Her eyelids fluttered open lazily as the first rays of the morning sun snuck into their bedroom. One hand went to her stomach, greeting her daughter who was already up and kicking while the other reached over, searching for him. But his side of the bed was empty, already cold, and for a moment she wondered if she had actually slept in for once, as per the doctor's orders, but one quick glance to her bed side table and she realized it was him who was up too early.
She rolled over, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Getting out of bed, like everything else, no longer as easy as they had once been with her now eight month pregnant belly. She knew she should be grateful though, that, according to Sarah, her size at eight months was what most women reach by the fifth. Jane had thought she was just saying that to make her feel good, at first, but soon she realized that she was much smaller than most women at the OBGYN's and that had got her worried, scared that there was something wrong with the baby. Her doctor was quick to ease her fears, telling her that each woman was different, and some just didn't grow as big as others. Their daughter was perfectly fine, perfectly healthy. They had nothing to worry about.
She finally got up and made her way out of the bedroom to find him, and it came as no surprise when she found that he was in the nursery. They had been officially living in the new house for four months now and he was still not done with it. It was killing her to know what he had been up to in there, but a promise was a promise.
She walked down the stairs towards the kitchen, passing by the framed hole in the wall that they've both decided should stay there for as long as they lived in this house. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and grabbed a muffin and sat perched on a stool, checking her emails and messages. It had taken a lot of arguing and negotiating but she finally greed to eave all field work behind a few months, and even though she knew it was for the best, she absolutely hated the desk job, mainly because she missed out on all the fun, but also because it killed her not being out there with the team, not being out there keeping an eye on Kurt. As she went through her emails, she remembered that today was the day Kurt had been dreading for weeks, the day he had to dress up in a suit and tie and attend meetings all day with Mayfair upstairs. He hated it, but she secretly loved it, knowing he'd be safe, in doors, and not running around doing some stupid thing or another.
"There you are," his voice came from across the room, "I went back to the bedroom and you were gone," he said, as he walked towards her.
"You're one to talk," she teased, "I woke up to an empty bed."
She tilted her head towards him, accepting his good morning kiss with a smile. "Sorry, had to do some work on the nursery before I headed out."
"Early day today, huh?" she asked, giggling as he rolled his eyes, "that's the price of being the big boss."
He settled next to her wit his coffee. "Sleep well?" he asked as he turned towards her. She nodded and smiled, at his concern, at the love in his gaze. He returned the smile, his hand reaching over to land on her stomach, "how about you, baby? Sleep well?" he whispered as he gazed warmly at where her hand rested on top of his.
"She slept perfectly, except when she had karate training at 3am," Jane said.
Kurt laughed, taking a sip of his coffee then placing the mug back on the island. "I gotta take a shower, get ready," he said getting up, standing in front of her to kiss the top of her head softly. Jane finished her breakfast and followed him upstairs, heading towards their bedroom. She moved to place her phone on the dresser when she accidentally knocked down his phone and wallet.
She sighed, grabbing on the edge of the dresser as she bent down to pick them up. She grabbed the phone and wallet, bringing them up, a few small papers fell out of the wallet, and this time she huffed. She touched her stomach and smiled when the baby kicked. "Sorry, kid, mommy's clumsy this morning," she said. She grabbed the papers and when she saw what they were, she felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. God, she hated how emotional she was these days.
She held the papers in her hands and studied them. They were copies of every sonogram she'd had, with the date and the baby's details written clearly on the back. And he carried them with him in his wallet. She placed everything back in its place, and wiping away the tears, she walked over to the bathroom, ridding herself of her clothes along the way. Once inside, she softly tapped against the glass, cracking the shower door open, she smiled at him, "got room in there for one more?"
"Always," he replied.
