Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII; it would be my anti drug if I weren't addicted to Disney.
A/N I just saw National Treasure Book of Secrets, good movie but the pre movie short was a riot. It was Goofy attempting to set up a home theater, and it was a hoot. Needless to say you know where my mind jumped. So now with the help of a lot of the Turks, Hojo's new home theater system! Oh if you forgot whom the Turks are check "Keep Your Eye on the Sky".
Tseng was in an extremely foul mood, despite keeping it hidden behind the stern mask of his face. He and most of his department were all assembled in Hojo's apartment. Reno, Rude, Cissnei, Jessica, Emily, Victor, and himself had been gathered to install the system. Or so Hojo had said, "Did I understand you correctly, sir, that we are to aid in the installation of your new theater?"
"No I wanted to have tea and biscuits, of course you're hear as my slaves… I mean assistants," Hojo retorted.
Tseng glared at him for a moment before nodding to his subordinates, "alright then we'll get started."
Cissnei sighed as she and Jessica started to unwind the nearly four hundred yards of cord, Reno, Rude, Victor and Tseng were dealing with the heavy lifting, and Emily was furiously trying to translate the directions. While the Turks struggled with the setup of the new equipment, Hojo was calmly sipping a cup of pitch-black coffee with several dozen brown sugar cubes having turned it into a semi-solid.
Reno shook his head in disgust motioning to Victor with his head, they sat their sub-subwoofer on the ground before pretending to set up the cables, "this is insane yo," Reno muttered.
Victor nodded, "tell me about it."
"We gotta do something, this is gonna kill me," Reno muttered groaning.
"We will, you ever heard of the brown note?" Victor replied.
Emily walked over hearing them talking, "yeah it's supposed to be a note that makes your colon resonate until you lose all bladder control."
Reno got an impish grin, "I see where this is going."
Victor shook his head, "I'm not finished yet, supposedly if you go slightly higher then the brown note then the resonance will disrupt your body and you'll explode."
Reno stared at the brown haired Turk, "where d'ya learn this yo?!"
Victor shrugged, "Internet."
Within a few hours the Turks had relayed their plan to one another and finished setting up the TV, the front speaker, the left speaker, the right speaker, the slightly more to the left speaker, the slightly more to the right speaker, the surround sound, the ambient surround sound, the subwoofer, the sub-subwoofer, and the subwoofer-woofer. Tseng nodded to Hojo, "well then call us if there are any problems."
The Turks quickly evacuated the room pulling on earplugs as they exited; Jessica was all smiles, "so then are we ready to give this a try?"
Cissnei nodded, "ready when you are!"
Tseng watched closely, "Rude, Victor, is he in position?"
The pair nodded, "yeah ready when we are."
Reno handed the remote to Emily, "ladies first yo."
"When have you ever been chivalrous?" She laughed pressing the button.
Hojo was settled into his large cushy leather chair fingering the remote happily as he prepared to channel surf. All at ones the subwoofer, sub-subwoofer, and the subwoofer-woofer roared to life blaring a very low note. The scientist felt like he was jelly as he felt the note reverberate through him, thirty seconds later, he was just that, acid flavored jelly.
