Chapter 19

"Just leave Leo." I tell him, fighting off tears in my eyes while trying to remain strong. I hand him his bag, but won't look at him. He doesn't budge, so I yell, "Go!" He's shocked by this, I can tell.

"C-Can't I just stay...one more night with you...please." His voice breaks and I'm drowning in the hurt he feels. That was never my intention, I didn't want to hurt Leo. Looks like I've failed.

"Leo...you understand don't you?" I finally look up at him with a sad smile.

He shook my head and closed his eyes, sealing off his beautiful blues that I adore "I don't want to understand." He mutters sadly.

"Your family needs you..." I try a desperate attempt to understand, all the while saying to myself to stay strong. Don't cry. You can't cry.

"But...don't you need me? I thought you loved me." Leo open his eyes, glossy with tears now. I never wanted to see those eyes sad, they shine even brighter with tears glistening in them. Sometimes sadness does shine brighter than light.

"I do...I do love you. But I can't expect you to stay here, to give up your family, just for one person you met on accident. Please, just make this easier and leave now. A ship is leaving at Midnight. You have time to catch it." The hurt in my voice is plain to hear, I hate it.

He kneels back down and cups my cheek gently, I don't pull away this time from his touch, "I will always love you...come with me Nicole, come to New York.!"

I stared back at him sadly, "Leo, I can't, my life is here."

Nonetheless he pushes on, "Please, you'll love it, I promise. I'll take of you, I'll-"

"Leo stop! I can't leave here, I have school and friends and the bakery. You understand...right?" I protest, I want to go with him so badly, but...I just can't.

He's the one who nods sadly this time, "Y-Yes I understand."

"Maybe I'll come visit you someday" I gulped, making an attempt to swallow back the heavy lump in my throat.

"I...I don't want to leave you." He confesses to me, pulling at the strings of my heart.

"You have to." I tell him then add something I probably shouldn't have, but I have to tell him, just one last time, "I love you Leo."

"I love you too." He replies and gives me one last kiss before standing up. His voice grows dark with hurt as nighttime shadows cover his face. I can't see his expression, but I know he looks sincere when he says, "Goodbye Nicole." And on that note, he leaves, jumping out my balcony and up to the roofs above. This breaks me. I can no longer hold back the tears as I start to cry. Regret fills my stomach, I think I'm going to be sick.

"D-Don't leave me..." I whisper to myself as Toby comes over to me, laying his head on my lap whimpering, as if he knew everything that just went on. My tears fall on him, dampening his fur, but he doesn't seem to mind, Toby stays by my side. I look up towards the balcony, I picture Leo's outline as he left for New York. As he left me. I already miss him. I already regret telling him to leave. I want my ninja turtle back. I want Leo back. With him not here, my day dream turns into a nightmare. I know I won't be sleeping good tonight.

"Nicole! Why so glum?" The cheerful voice of Mme. Babin filled my ears and the bakery. She returned from Germany last night, and was now running the bakery again, my part time job here back in business. It's early in the morning, before opening time. I sit at a table with my head done and my arms over my head. The cheerful old owner of this bakery is behind the counter, wiping it down. I hear her heavy footsteps walk over to my table and take a seat next to me.

"You haven't even touched your breakfast roll." She points out the obvious as if I don't already know it. For once, food is the last thing on my mind. I can practically hear her frown, "What's wrong Ma chérie? You can tell Mme. Babin."

I lift my head off the table and reveal just how tired I truly am and I let out a sad sigh, "It's nothing...I'll get over it."

Her frown turns sceptical, "Is it about a boy?" She knew, Mme. Babin always knows.

"Umm...m-maybe? Just...a friend left to go back to his country the other day...I'm gonna miss him."

"Did you two have a...thing? Hon hon hon?" Mme. Babin did the fake, stereotypical French laugh, that always made me smile.

"Yeah...guess you could say that. He uh...he invited me to go back with him. But I said no." I look down sadly, the pit in my stomach returning.

Her smile turned glum yet her eyes remained somehow happy, "Why didn't you go?" Her question sounded sincere, sounded real.

My head goes up to look at her as I explain my reasoning, "Because. I have my life here, he has his back home."

Mme. Babin's frown increases, "Petite Poutine, do you know why I went to Germany?"

I shake my head, a bit caught off guard by her question.

"To visit Victor." She says this particular German name in an exaggerated French accent. I give her a look that silently asked who is Victor. I shift in my seat and get ready for a story as she continues, "Victor is an old friend of mine, we go all the way back to primary school. And as soon as we shared our first soft baked cookie together, I knew we had something special. The years past and we slowly fell in love! But then he left. I was 22 and he 25. Victor had to go back to his homeland, Germany. He invited me to go with him, saying," she paused then imitated a German accent, "My Gold please, come with me!"

"D-Did you go?" I interrupted, now caught completely in the story like a small child.

Mme. Babin sighed sadly, "No, I did not. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I learned nothing is worth doing if you don't have the one you love by your side. You feel as if you have no purpose."

"So what did you do?"

