SoI Chapter 4: A Requiem for Ingredients
A/N: At the moment we are about 5 episodes into the Shadow of Israphel.
As of 1/2/2016 this chapter has been has been edited for all sorts of grammatical errors.
As daylight dawned upon Mistral City and the surrounding woodland, two figures, loaded with packs; one light and the other extremely bulky emerged from the woods to the gates. Xephos and his companion and neighbor, Martin had been traveling for nearly two days to reach the fabled city and they were there at long last!
"Hello! Who goes there?" a rough voice called out from behind the gate, it was a guard.
"Two travelers, we have been through a long journey and seek refuge at Mistral City." Martin said speaking for the pair. The guard looked at the two of them incredulously.
"At this hour?"
"We got lost. The road was treacherous and dark." Xephos explained. And that's the half of it either…he thought.
The guard nodded in understanding. "Aye, you're right about one thing spaceman, it tis dark. Very well, I don't know how you two got that lost such a short trip… Crowley!" the guard yelled out an order and seconds later the gates began to creak open.
"You don't know? Why don't you try navigating that bloody road sometime?" Martin scowled. Fortunately the guard appeared to have not heard this callous remark.
"Thanks!" Xephos called.
The two walked through the gates as the city interior appeared before their eyes. The road from the exterior was largely of clay and dirt and disappeared into the messy interior of Mistral. As they journeyed further into the city the seedy shops and the ragged peoples near the walls began to dissipate and the buildings and denizens took on a far less impoverished look.
Martin gestured grandly at the surrounding city, "Welcome to Mistral City hero!"
There were shops all over the place, some of which had billboards for advertisements for everything from gout to shady escort services. One of the billboards in particular sported a huge picture of a hand-drawn cat with the subheading
Miss Miggles has lost her cat. REWARD OFFERED
Xephos looked around and wondered how on earth they would find the other three companions amongst the throng crowding the streets of Mistral and the marketplace where they were. There were twenty people all enduring various states of poverty, crowded around a jewelry shop but they were kept back as Martin noticed by a immense bearded guard with a wicked looking stick. As the companions walked further through the main road of the city Xephos began to fully appreciate the power and population of the city. Mistral was indeed as Martin as said, a massive metropolis and the epicenter of trade for most of this side of the world.
Martin gestured to a dirty looking building with a bowed in roof, "There's Bode the Barman's pub. And that's dear Granny Bacon's bakery' across the street. Bless her, wonderful woman." Martin continued and at one point he pointed out a grand looking stone building with a giant golden apple engraved in the entryway, "And that, is the Church of the Holy Apple. Named for St. Aubrey Appleton who hosted the first Mistral City Veggie Fest, it's held every year."
Veggie Fest? Xephos made a mental note to take a look at the church after he was healed and they re-united with the rest of the fellowship. Pausing in the middle of the crowd the Xephos glanced up at the sky, which was crowded with blimps and airships some many times the size of the Celeno. Xephos wondered briefly if the other companions were up there but he discarded the thought as Lysander's ship had been blown up earlier and there wouldn't be any reason for them to be on a different one yet. Sky bridges connected each building to the other and near the far end on a particularly long land bridge was a cone shaper tower, which at this moment was emitting an odd reddish glow from its lower windows.
"What tower is that?" Xephos asked pointing upwards to the glowing structure. Martin casually looked at the odd shaped sky-building.
"Oh, that's probably Fumblemore's…" Martin started before a loud explosion ripped through the air drowning out him at once. The two and the surrounding crowd gazed up at the sky for several moments, but when nothing shattered or further exploded the daily chatter resumed in square. The tower was mostly intact save for a few chunks, while the sky-bridge connecting to it was blown to bits and wood chips littered the roofs of several nearby houses. Xephos watched as a man with a long white beard in dark robes appeared, glanced briefly at what he had done and disappeared back inside the tower.
Martin stared at the scene for a moment before turning back to Xephos, "Okay that is definitely Fumblemore's tower."
"Did he just try to blow up his own tower?" Xephos asked in disbelief.
"Yep. He's been trying for ages." Martin said.
"Oh, um alright then." Xephos laughed "And you're taking me to him?"
"Yeah."
Xephos looked at him skeptically, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"Yeeah. Trust me hero, I'd like to take you anywhere else but Fumblemore's the only one who knows a decent bit of magic in this place. It's just such a pity that he's completely senile."
"So he's a crazy wizard. That's just great!"
"Oh yeah. A little crazy. Okay, maybe more than a little." Martin said alluding to the previous explosion. "As you've probably noticed."
Xephos sighed, "I can see that. He's not going to blow me up too is he? He seems a bit dangerous."
"Nah, except one time he transformed the city baker into a chicken…and don't worry about him, I hear the baker lives on a nice farm now. No, normally Fumblemore's usually not a danger to anyone but himself."
"Thanks! That's uh really comforting." Xephos said looking back at the damaged tower.
"Even so, he'll be able to help you out, with simple matters he's skilled enough from what I hear." Martin trailed off. "But when it comes to blowing up random objects Fumblemore is definitely your man."
