They're all sitting there…talking and laughing. Luke's got Sam bouncing on his knee while Haley plays in Kristen's hair. The TVs on and Meet the Parents is playing…a classic that the two brothers will never grow tired of. They're all watching and smiling and making small remarks…and all I wanna do is scream.
I've been cooped up in this room for the past week and my only window overlooks the parking lot. The bed is hard and stiff and the sheets are starting to feel all itchy. The room's always cold and the food is horrible. Plus…its lonely at night…they won't let Nathan stay with me anymore and that only adds to my misery. Lucas is being distant because of the conversation we had the day I woke up. He's sitting next to me now and he's holding my hand, but he doesn't look at me that same. I know it's because of how much I hurt him and I want so badly to take it back…but I can't.
"Mommy I'm hungry" Kristen turned to look up at Haley with a pouty look on her face. With Haley as a mother its no wonder she mastered that look.
"Me too" my gaze shifts to Sam as she turns to look up at Luke who smiles down at her.
"Okay…come on" He drops my hand on the bed and without even a look in my direction he starts walking with Kristen and Sam out of the room. Tears spring to my eyes as Brooke sits on the edge of the bed, her hand instantly taking the place of his. I watch as Nathan and Haley slip quietly out of the room, each with their own sympathetic look in their eyes. Nathan also has a dangerous gleam in his eye that lets me know if I don't stop him he'll beat the living shit out of his brother.
"Peyt…what happened between you two that day" her brown eyes are flooded with concern for me…and for Lucas because I know she's seen the lost look in his eyes just as much as I have. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze, urging me to tell her. I know she won't judge me but I can't help but feel guilty.
"I told him…that I wasn't in love with him" That was the easy part…its what comes next that I know she won't like.
"We'll come back to that because there's more…isn't there" she watches me nod my head and I know she knows…she's just praying that I won't actually say it.
"I'm…" I pause…actually I stopped…I don't know how to finish…I don't wanna finish.
"Leaving…again" she finishes for me and part of me feels relieved…but part of me wants to say that she's wrong and make something else up. "Nathan told me…and I told him he was wrong…that you wouldn't run again"
"I'm not running Brooke"
"Funny…he said that too. Where?" she won't look at me and it hurts. He eyes are focused on the TV screen that she's not actually watching.
"New York" that catches her attention and she shoots me a shocked look before rising her eye brow and waiting for me to explain. "That's where this all started."
"No Peyton…it started here…it started right here in this hospital actually…when your mom died."
"The pain might have started here Brooke…but they guilt didn't…and the fear didn't. That all happened up there and that's where I have to face them."
"That's why you went to him…that's why you always go to him." I get the feelings she's talking more to herself than to me because her eyes are closed and her head is turned up to the ceiling. "Am I right"
"What are you talking about?"
"Nathan…after graduation…before you left to go to your aunt's...you always turn to him"
"I'm still not following Brooke."
"He gets you…I'm your best friend I don't get you like he does." Tears fall slowly down her cheeks and I'm not sure what to say…if there's anything that I can say that wouldn't be a lie. She's right and I know its hurting her but it's the truth.
"I'm sorry"
"Don't apologize…its not your fault. There's just something about you that only he can understand and that only he can follow. I was being sarcastic when I asked him if you were going to New York but then he said you were and he gave the same reasons you just did. Its why he always lets you go" She wiped the tears from under her eyes just as Lucas walked back in with the two girls.
"Brooke…" I watched her get up from the bed and move away from me.
"Whatever you feel like you need to do" I can't tell what she's feeling…her words seem angry but her voice is telling me otherwise and so is the look on her face. She finally starting to understand and because of that…she's starting to hurt…she knows she can't fix me.
"Everything okay" Lucas glances between me and Brooke, but both of us now have blank faces that he can't read.
"Peachy" She winks at him before sitting in the chair next to my bed and focusing on the TV. His eyes find mine and I can't do anything but smile at him. I mouth to him that it's fine and he nods before moving to resume his seat by my side. Its funny how they are both sitting next to me yet I felt closer to them when I was 600 miles away.
