Notes: after two chapters of sadness, things finally look up for Touya. Wandering Mavka pointed out that Waya described Ogata like Donald Trump in this chapter, I found that remark funny so I thought I would share it.
Oct 19: fixed some honorifics and references to futon.
Nov 8: corrected 'Akira-san' to 'Akari-san'. These names are a lot easier to distinguish in kana. Altered the description of akira starting to eat the curry since it was bothering me.
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Chapter 3: 粘ぎ Tsugi "Connect" Part 2
The following day, Akira elected to go to school, feeling much better thanks to the chat with Akari-san. And then the day after, he reluctantly visited the Go Institute for the first time in the few days since Shindou had died. The stories from Akari-san floated at the forefront of his mind, and out of any part of Shindou, he tried to focus on these the most to keep away the feeling of loneliness.
On the way out, a group of young shodan his age loitered by the door of the Institute, engaged in enthusiastic discussion.
"Eh!? Ogata's car hit him!?" shouted one of the shodan, and Akira could not help but overhear. He recognized the boy as Waya-kun, that rather loud friend of Shindou's who always seemed to have a bone to pick with him.
Ogata-san struck Shindou? Akira repeated in his mind, trying to process the thought. When his father had first personally delivered him the news, he left out any mention of who was behind the wheel, but in retrospect, he must have known, because the next study group meeting was filled with silence and tension, especially between his father and Ogata-san, he now realized. Whatever discussion there was at the time, Akira's mind drifted too much into emptiness for him to focus on any it. His father must have noticed, because at last he stood up and called the meeting to a close early, and asked everyone to leave. On the way out, Ogata Juudan's shoulders seemed very tense, and he gave what was unmistakably a scowl at his father, for a split moment before it disappeared behind his usual face of stone.
Though Akira did not miss it, he did not understand it. Ogata-san had always been intense and impenetrable, even for a go pro, and he could never decipher what he was thinking, but why would he glare in such a way?
"I always knew there was something fishy about that lurking, slinking, straw-headed creep and his gaudy car!" Waya ranted at the top of his lungs, and one of the other go players tried to quiet him down.
Akira could not help but interject on behalf of his father's student. "How can you speak in such a disrespectful way about Ogata-san? My father has taught him for years, and he would never do such a thing on purpose. If it was really him, it had to have been an accident!"
"Touya! You again!" Waya scowled, bearing his fists with rage, "Defending Ogata? Do you even know who it was who died!? Do you even care about anyone outside of the little world of titleholders you live in? Or was he just another new shodan to you?"
What? What!? Akira's breath wavered and his fingers shook. How could he!? Akira tried to think of something to say, but nothing formed a coherent thought. Tears welling in his eyes, he bolted out of the Institute without a single word.
"Tadaima," he muttered half-heartedly as he returned to his house after a miserable commute, and sequestered himself in his room. He'd tried to think about the things Akari-san told him, but now they just filled him with sadness. He tossed his futon out onto the floor, buried himself in it and closed himself off from the world.
It wasn't like when his father had collapsed and recovered and everything was fine again. Shindou was gone for good and he was never coming back. Never! He felt as if a huge part of him had been ripped away and in that place only emptiness remained.
His mother quietly slid open the door. "Akira, are you feeling okay?" she asked softly. Akira did not move or speak. "Well, I will prepare some dinner and keep it hot for you, and any time you feel ready you can come out and have it."
Akira still didn't say anything.
After a pause, she said, "It must be very hard for you."
Okaa-san didn't play professional go. She couldn't understand how deeply this cut into him, or what it felt like.
"But I know you won't feel this way forever. In time, you will heal. Hang in there, my dear Akira."
What part of the permanency of death didn't she understand? Go away, Akira thought, but he didn't say it.
"I'll be around if you ever need me," she said, and quietly closed the door.
Somehow, Akira felt even worse. Why did people think they had to say things when there's nothing to say? He almost would rather Waya yell at him some more, since at least he was honest with his words. In their shared grief, only Akari-san made him feel any better, but he foolishly forgot to ask her for her address or her phone number, so there was no way of talking to her now.
Then he remembered the board.
Akira emerged from the futon and eyed the wrapped board he had placed in the corner of his room when he first received it and hadn't touched since. He didn't want to depress himself any further than he already was, so he'd left it alone.
