Chapter 4
Leo
I was hidden in the shadows, if anyone could see me, only the white of my eyes would be visible. I was in full ninja mode. I knew I had to get on that ferry boat. It was my ticket out of New York, but that's just my problem. I don't have a ticket. I knew I couldn't buy one or show my face. I needed to wait until everyone docked the boat until I could sneak on. And I knew it would be while.
I stayed crouched on the windowsill for an hour, the hanging roof of the warehouse provided shade and invisibility. Finally, when that last person got on the ship, I made my move. I jumped down and landed with a soft thud, then hide behind a near by dumpster. The day's air was cool and crisp, the sky covered with light gray clouds and dim sun rays peaking through. I don't often get to see New York during the day, but I needed to get on that ship so I could leave.
I glanced from side to side then flipped over the dumpster. I crept over to the nearest telephone pole and climbed my way up using metal rods that stuck out of it. Near the top it was much windier, my mask blew in the wind. I used the telephone poles to get closer to the ship. It was already on it's way out to the ocean, so I had to act fast. When I jumped from one pole to another and landed on the last one, I leaped off and soared through the sky, free falling to the ground.
I took in a sharp breath. Not many people know this about me, but I hate falling. Not the simple trip and fall, but falling from high places. I'm not scared of heights, no, it's the rush. The feeling you get when you fall, the fear that stabs your stomach. The wind that whips against your face. The thoughts that run through your mind and for a brief second you believe you're going to die. I had once jumped off TCRI while it exploded, in attempt to save my brothers. And for once in a long time, I showed fear. I knew that we had failed the mission, that I had failed. That I was going to die. I thought that for the longest time, cause when you fall, it last much longer than reality. I thought that I was going to die, until Raph caught me. But ever since then, I fear falling.
I took a deep breath and went head first into the water, diving into it. My face stung a little from the impact, but I pushed the pain in the back of my mind and concentrated on swimming. As I swam, I closed my eyes for a moment and savoured the feeling of the flow of water on my face. It was cool and calming. The water was icy cold since it's autumn, but felt nice against my skin. I reopened my eyes a moment later and realized that I had come closer to the ship than I realized. So I made my way around to the sides and climbed up using metal spikes Donnie created to help us climb walls better. They strap around your hand like wrist band. Careful to not poke any holes in the boat, I climbed to the top and peered over the side. No one was on deck, probably all in the restaurant eating supper. So and flipped over the railing, dripping wet.
I quickly scanned my surroundings looking for a place to hide. I couldn't stay out here in the open where I could be seen. I figured at the very last floor of the boat would be best. So I ran down the stairs and ducked at the occasional window until I got inside the ship. The first level inside the ship was all the activity rooms. Like the restaurant, bar, bowling ally, dance room, game room, things like that. The next floor was all the dormitories and rooms that people could sleep in for however long they stayed on this ship. And finally the third and last floor was the extra rooms for staff only. Like the engine room and storage rooms, which is exactly where I'm going.
I crouched down on one knee by the second storage room. I figured they would use up the stuff in the first storage room first, so I went to the second one. I pulled out my T-phone from my soaking wet shoulder bag, luckily Donnie made sure out T-phones were waterproof. I held up my phone to the digital lock and waited for my phone to scan in, now I'm glad that Donnie made an app for this. Without it, I would be toast.
I smiled slightly and chuckled a bit. Toast. It always reminds me of the time, well many times, I set the toaster on fire. Before I left the lair, a few weeks or months ago, I set the toaster on fire attempting to make breakfast for my family. It didn't end well and the toaster ended up smashing in two, but that was Mikey's fault.
My thoughts got interrupted by a small pinging noise. I glanced down and my T-phone finished scanning the lock and the combination appeared on the screen. I smiled in satisfaction and typed in the code 9963. After a short paused, the door clicked and I pushed it open. The code had worked and I was home free.
I walked in the rather small storage room. It was filled with boxes, toilet paper, soap, just your basic needs. No food though, that's probably in the refrigerated room a few doors down. I closed the heavy metal door behind me and slid myself to the floor, finally able to relax. I set my shoulder bag on the ground and emptied it out so everything could dry out. I looked at everything I had. A few apples, water, a blanket, compass, and a picture of my brothers.
