Chapter 12

I can still picture her, hear her sweet voice inside my head, see those shining golden eyes and her sly smile. I can see her lean body figure, every line, every curve of her perfection. I know I love her. I can feel it in my chest. Every time I think about her, my heart speeds up in my chest. It pounds painfully inside me and my throat seems to close. Air escapes from my lungs and leaves me breathless every time she would look my way. I can never stop thinking about her. And being couch ridden for a week now, I have had plenty of time to think. I know it's wrong and I know I shouldn't, but I love her. Karai.

I sigh as my head starts to throb and my heart starts to ache. I can never think straight anymore. But that's pretty much all I can do, is think. I can't walk by myself, I can't make meals by myself, I can't do anything. I feel useless, I probably look useless, I am useless.

"What ya thinking?" The familiar, faceless, voice calls out. For a week now, I've been living with Nicole. She's been kind and caring to me, making sure I'm content and comfortable. And I can't complain, I am. She's been more then nice to me. And frankly, she is one of the few people who can get my mind off things. We've only known each other for a stop amount of time, but I feel rather close to her. Guess when you live with the person, it takes less time to get comfortable.

"Nothing..." I sigh, ridding my head of any thoughts I was pondering on before. Nicole let out a small huff. I could tell she wasn't happy with my response, but she never pushed me further.

"Well, it's her mutation day or something right?" She asked and waited for my confirmation.

I have a nod of my head, "Yeah...why?"

"I just thought we'd do something special." I could almost picture her shrug. I can't describe what I see when I imagine Nicole. I can see her, but yet I can't. I can't put a face to her body. I can't see every curse in her figure, I don't know her eye colour, or her hair, or her smile. Nicole is just...Nicole. She's the girl I wish to know what she looks like, but I don't. I guess it's my own fault thought. I never asked.

"That sounds nice." I put on a smile, "but what?"

"Whatever you want to do." Nicole reassures me, "We can start with breakfast. What do you want to eat?"

I think about this for a moment. Over the past week Nicole has made me so many different meals that it was hard to pick just one. I never had a favourite, they were all good. Much better then anything I ever tasted. Even better then Mikey's cooking.

I feel my heart tighten as a twinge of sadness hits me by surprise. Though I should have seen it coming. Every time I think of home, I get sad, home sick. I miss my brothers, my Sensei, everyone. I've been gone for a month now, maybe more. And I didn't even make it to Japan yet. I don't know if I ever will.

I sigh and realized that I haven't answered Nicole's question yet. It was the simplest of questions yet led to a complex thought process. But none the less, thinking about home did give me an idea. If I'm getting home sick, I might as well try to cure it.

"How much trouble would pancakes be?" I wonder, remembering the pancake breakfast Taylor all made for us. I can still pick the huge pile of pancakes that was gone withing minutes, all the fruit separated into different bowl, layed across the table. I remember the warm fluffy feeling inside my mouth as the pancake melted. I remember the smile on my brothers faces, and the smile on Taylor's knowing that she had cooked them right. That was our first time trying pancakes, and we've made them many times after that.

"No trouble at all!" Nicole almost laughed as she spoke. Her movements shifted and I could tell she got off the couch. The small thunks of foot on wood could be heard as she made her way to the kitchen. I took a moment to imagine it.

That's what I do for most of the days now, just sit here and imagine different things with different scenarios. Everything I see now is kinda like a white light. My vision is a black canvass with painted white lines, outlining everything. That's what I see now. Just black and white. Nothing more, nothing less. I must admit, I kinda miss colour. For some reason, I can't seem to picture it.

I miss looking up at the sky, seeing the pattern of clouds and trying to make pictures out of them. I miss squinting my eyes against the sun as I accidentally look straight at it. I miss enlighten black sky of New York with street lights decorating the scene. I want to see the moon, I want to see the starts. I never thought a big glowing rock and sparkling dots in the sky would be fascinating, but I've never seen them before. And now that I can't? I want to see them that much more.

"Hey Leo?" Nicole's voice interrupts the trance I'm in. I lean forward a little bit so I'm closer to the kitchen. It's just a habit I've developed over the days. Where ever the sound is coming from, I tend to lean in that direction.

"Yeah?" I call back, confirming that I heard her.

"What kind of pancakes do you want?" She asks a question that I don't know the answer too. What does she mean 'what kind of pancakes?' I've only ever had the one kind. There's more?

"Um...uh...I-" I'm at a lost for words, trying to come up with an answer but it just comes out as mumbles and mutters. I don't want to say something stupid, or seem clueless. But it's kinda hard to hide it, when you really have no idea.

Nicole walks out of the kitchen and leans against the doorway, that's what I picture at least. Her voice seems closer and footsteps had echoed quietly through the hall. She's in the living room and Toby is right by her feet.

"What kind of pancakes would you like?" She repeats her question from earlier, rewording it a little bit.

"Umm..." No words come to mind, so I'm at a stand still on what to say.

"You have had pancakes before right?"

"Yes." I answer, sounding a little too harsh then intended.

"What kind were they?"Nicole continues, unharmed by my previous words.

