Title: When all you could do is love yourself
Author: BlackFenra
Warning: YAOI! Boy's LOVE! Read at your own risk!
Rating: Mature
Character: Shuichi Shindou
Disclaimer: Gravitation is not mine to own. It's Murakami-sensei's. After reading YukixHiro pairing, I felt that Shuichi needs a space within which he could breathe and cry his heart out after being betrayed. I feel for poor Shu, though I must admit YxH pairing is hot in their own right.
Chapter 6: Revelation of the Secreted and Comfort of the Afflicted Part 1
Shuichi was once again astonished by Tohma's power. Who wouldn't be? He managed to gather most of the people who are in any way involved in his current dilemma. He scanned the room and found K on the phone, calling his wife Judy to inform that he would be staying for a while in their private villa. But he never doubted she'll mind, the woman adored her like her own Michael. On his right was Ryuichi and Tatsuha, who arrived 2 hours earlier before dinner time, straight from Kyoto. He found it really incredible that he was even able to make Reiji come to Japan on a short notice, without being flayed alive with the feisty woman's incomparable set of explosives. Very much K, huh?
Maiko was given free reign in the kitchen by K, as her sister demands to give back the favor to his manager when he helped him. She was also able to ask permission from their mother to stay with him for several days, thus another addition to K's guest list. Suguru was on his left, trying to catch a good nap while waiting for this meeting to start. He learned that Suguru hasn't been sleeping since last night being worried about his well-being. He must say that he was feeling appreciative right now so he never tried to annoy his synth prince by polluting the air with his noisy antics. Sakano was also in the kitchen, as he offered to help Maiko.
Reiji was sitting on the corner next to Tohma, who was impatiently trying to make the woman understand the flow of the current events involving once again him, and Eiri Yuki, his lover, soon to be ex. He smiled to himself trying to recall a bit earlier Reiji's reaction upon seeing him. Good thing is she doesn't hurl herself anymore to get to his target and try to tie them up. Though she still give him the big squishy bear hug, which is fine by him. She's become more feminine in gestures and Shuichi chuckled when she saw her initial reaction when he complimented her about it. And her big panda was out of sight as well, a sign that the world is good.
"Shu, Judy's fine with you siblings staying here. Though we had a problem with what you're going to wear for the next days." K sat at his personal recliner next to Suguru's side.
"Don't worry about Maiko's. Mom had already shipped her clothes tonight so it'll be here tomorrow morning. Mine's well..." Shuichi stopped for a pregnant pause.
"Why don't I get your clothes for you at Aniki's?" Tatsuha offered. "But then, going there without a plan might make Aniki suspect us for something. You know how his minds works."
Maiko entered the living room. "Dinner's ready."
Tohma was the first one to stand up. "Why don't we discuss this matter at the dining room, ladies and gentlemen?"
Everyone mutually agreed and for the first time, with almost everyone at the dining table, Shuichi felt like he has an extended family of some sort. He sat beside K and Maiko. Tatsuha made sure to sit next to Ryuichi, the singer slightly amused at his childish antics. Tohma sat in between Reiji and K, whilst Suguru and Sakano were each seated at both rears of the table. Everyone was silent as dinner started when Tohma break the ice.
"Everyone, you must have already an inkling that we are all here to devise a plan for Shuichi's clean break-up with Eiri. Thank you for giving me your time. Now, may we start at the first agenda of this gathering?" Tohma stated as everyone's attention was on him.
"First, I would like to ask about everyone's knowledge on the matter at hand. Let's begin with you, Tatsuha." Tohma motioned his hand towards the fidgeting Tatsuha.
Tatsuha cleared his throat, glanced at Shuichi, then started talking. "It was 3 months ago, when I went to Aniki's apartment. I was thinking of asking Shu about Ryu's new number, and so I went ahead without even calling Aniki or Shu that I was coming by before going home to Kyoto. When I was about to enter the apartment without the usual knocking and shouting, I was surprised that the door was unlocked."
"If that was three months ago, I could have never been staying much at home. It was the time I was completing the photo shoot for a music magazine." Shuichi informed him.
"Yeah, and so I just cozily went inside. And then, I heard you know... the usual sounds coming from Aniki's bedroom. So, thinking it was you inside, I just sat on the couch, flipped a magazine or two from your compilation beneath the coffee table and whisked the day away waiting for you two to get out. I had to wait, because I know I can't get another free time to visit since my duty as a monk is hoarding my schedule."
Tatsuha drank his water and continued. "When the bedroom door clicked, I sat up and hurried to return the magazines from where they should be. But I was surprised when it was not you who went out the door, but..."
"Hiro." Shuichi said lightly.
Tatsuha's eyes closed, trying to recall that encounter. "Imagine what happened to me when Aniki saw me there at that moment. I was even contemplating of jumping through your veranda just to get away from my brother. But he gripped my wrist so tight I thought I'd lost a limb after. Then he threaten me not to tell anyone or anything about the thing I saw. I was even sure Aniki wouldn't let me live through it."
