Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII; I do however own a nice rubber duck.
A/N I'm doing this as a favor to Schalla-Kitty, who is a major fan of today's guest. So now for a little amusement from the political side of SOLDIER, Lazard, potential Crisis Core spoilers for the Nibelheim incident.
Lazard glared at the back of Hojo's head, "who does he think he is?! What does he mean he's borrowing Zack?! What in the name of Odin is going on around here?!" Several minutes ago Hojo had just declared SOLDIER First Class Zack indisposed. He'd received some information about this from the Turks of course; they were his people who'd been in Nibelheim. However this was a completely unexpected as to what happened; he was so frustrated it was giving him a headache.
He reached into the drawer of his desk, pulling out a rubber duck shaped stress reliever; he squeezed it for a moment. It made a squeaky noise, which only irritated Lazard even more, he sighed setting it on the desk. Hojo had been more of a nuisance then any other man he'd met in his entire life, something needed to be done. He was on good terms with the assistant head of the Scientific Department, so if he could put her in a position to take over then he could get his men back.
Picking up the duck he walked out of the room, it was time for some sanity to return here and he was going to have it one way or another.
A few hours later Hojo was sitting at his lab desk messing with his MP3 player, "wonderful…"
Lazard sighed from his place in the locker; he needed Hojo to leave before he could do anything. "Leave already, you must have a bladder," he grumbled.
Despite that, it was another few hours before Hojo left, he meandered over to the restroom and wandered inside. "Grr… damn coffee."
Lazard seized the opportunity and set up his operation. He grabbed the monkey wrench and pulled open the wall panel. Pulling as hard as he could he opened the tank reservoir and stick the rubber duck in there. Closing the tank again he twisted the wrench and started a controlled system back up, the pressure in the toilets started to skyrocket. With some deft finger work on the maintenance keyboard he rewired the system to fail in the one occupied stall. Closing the panel up he walked into the bathroom and stood over by the sinks, "Hojo could I talk to you for a minute?"
Hojo grimaced, "what?!"
"I wanted to tell you something very important that I really think you should hear," Lazard replied checking his watch leaving his sentence hanging.
At that moment there was a loud roaring from the piping, the roaring of water grew steadily louder before there was a high pitched yowl from Hojo as the torrent of water shot out of the toilet where he was sitting. Lazard quickly retreated to the entrance as a crash rang through the surge of water. Hojo's head had broken through the ceiling tiles and slammed into a pipeline overhead, the little evil rubber duck having driven him all the way into the ceiling when it his chin. Lazard took a couple of steps back as the flow was quickly taken care of by the automatic plumbing system, his little duck floated over on a stream of water, after a healthy application of sanitizer he picked it up.
"I wasn't finished speaking yet, so just hang out there while I finish. The thing I have learned from SOLDIER over the years is, the best time to kill someone is when they are sitting on the toilet," Lazard finished nodding and walking away leaving the dead body swinging slightly from the ceiling.
