Notes: At last, after getting my ass kicked by real life, it is here, the second part of Byo-Yomi. This was particularly painful to write.
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Chapter 9: 秒読み Byo-Yomi "Counting the Seconds" Part 2
Hikaru took Sai's words to heart, and tried to exist in every moment for Touya. In the day, he entertained Touya in conversation and enjoyed go with him, though of course when discussing the game Touya always found a way to get under his skin with his nitpicking, without fail. Hikaru was honestly beginning to wonder if Touya just liked to argue with him for the sake of arguing, but he humored him anyway, throwing snappy comebacks until his companion was too tired to continue.
It did feel to him, honestly, as if Touya had such a small amount of energy. He could only talk or play games for so long before he needed to sleep, which he seemed to do constantly. Though in reality Touya slept no more than the average person, next to Hikaru's restless existence, he still seemed to tire so easily, facing Hikaru with the vulnerability, the needy nature of being alive, something which until now he hadn't thought about before.
And in his sleep, with a corner of the blanket bunched in his fingers, his eyes with their long lashes peacefully closed, his chest calmly rising and falling with his breath, Touya was as precious as life was fragile. Maybe there was no need for Hikaru to escape the present, to lose himself in blind go. If he could sit and delight in this moment of Touya's peace, then maybe existence was just a little bit more bearable.
Touya avoided Hikaru's friends in life, and apart from a pleasant wave did not interact with them. Hikaru suspected maybe if he was getting in the way of Touya's social life? But his companion had nothing to say on the matter, and seemed to happily resign himself to Hikaru's needs.
On such an afternoon, Touya submitted himself to hours of online go for Sai, who had specifically requested it. Sai restlessly played game after game, and Touya diligently followed his every instruction.
Then Hikaru noticed that Sai was directing Touya to accept every invite for a game, not just the ones from the highest ranked players. He looked up into Sai's face, which was drawn in absolute seriousness and concentration. Sai clenched his hand on the fan, and did not divert his attention from the game. This wasn't at all like Hikaru had seen Sai before. He was honestly scaring him a little.
"Listen, Sai," Hikaru suggested, "Touya has a life, you know, he can't keep spending every hour doing this."
"Shindou, it's fine," said Touya, "I'm doing this for Sai."
At that moment, Touya's father slid open the door. "Akira, I do not mean to intrude, but Satou-san has arrived for the teaching game with you."
Touya leapt to his feet. "Right, of course!" he said, and headed for the door. On the way out, Hikaru had a look at the screen, on which a game was in progress. Though people did not usually try to talk to Sai given his reputation for absolute silence, this player had left a message:
Strong, aren't you?
Hey, I wonder if you…
Nah, I'm sorry. I'm just crazy.
The username was Zelda.
"I apologize, for the wait, Satou-san," said the retired Meijin as he brought Touya out into the study, where his students were already gathered. "Lately, he has been absorbed in online go." Touya bowed in apology, and sat down for the teaching game with the guest.
"Online go?" said Ogata from the corner as Satou-san started to lay out the handicap stones, his arms crossed, watching Ashiwara busy himself at replaying a game. Eyes sunken in, hair disheveled, Ogata appeared as if he hadn't gotten any sleep in days. "Akira-kun never plays online go. Why the sudden interest?"
Touya flinched at the question. "Shindou used to play sometimes!" he said, a little too quick, "So I thought I would try."
"Damn it, Touya, stop being so damn honest!" Hikaru said. He never even played online go in life! Not as himself, anyway.
"Ogata-kun," said Touya's father, "I still think you ought to worry about yourself, more than about Akira. When was the last time you slept?"
"I'd rather you didn't concern yourself with my health," said Ogata, getting up from his place, "Now, if you excuse me, I will be in the toilet." He turned and left the room.
"Mou! What is with that Ogata-kun?" Ashiwara whined, "He's been acting rather odd lately!"
"I cannot entirely say," said Touya-sensei, "But perhaps you are not in the position to call the Juudan 'Ogata-kun', at least not to his face," he added with a slight smile.
