I CAN BARELY SAY
Chapter Six: Realizations & Changes
Kairi locked eyes with him and sighed, "Yeah… I did."
"I'm guessing she didn't have a very good reaction." He continued to row.
She looked out into the water, looking a bit sad as she said with a small laugh, "She called me stupid."
Sora's arms froze in place, though the boat continued to move from the current. His eyes washed over her as he considered what to say, eventually deciding on, "She didn't mean it. She's just mad at me and taking it out on you." He started to row again as he finished.
"Either way, she's the one being stupid." She crossed her arms and huffed, "I can hardly even get a word in when she goes off on her rants. If she would actually listen to me she wouldn't be acting this way."
"I guess all you can do is keep trying, right? In the meantime, just try to take it with a grain of salt when she says stuff like that." He suggested softly, looking back up at her to say, "I'll try to talk to her again, too, if she'll let me. I didn't do a very good job defending myself last time since I wasn't completely sure of how you felt. It didn't seem too out of the question that you might have changed your mind about wanting to see me."
Kairi shook her head and laughed, "We were best friends for over 12 years before we defeated Xehanort and I came home. You really thought I was just going to let all of that go?"
Sora shrugged, defending, "I dunno. I knew you were hurt and that I'd been gone a long time. I didn't know how much had changed. How much you changed. I wouldn't have blamed you if you didn't want to be around me." He paused, remembering how much that thought haunted him upon his return, "It would have hurt me, yeah, but I would have done whatever was best for you."
"Even if I wanted to try to ignore you, I would have given in eventually. I can't stay away from you for too long." She smiled, "I mean, you saw that. Kind of. I tried to run away from everything at first, but I ended up going to your house the next morning."
He smiled widely in return, continuing to row till they reached the play island. As they got out of the boat, Kairi asked, "So have I changed?"
"Huh?" He questioned back, as he went to take his seat at the edge of the dock.
She sat next to him, "You said you didn't know how much I'd changed. Have I changed?"
"Not a whole lot. Not that I've noticed, yet." He answered automatically, looking out over the ocean at the sunset. Looking back at her, he added, "Personality wise, anyway. You've changed a bit physically."
Kairi looked a bit surprised and concerned, "I hope that's a compliment."
His eyes widened, answering sheepishly, "It is! It definitely is." Smiling a bit to himself, he admitted, "It made it that much harder when I saw you for the first time. I was already terrified and had no idea what to say. Seeing you only made it worse."
"Hm." She acknowledged with a bit of a smirk.
"So what about me?" He questioned back.
She titled her head, "What?"
"Have I changed?" He watched her curiously.
Kairi looked away again, "You're a little different. More mature, more cautious." She looked back him, smiling sweetly, "But that's not necessarily a bad thing and I can tell at the core you're still the same."
He hummed, taking in her answer. "And physically?" He asked a moment later.
"Wasn't Vanille's description good enough?" She replied in a mumble, embarrassed.
"No," Sora shook his head, "Those were her words. I wanna hear what you think."
Her eyes flickered to him momentarily before looking down at her lap, "You're nicely toned. I mean, you always have been, but just slightly more than before I guess. I don't know." She fumbled with her words.
He laughed, "Anything else?"
"I guess not." She replied, her face red, "You got a bit taller I guess. At least your hair didn't get any messier."
Running his hand through his hair, he answered jokingly, "I don't think that's possible to begin with." He smiled at her, adding, "And thanks."
"You're welcome." She answered quietly, still a bit sheepish.
"Sorry, I was just curious since I just kind of blurted it out about you." He lightly placed his hand over hers.
She smiled appreciatively before leaning towards him, their shoulders touching, "It's okay."
They both looked out across the ocean at the sunset, sitting in silence until Sora asked, "What do you wanna do tonight? Since it's apparently Saturday." He added sarcastically and Kairi laughed.
"I don't know. I don't really want to go back to my apartment and deal with Selphie yet…" She bit her lip. After a moment, she asked, "What do you think about staying out here after the sun sets?"
"I mean, we can. It'll be pitch black, though." Sora shrugged.
