So, remember when I thought this was going to be a one-shot?...
I lied. Have a continuation of Theron-fluff to tide you lot over until Chapter 10 of KOTFE goes live in January. XD
If I owned Star Wars, do you really think I'd be writing fanfiction?
It's not fair. It's the thought most frequently in Theron's mind whenever he thought about her, and the situation they're in. Jedi are expected to be constantly ready for action, and he was already more used to seeing her battle-ready than relaxed, but that did nothing to stop his worry for her. This was more strain than even a Jedi trains to cope with.
It's not enough being the leader of a rebellious alliance determined to take down Zakuul or die trying, and all the work that goes along with that. When people have questions, they forget Lana and Theron between them can answer most inquiries themselves, they go straight to her. When a fight broke out on Odessen (not often, thankfully), she was usually the one resolving it. Status checks and training drills for the troops mustering? She's overseeing it with one of her specialist leaders. Recruitment or supply acquisition? Somehow that's become one of her jobs too.
She kept a smile (or at least a neutral, calm expression) on her face around everyone else, and most people seem to be fooled by her act that everything is going to be okay. But for the ones who saw her the closest, they could see the lines under her eyes, or the grey appearing in her red hair, or the constant tension in her shoulders.
Only one of those people ever saw her cry when the pressure became too much for even her to handle.
Theron had his own quarters in the Odessen base- all the alliance leaders did. But he spent more time in Xaja's rooms than he did his own, and to hell with what anyone else thought. He sometimes got a scolding look from Lana for not even bothering to be discreet by her standards, or sometimes an approving grin and a wink from Koth (followed by rolled eyes from Senya, and then yet another cold, awkward silence. But that was irrelevant.).
Honestly, he had planned on using his own rooms. But the first night he arrived on-planet, he'd walked her to her quarters near Hylo Visz's base of operations, and when he'd made to politely excuse himself so she could rest, she'd grabbed his hand and whispered that he didn't need to go. Theron hadn't needed any more of an invitation to stay... and considering the way they'd fallen into each other's arms the moment the door closed behind them, she'd missed him as much as he'd missed her.
Five years, he decided as the two gradually stumbled their way to her bed, clothing being divested as quickly as their fingers would allow and with enough passionate kisses to at least start making up for lost time, was definitely too long a parting. He silently vowed to himself that he'd never let her be taken away from him like that again.
Although there was something to be said for delayed gratification...
The privilege of being the one lucky son-of-a-Hutt (apologies to Dr. Oggurobb) who shared the alliance commander's bed came with a price tag. It was one that Theron willingly paid every night, knowing he'd sacrifice everything to make her life easier.
But he wished he could do more when the visions came at night to torment her. Valkorion still lived inside her head, and that was enough of a disturbing idea- and even between Lana, Senya, Sana-Re, and Xaja herself, a solution had not yet been found for how to rid her of the Emperor's spirit. Theron just tried to not think about that during their lovemaking.
Yet the pain Xaja endured every night didn't seem to be spawned by the unpredictable Emperor. Theron had always been a light sleeper, and it had never taken much to wake him up in the dead of night... and her shaking with silent tears or her whispered pleas for help or mercy definitely qualify.
Theron was never sure what Xaja's nightmares consisted of... she didn't like talking about them, nor did she drop many hints during the dreams themselves. He could sometimes hear names mumbled from her lips... Her old Padawan, her best friend from the Order, her old crew, her family. Not having the ability to give her closure in waking moments about her loved ones frustrated Theron immensely, almost as much as his inability to ease her fears when Arcann visited her dreams. Those ones he always recognized... Few things had ever made her wake up screaming, and those times she would tell him what she'd seen in her nightmares while he tried to console her. It's one thing to mindlessly say 'he can't hurt you anymore' and another to have solid evidence of that fact, and they both knew it.
He'd never been a good comforter, and didn't know what to do when the woman he loved let her tears fall in her sleep or cried out in fear from a vision only she could see. All he could do was snuggle her tighter to his chest when she inadvertently woke him up and try to soothe her fears with gentle touches, light kisses, and murmured comforting-sounding nonsense. He lied when she'd ask if he'd slept well in the morning and did his best to assure her he'd slept like a baby, and then kiss her to try and distract her from the bags forming under his own eyes. Most of the time it worked.
There has to be another way to help you... He silently pondered as he watched her get dressed in the mornings, always quietly savouring the privilege he had of being the only person she let get this close to her. He still had his contacts looking for her crew and friends and surviving kin, but he wished he could do something to relieve the nightmares of Arcann.