I smiled weakly and picked up the picture. It was a bit blurry now and the ink was running down the photo since it got wet. But the picture was still visible. Raph was standing at the end, arms folded across his chest, not smiling. Classic Raph. Donnie was at the other end. He was smiling shyly. Also classic Donnie. He was never one to jump at the chance to get in front of a camera, he's a bit camera shy. But when he smiles, he always shows his missing tooth. Then there's Mikey. He's in the middle of the two with his arms around their shoulders. As always, smiling brightly. I could swear that Mikey can brighten up any day with his smile.
I wonder what my brothers are doing now. I began to think to myself. I wonder if their doing okay without me...
I knew that I really didn't have to worry, but as the eldest brother, I always do. Donnie probably has everything under control. He's calm, collect, smart and strategic. He knows how to solve almost any problem. I know I can count on him. He's the brother I always turn too for help, when I need to solve a problem or fix something that is broken. But then again...Donnie's been acting weird lately, ever since he got his memory back. He's been scared, jumpy and more serious.
If Donnie doesn't have everything under control, then maybe Raph will. While he is my younger brother, he's a better fighter, so he'll be able to protect them for sure. But what about his tempter? That's Raph's weakness, and that's why I have doubts in his leadership. Last time he took charge, Mikey got hurt. Hopefully that won't happen again.
I know I can't count on Mikey for being serious, but I can count on him to keep the mood light. Mikey, my baby brother, the one who's always wearing a smile on his face. He will for sure keep things light, and won't let the other two worry so much. Mikey is very reliable when you need him to be. You can trust him with any secret, though he can't keep his own. Well, not that I know of.
Maybe I don't need to rely on just one brother. Maybe they'll finally work as a team. It be ironic though, as soon as I leave they start working as a team. Raph, the second born leader and protector. He's bound to keep the family safe. Donnie, The genius and calm one. He'll keep everyone at bay in the toughest of situations. Mikey, the free spirited and loyal one. He definitely will keep everyone on the positive side. Yeah. There's no need to worry.
A low grumble of my stomach snapped me out of my thoughts and I put the picture back down safely on the floor. Only now I realized how hungry I actually was and pains of hunger seemed to prick at my stomach every time I moved. I knew I had to get some food soon.
I picked up my T-phone and glanced at the time. Turns out I've been sitting here thinking for quite a while and it's now 1:47am. No wonder I was so hungry. I've thought about eating the apples, but it be smarter if I saved them for later, when I go on foot to Japan. I plan to get off at Paris in about three weeks when the ship docks there. Well, near there. So my only other option was to steal so food from the kitchen.
Stealing is wrong Leonardo.
Sensei's words rung through my head. He use to say that all the time to us as children. Splinter never stole. He always left money at the stores when he snuck in at night. Unseen by any hidden cameras. With quick motions and ninja stealth, Sensei would be gone and back in less than an hour. I know this cause I use to secretly stay awake until our father would come home. I was always so relieved when he did. He always came back.
And that's just what I'm going to do. I'm going to come back to my family one day. No matter how long it takes. I'm going to return as my old self. I will fight against my feelings and I will learn to control myself better. And better yet, I won't here any voices in my head anymore.
Another grumble erupted deep within my stomach. I shook away my thoughts and grabbed a few coins that I found in my bag. Just like my father, I wasn't going to steal. I will pay for my food, just like any other human. So I picked up a few coins I had hidden in pockets of my shoulder bag and ever so slightly pushed opened a door, just a crack.
When I made sure it was clear, I quickly sneaked out and plastered myself against the cold wall. A shiver ran down my spin by the sudden change of temperature. I took a gulp of cold, salty air before continuing sneaking down the hall. I flipped up the staircase and quietly crept up the second case of stairs. Finally I came to the top floor inside the ship. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
With a quick scan of the rather large hall, I found a arrow shaped sigh saying 'restaurant'. I gave a nod of satisfaction and ran a short distance across the hall.
"Locked." I mumbled to myself though I can't say it was a surprise. I was counting on this, but what I wasn't counting on was that it's a padlock, not digital. It was kind of a lucky break since I can't so easily pick a digital lock, but a padlock is no problem. I got out two paper clips that I stuck in my foot wrapping from earlier in the storage room. I unbent the clips and began working my way into the kitchen.