FLASHBACK:
"Hey Shu..." Tatsuha put away the POP BEAT magazine featuring Shu and Ryu, "can you give me Ryu's..."
"..."
Tatsuha's throat seemed to have been lodged as he can't continue to talk. "-number"
"Hey Hiro, why are you standing at the door? Go and take a shower," Eiri appeared and wrapped his hands on the waist of someone who was not Shu.
"Aniki..."
Eiri's eyes flicked and the cigarette dangling in his mouth dropped instantly on the floor. The man in his embrace was also dumbfounded, unable to speak for himself.
"Tatsuha. Why are you here?" Eiri asked with such boredom, as if he didn't do anything wrong.
"That...He... Isn't he...?"
Eiri raised a brow. "So what? I don't give a care. So you should, too."
"No, Aniki. This is cheating." Tatsuha felt angry for the first time. He know his brother was an ass, but he didn't realize that he is that to this extent. His respect for the man lowered somehow.
"Cheating? How is falling in love with someone be cheating? What do you know, huh?"
"Eiri, I..I'm going home..." Bad Luck's guitarist tried to push away his brother's arms but to no avail.
"No Hiro, you are staying. He will be the one to go," Eiri's fingers pointed at Tatsuha.
"You're in love with him?" Tatsuha was horrified at the thought.
Eiri smugged. "Yes, I am. Very in love. I desire him this much." Eiri bit Hiro's neck causing the man to blush defiantly.
"Then how about Shuichi? Aren't you in love with him?" Tatsuha was starting to lose his cool. But he knew that he was no match for his brother. Even if he tried to punch him, he will be the one with the favor returned.
"When did I ever say I love the brat?"
Tatsuha took a deep breath and counted one to ten. He can't take what he is seeing. His brother was obviously trying to embarrass him by planting kisses on Hiro's back, while the guitarist just let him. What a friend this is. He had to tell Shu or else he'll never be able to sleep tonight.
"Have it your way." He turned to walk back to the door and took his phone out of his rider's jacket. He started to dial Shu's number when he was dragged by the neck and into the couch.
"AWW! Hey! Lemme go, you asshole!"
Eiri forced a grip of Tatsuha's wrist, no sign of letting go.
"Let me say this once, Tats. Call Shu, and forget we are brothers. You understand me?"
"Shit! Let go, bastard! Who do you think you are threatening me? You are sick!"
"Stop meddling in all of my affairs! Ha! Try calling Shu, and I'm sure as hell he won't believe you! That kid's so into me that won't be able to leave me!" Eiri pushed Tatsuha further into the couch, the younger Uesugi wincing in pain.
"You are sick, Aniki! Hell, let go! You're going to break my arm, Oww!"
"Forget what you saw today. And then I'll call it quits. But if this ever gets out to Shuichi, I'll break every single bone in your body. Get me? Now go!" Eiri let go of his arm and went back straight to a trembling Hiro.
"Come now Hiro, let's go take a bath, alright?" Eiri turned back to Tatsuha. "Don't forget to close the door when you go out."
Tatsuha dropped himself to the floor when Eiri and Hiro was gone to the bathroom. Hell, he wanted to tell Shuichi, but he knew his brother would make true to his promise if he did. He wanted to yell at his brother for being such a stupid jerk. But then he noticed that Hiro is being called Hiro, yet Shuichi was still brat, idiot, fuck hole.
He wanted to cry for Shuichi. He would be sure not to look him in the eye again.
END FLASHBACK
"That is why I've always wanted to avoid you at any possible cost, Shu. Because I don't know how much I can hold longer without spilling the secret." Tatsuha let out a sad sigh. "I hope you can forgive me."
Shu smiled genuinely back at Tatsuha. "You are not the one at fault, Tats. You were just concern for me and your well-being. It certainly is not good for me to know the secret that will leave you with broken bones."
"You're really soft, Shu." Tatsuha gave Shuichi a very comforting smile. He came to adore Shu and his antics, his wild behavior and his own brand of beauty. It was too bad that he fell in love with his brother who doesn't give a care about Shu. It was so sad.
"I guess it comes naturally to me." Shu laughed adorably. Though it didn't show in his eyes.
"But to be honest, he's wasting good gifts bestowed to him."
"I don't hold Yuki's heart, Tats. I could have had accepted if it was a stranger he was doing it with. I could pass that up. But I didn't once wished we'll stray this way."
A fleeting look of pain crossed Shu's eyes and Tatsuha noticed. Oh, how he wished he could have punched his brother, even just once.
"How are you coping up?"
Shuichi paused for a brief moment. "So-so. I can't say for sure. It was only yesterday that I've found out about their relationship and I can't just easily say how I really felt. Everything felt like falling apart. Everything felt empty. But I can't even say if I am angry, or sad, or regretful."
"Eh?"
"I'm saying that I'm still confused. I wanted to ask him many questions, but I would expect he'll turn a deaf ear when it comes to me. Too complicated, Tats."