"Just...normal, I guess." It was true, I actually guess what kind they were. Is 'normal' a kind of pancake? I can feel my cheeks start to get a red tint in them as my embarrassment starts to grow. I pray that Nicole can't see it. Though her giggle isn't reassuring me.

"You mean plain?" Nicole corrects me and a smile spreads across my face. It's a shy smile, one where I want to shrink down in my seat and disappear for a few moments. Or at least hit an undo button.

"Well do you want plain pancakes or something else. I could make chocolate chip." Nicole offers and I feel myself brighten up.

"That sounds amazing!" My mouth waters at just the thought of it.

Nicole laughs, "I'll get right on it." And heads back into the kitchen to make breakfast.

"That was amazing." I compliment Nicole and give her a warm smile. The taste of warm fluffy, chocolaty pancakes still lingered and tickled my tongue. The scent filled my nose and I'd be more then glad if I could just sit here and feel like this forever.

"Thanks Leo." Nicole replies, and I can almost hear the smile on her face. The relief, the gratitude, just the overall joy that she succeed in making yet another delicious meal. Not that there was ever any doubt, "So, since this is your day, we can do whatever you want."

"Don't you have work today?" I wondered, it seems like Nicole has been home a lot lately. Not that I mind, it just has me wondering. This isn't your home, Leo. I keep reminding myself of this thought. I often catch myself referring to this place as home, but it's not.

"No, I have the day off. Though I do go back to school tomorrow." She informs me, shifting in her seat on the couch. By the way she moved, I could tell Nicole's sitting crossed leg. And I can hear the pants of Toby who is probably by the foot of the couch, or under the table.

"Oh..." I curse myself for not thinking of something more clever to say. I know what I want to do, I know what Nicole had promised me. But I'm to scared to speak up, to say it, ask if we can.

"Leo? You want to take off your bandages, don't you?" Nicole must of read my mind, but either way, I nodded my head, "Alright." She agreed and scooted closer to me, I felt my heart lurch in my chest. This is it, I will finally be able to see if I'm ready. If I'm all better. If I'm ready to leave, to go to Japan and say goodbye to Nicole. To see. That's it. That's all I want. I just want to see.

"Thanks." The word slip out of my mouth in a breath. I didn't mean to say it, but I did. We didn't even start, but I was thanking her already. But for what? A simple answer would be, for everything. But there's more. There's always more.

"I guess we should get started." Nicole's breath shook, she's nervous. And so am I, "Now...I should warn you, I'm not doctor." Nicole laughed a pitiful laugh before continuing, "So...if something is wrong, I'm really sorry." Her voice breaks.

I set a hand on her knees and smile, "Everything is fine." I tried to reassure her, even though I'm not that sure in the first place. My nerves are wrack and my stomach should flip at any moment. I don't know if it's fear or excitement. But I don't want to wait any longer.

"Let's get started." Nicole says more confidently this time, "I'll start with your ankle." And with that, she starts. I feel her small hands start to unwrap the bandages. Her touch is soft and gentle. Her feminine hands gracefully unwrapping it like a Christmas gift. Careful not to tear the wrapping paper. Her touch makes my heart beat speed up. And for a short moment, I feel a little less homesick, and little less sad, and a little less lonely.

Cool air hits my ankle and sends a shiver through my body. Though I hide it the best I can. Nicole breaths a sigh of relief and I eagerly ask,

"How does it look?"

"It looks...great." She speaks with happiness, bringing a smile to my own face.

I could ponder on her statement more, wondering what she means. Is she simply happy that I'm getting better? Or does she want me to leave? Am I a burden to her? I shake the thoughts away from my head, I'm beginning to over think too many things.

"It's a little red, but that's probably just from lack of oxygen." I nod my head along with Nicole's statement. One more moment passes before she moves on to my arm. Unwrapping my upper bicep that had gotten torn. She says nothing.

"Is everything alright?" I wonder, fear creeping inside my voice. I want to break down, cry, and give in to all the fears and thoughts I ever had to push in the back of my mind, but like all the other times, I stay strong.

"Yeah...how does your arm feel?" Nicole answers my question with another one.

"A little sore." I tell her and move my arm, flinching as a quick pain shoots up and down, "Why? Is something wrong?"

"Nothings...wrong." Nicole emphasizes the word wrong as she speaks, "It's just...I guess it could have used some stitches. So it's not completely healed. It might take another week or two."

"Oh." I shrug, "That's fine."

"Well, you ready?" She asks, and I know exactly what she's talking about. I nod quickly, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible. So, Nicole starts. She unties the bandages around my head. Around my eyes. I can almost taste the sweet sunlight as I await for it to fill my vision. Excitement rises up inside me and a big goofy grin spread across my face. The moment is near, I'm so close, "Alright, done."

My heart sinks. Disappointment, confusion and fear hits me like a brick. Something is wrong.

"Leo?" Nicole's voice calls out to me as I start to panic. My breaths speed up and so does my hear rate.

"N-Nicole." My voice and my bodily begin to shake uncontrollably, "I-I can't see."


Okay, I'll admit, I didn't proof read this chapter. The editor keeps crashing and driving me crazy. So I apologize for any spelling mistakes! Anyway, I hope you enjoy, favs/follows/and reviews are always appreciated! Thanks!