Chapter 18
"Niiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccooooooooolllllleeeeeeeeee!" My voice rips through the apartment in shrilled amazement. The wonderful apartment. The living room where I spent months healing, months putting eye drops in, and just seconds staring at it. The wonderful coloured walls and floors and furniture. Colour is everywhere. I have to see her! The thought never left my mind for a second as I practically fly off the couch. Toby is immediately alerted and barking by my feet. The brown and white beagle circles me as I bolt down the hallway. To my surprise I collide with Nicole. She stumbles back a few feet and loses her balance. I react quickly and lunge forward, catching her in my arms.
She studies me for a moment before speaking, she sounds confused but curious, "Leo?"
I can't wipe the stupid grin off my face, "Wow..." My voice is barely a whisper if even audible. Her hair looks like the host for bees and her eyes are still heavy with sleep. She's perfect. Her hair is the perfect shade of brunette as it dangles in tangled curls over her shoulders. Her eyes are a the perfect shade of crystal blue, cutting through me like shards in the sunlight. Showing off their beauty. Her figure is graceful and soft in my arms. Her cheeks are round and constantly pink with a faint blush, kissed with freckles. Her glasses compliment her eyes and her skin is so pale, like I'm holding a delicate snowflake. Her shirt his salmon pink and flows like a waterfall with long ruffles. She matches the description perfect. This is the girl. The girl I saw in my dream. The girl in the light. The one who was calling out to me, "You're even more beautiful than I'd imagine."
Her cheeks flush darker then her expression slowly goes from confused to hopeful, "Wait...Leo...can you?" She doesn't even finish her sentence, she doesn't have to. She knows. My goofy grin spreads even wider, I can't contain my joy as I nod my head. She shares my content as a smile of her own spread from ear to ear yet still remains soft.
"I can see." My voice squeaks with excitement and now I know her grin is genuine and her happiness confirmed as I un-dip her from our stances. I can tell she's over joyed by the way she flings her arms around my neck and hug me close. As if on instinct, my arms go around her waist as I pull her in close. I always knew the feeling of holding her felt wonderful, like everything was right in the world when we were in each other's embrace. But now? Now everything's different. When one can see what is happening. When one can see the expression on your loved one's face. When one can see what it is like to hold her. It's like night and day. To hold her in night is just the same as in day, but the light that day adds is something special. To be able to see in the day is something amazing. Something I wouldn't trade for the world.
"I love you." She says in a soft tone, the words dancing on the tip of her lips.
"I love you too." I respond and kiss the top of her head, me being quite a few inches taller than her. Our hug ends but she is still jittering with excitement.
"We have to celebrate!"
"We do?"
"Of course!" Nicole says than added, "It'll have to be after I come home from school and work though."
"Bakery work or your other job at that market place?" I question, confused about how many jobs she has.
She seemed to find this funny because she giggled, "Bakery. I don't work at the market anymore, I quit as soon as the bakery was fix."
I blush, a bit embarrassed for not knowing that, "O-oh, right. Well that should give me enough time to plan." I explain, scratching the back of my neck.
Her eyes widen a bit, "You think you're-? Oh no no Leo, I'm planning this. It's to celebrate you being able to see."
"And I appreciate that. But I want to be the one planning this whole thing, it'll be my thank you for taking care of me...and an apology for the pancake incident." I take her hands in mind and give her a quick peck on the lips to keep her from protesting. It seemed to have worked.
"O-okay." Her tone is dreamily then she shook her head, snapping out of it, "I gotta get going or I'm gonna be late!" She exclaims, grabbing her kitbag and heading out the door. I chuckle to myself and look down at Toby who is whining at my feet for some attention and food. I place my hands on my hips and smile down at the dog.
"Well Toby, looks like it's just gonna be me and you today. So let's get planning."
I have my hood over my head and long baggy sweatpants as I make my way around town for the first time. I probably look suspicious, but so does the rest of Paris. There's a lot of people here, but I'm use to it from back in New York. The architecture is much different though, the buildings are close together, all shops are in a line, and everything looks so old fashion but modern at the same time. And truth be told, it kind of stinks like sewage. I'm surprised that I can even smell it, I use to be accustomed to the smell back at home, but now? Now I know what Taylor's friends must feel like every time they come down for a visit. I sigh sadly, home. It's been so long since I've seen the grey skies of New York, the tall lite up buildings, a starless night sky. Actually, it's been a while since I've seen anything.