"Okay let me get this straight," Xephos said "the person who's healing my cut is the same guy that just TNT'ed his own place."
"For the third time, yes." Martin replied.
"Flawless. Alright, how do we get up to his tower?" Xephos asked as he did not see a ladder or anything to reach the myriad sky-city above them.
"Oh yeah that'd be through the SkyTower, it's a couple streets north and then a little ways from there. See?" Martin gestured towards the center of the city several towers, one with several winding bridges leading to the sky-city. Lysander and the others were probably already there, if that's where the Skylords live, Xephos thought. Xephos checked the bloodstained woolen bandage on his right arm; it was bleeding much to his chagrin. He scowled and covered it again with Lysander's traveling cloak.
"How soon can we reach Fumblemore? I really don't want to be bleeding for much longer."
"If you did I'd think you were as crazy as Fumblemore." Martin jeered, "We can reach the Sky-Tower fairly soon by my measure. Anyways, its rotten luck that your Skylord friend isn't here your passage would have been easy enough. The Sky-Tower will be guarded at many points you know to keep out the 'rabble' – like myself - so if we hurry we might be able to sneak up unnoticed." Xephos looked at him quizzically,
"Okay but what do we need to sneak in there for?"
"Because the guards won't let anyone in who isn't a public official or a Skylord and we are neither of those things." Martin explained "Anyway we've got to get a move on otherwise we'll never get there!" and with a little jingle of his wares as he started off through the bustling crowd for the massive cobblestone Sky-Tower ahead. Xephos sighed in irritation and in Martin's wake taking great care to bump into as few passerby's as possible as to avoid a scene in the busy square.
The crowd proved to be increasingly difficult to navigate alone as Xephos had never been in a city before and he frequently fell far behind Martin. Nevertheless, he was able to control his sense of direction by the unmistakable sight of Martin's immense pack bobbing up and down among the crowd. While stopping to glance over the crowd for a sign of Martin Xephos narrowly avoided bumping into a small hook-nosed man who was carrying several books. The man cursed stumbled and angrily almost dropping the books as he jostled with the crowd,
"Watch where you're goin' you damned fool!"
"Sorry!" Xephos apologized but the harried little man had already disappeared into the crowd at this point. He sighed and carried on glancing briefly but more carefully for any sign of his urban companion. It was some time before the spaceman spotted Martin's large pack bobbing up in the crowd a whole street away! Xephos swore silently, I'm not used to city life at all he thought, more of the country type really. Quickly he jostled and pushed his way through the crowd ignoring the cries of protest and curses that followed him in an effort to catch up with his companion.
Is it always this busy? Xephos wondered for the thousandth time, but mercifully the crowd soon began to thin as they neared the massive towers by the grove in the center of the city. At this point Xephos had caught up with Martin as he pushed himself through a small group of unappreciative well-dressed citizens.
"Hey long time no see hero, I'd wondered where you'd gone off too." Martin smiled cheerfully.
"Why are there so many people here?" Xephos asked as he paused to catch his breath.
"It's market day."
"Market day? Really? What day is it anyway?"
"Thursday." Martin answered.
"Oh no…" Xephos groaned when does anything good ever happen on a Thursday?
"What's up? Did you forget something? Believe me if you left it back in the crowd it's already gone mate." Martin said.
"No, I just I don't like Thursdays very much."
"Yeah they're a rotten day aren't they?" Martin agreed, "I wake up thinking it's a Friday and almost the weekend but no, there's still one more stupid day to go!"
Luckily, the crowd had thinned out enough for him and Martin to reach the edge of the marketplace and the main villages and roads of the city. At long last the two reached the grove of oak trees nearest to the SkyTower and the center of the city. The SkyTower was an immense cobblestone building which gave an impression of power and grandness. It made the spaceman feel tiny just to look upon the place, as it was taller than any of the trees near the old cave. The area around the SkyTower was cleaner than the dusty and sometimes absolutely filthy areas of outer Mistral as trimmed flowers bloomed in garden beds which encircled the perimeter of the tower walls.
"It's massive!" Xephos exclaimed.
"Aye hero it was built by some legendary architect four or five hundred years ago but that's not really important anyways." Martin explained as the two drew near to the SkyTower. "Quick, take my cloak and pull it over your bandage, before the high society types, let alone the guard see you." Xephos shot him a quizzical look.
"The guards are very intrusive you know. Although, on second thoughts… that might not be such a good idea." Martin said looking distastefully at the brown cloak he was about to give to him. "Besides you've already got one don't you?"
Xephos gave a tug at Lysander's traveling cloak "Yeah, I'll hang on to this one thanks."
The two soon came upon the tower's front entrance; it was low and thick, a single guard in a blue and green tunic stood to one side of the gate, he had a scabbard with an iron blade by his side.
"Who approaches the SkyTower?" the guard barked.
"Friends of Skylord Lysander!"
"And why, pray tell, would a noble Skylord be associated with…travelers like yourselves?" the guard sneered standing in front of the door.
"He is my friend and companion!" Xephos explained.
The guard snorted at this, "A likely story."