But now he wondered if maybe playing out a game on Shindou's board would give him some sense of closure. He pulled the cloth off the board and exposed the surface, and the bowls of stones. Nothing special, he thought. The goban was carved of spruce, not true kaya, and the stones were made of glass. A fine enough board for an insei or a new pro, though it was covered with dark stains. He tried rubbing at it with the cloth, but it wouldn't come off. Was it blood? How? The idea worried him. Whose blood? Shindou's?
As he turned away from the board to get a wet cloth, he felt a change in the air.
And then from within his head, he heard a familiar voice.
"Touya…!"
Could it—
Akira faced the goban, and—Shindou!?
It was like a dream—Shindou stood before him, shrouded in white, with a tall, graceful figure at his side. Shindou appeared as surprised as Akira was.
Sense had left him. Akira reached out his hand to him, eyes wide. "Shindou…" he said.
The world fell, and Akira felt the ground.
⁂
"Akira, are you alright?" asked the soft voice of his father.
Akira awoke, his head pounding. He was in his own bed, with otou-san kneeling by his side, carrying a small light dinner on a tray. By his side there also sat an elegant noble figure straight out of history, the same one he thought he saw before—and Shindou!
"Shindou!" said Akira starting to sit up, but Otou-san gently pushed him back down on the pillow.
"Please relax, you have been having a very hard week. Your mother said you fainted. Here, I brought you dinner."
Akira stared at Shindou, terribly confused. How could he possibly be here? He started to say something but Shindou pressed a finger against his lips and said 'ssh'.
His father turned to look in the direction of Shindou, where Akira was staring, but seemed to only stare through the boy, and turned back to Akira. Could he not see him?
"I'm glad you're alright. It seems you were out for nearly an hour. This must be taking a greater toll on you than I thought."
Akira didn't understand anything. Was he hallucinating? What was happening?
He didn't want to go to the hospital, so he decided not to say anything about it. "I'm fine, otou-san," he said, rubbing his temple, "I just have a bit of a headache is all."
"I talked to the Go Institute and asked them to reschedule your matches for the next week. You didn't go to your match the other day, so perhaps you need some time to recover."
Cancelled his matches!? No! he started up but his father gently put his hand on his shoulder to calm him and pressed him back into the bed. "I'm fine, otou-san," he insisted, "Really! I'm not sick! I was going to go to those matches."
"I can tell this is hurting you a lot," said his father. "Eat up and rest for me, Akira. I want you to be well. You are my only son." He gave a soft pat on the shoulder, got up and left the room, passing straight through Shindou and his companion as if they were fog, clearly not able to see them at all.
Shindou laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck. "Haha, hi, Touya."
Akira simply stared, jaw lax, eyes wide, completely confused. He had so many questions. "Shindou, how are you… and who is…" He pointed at the elegant nobleman beside him.
Shindou looked up at his courtly companion, and then wildly about the room, appearing almost as confused as Akira was. "Um, how do I explain this…"
The cheery nobleman interrupted him! "Hello, I'm Fujiwara no Sai, and I was a go tutor for the emperor in the Heian Period in my life. I returned to the world as a spirit in the mind of Kuwabara Torajirou, and after he died, I came to Hikaru, and now I come to you! Though it appears Hikaru has suffered the same fate as me."
"Sai!" exclaimed Akira, recognizing the name. The NetGO player? "You're that Sai? And you possessed Honinbo Shuusaku?" The implications all fit together in his mind. Was that first game with Shindou really under the influence of this Fujiwara no Sai? It explained the old-fashioned style, the resemblance to Shuusaku, how the moves Shindou made in that first game could be that of a master when he held the stone like a beginner and seemed to know nothing about Go, how Shindou seemed to play like two completely different people—because, in a way, he was! If true, it all finally made sense!
"Were you the Sai who played on the internet two years ago? And won against my father?" asked Akira. Sai nodded enthusiastically to all these questions.
"Then, when I first played against Shindou in the go salon, you were the one guiding all his moves?" Sai and Shindou both nodded happily.
"Then I have been chasing you, Fujiwara no Sai, all this time! It all makes sense now!"
"Yes, Akira, that's right! You and Hikaru are both very talented and insightful players. I feel fortunate to have met you both."
