the song that Tohma would like to change on short notice. And that he forgot about texting him because you two were so busy to catch up on a deadline." The gun he was polishing a while ago is now aimed at Suguru's temple.

Suguru, though looked like he disliked it, answered the phone. He won't want the gun to be fired on him, nee?

"Where are you, you damn brat?" Yuki's voice can be heard all over the phone.

Suguru made a mental note to get back at this asshole. "Good morning to you Mr. Yuki. This is Fujisaki. Shindo-san is still sleeping."

Yuki hissed at the other line. "Tell the damn brat to wake his ass up and get home now."

Suguru was horrified at the manners of how the man talks. He can't believe himself this is Yuki Eiri he was speaking to, Japan's most celebrated novelist and their pink-haired vocalist's God.

"But of course, Mr. Yuki. I will pass him the message when he gets up." End call.

Suguru turned his head to his cousin after giving the phone back to K. "Shuichi can never go home at this state. What shall we do?"

Tohma turned to his train of thoughts. "I'd do the rest. K, make sure Shindo-san is perfectly sane to talk to when he wakes up again. I'll cover up for everyone. For now, since we made no development in creating a plan, I'll be going first. Suguru, if you mind staying here..."

"I'm staying. Maybe I could do some tuning with the songs Shuichi has come up with right here," pointing at K's own baby piano.

Tohma nodded. Without further ado, he left as fast as when he arrived. K and Suguru let out a breath of relief.

"Do you think Shuichi would be okay?"

K shook his head. "I don't think he would be. If that nightmare earlier is even an evidence to prove that he can never be okay..."

"Bad Luck's in trouble."


AN: Aww~ Poor Shu :'( He was having nightmares now and he certainly doesn't look too good! What will happen to Bad Luck? Will Yuki ever realize why Shu never go home to him now? Will Hiro know the truth that Shu had already got them?