"Look, that's not the point, we wish to speak with Fumblemore, we need his help!" Xephos said.
"You need Fumblemore's help?"
"Yeah!"
"Sorry. I can't let you in. The rules specifically state that no one who is not a public official, a Skylord, or a member of Mayor Underhill's Guards may enter the Sky-Tower without special appointment-"
"Yes we know the stupid rules." Martin rolled his eyes, "What we're trying to tell you is that we have an appointment with Fumblemore! That good enough for you?"
"You do?" The guard asked, eyes narrowing.
"We really do need his help. Seriously!" Xephos reiterated.
"Really? Are you sure about that?"
"Yes. We only wish to meet with him as I'm hurt and I need healing!" Xephos exclaimed, pulling up Lysander's cloak showing the guard his bloodstained sleeve.
The guard glanced at Xephos and gave a slight nod, "Alright, if you're in a hurry to get blown up… but you'll have to leave your weapons at the gate. Oh and I'll need to see a visitors certificate." he said eyeing Xephos' carefully wrapped diamond blade. A visitor's certificate? Xephos wondered. Where can we get one of those?
At this moment Martin dropped his pack and stepped forward his hand on his sword handle, the guard held his place and gazed at him expectantly. "Yeah about that… it's not gonna happen."
"Oh really?" the guard growled and reached for his sword "Then I'll have to-" before he could finish speaking Martin smashed his fist into the man's temple. The guard was down before he had a chance to fully grasp the pommel of his sword.
"What a jerk." Martin sneered as he dropped his pack and began to pull the guard behind a nearby tree.
Xephos laughed, "He did seem a little bit touchy didn't he?"
"He's always like that." Martin replied once he had sufficiently hid the unconscious guard from sight. "Anyway we were fortunate the gate is shaded from passerby's or we'd already be before Mayor Underhill explaining ourselves."
Martin threw off his enormous pack and took a moment to stuff the dirty cloak in it.
"Shouldn't we leave extra items from our packs? If it's a long way to the top we'll take forever, or at least you will." Xephos suggested, "They are pretty heavy, especially yours."
"Yeah don't remind me." Martin grimaced, "You have a good point though. We can leave them in a storage closet, near the entrance no one goes there as far as I know. Just don't leave anything personal, you wouldn't want any of that to fall into the wrong hands right?"
"I've just got loads of crap and stuff in here for the most part." Xephos said glad to be temporarily relieved of some of his ridiculous load. Once they had taken the key from the unconscious guard, the pair entered the SkyTower and dumped their rubbish in a storage closet and continued inside. After making their way up the winding stairwell, the pair finally reached the top of the tower and briefly paused to catch their breath.
"What do you think hero? Pretty nice view huh?" Martin smiled.
Xephos could not have agreed more, the sky was his home in a sense and the upper city of Mistral was no exception to it.
"Yeah you can see everything from up here" he said in an awed voice. In fact, in the far distance, Xephos could see the distant outline of the sea, the appearance of which caused a brief but powerful sense of nostalgia of the Yogcave and what life had once been. To the right, Xephos could see the lighthouse tower, and as he peered further down the bridge he glimpsed a very oddly shaped and familiar tower.
"That's Fumblemore's tower isn't it?" Xephos gestured with his good arm at the strangely shaped tower.
Martin nodded, "Yep. The one and only."
"Alright… let's get this over with." Xephos sighed. It seemed that it was a good time to go as most of the bridges were clear of any guards or other obstacles.
"Yeah, so long as Fumblemore doesn't blow up the bridge again I think we can make it!" Martin agreed, and with that the two companions took off at a brisk pace for the wizard's tower.
…
"Dwarf I have signed two temporary Skylord licenses for you and your friend." Lysander said as he handed an official looking piece of paper with his signature scrawled at the bottom to Honeydew.
I, Skylord Wilhelm Lysander hereby grant Honeydew the Dwarf a temporary Skylord license for the duration of his stay at Mistral.
"Thanks. Sooo I'm a Dwarf Skylord now?"
Lysander nodded, "Indeed you are hero. You are now Honeydew the bold!"
Honeydew smiled and tucked the license in his pocket next to where he kept his pickaxe, "I was always Honeydew the bold Lysander. I was born bold!"
"I wouldn't doubt it hero. Nevertheless, it is important that you keep it close dwarf, as it is your passport to the upper city! Unfortunately what I'm doing is very illegal so please don't tell anyone about your license or the real reason for this!" Lysander explained, putting a special emphasis on anyone.
"Uh-huh. Because no one will suspect anything about a dwarf Skylord right?" Honeydew snorted. "I bet I don't look suspicious at all."
"You know what I mean hero." Lysander said dismissively.
"Yeah, yeah."
Currently the two companions were at a Sky-Tower checkpoint, which led all to Mistral's upper city.
"This is taking a bit longer than usual…" Lysander aired to no one in particular.
"Skylord Lysander?" a gruff voice asked from inside.
"Bob? Is that you Bob?"
"What! Lysander iz that 'o?"
"Yes, it's me Bob. Can we go in?" Lysander asked as a bearded and extremely tired face appeared from behind the door.