It took me about five minutes before I got the lock undone. I had to be extra careful to not break the lock, since I would have to put it back on afterwards. When I did eventually get it off unharmed, I allowed myself smile in satisfaction. I stuck the lock in my belt pocket and pushed the two wood and glass doors open.
The restaurant was big, with dark oak tables. All the tables were round and the centre pieces were three thick white candles. There must have been at least fifty or more tables in here, each with five or more padded seats. The walls were a deep red with gold trimming on the floor, near the ceiling and around every window. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling, sparkling under every glimpse of moonlight they manage to filter. In the very back of the restaurant was the bar and grill. Next to the bar was a long hallway where the washrooms are. On the other side of the hallway and to the right of the bar, was a silver door. The kitchen.
Leaping on tables, I quickly and swiftly made my way to the tall silver door. Of course, it was locked. It should be no problem getting in the kitchen since it's another padlock. I immediately began to pick it. Three minutes past with me wiggling around my paper clips in the key hole before I heard a click. I stuffed yet another lock in my belt pocket and was about to push open the door, but then I heard a voice.
"Hey, is anyone in here?!" A hall security guard called from outside the restaurant doors. I froze at the sound of his voice and with one jump from a table, I leaped up and hid on top of the bar and grill. I managed to hide myself before the beam of light from the guards flash light scanned to where I was standing. When it passed by the bar, it stopped.
I forced myself to take nice, long, deep breaths to try and steady my racing heart. I kept praying in my head that the beam of light wouldn't land on me. To come all the way, just to get caught. I didn't want to be discovered after not even spending one night on this ship.
I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I don't know if I was a little too relaxed, but my foot slipped and some shingles from the sign I was resting on came loose. Immediately the flash light came to where a few shingles fell and the security guard came inside the restaurant.
"Whoever's in here, show yourself!" He shouted with his deep crackly voice. I smiled wickedly when I thought of a plan. I grasped a shingle that managed to not fall off and I chucked it across the room. It knocked over some candles and the guard went running in that direction. This was my chance to move. With full ninja stealth, I jumped down from the ledge I was perked upon and landed silently. I pushed open the silver door and gently guided it shut when I was on the other side. I didn't want it to swing back and forth then catch the guard's attention.
As I turned back around, my eyes gazed upon the biggest kitchen I've ever seen. It huge, spacy and almost everything was made of stainless steal. A bunch of knives hung from one wall and pans on the other. There was about five ovens and ten sinks around the room. Also one wood stove oven. Finally, in the back corner I located the fridge. Well, it was more like a really cold room full of food. I think it's what Mikey calls a food storage room or something.
I clicked open the handle and pushed the door inwards, careful so it doesn't close behind me. From there, I started to search for food. The room was dark, and cold. Very cold. Three seconds into it and I can already see the clouds of my frosty breath every time I exhale. I have to rub my arms to keep warm. Donnie told us before that we can't stay in cold places for too long because while, we are warm blooded like humans we are still turtles, so we get colder faster.
"Get in, get out." I whisper to myself as I continue to swish my head from side to side. I don't need much, just something for the next day or two. I have a feeling that I'll be coming here a lot for the next three weeks.
When I'm about halfway through, I pause in my tracks. I know I only have a little amount of time before the security guard comes searching for me, so I take some food off the selves from where I am. I don't see what I grab, I just take it and run. I could hear the faint footsteps of the beefy guard, but I couldn't tell if he was in the kitchen or not. So when I got to the end of the freezer, I paused to take a look around the kitchen. Right at the door, I could see the top of the guard's head through the circular glass window.
I tucked the food grasped in my arms closer to my chest and did a forward roll to hide behind the counter. I press my back up against it and slow my breathing. The guard is now in the kitchen waving his little flash light around. It skims right over my head and I let out a breath of relief once it passes me. I quickly tense up again when I realize that I left the freezer door open. I want to face palm myself, but the food in my arms are stopping me from doing so.