"I'd bet my extra penny for booze on that statement, Shu."
Shuichi's eyes lighted up a bit. "Thank you, Tats."
"Why would you thank me, Shu? I hid a secret from you."
"That's why I am grateful to you. Because if you told me about it earlier, I won't be able to finish that damn magazine pictorial because I'll be very busy beating your brother."
"Do you think you can land a punch or two?"
"Why the hell not? Wanna bet?"
That challenge of Shuichi earned laughter from the rest of guys and a little snort from Tohma.
"You're so short, Onii-chan. How can you be so sure?" Maiko elbowed his brother's side, with Shuichi playing hurt.
"Hey, I'm somewhat taller than you, so that means I am not that short really." Shuichi retort back at his sister who was holding her stomach laughing.
"Are you really ready to break this up with Aniki, Shu? A real break-up, no more coming back promises in the air." Tatsuha aired his concern. Shuichi's decision will determine the outcome of this mess.
Shuichi nodded. "I am very ready, Tats. Though I know very much how this would hurt me. But I don't want to play stupid anymore. I am done playing this game. And it's high time that I should be cooperative with Seguchi-san."
"So, have you been back to Eiri's apartment after that, Tatsuha?" Tohma drank from his glass of wine, his inquisitive eyes not leaving Tatsuha.
"Yes. That time when Big Sis sent me an errand to deliver an invitation for Aniki."
Tohma pondered. "The invitation for Yukiyo Masatono's charity affair, if I am not mistaken."
Tatsuha nodded meekly. "Yeah, I think that was it. I delivered it to him along with the suit Aneki ordered. And then again, I had to catch them in doing intimate activities in the study." Tatsuha took his chopsticks and started filling his plate.
"The study?" Shuichi smirked. "He doesn't want that area tainted with his carnivorous affairs. That's quite a surprise for me there, Tatsuha."
The others just sat silently while listening to the culprit's younger brother and the little bundle of sadness converse with each other. After all, it was Tatsuha time.
Tatsuha moved his head to look at Shuichi. "You mean, you didn't do it there? You're kidding..."
"Believe me. Yeah, we had kissed there, many times. Or we did feel each other there but we never did it there. And to think that Hiro have invaded that area without so much a problem...only the space though." Shuichi grinned.
"So, Aniki may really be in love with your... best friend, perhaps?"
Shuichi sighed deeply. "I am sad. I feel very sad. I know, I am not enough for Yuki, but to betray me with someone dear to my heart? Now that's very bad for my ego."
"How do you know you're not enough for Aniki? I think you are much, much more than that." Tatsuha replied angrily.
The kid in question shrugged his shoulders. "He said so. He pointed and said that to me many times that I lost count in the last three years or so."
Tatsuha snapped defensively. "Don't sell yourself short, Shu. I don't even think Tohma would keep you under his wings if you just amounted to that."
"That's quite comforting to hear, Tats."
"Are your... nightmares back?" Tatsuha asked with uneasiness.
Shuichi nodded. "In full force. The recent one this morning was Yuki crushing my heart to pieces in his hands in front of me. A classic tragedy if I say so."
That statement made everyone gasped. No one even dared to crack a joke about it. It was so painful that even Tohma had to look away.
"But, I kind of learned from this. No matter how I found out me being led on doesn't matter now. They've done it, and there was no excuse to who to put the blame to." Shuichi's serious side resurfaced. With a determined look, he lean back on his chair and give each person a smile.
"I was the first one to pursue Yuki, and I guess I should also be the one to end it. And even though I love him so much, staying won't help. And I'm quite aware how my absence won't be affecting him. After all, He has... Hiro."
"That asshole called very early this morning, demanding you get home." Suguru butted in. "How can you live with his temper? You are amazing, Shu."
"Am I?" Shuichi snickered. "He wanted me home to walk in on them make love? Cool."
"I covered up for you for three days, Shindo-san. So not going home tonight is not a problem." Tohma informed Shuichi while taking his furry coat off to relieve himself of the heat.
"Thanks."
"Do you want me to lend you some hand grenade, Shu? Or maybe I should be giving Tatsuha one to blow his brother's home." K who sat there silently join in.
Tatsuha chuckled. "You are so considerate K, thank you. I'll remember to bring one when I go to Aniki's house."
After a moment of silence, everyone went about their usual conversation. That's when the door of the dining room opened and revealed a very distressed Ayaka.
"Oi, you're just in time for dinner, Aya-chan." Tatsuha teased. "The wind must have blown of all your appetite in the body."
Ayaka snorted. "Sorry I was late. I had to pack my bags for my stay for another hour after Seguchi-san's call. Man, that traffic. Did I miss much?"
"Nope, you're just in time."
Aniki/Onii-chan: Big brother
Aneki: Big sister
AN: Updated! Hahaha! 3 Please don't forget to leave me a review! It would help me very much. Aww, I like how Shu reacts here. He's starting to get a bit more mature. Though he is still an angel. :D