"Ah-bloody 'ell why the early call Skylord? And 'o are you?" Bob asked, staring at Honeydew.
At this inquiry Lysander made a grand gesture to Honeydew, "He is Jankle, a dwarven friend from Icaria." It took all of Honeydew's strength to suppress a snicker, Jankle? What a name!
"'E doesn't look like a Skylord to me, not wearin' the uniform is 'e? Never rightly seen a Dwarf Skylord b'fore..." Bob mused scratching his beard. "Have 'o got a license?"
Honeydew sighed and pulled out his license bearing Lysander's signature and showed it to him. Bob raised his eyebrows at this and stared at the license for a full minute.
"Well? Can we go in please?" Honeydew asked impatiently.
Bob nodded slowly in assent, "Burn me… a dwarf Skylord? Well jus' proves anythin' is possible eh? Ha! Ha, ha, ha! Aye, everything seems to be in o'der 'ere, yeh can go. Good to see yeh Skylords." the door swung open leading to the entrance of the Sky-Tower. Lysander led the way brusquely hurrying up the winding dark staircase leading to the top of Mistral, Honeydew trailed behind him, panting under the quick pace Lysander had set.
"Hurry hero!" Lysander called down to him as he reached the top of the landing; a few seconds later Honeydew joined him at the top, panting heavily.
"Are you well dwarf?" Lysander asked, finally taking notice of Honeydew's panting.
"I'm fine Lysander! Just give me a second!" Honeydew coughed and brushed a bit of spittle from his beard nonchalantly. "There we go! See? I'm… I'm fine! We dwarves are natural sprinters! Didn't you know that?"
Lysander smiled, "Of course you are. Ready for the off then? Or would you like me to wait for a little longer?"
"Yeah I need a minute. Just to collect my thoughts. Not that I'm tired or anything!" Honeydew muttered, "Whew…"
"You ought to appreciate the view hero; only the most privileged experience the top of Mistral." Lysander said pompously as he gazed out at the Skyline.
Honeydew rolled his eyes at this, "Yeah great. I can see the pretty sky. That makes me really privileged doesn't it?"
"Indeed you are." Lysander demurred.
Mistral's upper city was connected by floating bridges everywhere. Some led to mounted airships, one of which was called the Funship – which was Jasper's according to Lysander - and other bridges led to various buildings, including gigantic floating dirt pyramid with water floating out of it into the city pool, and a lighthouse.
"Are you ready to go on?" Lysander asked.
Honeydew glowered at him as if Lysander had challenged him to a race, "Of course I'm ready!" he said indignantly. "I've been waiting for you to stop going on about the scenery for the past five minutes!"
"It is wise to be mindful of your surroundings hero. Anyway, let us tarry no longer! The wizard awaits." Lysander said moving forward along the thin bridge towards where Fumblemore's tower was floating in the clouds. Honeydew reluctantly followed him, treading carefully along the bridge's side to avoid falling to his death. There's no bleepin' handrails! Damn it, why is it so dangerous? He thought nervously.
"Watch your step hero." Lysander cautioned as the clouds began to roll in. Thankfully the two had reached the bridge leading directly to the wizard tower, which seemed to have been more carefully developed with fence-posts mounted to either side of it.
"Of course I'm watching my step! Not that it would do a whole lot of good with no bloody safety precautions up here!" Honeydew yelled, doing his very best not to look beneath him. Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down…agh! I'm looking down! Honeydew thought, nearly panicking as he tore his head back upwards. You're okay…you didn't fall! Okay… okay... gods this doesn't feel safe at all!
"Dwarf? Hero!" Lysander's deep voice called, bringing him out of his coma.
"Y-yeah? What's going on Lysander? Something wrong?" Honeydew asked, as he rubbed the back of his neck casually. Nothing's gone wrong… you're safe and sound. Safe and sound. he reminded himself.
"We have to forge ahead Honeydew, and don't worry the bridges are perfectly stable!" Lysander said calmly before turning and continuing along to the end of the bridge.
"R-right- the bridges are stable, the bridges are stable – sure I can work with that…" Honeydew said, taking in a deep breath before continuing towards Lysander. "The bridges are stable…the bloody bridges are stable…Oh gods!" Honeydew yelled as an unseen cloudbank rammed him in the face like a great white fist causing the bridge to creak dangerously.
"NOPE! This isn't stable! Oh gods, oh gods, ohhh gods get me out of here!" Honeydew yelped as the bridge gave another lurch. "Shit! Lysander! Oooooh! THIS ISN'T SAFE AT ALL!"
The cloudbank obscured Honeydew's field of vision completely; it was as if there was no longer any world outside of the endless bank of white.
"Damn it!"Honeydew swore as he cautiously felt his way along the remainder of the bridge. After a few minutes the clouds evaporated and the sun shone fully on Honeydew's back. Lysander was standing right in front of him as the sun cleared Honeydew nearly bumped into him as he attempted to regain his senses.
"Oh thank gods it's you Lysander. I never thought I'd be glad to see you… oh gods and Jebus, t-that was horrible…" Honeydew stammered. Lysander, however, did not respond. "Um Lysander? Are you there?" he asked, reaching up and tapping him on the shoulder.