I shift the cans in my arms so I have a free hand. I reached into my belt and pulled out the coins I brought. After coming all this way, there's no way I'm going to steal this food now. So I slide my hand up and place the money on the counter top and wait for the right time to move. It's not long before the security guard sees the fridge room open and goes in. This is my time to escape.
I jump up from were I'm sitting and dash for the door. I'm clumsy as I do so and I dropped one of the many cans in my arms. It begins to roll on the floor and the guard's muffled voice from the frosty room starts yelling.
"Hey! Who's out there?!"
Man, can't I catch a break? I think to myself and continue to run. I leave the can there, I had no time to pick it up. so I didn't bother.
I quickly run out of the kitchen, back into the restaurant. I can feel the guard hot on my tail, even though in the dim light of the moon, he wouldn't be able to see me very well. I squint my eyes to see the path ahead of me. It looks like I'm home free to the door. But to make sure, I reach into my belt once again and grab the egg.
I ram my should into the door and they flew open. While I'm still in the air from my jump, I turn around and face the guard that's taken aback in shock. I give him a sly smile before I throw my smoke bomb on the ground and a cloud of purple smoke explodes from the egg shell. And just like that, I'm gone. The last thing I see before disappearing in the security guard's shocked face.
I slump against the storage room's door and I let the food I collect fall and scatter against the floor. I can feel exhaustion weighing down on my eyes and I rub my temples in attempt to stop the on coming head ache. I wipe my eyes with the heal of my hand and try to wipe the tiredness away. I should be storing away the food I bought, but I just don't have the energy. I couldn't help it when I shut my eyes and drifted off into sleep.
I found myself standing in darkness. Nothing but a black rooms with walls that seem to go on for an eternity. Instantly I know I'm dreaming, and I know what's coming. The air around me gets chilled and a shiver runs down my spine. I don't know why, but for some reason, before this voice I keep hearing is about to talk to me, it gets super cold. A sign I have come to recognize after many visits.
Hello Leonardo.
"H-hi." I managed to stutter out. I could feel every word coming out of my mouth getting caught in my throat. Every breath was slowly becoming a struggle for me. I tried not to let myself shake out of fear, a talent I had managed to develop. I don't like showing fear, especially not in front of my brothers. My family. Splinter always told me that fear is not a weakness. I don't see his point. In my eyes, fear is my weakness.
Nervous much?
I let out a nervous laugh, shrugging my shoulders slightly. This wasn't the first time I spoke with this voice inside a dream, but I never got use to it.
Would you prefer to talk to a guy? The voice paused then deepened it's voice. I don't know how, but it seems to be able to alter between a girl's and a guy's voice. Is this better? Now the voice was deep and crackly. Like the voice you hear in a horror movie echoing in the background, laughing slowly and taunting the traumatize people.
I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump of fear in the back of my throat. Then I spoke, "W-what do you want?"
Nothing, just too...chat. The voice inside my head replied, still using a man's voice.
"Chat." I laughed at the thought. This voice never wanted to just 'chat'. That I know for sure. He...or she...always wants something. Whenever it's for you to do something or just to mess with your head. It never comes just to chat. Never.
What? Can't I come just to talk? To catch up with my friend Leo.
"No, and I am not your friend." I spat back rather bitterly. It's because of this voice that I left. It's because of this voice that I couldn't control my anger. It's because of this voice that I can't get over Karai. Normal Leo could have, I can push back and forget any emotion. But this voice kept reminding me, taunting me. It's because of this voice, that I had to leave my family behind.
I let out a sigh. My family. I miss them so much. I don't need the voice to remind me of how much I care about my family. I don't need this voice at all.
What's wrong Leo? Now back to the girl's voice, it teased me. Already knowing what's wrong, but pretending to be clueless, What ya thinking about?
"None of your concern." I replied through gritted teeth and clenched fist.
Thinking about your brothers? How you left them?
And just like that, she read my thoughts. Like always, this voice knows me better then I know myself.
"It's your fault..." I began but it interrupted me.
My fault? Sure, blame it on me. Just like you always do, never taking responsibility.
"What are you talking about?!" I nearly shouted, throwing my hands up then letting them drop to my sides, "I always take responsibility, I always stick up for my brothers when they did something wrong. I always got the blame! I made sure I did!"
