Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, Mythbusters, or a dangerous fan. For which I am very grateful.
A/N We all know how weird Hojo is. It's a given fact after all; so then what does he do when he's alone? Well let's take a little peek into what he does after he closes the door to his room. And Tseng after too much Mythbusters is today's basis, with a popping hint of Weird Al. Sorry I'm still getting over the concert.
Tseng looked up at the maintenance staffer he was talking to, "so you understand I need those chairs fixed as soon as possible."
"Got it," he replied before putting his hand up and grabbing his PHS. "Hello?"
The Turk Commander sat there for a moment quietly listening to the conversation, apparently something about a new fan to be installed before tonight. He studied the maintenance man as he hung up, "sorry Mr. Tseng sir, those will have to wait for tomorrow. I just got an emergency call for Professor Hojo about his ceiling fan, if you'll excuse me."
He turned to leave but Tseng stopped him, "no, don't worry about that, I'll send one of my men to take care of it, you just focus on the chairs."
The man nodded, "if you say so."
A short while later Tseng was pulling on a maintenance staff uniform and carrying a seemingly ordinary fan down to Hojo's apartment. He opened the door with his master key and walked in heading for the bedroom; gently undoing the old fan he installed the new one along with a small camera. He finished the installation before faking a note that the fan had been fixed and walking out of the room using the hat on his outfit to hide his face from the security cameras.
The rest of the day passed without too many incidents, well apart from Reno's shenanigans with the message boards rumor page. However Tseng cleared that up in a few hours, it was almost ten at night when the Turk Commander was ready to call it a day. But not before his favorite special came on, turning on the monitor he tapped into the camera and leaned back in his chair to enjoy the show.
Hojo looked around suspiciously before leaving the room and returning a moment later in his new DNA strand patterned pajamas. In his hands he was caressing a roll of bubble wrap, he nuzzled it, "now we're all alone together my sweet."
He set the bubble wrap down on the bed spreading it out and turning the fan on before getting on the bed and popping the bubble wrap in a disturbingly seductive manner. After he became progressively more violent with the bubble wrap he started jumping up and down in order to pop it.
The bed creaked as Hojo's jumping became higher and higher, getting dangerously closer to the fan. Finally he timed his jump a little off and it came in contact with the blade, it sliced into his neck a little. The second blade swung in and sliced deeper, last but not least the third and fourth finished the job. There was a pause as Hojo's body fell onto the bubble wrap leaking out blood.
Tseng turned off the monitor with a slight smirk; he'd custom made that fan once for an assassination of a man who liked his nights a little rough and wild. It had a lawnmower motor with razor sharp edges on the blades, along with the nickname "the Fan of Death".