"FUMBLEMOOORE!" Lysander slammed his sword on the bridge.
Honeydew jumped back and raised his arms in a defensive posture. "Oi! I didn't do anything!"
Apparently Lysander had neither heard, nor noticed Honeydew's presence yet as he continued with his tirade, "YOU DAMNED FOOL!" he bellowed.
"Uh…" Honeydew started, before he realized what Lysander was angered about. Sometime before they had arrived the entirety of the bridge leading to Fumblemore's tower had been destroyed, leaving a thirty meter drop to the city below.
"He must have blown it up in one of his confounded experiments!" Lysander fumed. "That old fool. Well hero, can you fix it? I have few materials and we must get across before the clouds come back otherwise we may be waiting quite some time before it clears up." He said, gesturing to a very thick cloudbank that was steadily approaching their position on the bridge.
"Can I fix it? Come on Lysander is that a question? I'm a Dwarf! Of course I can fix it. Look, I've got some extra stone here, that should be easily enough to build a bridge to the other side." Honeydew replied as he reached into his pack and fetched a dozen stone bricks from inside.
"You carry that much stone with you?" Lysander asked doubtfully.
"I'm a Dwarf! This is what we do!" Honeydew exclaimed, "What did you think I was carrying? Twenty kilos of tissues or something?"
"Never mind I forgot myself hero. But please, hurry for we may never make it across lest this weather clears up." Lysander fretted.
Honeydew worked quickly, placing stone chunks carefully on where the rest of the bridge used to be. Mercifully, neither the stones nor Honeydew plummeted to the ground as the repaired bridge held, suspended by some invisible force in midair. Within fifteen minutes Honeydew had completed his task just as the first wisps of the cloud bank rolled in.
"Whew…" Honeydew panted, "All done!"
"Thank you hero!"
"Yeah no problem. But please never ask me to do that again."
"Of course hero. Of course." Lysander beamed as they crossed the surrogate bridge into the uninviting interior of Fumblemore's tower.
"Fumblemore?" Lysander called as they crossed into the entryway of the wizard tower.
"Old wizard?!" Honeydew yelled, but there was no response as his rough voice ricocheted around the tower's interior. The tower was very large and spacious, the wind whistled around outside the windows and around under the glass floor of it. The tower's interior seemed to be full of bookshelves on which were stacked many books of sorcery. Lysander and Honeydew were at the bottom of the tower near two staircases which lead upwards to different parts of the tower. The closest staircase led to the outside of the tower and the other went to the right into a cloudbank that was obscuring part of the tower interior.
"Fumblemore?"
Once again there was no response to their inquiry.
Lysander motioned to the nearest staircase, "He must be in his office…at the very top. Come along hero!"
…
"Hmm… I don't think we went quite the right way about this." Xephos said.
Currently he and Martin were standing in Fumblemore's vacant office. Fumblemore's office was medium sized and held many books, trinkets, cauldrons, and potions among other curiosities. The place also furnished a high glass ceiling and a deep blue and black carpet on the stone floor, like a proper wizard's office would in Xephos' opinion.
"No maybe we should have taken the over way around." Martin agreed.
The pair had been climbing around the tower for forty minutes trying to find Fumblemore, and although they hadn't found him the two had heard a lot of surreptitious noises that suggested his presence.
"Right, there was another staircase wasn't there?" Xephos recalled. "Do you know what it leads too?"
Martin shook his head "I dunno. The tower keeps changing so I'd wager that even Fumblemore doesn't know where his office is else he'd be here by now!"
Xephos sighed; it was true the tower's physics were exceedingly difficult to negotiate. "We might as well try the other way then..." he muttered.
"Yeah well, we kind of have too since it's the only other way to go and this one's obviously wrong."
"Right, right… let's be careful though." Xephos said glancing to his left at the pathway outside. As had been proven all too clearly earlier, the staircases were not furnished with basic safety measures.
Martin laughed "Sure hero, you can lead the way then."
"Gee, thanks! Good to know you've got that much confidence in me." Xephos said sarcastically.
"You are the hero. I bet you do this sort of stuff every day."
"Um, no not really."
"I was joking!" Martin exclaimed.
Xephos stepped forward out into the cool morning breeze and glanced down at the bustling city below. Gods I wonder how high up we are.. we have to be at least fifty blocks above everything else! Xephos thought gazing in mild awe at the incredible view from outside the tower. Quickly he broke out of his momentary pause and began a slow descent down the tower steps on the outside, with Martin following close behind.
"Aaaah! I feel like I'm going to fall off this thing!" Martin yelled.
"Don't remind me." Xephos scowled, "Look, we're going to be fine!"
"Is that a promise?"
"Don't worry about it! There's nothing to worry about!" Xephos yelled.
"I'm trusting you on this!" Martin said, swearing loudly as he nearly slipped on one of the steps. "Freaking hell!"
Slowly but surely the pair reached the bottom of the steps into the lower entryway of the Fumblemore's tower off of the precarious staircase outside.