I squint in the harsh mid-morning sunlight. After about 7 months of being here, blinded, the sun seems like a completely new thing to me. I'm sweating in my heavy clothing, definitely not summer whether, even the end of summer is hot in Paris. I wipe sweat from my brow and flinch when I touch the scar near my eyes, hidden behind my mask. I curse beneath my breath. It's so damn hot I feel like I'm melting right through my clothes . The early sun in beating down on me and making sure I sizzle. I swallowed hard, my throat dry. This is about all I can take, I need something to cool down. But do I want to risk going into a crowded cafe? I have to if I wanna escape this heat I have to. I pick the first cafe I see and decide to go in. I freeze about mid doorway and realize I can't speak a word of French. I'm screwed.
"Eh! Déplacez M. Lourdaud!" This man behind me yells in French. I spin around without thinking and look at him surprised, I find myself thinking What the hell is he saying? If it can't get any worst, he continues speaking, "Pouvez-vous parler? Eh?" I shift my eyes from side to side scurry out of the way and back out the door. Suddenly everything seems hectic. The roads are crazy busy and act like there are no rules, and all the streets are full of people. There are barely any alley ways I can hide in so I surmise to duck for cover up high on the roof tops. About the only place I feel safe to be right now. I sigh and sit down, my legs hanging off the edge of the roof. I never knew Paris was so crazy occupied. And that's saying something considering I live in New York. However, for some reason this place seem so much more crowded, so much more exposed. At moments like these I find myself wanting to go home, I always want to go home, but then again I don't. I finally got what I wanted, I finally got my sight back, I got to see Nicole. I got to see the grace of France, the lights of Paris, I got to see things from half way across the world. And yet there is no place like home. I want to see my brothers, my Sensei, my friends. I want to see the starless night sky of New York. I wanna see the cars driving at all times.
"She's just too anti-social..." My thoughts get interrupted by a young female's voice, I peer down onto the streets and spot two people walking. The guy shrugged in response to what the girl said.
"I dunno Mary" Mary, that's the name of Nicole's "Friends." I assume the guy is a friend of her's too.
"She is to, Kenzie, I mean, I love her to bits, but I just wish she'd come party with me more." I see Mary's plush bottom lip go into a pout, with every step her blonde bob bounces up and down.
"She's just really focused on her work, Nicole is determined a-and extremely hard working and-" Mary's laughter cuts off Kenzie's sentence. They start getting further and further away from me. Just like that, I'm up again and following them, much to intrigued to let this slip by. I jump and crouch on the rooftops, following silently above the footsteps of her friend's.
"God I swear you're in love with her." The chubby blonde rolled her eyes in amusement with a slight smirk on her face. The tall brown haired boy chuckled nervously in response, his green eyes shifting to the sidewalk.
"Heh, yeah...crazy right?"
My lips purse in a slight scowl, suddenly feeling threaten by this Kenzie boy. I don't like the looks of him. However I couldn't focus on this now, I had stuff to do, things to get, and a event to plan. It's time to make up for the months that I've been here, time to make up for the 7 months Nicole willing nursed me back to health. Both physically and emotionally. Now it's my turn to do something nice for her. I best get on my way.
Time is ticking by as I wait patiently in the apartment's hallway, staring at the door. Nicole should be getting off from school any minute now. I glance up at the clock for what seemed like the tenth time in the past minute, 5:07 it read. She gets off at 5:00. It takes her about ten minutes to get home. Three minutes to go. I hear the soft tick of the wall clock, taunting me with the forces of time. How dreadfully slow it seemed to be going by. Everything is set up, tonight everything will be perfect. I even bought a nice black vest and a blue tie, took forever to find one that would fit over my shell, but I did it.
I heard the click of a lock unlocking as the door quietly creaked open. Then entered Nicole, and all my nerves seemed to be set on fire. I cleared my throat despite my burning fear.