Akira smiled, eyes bright. It was like a weight from the past few years had finally slid from his shoulders.
He took up the bowl and chopsticks in hand and tried to eat the rice and curry his father left. "And I have another question. How did you come to me?"
Sai opened his mouth to explain, but Shindou interrupted him. "Wait, Sai I know this! It's because you saw the stains on the board. I guess I possessed my board, and Sai came with me into the same board, and when you touched it, it called both Sai and me. But only some people can see the stains! Akari couldn't see the stains on Sai's board either."
"Yes, she told me the story of how you fainted when you found an old goban, and mentioned something like that." said Akira, idly pushing around rice in the curry. With his headache he didn't really feel like eating.
"Wait, Akari told you!?" said Shindou, quite surprised.
"Yes, she visited the other day and told me stories about you. She was the one who brought me your go board."
"What's Akari doing giving all my stuff away without my permission!?"
"She said you would have liked for me to have it," said Akira a little nervously.
Shindou just blinked for a moment, blushing. He grasped the fabric of his jeans in a childish rage and grumbled, "Damn that Akari! She doesn't know me at all! What makes her think I would want that!?"
"Your concern for Akira is obvious to everyone, Hikaru," Sai pointed out.
"You too, Sai!?" Hikaru spat, blushing even harder, "I am not concerned! Stop getting ideas!"
Akira smiled and hid a small laugh behind his hand. It was good to have Shindou back. He set the tray down, rose and crossed the room to where both goban stood side by side, Shindou's and his own.
Sai hopped with delight. "Akira! Akira! Are we going to play a game?"
"I wish," said Akira, his head still hurting, "With this headache I'm in no condition to play a game right now. I feel kind of lethargic to be honest."
"I remember that feeling," said Shindou with a groan, "That's how I felt the day after I met Sai, and then I had a test! Just don't make him throw up like you did last time to me, okay?"
"Hikaru, you should understand already I didn't do it on purpose!" Sai responded. The two seemed to have a good rapport.
"But there is one thing we can do," said Akira, as he laid down and opened the two bowls of stones for Shindou's goban. "It's not necessary, but it's still something I would like to see for myself. Would you like to replay that second game in the go salon, when you overwhelmed me?"
"Of course!" said Sai, beaming, "I don't remember that entire game off the top of my head, but with your help I can certainly reconstruct it."
"Thank you very much," said Akira, then remembering that he was a nobleman, added, "Fujiwara-sama."
The nobleman blushed at the honorific and hid his face behind his fan. "Fujiwara-sama!? Please, I insist, just call me Sai, no honorifics. My rank hardly matters anymore now anyway."
"Okay, Sai," said Akira as he took up the first stone for Sai, "You had black. What was your first move?"
"The 3-4 point at 4-17," said Sai, pointing to the point on the board with his fan, and Akira placed the stone accordingly, then placed his own 4-4 point in response.
As they went through the fuseki and into the main phase of the game, Sai recalled his moves at a brisk pace, and Akira understood that the flow of the game had resurfaced in the nobleman's memory. The fateful game, the same game that he had only shown to Ochi, unfolded from Sai's commands exactly as it had played out those few years before in the go salon. Shindou watched in amazement.
This, to Akira, was the definite proof. He did not doubt him before but here there surely was no mistake about it—the "Shindou" that crushed him in the go salon, that defeated his own father, was and could only be this Fujiwara no Sai.
"Thank you," said Akira as he cleared the stones after the replay, "I believed you in the first place, but seeing the proof for myself really helped me feel better."
"Ok, Touya, but what about me?" asked Shindou, pointing a finger vigorously at himself, apparently feeling left out, "I've worked hard for my chance to play you, you know!"
"I'm sorry, Shindou, but not today!" said Akira, "I'm still feeling under the weather, remember? Besides, if I actually do some real resting maybe otou-san will get off of my back about it." He shoved himself back into the futon and pulled the blanket over his shoulders. "Good night!"
Akira wasn't sure at first how he was going to sleep with people in his room, although they were spirits, but so much peace filled him that this turned out to not be a problem after all. Shindou was alive! Sort of. But he was back, and he was here!
He finally settled into the first restful sleep he'd had in days.
