Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Z-Coils. And especially not the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

A/N My apologies for not posting yesterday, the snow knocked out my Internet and when it came back I had to leave and didn't get home until 1:30 in the morning. A while back my mom bought these special shoes called Z-Coils; they have springs in the heel and are supposedly good for your feet. Now she wears them all the time. Let's see what happens when Hojo tries them.

"Well any questions?" President Shin-Ra asked as he watched Hojo at the podium for the staff meeting. Hojo was bouncing happily on his new Q-Coil orthopedic shoes watching the assembly annoyed. He hated questions and it cut into his experiment time.

"Yes Mr. Tuesti," Hojo glared at he head of Urban Development annoyed.

"I was wondering how this new project will affect the people in the outlying cities near the test area," Reeve asked.

However before Hojo could answer the fire alarm sounded blaring it's high-pitched wail at the top of its electronic lungs. "WHY NOW?!" Hojo roared springing over to the door to the fire stairs.

The rest of the Executives trailed after him into the stairs, Tseng was several floors below before shouting, "this isn't a drill, something in the lab exploded and the building caught fire!"

Hojo, thinking it had been a simple drill, had been making his way down the stairs carefully. His shoes, which were springy dress shoes, had come with a warning label that read: "Warning: These are spring loaded shoes. This means the shoes have springs in them. They are springy. They will make you move with spring in your step. This means if you are not someone who likes a spring in their step then don't wear them. Therefore if you do decide to wear them, then there are certain places you should not wear them. This includes slopes, sand dunes, snow covered areas, laboratories with electrical cords, stairs, and Gackt concerts. These shoes are not normal; of course we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway.

Dear customer #3939000,

We would like to apologize; our Infinite Impossibly Slim Drive was malfunctioning when we made them. Therefore they are defective. Please adhere strictly to the warning label and you should be relatively fine as long as it is a Tuesday."

Unfortunately for Hojo there were three things wrong, one, he hadn't read the Warning label and instead threw it away, two, he wore them in the lab constantly, three and worst of all, it was Wednesday. Also as a fourth thing he was running down a stairwell at high speed. He turned the corner for the next flight of stairs and slammed the spring-loaded heel of his Q-Coil into the cement stair. As soon as he put his foot down he shot off into the previous flight of stairs like a rocket and slammed his head into them. At which point gravity kicked in and he ended up rolling down 65 flights of stairs to the ground floor.

Fortunately the fire in the lab was small and easily put out within five minutes after Hojo's end.