"Maybe you're right, sensei, 'Ogata-kun' might be improper of me. Then from now on, to me he is Seiji-chan!"
Touya-sensei sighed, and most of the students in the room laughed and smirked, and Touya, too, giggled sweetly, and Hikaru could not help but smile at this sight.
Touya led Satou-san through shidougo, and as he discussed the game, the older man added, as a side thought:
"I was thinking, Akira-kun, some friends of mine are going to the Kanko Hotel tomorrow for Children's Day, and they will be having a go seminar there, where pros will be giving lectures and teaching games. You should come along! It would make people really happy."
"Hmm, I'll have to think about it," said Touya, "I wonder what are my father's thoughts on that?"
"I think it's a good idea for him to go," said Ogata, who had just re-entered the room. "It should be healthy for him to get out and meet some new people."
"Hm," said Touya-sensei, thinking for a moment, before finally saying, "I can't disagree, as he has been rather reclusive lately. There will be lots of people there, other professionals, and he needs company."
Touya groaned quietly to himself, so only Hikaru heard. He could easily guess what he was thinking, and had to agree. Would it hurt the old man to be only a little less doting?
He noticed that Ogata wouldn't stop taking his eyes off Touya. Those fatigued eyes now shone with a glint that Hikaru hadn't seen in weeks, but recognized immediately. It was that ambitious, knowing look Ogata constantly had for Hikaru in life, the look he had just before he chased him and pushed him against the wall that time in the hospital. Did he now suspect Touya?
After the study meeting and everyone had left, Touya immediately returned to his computer to continue Sai's session. Hikaru then brought up his concern:
"Sai! You can't keep making him play online go."
Touya had already accepted an invite for a game. "Why not, Hikaru?" asked Sai, not taking his eyes from the game.
"It's Ogata! Did either of you see the look in his eyes? He suspects Touya of being Sai! And Touya, you should stop enabling him!"
"Why would he suspect me of being Sai? I have never done anything out of the ordinary."
"I dont know! Maybe when he went to the bathroom, he really went to have a look at your computer. It was showing you logged in as Sai when we walked out."
"Would he really do that? Ogata-san has been a trusted friend of my family for years and has never tried to invade my privacy."
"I wouldn't put it past him. He shoved me against a wall in the hospital, grabbed me by the collar and yelled at me because he thought I was Sai!"
Touya stared at him with wide eyes. "Did Ogata-san really do that? Sai, is this true?"
Sai nodded solemnly.
"Yes," said Hikaru, "That's exactly what he did, you just showed up a little too late to see it. Anyway, Touya, this means we can't play go online for a while until Ogata is no longer suspicious."
"But Hikaru!" Sai blurted out suddenly, "There won't be any time!"
"What the hell does that mean!? There will be plenty of time!"
"Hikaru, you don't understand! I-"
"What don't I understand?" Hikaru found himself yelling, "What I understand is that you're putting Touya at risk, and you're being entirely unreasonable about it, all for the sake of playing go!"
Then the screen went black. Confused for a moment, Hikaru realized that Touya had shut off the computer, not even giving it time to properly shut down.
Sai gasped when he realised what Touya had done. "Akira!" he protested, "You got rid of the game! Bring it back!"
"I'm really sorry, Sai," said Touya, "But Shindou might have a point. If Ogata-san suspects me, then we have to stop before he finds out."
"It's only for a while, Sai," said Hikaru, "just to get Ogata off our backs. Then we can play again."
"But Hikaru, you don't understand! I don't have-"
"God, Sai! Why do you have to be-"
"SHINDOU! SAI! Both of you, stop!" Touya cried out, and both Hikaru and Sai fell quiet. "Please," he said, "I don't want you to argue, least of all now."
Touya lowered his head, and Hikaru followed his gaze to realize that his fists were shaking in his lap. "I'm sorry, Touya," said Hikaru, not having the foggiest idea what was going on.
Throughout the hours that followed, Hikaru avoided Sai, and Sai didn't say anything to him either, resigning himself to quietly conversing with Touya or sitting by himself, looking forlorn. Just what was with him lately? Couldn't he see that he made Touya upset?