She looked up at me with her crystal blue eyes that I've come to adore now that I could see, "Huh? Leo?" a soft smile spread across her face along with a light chuckle, "How dashing you look."
My laugh sounds nervous, am I nervous? I'm nervous, "I um-" I cleared my throat again, "I have a special evening planned for us tonight" I hold out my hand for her to take, it was impossible to wipe off the goofy grin I had on my face. A minute and a half in and I already made a fool of myself.
She took my hand, her touch always felt so soft and gentle, "Let me go get changed" Her touch lasted for a second then she let go of my giant green hand and walked off to her room, even with a simple gesture like that, I still couldn't take my eyes off her. Moments later she returned, the definition of beauty and grace had nothing of how she looked walking towards me. She wore a light pink mullet dress, the front going down to mid thigh but the back went past her knees. Even without any wind the dress seemed to flow and bounce with every step she took, it looked so soft to touch, but the smile she wore was even softer.
"I'm ready." Nicole spoke quietly, that shy look in her eyes was unmistakable.
"Then lets go, unfortunately we have to take a bit of a detour cause well uh..." I glanced down and gestured to myself, I can't exactly show myself in public. This made her giggle softly.
"Alright, what do yous suggest?"
"This." I swiftly pick her up bridle style. She immediately stiffens and wrap her arms around my neck, clinging to me like a frightened child.
"L-Leo!" The way she stuttered my name made me laugh, regaining a bit of my confidence.
"Don't worry, I won't drop ya." On that note I took off, running to the kitchen and dashing out the already open balcony doors, Toby ran at my feet until he could no longer follow me up to the roof. He just started barking.
"Wait, I didn't lock the doors!" Nicole panicked but did not squirm in my grip.
"Relax, I'm sure everything will be fine."
"Leo!"
"Okay, Okay I'll go back!" I say and set her down on the roof, jumping back down onto her balcony, closing and locking the doors for her preference, the shaggy dog is still by the glass doors, whining to come out. I give a little wave to Toby before going back up to join Nicole, "Better?"
She sighed with relief, "Yes, better."
"Good." I give a smile then swoop her up again, "Hold on tight." I smirk and start running. Near the edge of the roof I hear Nicole shriek.
"Wait Leo! What are you-" She got cut short by her own scream as her grip around me tightened. This made me smile wider, having planned her exact reaction.
"It's kinda of a long run, so get comfortable!" I warn, yelling slightly so she could hear me over the wind blowing past us. I hold her close to me, visualizing the location I am run towards, it's perfect, I just hope she'll like it. It's far and secluded, so we won't have to worry about people walking in on us.
I run for a half hour straight and I can tell Nicole is getting a little restless, though her grip never loosened, always staying tight around my neck as if her life depended on it. In a way, it did, if I dropped her, it would be the end for both of us. However knowing she trust me so much, that she trust me with her life, I made sure I was extra careful with every jump and every landing until I come to a stop.
"Alright, we're here." I climb down the building and set her on the pavement. Around us were tall apartment buildings that appear to be abandoned. Some bricks are crumbling to the ground as all the pipes are rotting with rust, windows are broken and the paint is longed but chipped, the atmosphere around us is grey.
"This is...nice." The uncertainty in her voice could cut glass, I smile at her.
"Don't worry, we're almost~ there. Just through this alley way please." I point to the alley closest to us.
"Uhhhh..." She stares down it with hesitation, "It looks dirty..."
"Want me to carry you?"
She nodded her head and I pick her up once again. In no time I dash down the long dark alleyway and into the other side. This time I know she'll love it. I set her down and watch her eyes go wide as she looked around at the beauty of the scene. It's like we entered a whole other world, there was two rows of buildings for a few feet that had lights hung up along them, put there by me, so the street would be illuminated. As she stares up into the cloudless twilight sky, the lights reflect in her eyes, making them shine brighter than before. As she stares at the beauty of this old town, I'm here staring at a different beauty.
"Leo..." She speaks, dumbfounded, "This looks amazing, everything is so beautiful..."