Kairi slid closer to him, putting more of her weight against his arm, "We can make a fire if we need to. C'mon, it'll be fun."
"Okay." He agreed, "But you should have told me to bring marshmallows and stuff. A fire's not as fun without s'mores and everything we need is about forty five minutes away in that direction." He held out his arm towards the main island.
"We'll be alright." She slipped her hand out from underneath his and began to stand up. "Walk with me?" She questioned before jumping down from the dock.
Sora followed her wordlessly, jumping down onto the sand. A little ways down the shore, she surprised him a bit when she reached over for his hand but he quickly complied, his fingers intertwined with hers.
It was kind of funny. He'd worried for so long about doing anything that might pass the best friend boundary and would make her uncomfortable that now, when he was free to do that sort of thing, he didn't even really think about it.
"What are you thinking about?" She asked softly as they continued walking.
Sora smiled a bit, answering, "The kind of stuff that makes me dorky, I guess."
Kairi giggled, "And what's that?"
"I was so awkward around you for so long because I didn't want to do accidentally do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable. Because your friendship was way important to me than my feelings. And I feel like I spent so long doing that, I'm absolutely terrible at trying to make the transition from best friends to a couple." He looked over to her, "You've initiated pretty much everything."
She closed her eyes and smiled, "You're over thinking it."
"What a surprise." Sora commented sarcastically, laughing at himself.
"It's not any sort of drastic change. Most of the time, it will be just like it was before. But as for initiating stuff, don't force it just because you think you should do something. Just let it happen when it feels right; like you putting your hand over mine on the dock." She looked up at him, "You wouldn't have done that before. But you were comfortable enough to do it now that you didn't even think about it. It's just like that."
He nodded thoughtfully, "Hmm. I guess so."
"You'll get the hang of it. I'm still working on it, too." She admitted, using her thumb to rub the back of his hand comfortingly.
"I guess it's just like Riku said, the thing about me being an open book. I forget everyone else isn't like that, so I always think that I'm just missing something while they're all perfectly comfortable with the situation." He laughed, "I guess I just have to remember everyone else has their own problems, too."
Kairi smiled and nodded, "Yeah, some people are better at hiding it than others, but everyone's got something. It's always better to be upfront and honest about it because it'll honestly save you a bunch of grief in the long run, so it's really not a bad thing that you're so open about everything."
"Thanks, for all of that. I needed it." He came to a stop, locking his eyes with hers with a small smile.
She shrugged, still smiling, "You're welcome."
"I'll go ahead and take a little bit of your advice now." He used his free hand to pull her closer. Realizing what he was doing, she grinned a little wider and closed her eyes as he leaned in towards her. He kissed her tenderly and slowly, relishing the feeling. Aside from the small peck that they'd shared when Sora dropped her off at her apartment, the last time they kissed was so rushed. It'd been built up over so many years that they were both desperate and there were a lot of different emotions involved. But this time, he knew he had all the time in the world and he wanted to take advantage of that as much as possible.
He pulled away first, not wanting to overdo it again even though Kairi hadn't particularly minded. As he pulled away, she pressed against him and hugged him tightly, whining into the fabric of his shirt, "Ugh, I just wanna stay out here with you but we both need to eat dinner."
Hugging her back, he answered, "If you still don't wanna go home, you could always come over to my house for a little while." Turning his head a bit, he admitted, "Mom might be a little mad at me for not telling her ahead of time, but she'll still be happy to see you."
"You sure that'd be okay?" She leaned back to look at him.
"Yeah, of course. She loves you and Riku both."
She pulled herself away and turned around, starting to head back to the dock, "Let's get going, then!"
"That was fast." He trudged along after her, almost tripping in the sand as he turned around.
"I'm just a little bit hungry now, so I know I'll be almost starving by the time we get back. Plus we've still got a teeny tiny bit of sun left at the moment to make it easier to get back to the main island." She answered loudly, not bothering to turn back to look at him as she did so.
He shrugged, "Whatever's best for you."