Sai's mood improved somewhat the following day at the Children's Day seminar at Kanko Hotel, the various go lectures and opportunities to play or watch games uplifting his spirits. Touya signed a few autographs, and played teaching games with the hotel guests, quickly finding himself swamped with requests due to his popularity. With nothing to do, Hikaru awkwardly loitered by his side, bored.
Then he noticed that Sai was directing the moves in some of Touya's teaching games against the weaker players, playing them for him. "Hey!" he said, "How come you're letting Sai play games and not me?"
"Oh, Shindou!" said Touya, "If you wanted to play teaching games, why didn't you say so?"
"I didn't say I wanted to play-oh, well, alright." Touya allowed him to play the next teaching game, which, it turned out, Hikaru was happy to do. The guy wasn't too strong, but it was refreshing to finally play against someone new; it seemed like forever since he had done so last. Almost like old times.
The day continued in this way, playing and discussing games. Touya and even Sai seemed to be enjoying themselves, and Hikaru felt that it might be a good day after all when-
"Akira-kun."
Hikaru looked up, and jolted at the sight. Ogata! And what's more, he seemed rather drunk; Ogata wobbled awkwardly as he clumsily took a seat at the table across from Touya.
"Ogata-san," Touya addressed him politely, with a face of stone.
"You're still playing go? It's rather late."
Touya relaxed, releasing the tension in his body somewhat. "The guests are enjoying themselves, and so am I."
Ogata leaned forward aggressively across the table. Touya tensed up and pulled back, but maintained a straight face. How could Touya keep so well-composed in the face of this guy?
"I want to play Sai," Ogata said.
Shit! Hikaru thought, eyes wide with panic. He was right, Ogata suspected Touya! What were they going to do?
Touya flinched and gasped at Ogata's demand, but quickly regained his composure. "I think you've had a little too much to drink, Ogata-san," he said, "You seem to have me confused for someone else." The old men around them had a hearty laugh at the man's expense, and Hikaru let out a nervous laugh also.
Ogata twitched with what Hikaru could swear was a violent fury- clearly he was not amused. Fear immediately washed away the smile on Hikaru's face.
Ogata stumbled out of his chair to his feet, wobbling slightly. "Nee, Akira-kun. Come with me to my room. We have something important we need to discuss."
"Ah?" Touya said, "What could we have to talk about?"
Ogata gave an annoyed snort. "Go, what else?"
Don't go! Hikaru mouthed to Touya, vigorously shaking his hands.
Ogata had already started to walk to his room, and turned back. "Well? What are you sitting around for?"
Nervously, Touya jumped up from his seat and followed Ogata. "Yes, I'm coming." "Sorry, Shindou," he added to his companion.
In Ogata's room, they carefully stepped over the prone torso of a sleeping Ashiwara, to the goban by the window.
"Have a seat," Ogata said, gesturing to the other side of the goban before him. Touya complied silently. Ogata retrieved a can of beer from the mini fridge, sat down at the goban, and cracked the can open.
"Are you really going to keep drinking?" asked Touya.
Ogata snorted with annoyance. "Why not? I'm already too drunk for it to make a difference." He sucked the froth from the top of the can.
"As you probably know," Ogata continued, "Sai is back on the net. I want to play him, Akira-kun."
"Me too," said Touya in a meek voice, "He was amazingly strong, to be able to beat my father. I wish I could play him."
"Don't beat around the bush," said Ogata, "I want to play Sai now." He pushed a goke towards Touya and opened his own. "Let's nigiri."
"I keep telling you, you have me confused for someone else," said Touya as he grabbed a handful of white stones, "I can't give you Sai, but perhaps you can settle for me."
Ogata awkwardly plopped three black stones on the board. "Pretend that's two," he said. Touya sighed and counted out the white stones.
Ogata had black, and played his first move. The stone bounced off the board; he retrieved it and played 3-4. Or was it 4-4? His placement wasn't very precise. Ogata seemed really out of it, Hikaru thought, will he even be able to play?
"Let me play him, Akira," said Sai.