"See? I told you there's nothing to worry about." Xephos smiled.
"Sure, I bet there's nothing to worry about now that we're not a couple millimeters away from death! You know, I swear that staircase really was inside at one time. I have no bloody clue why it was moved outside. No bloody clue at all!" Martin shook his head in exasperation, "Okay, we're going to the right staircase then hero? As opposed to the wrong one that is."
Xephos shook his head, "You're getting as bad as Honeydew. Alright let's go." he said drawing his cloak around him tightly as he climbed up staircase into the next section of the tower.
…
Lysander and Honeydew had finally found Fumblemore. After many minutes of searching they had found him in the side room of the tower, which the right side staircase had led too. The wizard's presence was further confirmed by the loud farting noises that had been coming from the room, as it was, apparently a bathroom. At the moment, the pair were sitting uncomfortably in some chintz chairs outside the bathroom door, doing their very best not to inhale the smells coming from inside it. For his part, Honeydew was holding his hand over his nose to shield himself from the smell; while Lysander occasionally got up and took a few deep breaths by the entrance before returning to his seat.
"This is horrible Lysander. Completely horrible. How long is he going to sit on the toilet?!" Honeydew cried. "I'm sick of waiting for him to finish up in there!"
"Hopefully not much longer." Lysander said.
"He's been on there for thirty freaking minutes already!"
"I know but we just don't have much choice but to wait hero."
Honeydew glared at Lysander and curled his fists in irritation. "Balls to it. I'm tired of this shit" He said, as he marched over and knocked on it several times.
"Hero!" Lysander exclaimed, "This is a wizard's office!"
"Fumblemore? Hey Fumblemore! Uh, are you doing okay in there?"
There was a pause before a nasally voice called from the bathroom, "Eh? Who are you? Give me a moment, I'm on the toilet!"
"We know! Just um I was wondering… if you need any paper? Or something?" Honeydew asked awkwardly.
"Yes actually, could you pass me one of those books? On the right shelf by Fabulo the Great, that's all they're good for."
"Fabulo the What? Sorry? What was that?" Honeydew replied. There was no response except for another loud ripping sound from inside the water closet.
"Shit!" Honeydew exclaimed, backing away from the bathroom door and covering his face with both hands.
"What is that smell?" Lysander coughed.
"It's another one of Fumblemore's Magic Farts." Honeydew groaned "And amazingly enough they smell worse than the real ones!"
"Er…" Lysander said, covering his face with his handkerchief, "Well we might as well wait a little longer. He seems to have the situation under control."
"Yeah if you consider utter chaos to be having things 'under control'." Honeydew snorted
"Lysander! Simon!" a familiar voice cried from nearby.
Lysander jumped up in surprise banging his head on the side of a particularly low hanging bookshelf in the process. "What the devil? Hero?!"
"Oh. My. Gods. Lewis! You're back!" Honeydew exclaimed in disbelief as Xephos and Martin entered the room from another perilous journey on the tower staircases.
Martin dumped his hefty pack on the floor, "Yeah he's back…those staircases were murder by the way."
"Hello Simon." Xephos grinned as he stepped forward to embrace his friend.
"No- I mean, stop!" Honeydew said waving him off. Xephos shot him a quizzical look, as Honeydew sniffed the air for a moment before beckoning him forward.
"What was that about?"
"The air smelt really bad earlier." Honeydew explained.
"Oh what for?" Xephos asked.
"Because Fumblemore's been stinking it up in here for the past half hour." Martin laughed at this.
"I'm glad we didn't arrive here earlier then!"
"Yeah true – Wait; hold on, who are you?" Honeydew asked, staring him. Martin glanced at him disdainfully,
"Tbh, I could say the same for you, random."
"I am Honeydew." He said importantly.
"Well met, I'm Martin." Martin replied, offering a hand, which Honeydew shook.
"And I am Skylord Lysander." Lysander said as he strode forward and offered his hand to Martin as well.
"I am Martin, bowman, peddler, and counselor at large."
"Indeed, well met Martin." Lysander said as he looked at the group "Well, this is a happy occasion!"
"You could say that again." Xephos added.
"Yeah… so you're a ruddy Skylord huh?" Martin smiled "You must be the one Xeph keeps talking about."
Lysander raised his eyebrows at this, "Is that so? I am flattered hero."
Xephos blushed, "Uh – yeah I mentioned you a few times. It's no big deal."
Lysander nodded, "That is well. But where did you disappear too hero? We tried looking for you but we couldn't find you!" he said, with concern evident in his eyes.
"Um… it's a long story." Martin smirked at this,
"He got lost."
"That about sums it up!" Xephos admitted.
"Please hero, tell us everything! I give you my word as a Skylord that no one outside of this room will know what transpired." Lysander said dutifully.
"Yeah we have time…Fumblemore hasn't made much progress in the past thirty minutes!" Honeydew muttered.
"Oh yeah Fumblemore… is he actually on the loo?" Xephos asked. Honeydew sighed,
"Lewis, he's been on the bloody thing forever… for bloody ever."