She titled her head back and looked at him, stopping for just a moment, "Did you wanna stay longer?"
He held his hands up, "Not really? I'm sort of hungry too. But I couldn't really leave you alone out here, either."
"You should have told me." She turned back around with a frown, walking a bit faster, "Don't make yourself uncomfortable just because I didn't feel like going home yet."
"I would have told you if it was that bad." He put a hand on his hip, watching Kairi untie the boat, "I'm fine. Really."
"I hope so." She replied with another glance to him, sitting down in the boat once Sora had reached down to hold it steady.
Once he had gotten in as well and rowed a small amount away from the island, he questioned, "So, what are you doing tomorrow?"
"I've probably gotta start studying for a test…" She sighed, "You're lucky you get the weekends off. I mean, the coffee shop never stays open any later than seven, so I always get a portion of the day to myself, but still. I wish I always had all of Saturdays to myself like I used to in high school."
He reminded her, "You will, when you start a full time job and don't have to balance work and school anymore."
She slumped, "But that's so far away and so… intimidating."
He gave a small, sheepish smile, "Yeah, you got me there." He looked out into the water, mumbling, "I still don't even know what I want to do."
"You'll figure it out. You can just do Gen Ed classes and a few classes in different departments till you find something you like." Kairi reached out and rested her palm on his knee comfortingly, "By the way, when are you going to talk to someone from the high school?"
He shrugged, "Sometime this week. I'll probably have to go sometime during one of my lunch breaks or something." Giving a little laugh, he admitted, "I'm nervous about that too. Whatever they're going to make me do."
She shook her head and smiled, "Don't be. Riku and I are going to help you with anything and everything you need."
He nodded appreciatively, "Thanks."
"No problem. We may just have to be studying for our own classes while you're doing your own work too." She admitted as they came in towards the dock.
"Understandable." He agreed before getting out of the boat to help Kairi out as well. Once he had accomplished that, he tied it to the dock and they started walking towards his house. "I still need to fix my own boat too." He commented with a laugh.
Swiftly intertwining her hand with his, she replied, "You just got home, you don't need to rush. Just take it one thing at a time." She bumped her shoulder lightly against his as she continued, "And I don't really mind having to use my boat. We've both been leaving and coming back at the same time so we haven't really needed two."
Sora gave a slight nod, "Yeah, I guess that's true."
The island was dark now, the street lights only illuminating the pathway in small patches as they walked. They didn't say much, probably because they were both getting pretty hungry and Sora's house wasn't far. But along the way he found himself captivated by the way the lights caught her hair and faded as they walked out of their reach. Even in the dark, her hair was unmistakably red, but he'd never really paid attention to how many different shades it could be.
She caught him staring and blushed, but didn't say anything other than a soft "C'mon." before tugging him forward.
Sora's mom spotted them as they walked up the stairs of the front porch, swinging open the screen door and greeting Kairi immediately with a hug. Though, just as expected, she snuck a glare in towards Sora for not telling her that Kairi was coming and he just shrugged.
"Come on in and help yourself to whatever you like." She ushered Kairi in with a light tap of her back.
"Thank you." Kairi smiled sweetly before making her way towards the kitchen.
Sora lingered in the door way, apologizing, "Sorry. Inviting her over was sort of a last minute thing."
"It's okay. I'm just giving you a hard time." She gave him a little shove forward as well, "Go ahead and go get dinner."
"Thanks." He moved forward while his mom shut the door behind him.
He had almost made it halfway through the living room before his mom called out his name, "Sora."
"Hm?" He spun back around.
She moved closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder, smiling, "I'm glad everything worked out with you two. I was really worried about you when you first came home but when you were walking up the porch, I think that's the happiest I've ever seen you."
He smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck, "Yeah, I'm pretty happy. But… I've still got a lot of other stuff to worry about, unfortunately."
"One day at a time." She replied, reminding him of what Kairi had said earlier, "You can go eat now. I'll be in here when you guys are finished." She sat down on the couch.
"Okay." He flashed another smile before grabbing food from the kitchen and joining Kairi at the dinner table.