And why is that? I could almost see the none existent figure grinning with evil pleasure.
"So they wouldn't get spanked by Sensei. I didn't want to see that. So I was there for them when the needed me." I replied with my head raised, showing that I had some confidence left.
So you're always there for your brothers? That's a lie.
I cocked an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"
What about Donnie? You weren't there for him.
"I'm always there for Donnie, and Raph and Mikey!" I countered, anger growing inside me.
What about when April left? And Donnie locked himself in his lab for months. Where were you for that? You didn't get him out.
"B-but I tried." I cut in before the female voice continued.
It was Mikey who ended up getting Donnie out. Not you. You just stood by, saying he needed his space. You didn't force your way in and comfort your brother. You did nothing!
Hot tears began to form in my eyes. This isn't true. I know I was there for Donnie. I had to be! I clenched my fist tighter, my knuckles turning white. The anger bubbling inside my stomach burned, ready to come out at any second.
Then there's that time he lost his memory. What did you do then? Aren't you the one who let him go out in the first place? Then he got tortured, beaten to near death. And what did you do? You just stood by and let Taylor take care of it. You let the girl take care of your brother. Once again you did nothing!
The words stung in my ears and I let myself sink to my knees. I gripped my head with my hands, trying to block out the voice. But it rang in my ears and echoed around me just as loud and clear as ever.
"S-shut up!" I shouted at it. I kept denying what she said. I was there for Donnie, this isn't true. It can't be. I can't fail as a leader, not more then I already have.
And when your other brothers were suffering through the wait, the wait for your precious brother to wake up, what did you do? Comfort them? No? Suffer in silence with them? No, not even that. You fought. Every chance you got, you would pick up a fight with Raph. Yell at him, and scare your youngest brother. You weren't there for them either.
"That's...that's not true!" I denied once again what she was saying. Now I felt my hot tears run slowly down my face, dripping onto the pitch black floor.
And when Donatello woke up. You never went to visit him for what? How many weeks? Months? You let him suffer through this alone, just because you were scared. Scared of what, Leonardo? Scared of what your brother looked like? Of all his scars and bruises? Broken bones, never to be healed. And why were you scared of those things? Because they were reminders? Reminders of that is was your fault.
"No!" I cried desperately and shut my eyes tightly, "Stop! Just...stop talking! It wasn't my fault! It wasn't!" Now I was full on sobbing. This voice just proved my point. Fear is weakness.
Poor Leonardo. The great fearless leader can't handle truth. What about heart break? I know you know how it feels to get your heart broken. The fact that you can't have Karai drives you crazy, doesn't it?
"Get...out...of my...head!" I screamed, taking in sharp breaths.
Donnie has had his heart broken, twice. We already know that you didn't comfort him for one. What about the other? When Taylor broke his heart? Where were you? You weren't by his side, that's for sure. You weren't there to stop all of this. You weren't there for him. Instead you begged and pleaded for Taylor to go in after him. The girl who broke his heart was suppose to comfort Donnie. I thought he was your brother.
I gripped my head tighter, not responding to a single word the voice had just said. I wanted to curl up in a little ball and just give up right here. I knew I couldn't take this much longer, I had to wake up.
You can't hide from the truth, Leo. The voice spat out my name like it was just lowly dirt beneath her feet. Your brothers don't need you. You made the right choice by running away, like the little coward you are. That's your problem, when things get tough, you never pull through.
"How?!" I looked up and shouted and the endless black sky, "How do you know all of this?! I never told you anything about my brothers, about Taylor, about my family!"
Haven't I told you? I can see everything, be anywhere I want to. I can read your thoughts, feel what you feel, I know anything you know. I'm in the air you breath, the ground you walk on, and in the sea you swim in. I'm everywhere if I wanted to be. Like I said, you can't escape me.
My heart sank as I felt the last piece break. Will I never get rid of this voice inside my head? Will I never be sane again? When did this thing take my sanity. Right now, it feels like I'll never get it back. My entire world shatters around me. As of now, I have no hope left.
Hey guys! It's been a little while since I updated, this chapter took a while to edit. Anyway, it's here now! I hope you enjoyed it and please review! Thanks! ^J^