"You didn't see the half of it yet." I grin and take her hand, my nerves melting away. We run down the brick path that fades into a trail, leading into the park. As I was setting this whole thing up, the buildings were just mere buildings, the grass was just grass, the trees nothing more than trees, and the river was just a river. But now? Now that she's here, the grass is the greenest that I've ever saw, the softest I've ever stepped on, now that she's here, everything is perfect. The nature park stretches on for miles, all sorts of different trees are here, tall ones short ones, green ones brown ones, they were all imported and planted into this lonely park. But I was searching for a specific place, with specific trees. We come by a river, I've past this river before, nothing special, but now I have Nicole with me. And now it seems as if every star in the sky is shining in this river as it flows downwards. The water is so clear, so blue, so crystal like. Nicole must of noticed this river's beauty as well for she was staring down at it with a smile.
"Pretty great huh?"
"Yeah" She replied, "Pretty great."
"Shall we continue?" I asked, holding her hand in mine.
"There's more?"
"Of course there is." I smile widely and we both leap over the river, with her nearly falling over at the edge, I wrap my arm around her waist and catch her, "Nice jump." I say with a hint of playful sarcasm. She smiled and laughed shyly is response.
"Nice catch."
As we continue to walk, I can't help but realize that this all feels like a dream. These moments I keep on living in, they're too perfect. I strive my whole life to be the best, to try to be perfect. Perfect for my father, my brothers, perfect for myself. I wanted to loathed in perfect, for the present to be nothing but perfect. Yet something was always missing. I never knew what was missing. But then, completely by accident, I ended up here. Not here in France, but here beside her. Beside Nicole. Who knew that a simple touch, a simple smile, or a simple laugh could make everything wrong right, make everything lost found, who knew it could set everything aline. Who knew that just one person could make everything seem perfect. Just one person could fix a thousand broken hearts. Just one, simple, amazing person, could be your very definition of perfect. Where you'll the learn the difference between pretty and beautiful for the very first time in your life Just one person, can unlock so many mysteries of the universe and that one person, just handed you the key. Nicole is my key.
"Okay, close your eyes." I instruct and come to a halt in front of a group of hanging cherry blossom trees.
"What?" She looked at him after she was able to tare her gaze away from the pink beauty of the trees.
"Don't worry, I'll guide you, just close your eyes." I smile pleadingly, all must be perfect for my perfection.
She hesitated for a moment then closed her beautiful blue eyes. I squeeze her hand that I'm gripping and guide her as she takes slow steps. I lift up the hanging blossoms and lead her in, letting them out once inside.
"Okay...open." I tell her and I once again get to see the joy light up her eyes as she gazes around the scene before us. We were encased in the hanging pink blossoms of the cherry tree, nothing but the small delicate pink flowers and beams of moonlight peaking through them could be seen. On the grass, darkened by the shadow of the tree, was a blanket and a weaved picnic basket. Three candles were set up in the middle of the blanket, not yet lite by flames that would dance in the soft breeze that was blowing through the trees.
"This is beautiful Leo..." She speaks softly, aghast by the sweet serenity of the scene.
"There's one more surprise." I smile as I motion her to sit down on the blanket. She does so and I walk out in front of her, I move the soft pink blossoms aside and show her the view. A long open field decorated with dark purple flowers, then even further a cliff with long grass and those fluffy white dandelions. A stream cut through the scene like a blade, though the water was calm and moonlight reflected off it.
"Leo...I-I don't know what to say..."
I shake my head and speak, "You don't have to say anything." I take a seat beside her and immediately she leaned her head against my shoulder. Every simple touch of her's makes my heart flutter. I open the picnic basket and we start eating.
"You're amazing" She tells me and lace her fingers through mine. I bring up our hands and place a gentle kiss on them.