"Nothing. I stayed behind, lived my life, opened this bakery. Moi et Victor, we grew apart. But I go visit him every year in Germany, we are merely just friends now, but he's still quite the charmer." She sighed happily, "There are days where I consider packing up and flying over to him. He said he'd always wait for his gold"

"Why don't you go to him?" I wondered.

"Because, I have my life here. Who else will run La Pâtisserie D'Or?"

I sigh and look down, unsure what to say. It's a shame couldn't be with Victor. Suddenly I feel a hand beneath my chin as Mme. Babin forces my head up gently so I look at her.

"Don't make the same mistake I did chérie, go to him." She let me go and walked away, going back to cleaning her counter.

"But Mme. Babin, you don't understand I-" I began but she interrupted me.

"Everyone deserves love." She paused and smirked down at her counter as she cleaned, "Even mutant turtles."

My eyes go wide with shock and my entire body freezes, "H-How- I- uh-" I try to stutter out some words, but nothing works. looks up at me and puts her hand on her hip.

"Orianne Babin knows all, my child." Her friendly old lady smiled returned, "Now hurry and get ready for school, you're going to be late."

I walk up the stairs dumbfounded, wondering how a seemingly clueless old lady knew about Leo. I knew she believe in all the mystic stuff like magic and creatures and what not, but she was away in Germany. There was no way. I learnt that day that there's more to Mme. Babin then what meets the eyes. I walk back up into my apartment. My empty apartment. My lonely apartment. A sad sigh escapes my lips as I walk it. It seems so quite. Not even Toby is making a sound, he's merely laying on the living room rugged, depressed. I walk out onto my balcony and feel the warm spring air on my skin. But that warm spring air seems so much colder than it should be. The busy city of Paris, to me, seems empty. There's hundreds of people below me, and I still feel lonely. Everything is different. Something's missing. It doesn't take me long to realize what I am missing. Or rather who I am missing. Leo. I look down and the city below me. I can almost feel Leo's arms around me, coming up from behind and hugging me. His embrace is warm and shields me from the wind. Everyone from below disappears and it's just us two. It feels like the world belongs to us. But instead, there is no us. There is no him. There's just me. Just me and this world full of strangers. All these foolish thoughts and daydreams are just in my head. They're not real. Daydreams don't come true. Not for me.

I look back at the clock in my kitchen. It's time for my departure. Out of all the days, today is the day that I least want to go to college. Nonetheless I walk back in my apartment and leave my daydream behind, just like I let Leo go. I pick up my bag and walk out the door. My thoughts heavier than the books in my bag. My feet like cinder blocks. I drag myself out and into the harsh reality of life. I go to school.

I don't go home after my day at college. I don't even say goodbye to Kenzie on my way out the door. He's been trying to ask me what's wrong all day, but I push him aside. Talking to someone is the last thing I wanna do. 's story is still fresh in my mind as I dash to my location. I have the hood of my sweater up as ran comes pouring down. I have an umbrella in my bag but I don't use it. I run past faceless people, nameless people, I run past people. Strangers. All the strangers of the streets I saw before. That's all the are. Strangers. Nothing more.

I run through the crowd and into the abandoned parts of the city and down an alleyway. The alleyway. I stop running. I pause. I pause to take in the scenery around me. The scene I adored so much the first time I gazed upon. The pavement, on that night, it was like silver. Shining in the rain. I squint in the rain to the misty street lights above. They were so beautiful on that night too. I keep running. I run to the open fields and to the river. On that night, all it's surroundings dances in the clear river water. Finally, I make it to the cherry blossom tree. It's dark out now, like it was then. On that night, the trees were decorated with the stars of the night, hanging like ornaments. So close yet so far. On that night, everything felt right. On that night, it was just me and Leo. On that night, when the blue band turtle took me here, it was like magic. But now? Now I'm just alone in the rain, soaking wet. Now, the pavement is nothing but brittle stone. The street lights don't shimmer and shine. The river is nothing more than a river. The trees are bare and no matter where I look I'm always alone. I feel alone. Without Leo by my side, to put it in 's words, I feel like I have no purpose.

I look up and the crying sky and close my eyes. Water droplets roll down my cheeks, I can't tell if they're tears or rain drops. Frankly, I don't care. I feel like crying, but I have no tears left in me. So the sky is crying for me. I feel empty. I feel lost. I take the sleeve of my soaked sweater and wipe my face. If I stay out any longer, I will catch a cold. I don't let myself collapse on the wet grass. I don't let myself be weak. I decide I need a plan. I can't get 's words out of my head. I already regret letting Leo go, he lied to me, he has a family back home, how could I have let him stay. How can I stay? I can't. It's that simple. I can't stay here. Nothing is worth doing if you don't have the one you love by your side. And I love Leo. So what do I do? Do I stay? Do I go? I can't leave right now. I have school and my career. But if I stay, what then? Will I ever be truly happy. I sigh heavily and start returning home, my brain going a million miles an hour. Do I know what to do just yet? No. My mind isn't made up yet. I don't know when or how or what I'm going to do. But I do know one thing. I can't live like this. I can't stay like this. I can't do this. Not without Leo. I simply can't stay.