Lana had asked him once why he insisted on always spending the nights with Xaja and not returning to his own rooms. Then she heard one nightmare (this time on a shuttle to Zakuul's Old World when Theron wasn't there) and never questioned it again. Xaja didn't trust many people, especially not on such a deep and intimate level, and Theron knew he was being entrusted with something incredibly delicate. It felt nice to be the one whom the fearless leader could show her fears to, even if he was as helpless as her to do anything about them.
He tried to keep as many burdens off her back as he could, knowing she was already tasking herself with finding recruits and helping to train the ones already found, or otherwise trying to boost morale. But when she walked in on him and Miot discussing a rebellion base destroyed by a Star Fortress, the base and most of the planetary population around it, she immediately added 'destruction of all such available fortresses' to her own personal list of things to accomplish, and nothing Theron said could convince her to leave it in his capable hands.
He didn't like admitting that she was right when she insisted she was the only one who could infiltrate one of the fortresses and live to tell the tale. And she did her best to brush off his concerns about her greying face and weary eyes, even when Lana and Senya both agreed with him. "It needs to be done!", she'd insisted, and that decided that. At least Hylo's newest recruit, Nico Okarr (who had an irritating fondness of flirting with every pretty female in the base, including Xaja, and gloating about the time when he'd "saved Theron's mom") had volunteered to come along for these adventures. Theron didn't quite like the guy, but after their first go at an infiltration (with Miot manning the shuttle, Theron remotely slicing from the shuttle to the fortress itself, and Xaja and Nico causing mayhem inside), he had to grudgingly admit that the older man was very, very good at what he did.
And he really didn't like admitting that Nico was probably the only reason Xaja survived a couple of those runs. On their second infiltration to the Alderaan Star Fortress, she got knocked off a ledge and knocked out, and Theron couldn't breathe until she resurfaced on his screens in the detention block. It was a joint effort from her and Nico to break out and continue their mission, and Theron stayed on edge and irritable (Miot understood) until the two came running to the rendezvous point, the station exploding around them. The moment Theron had both of them inside the shuttle, he'd grabbed Xaja and soundly kissed her, ignoring Nico's whistles and Miot coughing pointedly. "I thought I lost you," he'd finally murmured when they came apart.
Xaja blushed dark red and ducked her head, embarrassed by the unexpected display of affection. "It'll take more than that to kill me, Theron," she said, but she couldn't quite disregard the bruises on her arms and face, or the red mark on her neck from the collar she'd worn in the prison cell. And it spoke volumes to Theron when she didn't protest him fetching the medkit and handing her painkillers.
The two runs after that went relatively smoothly, even with the added hassles in trying to scrounge up enough resources on the planets to aid their rebellion movements (and Theron insisted on accompanying her for those runs, because it's another thing she wouldn't simply leave to him and Lana to pull off, skilled though she knew they were), but then Belsavis went from 'ordinary hazards' to 'the only way this could be worse would be if Vaylin was here'. Xaja wound up getting knocked out and caught twice, Nico breaking her out both times... then Nico got on the bad side of a Paladin and only a cache provided by Dr. Oggurobb saved his life... and then the Exarch hadn't gone down without a massive fight, and the end result was Xaja and Nico practically half-carrying each other to the shuttle, Nico desperately shooting at the vengeful Skytroopers closing in on them. Theron and Miot had to open fire in the docking area to buy time for the escape, and the agent was never sure how both the Jedi and the older smuggler made it aboard without getting hit in the crossfire. The station imploded just as the team fled, Miot's exemplar piloting skills the only cause for their survival.
Nico had immediately sagged into a seat and muttered something about needing a very stiff drink, although he accepted the kolto pack and painkillers Theron handed him. Xaja had a bleeding wound in her leg from shrapnel, a mild concussion, and if the pain she indicated at when she took a breath was any indication, numerous cracked and broken ribs. Theron sighed as he set to caring for her wounds as best he could, knowing she'd likely have to spend time with Lana or Sana-Re for deeper healing. "There needs to be a better option for this..." he muttered, pausing over her bruised and slightly-swollen shoulder for a moment. How hard did the Exarch throw her around during that fight?!
Xaja just leaned into his gentle touch and tried to keep her groans of pain minimal, probably trying to not worry him further. "What other option? Who else can do this?"
Theron hated that she was right. But looking into her eyes, dulled with pain and weariness, and seeing the new fine lines of grey in her hair, he knew she hated that she was right too. He frowned in worry and gently kissed her hair (and it said something that Nico was too out of it to so much as smirk) before setting back to caring for her wounds. You need a lucky break soon, love. Something has to go right for you sooner or later...
An idea began to take root in his mind. It probably wouldn't do much to defeat Zakuul itself, but it might at least set her mind and heart at ease. If he could lessen her worries, so much the better...