"It's all thanks to you." Saying this makes her freckled cheeks go red with a blush. We both fall into a comfortable silence. At times, there are no need for words. At times, silence is loud enough. Silence is thin, silence is soft, at times silent is bliss. Nicole looks out into the beauty of the scenery, I'm looking at her beauty. It seems as if I can't stop looking at her. If I could stare at her forever, it wouldn't be enough. Ever since I got my eye sight back, I've wanted to just look at one thing and one thing only, her. The way her brown hair falls down just past her shoulders, her glasses complimenting her crystal eyes perfectly, the way each perfect freckle dances across her perfect cheeks, making her kind face that much softer. Her thin but lush lips, glistening with the gloss she put on. And that look in her eyes, that small smile on her face, she looks as if she's in a trance, like she's thinking deeply.
"What are you thinking of?" I whisper softly and smile, breaking the thin silence.
"Huh?" She breaks out of her thoughts and smiles up at me, "Oh, I'm just day dreaming."
"What do you day dream about?"
She blinked, almost looking confused, "W-what?"
I'm surprised at her stutter, but I ask again, "What do you day dream about?" I then add, "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's just..." She hesitated, suddenly the mood feels heavier as I wait for an answer, every second feeling like it drags on for long, "I've never told anyone about my day dreams before."
This time I hesitate, but ask anyway, "Will you tell me?"
She sighed softly, not annoyed, but as if she's preparing herself. She closed her eyes and her expression went into concentration, "I'm in a scene a lot like this one. There's soft music playing the background and I'm dancing...I'm dancing with someone."
"Who?" I cut in, intrigued by her fantasy.
She opened her eyes again, "I was never sure, he was always a shadowed figure."
I look away, my voice getting quieter, "...Nicole?"
"Yeah?"
I look back at her, she's staring at me with big curious eyes, "Can I be your shadowed figure?"
Her small smile grew bigger and her gaze sincere, "I think you already are." She leaned up and planted a kiss on my lips. Her taste was sweet and her touch soft. It seemed as if as soon as she leaned forward, she was already leaning back. I wrap my arm around her and bring her in close.
"You make me so happy." I whisper and stroke her cheek softly, feeling it heat up.
"Leo...Can we stay here forever?" She questioned, her delicate voice filling my ears.
I plant a kiss on her head, "I would love that."
"I love you." She tells me the words to make this all a dream come true.
"I love you too." I nuzzle her cheek and whisper the words right back at her. I've never said anything so true. I love her. I love her more than anything.
Drop. Drip. Drop.
I feel the droplets falling through the trees. My constant smile fades as I feel the disappointment sink in.
"Uh-oh..."
Her smile doesn't falter, "What? It's just a little rain." I look at her confused as she stands up and offers her hand to me and I take it as she helps me stand, "Come on, let's have fun."
This is not the girl I once knew. Nicole was shy, quiet and safe. But now? Now she's being spontaneous, rambunctious, and daring. I love it. I love every part of her. She holds her my hand and drags me out into the open field. Rain pours down on us, but it doesn't seem to be bothering her, I don't let in bother me either. She starts running.
"Where are you going!?" I call after her.
"I don't know!" She laughed and continued to run through the field, "Come on!"
I chuckled and ran after her. Everything seems to shine like silver in the rain, the river, the grass, her. And the few stars that are still visible, they seem to illuminate the sky, the trees, and her. Nicole...she makes this night perfect. Even with the rain. Everything still seems perfect. We talked, we ate, we laughed. We stood, we ran, we played. I soak in every moment with her, every minute, every second, and still it isn't enough. I watched her run around as I chased her, just a little game we played. Hearing her laugh, watching her smile, I've come to appreciate it all. If this night never ends, it would be fine by me. We talked, we ate, we laughed. We stood, we ran, we played. And for the first time in what feels like a long time, we lived.
"I can't believe we did that, we're soaking wet!" She laughed as I opened the door to the apartment for her.
"I know! Now go get changed before you catch a cold." I chuckled and gave her a nudge towards her room. I watch the door close before I set down the stuff to dry, dropping my shoulder bag at the living room entrance, I walk to the bathroom and dry off with a towel. I hear Toby's bark coming from Nicole's room and I laugh, shaking my head, "That dog is crazy." I few moments later I hear a thumb coming from the living room. I hang up the towel and went to the living room, calling out, "Nicole? What hap-" I froze and my heart sunk. Nicole was on the floor, having tripped over my shoulder bag. But that's not what scared me. What scared me was what was in her hand. She was holding a picture, the picture of my brothers. She looked up at me, mixed emotions flooding her eyes.