Xephos laughed, and then began recalling all the events that had transpired from the moment he had become separated from the fellowship until now in Fumblemore's tower. Xephos took a seat on an uncomfortable stone seat – the wizard's idea of a surrogate armchair - and began his story. He had lost them in the dark and was in a way saved by Martin just shortly afterwards. Xephos had come to know a good deal about the Bowman who had been the pair's unknown neighbor. He and Martin had traveled together for many miles, and had reached the outskirts of Mistral by dawn, a full day behind the rest of the group. Xephos dwelt on his brief travels with Martin for a short period although was forced to mention his cut, which was why he had sought Fumblemore's help and had consequently run into the rest of the fellowship.
"And that's about it!" Xephos finished.
"Wooow." Honeydew whistled "That's amazing Lewis, bloody amazing. Did you really injure yourself on a tree?" Xephos smiled weakly,
"Yeah – it wasn't one of my finer moments…" Honeydew guffawed at this, "Anyway where's the old man? He didn't have another stroke or something did he?"
"I'm afraid he is stricken with taint!" Lysander explained. "Only the wizard can help him."
"Fumblemore… right…" Honeydew mumbled.
"How long have you been waiting for him?" Martin asked.
"Way too long." Honeydew groaned "It's amazingly nerve-racking."
"Are you nearly finished there? We've got a lot of things going on right now – and we need help!" Xephos complained.
"Yeah you mind getting a move on in there? We have things to do!" Honeydew chimed in.
In response a loud bang came from the closet and out from it appeared the wizard. Fumblemore was dressed in a deep blue and black colored wizard's robe with many moons and stars, he had a great gray beard and dark brown eyes, and he twirled a wand in one hand.
"Eh! Who 're you?" he asked waving his wand blindly at the four companions. Judging by the look of utter bewilderment on Fumblemore's face it was obvious that he had not been expecting them.
"Hey! Watch where you're pointing that thing!" Honeydew exclaimed as another loud bang issued from the wizard's wand cracking a nearby mirror. Fumblemore gazed around in confusion as he gathered his surroundings.
"Who are you?" he asked for a second time.
"Um -" Xephos started.
"I am Honeydew, of Khaz Mordan!" Honeydew introduced himself.
"And I'm Xephos, hero of the world."
"Well we're both heroes actually."
"Oh yeah sorry pal. This is Honeydew," Xephos said, gesturing to his friend "hero of something, I can't quite remember what is is…"
"I am the hero of a thousand lovely damsels." Honeydew interjected. "Women, they're attracted by my charisma."
"By you manly deeds you mean." Lysander corrected him.
"Oh yeah that too." Honeydew said absentmindedly. "My manly deeds…"
"I'm Martin, they made me come here." Martin said.
"Yes - we are four companions who have traveled here! We have come to seek your help!" Xephos explained as Fumblemore finally managed to steady himself.
"Four champignons? How lovely, I've always liked mushrooms." The wizard replied, as scratched his charred eyebrows. "I am the great wizard Fumblemore."
"Oh yeah? You're really him huh?" Honeydew said sarcastically, "Wonderful now we don't have to worry about a thing now you're here right?"
"What?" Fumblemore queried.
"Can he hear very well?" Xephos asked uncertainly as the wizard stared at the four companions curiously.
"I don't think he can hero..." Lysander replied.
"Can you hear us?" Xephos asked.
"Excuse me?"
"Can you hear us?!" Xephos repeated himself. Fumblemore put a hand to his ear. Xephos sighed in irritation and repeated himself once more,
"CAN YOU HEAR US?" Fumblemore gave him a quizzical look,
"No, no I don't fear you." He said. Xephos groaned and feel silent.
"I'm guessing that's a no on the hearing…" Honeydew said.
"Old wizard! We have come to seek your help, our friend is sick with taint, and I am hurt! CAN YOU HELP US?" Xephos bellowed, bending closely towards Fumblemore for good measure.
"What can I do for you Xepdos?" Fumblemore asked apparently not hearing anything Xephos had just told him. Xephos swore angrily and tried again.
Fumblemore smiled, "I'm rather partial to Guinness myself."
"Oh for cripes sake… OUR FRIEND IS SICK WITH TAINT!" Honeydew thundered.
"PECULIER IS ILL!" Lysander exclaimed very closely to Fumblemore's ear.
"Don't we have something to write this down on?" Martin asked. "I mean, Fumblemore can read can't he?"
"I wouldn't count on it mate." Honeydew muttered.
"Taint eh? Let me see what I can do for your sister." Fumblemore said turning and picking up a dusty book from the nearest bookshelf. Xephos nearly fell over in relief.
"As for the cut could you find me a knife?" Fumblemore asked blithely, as he started searching through the contents of a nearby chest. Xephos had took of Martin's traveling cloak showing the blood-soaked bandage underneath it but he was tempted to leave the wound be as the last thing he wanted to do was let the wizard - who currently had his beard stuck in a chest lock - have a look at it.
"A knife?! But that will make him worse!" Lysander exclaimed. Fumblemore waved him off and then with a tremendous effort freed his beard from the lock leaving wispy strands of white hair caught in it. Honeydew and Martin just laughed.
