Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, Kleenex or Twinkies. Honestly I wouldn't own Twinkies if you begged me.

A/N Well I recently found out about these wonderfully horrific treats, Fried Twinkies. They sounds nasty but they're actually not that bad, unlike Hojo. Besides if you think about it in this context they really aren't so bad, after all you should be careful what you eat. Polish off your sunglasses, Rude is up today.

Rude adjusted his sunglasses watching Hojo from behind a tortilla stand where Reno was hitting on the girl at the register. That little man was the root of every problem with Shin-Ra the Turk had ever come across. Not that he didn't mind earning his keep; it was just so infuriating sometimes to be with Reno during one of his info escapades. He sighed putting a hand in his jacket for a Kleenex. His fingers brushed several tiny remote bombs, "Reno, I'll be back."

"Whatever," came Reno's airy reply, "so then what's you're number?"

Hojo looked around from his spot in line, it was the annual Kalm Regional Fair. The children were laughing, which he found annoying, after all people screaming in agony was a symphony all its own. He came here looking for specimens for an experiment out of the livestock that were brought here, these were of the highest quality breeding thus would last far longer. He'd put a temporary halt to his hunt to get something to eat, fried Twinkies. The hard shell and soft creamy inside made them absolutely perfect treats in the scientist's opinion.

The line was moving quickly enough but something was wrong, he'd seen the Turks wandering around here. Tseng was being too soft letting them come here; he'd noticed that bald fellow with the spiky nuisance hanging around in particular. Hojo sighed as he made his way closer to the front of the line, just once he wouldn't like any interference from those two.

Rude meanwhile, had slipped under the stand setting the detonation devices on the legs and was busy telling the staff that there was an emergency meeting at the main tent while Hojo came up to the counter.

"Excuse me, this is not a Fried Twinkie stand, this is actually a street performance, if you wish to buy Fried Twinkies head fifteen stands to the south," Rude announced without Hojo noticing as he pulled out a small remote.

Hojo was glaring at the stand frustrated, "hello! Is anyone there?! Fatuous imbeciles must be on break." He grumbled.

Rude pushed the button, the explosives broke apart the legs of the stand, as it collapsed the cooking oil flew into the air and splashed all over Hojo. He let out a shriek louder then anyone on the roller coaster while he fell to the ground writhing about. The rest of the stand toppled over on top of him and slowly the shrieking faded out.

Reno walked over with the girl from the tortilla stand eating some cotton candy, "what the hell happened here?" He looked at Rude.

"Shin-Ra technology at it's finest. Call it a field test," Rude replied adjusting his sunglasses content.