It was nearing midnight when I made my way into the house, its always helpful to know where people hide their spare key. The night air had grown cold and I couldn't help but shiver even after the door had closed. I looked around the living room, it was dimly lit by a light shining in from the back hall. Slowly, I made my way back there and then up the stairs, hesitant in a way. I gave a small smile as I reached the doorway and watched him sleep, his body content on one side of the bed, the other end empty.
"So you break into my house…and now you're just gunna stand there and watch me" at least I thought he was sleeping.
"Maybe I get a kick out of things like that" I joked. I gave a small laugh, more like a forced one that faded as quick as it came. He waved me over with one hand and I reluctantly obeyed. I sat on the edge of the bed and I let my body fall into place next to his, my head resting on his chest.
"The last time you did this…you came to tell me you were leaving Tree Hill" I sighed and he dropped a kiss on top of my head. "Where ya headed?"
"My aunt has a place just outside of Tree Hill…it's only like an hour or so away from here. I just can't be here right now Nate…"
"I know…and that's what hurts. Knowing that you're not comfortable here anymore…Tree Hill isn't a place for you to run to, it's just another place you're running from, with people you've been running from for years."
"Nathan…I'm not…"
"Yeah you are…and that's fine Peyton…things have change…you've changed… you need time to figure out who you are…to find yourself again. I understand that you have to do that on your own time…by yourself." That's why I had come here to tell him…he understands what I'm feeling…I knew he would. "I'm glad you did and all, but why did you come to me…why not Brooke…why not Luke.?"
"Because…Brooke would do anything to make me stay and Lucas would try everything in his power to make me feel better….to convince me that he would make it better and I would believe him…but you…Nate you just get it…you get me in a way that they can't…or maybe in a way that don't want to"
"Peyton…if I asked you to stay…what would you do…not if I gave you all these reasons…if I just asked." Something in his voice sounded as fragile as I felt…like my answer would serve as the ground for our entire friendship…in a way, this is one of those questions…an extremely simple question with an answer that could have a make or break outcome.
"If you asked me to stay..." I turned on my side and we locked eyes. "Nate I wouldn't give any of this a second thought…I'd go home…and I'd see you tomorrow at the club and I'd see you everyday after that" his opinion was too important to me…if he wanted me to stay I would…because I know he'll only ask if he thinks it's best and I trust him.
"Peyt…I don't want you to go…but I won't ask you to stay" a watched a sad smile creep onto his face. "Are you all packed?"
"Yeah…actually my stuff is downstairs…Brooke thinks I'm staying with Luke and vice versa…now they won't worry about where I am going in the middle of the night"
"Leave in the morning…you can stay here for the night…I'm gunna miss you…a lot…so I'm making you stay with me for a few more hours." He leaned his forehead against mine…a genuine smile taking over his features…it made me smile too.
"I'll miss you too…I will call this time…I promise you I will" This time I have every intention of keeping that promise…after all, I have no reason not to.
"Get some sleep…you have a long day ahead of you" he kissed my forehead gently and I smiled as his lips left my skin. This was what I was so afraid to lose…this untainted closeness…this thing that I only have with Nathan. The comforting feeling he gives me that sets him apart from everyone else…even Lucas.
I must have falling asleep with that thought because when I opened my eyes Nate was gone. I sat up in his bed and stretched before glancing at the clock. 4:45. Where the hell is he at this time of the morning. I stumbled out of bed and felt around the pitch black room. It was a few stubbed toes later that I found the stairs and made my way down them. I stopped on the bottom step and my brows furrowed when I noticed my suitcases missing…I know I put them by the door last night.
"There outside…in the trunk of the cab…you're fare is paid and he'll give you whatever change is left over… so all you have to do it sit back and enjoy the ride" I turned to find Nathan leaning against the doorway of the living room. I slowly walked over to him, a genuine smile playing on my lips.
"You know I love you right" he pulled me into his arms with a gentle laugh. "I'm gunna miss you so much Nate"
"How could you not" I pulled back to find his famous smirk plastered on his face. I rolled my eyes and laughed at him as he ruffled my hair. "I'll miss you too…call me…I wanna know that you're alright Pey" I nodded as he cupped my face in his hands and dropped a kiss on my forehead. My eyes closed tightly as I took a step back… towards the door and away from Nate. "Bye Peyton"
I waved at him…I couldn't bring myself to say bye back in high school and I still can't…it's too hard. I gave one more smile before turning around and walking out the door. I'm determined to get my life back on track…by myself. It wasn't long before we were on the highway towards my new "home". I took a deep breath and looked out the window…that's where my eyes remained for the rest of the ride.