"But Sai! You can't!" said Hikaru, "He'll figure it out!"
"If he's this drunk, he won't be able to tell the difference."
"You can't be sure of that! That is still putting Touya at risk!"
"Hikaru, you must understand, this is the last chance! Ogata will never have this chance against me again."
Ogata tapped on the table impatiently, as Touya hovered over the board, distressed by the argument. He was shaking and losing his composure.
"Well, Akira-kun? I don't have all night," Ogata mumbled. He took a swig from his beer and smacked the can down on the table with force, spilling some of the drink onto the goban.
"Never have this chance again!? Sai, what are you on about? How can you put Touya at risk, just for a chance to play Ogata? How can you be so selfish?"
"Selfish!" Even Sai found himself raising his voice now. "I'm selfish? What about you, Hikaru? You're obnoxious, and rude, and you never give some thought to me! Why did it have to be you? Why, gods, why did it have to be you!?"
"STOP!" Touya cried, his fingers at his temples in distress, "Stop it, both of you!"
Hikaru and Sai froze. Ogata froze as well, his eyes wide with surprise.
Touya let out a sharp gasp when he realized what he had done. "Oh god! I said it out loud!" He began to panic. "Oh god!"
Ogata relaxed, reclining in his seat and crossing his arms. He exhaled, and gave a little smile. "Akira-kun, who were you talking to?"
"Ah, nobody. I'm sorry, Ogata-san. I'm not feeling well and I'm fairly tired now." Touya got up from his seat. "I'm going home now to rest."
Touya turned to exit the room, and Ogata got up from his seat and grabbed at him. "Wait! Don't you think about leaving, we've only just begun." Thanks to his poor coordination, he missed hold of Touya's arm and tripped over the chair.
"Come back here!" Ogata cried as Touya ran out at breakneck speed, out the room, down the hall, past a crowd of staring guests, and out of the hotel.
It was very late after Touya got off the train from the Kanko hotel and returned home, truly exhausted. "I hate him when he's drunk!" he said as he changed into pajamas got ready for bed, "I never want to be near him again."
Sai turned to Hikaru, who was crouched beside Touya's futon and still avoiding him, angry at Sai for the events of the past couple of days. "Hikaru, let's put this struggle behind us. I want to play you. Not blind go, but you at your full strength, over your goban."
Hikaru looked up at Sai, still quite hurt and upset at him for what he said earlier with Ogata. "Really? After all that you said? Even so, neither of us can place stones."
"I will place stones for both of you," said Touya struggling to keep back a yawn. He was just settling into his futon, but got out again and crawled to Hikaru's goban. "Shindou, you will be black, right?"
"Sai, you really have got to stop using Touya. He's too tired to place stones for us and needs rest."
"I really don't mind at all," said Touya, "I just want you to stop fighting and get along."
"Fine, if you're really ok with it, do what you want," said Hikaru, taking his seat at the goban opposite Sai. "Let's start."
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Sai closed his eyes, happy in this moment, sharing the game with Hikaru. Already his jealousy of Hikaru's continued existence began to feel like a distant memory. Had he been unfair to him?
"Hikaru, I want to say sorry for the harsh things I said to you earlier," said Sai, "You're growing and changing, and you do not mean to be selfish."
"Nn, yeah," said Hikaru, "Forget what I said, too."
Sai nodded and smiled; he was truly a good child, even if he struggled to show it. To have the chance to watch him grow and mature through these few years, Sai was blessed.
Just as Torajirou existed for Sai those one hundred forty years ago, Sai existed for Hikaru. Hikaru, then, would exist for someone else, and so on, down the path to the divine move, however long it may be.
"Hikaru," Sai said, "I've realized… I finally understand Kami no Itte. It is not a single move, nor a tesuji, nor a perfect game, but a selfless experience, a world shared between you and another… Hikaru?"
Hikaru did not respond, he simply gazed at the goban, pondering his next move.
"Hikaru, are you listening? Akira?" Akira stifled a huge yawn and nodded off, not appearing to notice.
The world before him began to fade, and Sai finally understood.