"A knave hmm? Yes… cruel fellows indeed." The wizard said. "Ah!"
Fumblemore had finally taken notice ofXephos' wound. "Come here young man." He said, beckoning him forwards.
Xephos stepped forward nervously, fully expecting the worst.
Once he was in range Fumblemore grasped his arm and started prodding the wound with his wand, "Hrm…"
Then with little regard to the look of complete apprehension on Xephos' face he pulled out a bottle of black powder. Carefully he tipped out a bit of the powder and sprinkled it onto Xephos' bloodied cut.
"Ah-!" Xephos winced, as his flesh seemed to knot together into an ugly brown scar on his upper arm. Fumblemore nodded approvingly, and capped the bottle of the mysterious powder, and stuffed it back into his robes.
"Thanks…" he said hardly believing that he was still alive. The rest of the fellowship also breathed a collective sigh of relief as Xephos smiled and waved his healed arm around. The cut in his shirt was still there but all was well aside from that.
"Now we can get rid of this…" Martin said distastefully as he tossed the bloodied bandage out the side of the tower.
"Is that all?" Fumblemore asked.
"No, I'm afraid there is another matter; can you help us with Peculier Fumblemore? He is sick with taint!" Lysander said emphatically. Fumblemore did not respond but instead continued to peruse his book, as if he was completely unaware of the fellowship was even there.
The wizard flipped through several more pages furiously before responding, "Eh, very well I suppose I can cure your sister but she'll need a bit of stuff."
"I think you're finally getting through to him mate." Martin muttered.
"What stuff?" Honeydew asked impatiently as Fumblemore had gone back to staring at his book, humming softly as he did so.
"Mmmm? Sorry what was that?"
"What stuff?!" Honeydew repeated. Fumblemore looked up from his book and frowned at him,
"Could you say that one more time? You'll have to speak up-"
"WHAT STUFF?"
"Stuff?" Fumblemore asked.
"YES! Yes… you crazy old bugger." Honeydew replied.
"Have patience young man I am reading…" Fumblemore said as he went back to his humming. Honeydew scowled and paced back and forth impatiently for several minutes before the wizard spoke up again "Hmm, you'll need to bring me five feathers, and a bit of dirt, yes five dirt will do nicely."
"Here I've got some arrows. You can pluck the feathers off these." Martin said as he gave five arrows from his quiver bundle to Fumblemore who took them and placed them in a dusty cauldron on a nearby shelf.
"Five dirt? How do we measure five dirt? What is one dirt?" Honeydew wondered.
"Maybe he means a block Simon." Xephos suggested.
"Ah, fair point mate, fair point." Honeydew agreed.
"Oh and yes, a bottle of water from the pool of life, five gunpowder, and er… two golden apples."Fumblemore continued, tracing the page with his wand.
"Two golden apples?!" the four exclaimed incredulously. They all knew all too well just how difficult golden apples were to get.
"Correct dears. Give me all that and your auntie will be well." Fumblemore said, closing his spell book. Xephos sighed in frustration at the tall order the wizard had presented how are we going to get that much gunpowder? He thought helplessly.
"You will need to bring all of the ingredients to me in two days or so as I will be traveling to Icaria two days from today – at midnight." Fumblemore coughed.
"RIGHT!" Honeydew bellowed, the wizard flinched taken aback.
"No need to yell- I'm not deaf you know! Now go on sonny, and be good!"
"In a jiffy you nutter... the sooner we get out of this place the better…" Honeydew said quietly as Fumblemore promptly disappeared back inside the water closet. There was an awkward pause as the group heard the distinct sounds of bad colon problems coming from inside it.
"Um -" Xephos started as a loud rumbling came from inside the closet "is he alright?"
"Probably, he's a wizard after all." Martin replied.
"That's the concerning part." Honeydew said "How do we know he's not about to blow this place up in one big fart or something?"
"That is a good point hero." Lysander concurred "It would be in our best interests if we left as soon as possible!"
"What are we going to do about this Golden apple?" Xephos inquired as the group made their way to the exit. This time it was Lysander who answered him.
"I know of only one gold apple in the town heroes, and it is sacred."
"Wasn't the cult of the apples or something? Or a church? It was a church right?"
"Maybe it's a cult of vegetarians." Honeydew surmised "I mean it sounds like something vegetarians would do… they're kind of strange like that."
Lysander rolled his eyes at this "It is the Church of the Holy Apple that we must go too."
"Yeah I showed it to Xeph this morning." Martin added.
So do we have to steal a sacred symbol or something? I bet that'll just go over really well… Xephos thought with a flash of frustration
Honeydew scratched his beard thoughtfully at this revelation "You know what this is, it's a proper quest Lysander, a proper quest."
"Indeed, it is a quest for heroes!" Lysander agreed.
"Well thank gods we're here."
"Yeah, yeah whatever. Come on! Let's get out of here before Fumblemore blows us all up." Martin said, as he walked out onto the top of the staircase.
"A wise choice Peddler!" Lysander said as the group exited the wizard's tower at last.