She stepped in, savoring the warm spray and the feel of his lips against hers as he pulled her towards him, his arms wrapping around her instantaneously. Once they pulled back, and she had caught her breath, she turned around in his embrace, his arms tightening around her, she let her body rest fully against him, trusting him to support her weight under the constant spray of water. He held her tightly, one palm resting comfortably over her stomach, the other arm wrapped securely over her chest, finding comfort in its rise and fall, in the steady beat of her heart beneath his finger tips.
The stood there quietly, his lips occasionally finding his favorite spots on her neck and shoulders, but he could feel something was off, and so when the minutes stretched, he whispered, "everything ok?"
She reached up, twining her fingers with his, on her chest and stomach, and when she spoke, her voice cracked. "Is this real?" she asked.
He blinked, taken aback by her question, "What… what do… of course it's real," he said.
"I'm just scared…" she tightened her grind on his hands, somehow burrowing herself closer into him, "I'm just scared this is all just a dream… a fantasy… that I'll wake up tomorrow in a duffel bag, with no memory of any of this… I'm scared that…" she was crying fully then, her body shaking in his embrace and it didn't take much effort for him to turn her around, to wrap her completely in his arms.
She buried her face in his neck then, her arms wrapping around his neck, clinging on to him for dear life. He held her tightly, kissing the side of head, whispering comforting words in her ear for a few moments, letting her cry in his arms. He knew she still had nightmares of that day, nightmares of her life being stolen from her again, and he couldn't imagine just how much harder it was for her now, with the baby and everything else.
When he could feel her crying subside, he pulled back slowly, keeping his arms on her arms, he titled her chin up to meet his gaze. "It's real," he said confidently, "it's all very real."
He took her hand in his and placed it over his heart, "this is real," he said, and then he places his own hand on hers, "and this is real," he added, and then he placed both their free hands on her stomach, "and she is very very real," he said, and as though she could hear them, the baby kicked them, earning a smile from her father, a half sob, half laugh from her mother.
They finished their shower and got dressed quietly, and when Kurt was done, tie tied and jacket properly in place, he walked over to her side of the bed and reached out to her. "Come with me," he said.
She placed her hand in his, an eyebrow raised in question, "where to?"
"Come on," he said, a playful smile on his lips as he led her out and across the corridor, where he came to stand in front of the nursery door, "I think it's time."
She smiled, beamed at him, "are you serious?" she asked and he just nodded, reaching into his pocket to pull out a key. "Do you want to see it or not?" he teased and she all but punched him in the chest, "of course, I do!" He wanted to prolong it, make a theater of it, but the excited look on her face, the way her eyes widened with excitement, he couldn't do it. So he opened the door, swung it wide and let her in.
Jane stood in awe at the entrance of the room as she took it all in. The first thing she noticed was how much light flooded the rooms from the huge bay windows across from the door, with the upholstered bench just infant of them, covered with huge pillows in pastel colors. One wall was covered with a simple wallpaper, stripes of lime greens and yellows, while the wall across was plain white with large wood letters, hand carved she knew that much, spelling out the name they'd agreed on, Ava. There was an upholstered rocking chair, white fabric with a lime green blanket thrown over the armrest. The floor was covered by a warm wood paneling and in the middle sat a round rug, a rich wild forest green rug, below a beautiful crib. She walked closer to it, the bars of it catching her attention. She made her way to it and upon closer inspection, she recognized the designs that covered the wood of the crib. They were her tattoos, carefully and perfectly carved and engraved into the whole crib.
The tears were falling freely when she turned to him. He walked towards her just as she turned back around to admire the crib. He stood behind her and spoke. "I just thought that this way, you'll always be with her, always around her, holding her," he whispered. She didn't fight the sob that escaped her lips, reaching behind her, looking for him, seeking him, and he took her hand in his. She turned to him then. "Do you like it? I mean we still have time, we can change things if you don't -"
"It's perfect, Kurt, absolutely…" she wiped away her tears, "absolutely perfect."
She reached up, her palms against his cheeks, his stubble soft against her skin and reached up, kissing him, pouring everything she felt for him into that one kiss.
Nothing could be more real.
