"Thanks" I whispered to the cab driver as I closed the door. I watched him drive off before turning around to face the house. It was exactly the way I remembered it…same colors and all. I lifted my two bags into my hands and trudged towards the front door. I lifted the second flower pot and retrieved the spare key, a smile forming on my lips…I don't know what I would've done if I had forgotten where the key was.

I opened the front door to find the house extremely clean…I must have just missed the maid. My aunt lives in sunny SoCal…she only flies out here in the fall…the rest of the year she hires a maid to keep the place neat. I always found it slightly disturbing to have a woman address me as 'Miss Sawyer' when I was eight.

I dropped my bags at the foot of the stairs and wandered through the house. The mantle above the living room fireplace was still filled with pictures. I glanced them over and stopped on a family portrait…my family portrait. I was seven in the picture… sitting very happily on my dad's shoulders…his arm wrapped around her shoulder. I miss them both so much…it never really stopped hurting. I had gotten a call from my dad's company one afternoon saying his ship had capsized in the middle of a bad storm. I refused to believe he was gone until they recovered his body a month later. His death was one of the reasons I left Tree Hill. That and the fact that the crazy woman claiming to be my long lost mother used his absence as a reason to show up at my door every day… sometimes twice a day.

I disappeared the night of graduation…I went to Brooke's party and spent the entire night with her, Nate, Hales and Luke. I left the party and found Nate waiting by my car. He gave me an envelope and hugged me goodbye. I left Brooke's party and drove straight to New York. It was on one of my gas stops that I opened the envelope to find $500 and a note from Nate. I've never forgotten a single word from it…

Hey you…you know I'm gunna miss you like crazy right. Well I just wanted to wish you good luck in life. This year you've proven that you're strong enough to get through anything that's thrown your way. I'm proud of you Pey, extremely proud…it brings a tear to my eye thinking how much my lil sis has grown up. I'm serious though, and I know you mom and dad would be just as proud…probably more. Don't ever forget that they're up there watching you and that they always will be. They'll never leave you unless you let them because you can carry them with you in your heart. Wherever it is that your headed don't forget about your favorite big brother. I'm here if you ever need me…I'm just a phone call away. You can always come home Pey…don't ever forget that. On the topic of the money…think of it as a graduation present…get you off to a good start. Take care of yourself Pey. I love you and once again I'll miss you. Love Nathan…the best big bro in the world!

I don't know why I never called him. I mean I get why I didn't after I got involved with Stan…but before that…I didn't have a reason. I guess I was just really determined to leave everything in Tree Hill behind me…even him. I won't do that this time…I won't isolate myself from everyone. I found the cordless phone sitting in the office. I sat down in the large leather chair and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello"

"Hey" I responded with a smile on my face.

"You're lucky I answered the phone…I usually don't take private calls." I could hear the laughter in his voice and it made my smile grow.

"I didn't know this number was private…but it doesn't matter… because you knew it was me… didn't I always tell you that we had a special psychic connection thing"

"Okay…its official…you are too perky in the morning…it's not even six." He was trying to sound aggravated but I could tell he was smiling.

"You know you love…but anyway…I just called to tell you I got in okay…and to say thanks."

"Your welcome…it's a college graduation present" I roll my eyes at him despite that fact that he can't see me. When I had got out the cab the driver reminded me that I was supposed to take the change…the change came out to be just over $500. "Seriously though…are you gunna be okay with that" I could hear the concern in his voice and it made me laugh…it also gave me a warm comforting feeling.

"Nate…I have money…I don't plan on staying away long enough to run out." I heard him join in on my laughter.

"Yeah that may be true, but as big brother it is my job to take care of you. It can't hurt to have a little something extra. Hey…you can go buy yourself a new cell phone and then you call me…and that way since this number is private…when you don't call me…I can call you. And I can also call you every morning at 6AM to wake you up."

"Haha" I shook my head as he continued laughing. "But that doesn't sound like a bad idea…I do need a new phone"

"See there ya go…aren't I smart"

"Of course Nathan…you are very very smart and very very special young man." My words were slow and well pronounced.

"Hey…" I laughed and I could just imagine the scornful look on his face.

"Listen I'm gunna go and let you get back to your beauty sleep…god knows you need it"

"No more than you babe…no more than you"

"Ha"

"Hmm" I wanted to stick my tongue out at him but he wouldn't see it. "Ohhh…I win…facial expressions don't count over the phone"

"Loser…are you gunna do a little victory dance now."

"You now you love my victory dance…its hot…like me"

"God…what are you five" I scuffed at him… I let myself smile though…simply because he couldn't see me.

"Your just made that you lost and I won…Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer is a poor loser and the most vital part of that sentence…you're a loser. Ha!" I can never win with him…its like he sits at home and practices.

"Nathan go to sleep" its times like these when people would really think we are siblings.

"Glady…not that I need the sleep…I got beauty and brains." I laughed through the phone.

"Whatever loser" I let my voice drag out until he cut me off.

"Sorry…that'd be you sis" he's enjoying this too much for a 28 year old.

"Goodbye Nathan"

"Bye Peyt" I got ready to hang up the phone when he voice came through the line again…it was different this time though… he was serious, the caring and concern laced through very word. "Peyton…call me"

"I will…I promise" I wanted so much to hug him right now…but I can't. "I love ya Nate"

"I love ya too…take care of yourself" I nodded and it didn't matter that he couldn't see me… he knew I did it.

"Talk to you later" I whisper into the receiver.

"Bye" I hear the phone click and the line go dead. I hang up the phone and suddenly the house feels cold. I'm gunna have to get used to being alone now… I'm not gunna wake up and find Brooke downstairs on the couch eating ice cream…waiting for me with an extra spoon. I'm not gunna fall asleep in Luke's arms…and he's not gunna hold me when I wake up in the middle of the night…he won't be there to make the fear go away. And Nathan's not gunna be able to wrap me in his arms when I'm about to fall apart… and he won't be there to pick up the pieces when I do breakdown. Giving up Tree Hill means I have to give all that up too…and to be perfectly honest…it sucks.

I jump slightly as I hear a door shut, jarring me out of my thoughts. I could have sworn I closed the front door. I scold myself immediately for getting so jumpy. It's another thing I have to get used to and get over… my paranoia. That's one of my biggest problems that I have to fix…I can't be scared to turn every corner.

I just don't know why I chose such a big lonely house to do all that in.