"Leo..." Her voice cracked, she sounded hurt, "...who's in this picture?"
I sink to the floor with her, "Nicole...I...let me explain." She didn't seem mad, but she did appear confused, sad and...was that guilt?
"I'm waiting Leo, who are they?" Her tone wasn't harsh, wasn't mad, it was genuine and curious.
I sighed, I lied to her for long enough, "They're my brothers. Raph, Donnie, and Mikey" I point to each of my brothers as I say their names.
She chuckled sadly, "That's impossible...you told me you were the only one. That you didn't have any family back home...why did you lie to me?"
I didn't have an answer. At the time it was because I wanted to protect the identities of my brothers. But that was nearly 8 months ago. I learned to trust Nicole, to love her. How could I not tell her? How could I be such an idiot. Such a fool.
"I-I'm...I'm sorry..." Pathetic, that's all I could think of to say, "I wanted to tell you but-"
"But what Leo? Did you not trust me?" Her calmness was almost sickening. I deserve to be yelled at, to be cursed at, why isn't she mad, "I thought that after months of knowing you, caring for you, being your friend, wanting to be something more than your friend...I thought that maybe you'd trust me enough to tell me."
"No, that's not it, I do trust you. I swear. I just...I don't know..." I try in desperation to explain myself, but I find no use. I've failed, again. My biggest fear, failure. Fear is weak. Fear is weakness. You, are weak. She gulped and tears fell out of her eyes, I whisper her name, "Nicole...please...I-"
"I think you should leave." She cut in, catching me by surprise.
"W-what?" I stutter in shock, my eyes going wide.
"I said I think you should leave." She repeat, her voice growing firm.
"But...why?" This time my voice cracked with hurt. I feel my heart breaking all over again.
"Because...you have family, Leo. People who love you and miss you, and probably want you back. I can't keep them from you. Please, go back to New York...be with your family." She doesn't' look at me when she says this.
"But Nicole, I love you." I reach out to touch her, but she flinched away. She packed up all my stuff and put it in my bag.
"Just...leave, Leo." She hands me my bag, but when I don't move, she yells at me, "Go!"
I get up, shocked. In the moment I don't know what to do, "C-Can't I just stay...one more night with you...please." I beg, fighting off my own tears. I don't want a broken heart. Not again.
"Leo..." She smiles sadly at me, "You understand don't you?"
I shook my head and closed my eyes, "I don't want to understand."
"Your family needs you..."
"But...don't you need me? I thought you loved me." I open my eyes, glossy with tears now.
"I do...I do love you. But I can't expect you to stay here, to give up your family, just for one person you met on accident. Please, just make this easier and leave now. A ship is leaving at Midnight. You have time to catch it." The hurt in her voice is unbearable.
I kneel back down and cup her cheek gently, she doesn't pull away this time, "I will always love you...come with me Nicole, come to New York.!"
She stared back at me sadly, "Leo, I can't, my life is here."
I push on, "Please, you'll love it, I promise. I'll take of you, I'll-"
"Leo stop! I can't leave here, I have school and friends and the bakery. You understand...right?"
I nod sadly this time, "Y-Yes I understand."
"Maybe I'll come visit you someday" She gulped, swallowing back her sadness.
"I...I don't want to leave you." I confess.
"You have to." She tells me, "I love you Leo."
"I love you too." And with that I gave her one last kiss before standing back up, "Goodbye Nicole." With that I leave out the balcony and the last thing I hear is her crying. Suddenly the best night of my life became the worst, and the rain is now sad and dark. The rain that once made everything shine is hitting me like bullets, breaking me apart piece by piece. I can't fight off the tears as they come down my face as I jump from lonely rooftop to lonely rooftop. Many thoughts race through my head as the feeling of regret and guilt take over me. Guilt for staying here for so long, for not going to Japan, for choosing Nicole over my brother. But regret for leaving her. For not turning around, no matter how many times I look back, I keep on moving forward, not matter what, I leave. I leave without turning back.
