Hi everyone, so I want to thank my my reviewer again =) Not much to say really, might as well get on with the chapter. Warning: Boyxboy, swearing, some violence and ratings may be turned up at a later time.
Deep grey clouds had become even heavier through the sky. They seemed to carry the weight of the world upon them as they were eager to cry and let their burden free. The cold breeze that coursed through them seemed to be relentless in biting deep into the bones of the two boys which now stood, planted to the side walk of the street. It wouldn't be long before snow would come over this area. Alex could already see the distant blanket which had fallen into the forest and now lines some trees in a pure white.
He could still remember the last winter that he had. It had been but a mere few months previously.
He remembers it clearly because he had spent most of the time being imprisoned in his nightmares because of the cold.
He still waits for it to end. The cold of the bitter winter, the merciless ice always at his throat and grinding into his chest as it gives him nothing but the most useless of hope for any survival. His physical body survives while my mental state deteriorates with each growing day. He stares through a lifeless eye that seems to show him nothing more than the poison of his wound. The infection that brings him to his knees as he know he may have no more ounce of fight left in him. He's just a shell that waits for time to decide it's final moment; degrading slowly and breaking because of time.
But why does he have to wait?
He know why… It's because he's a survivor.
He knows that much. He knows how to run and to keep on going. He knows how to ignore the pain of burning lungs and the ache of a body which is ready to give in and collapse. He knows how to sly his way through conversation and draw eyes away from himself.
At least… he thinks he does?
What is this darkness around him? Why does it decide that it claims him? This small box and corridor of a prison I find myself in? Why does it matter any more if I carry on the fight? Something tells me I've already lost now that I'm here. Something tells me that now I have failed everything that I ever set out to accomplish.
But how can I trust senses that come from an empty mind. How can I trust a personality that I know nothing about? That's his thoughts and his nightmare; being imprisoned inside his dark mind. Inside a cell of doubt and confusion. One nightmare that he wakes up to. That was the nightmare that Ash proved for him when he kissed that other girl back.
He proved Alex's father right. He proved Alex right.
That he knew he was worth nothing.
Alex stared on for a moment as his mouth was left sli ghtly agape in a strange combination between horror, unrelenting rage... but even though he would never admit what was plainly trying to explode out of him. He could feel the warmth of awe and the smallest kindle of a blushing stare beginning to turn into a wild forest fire inside him.
He just stared dumbfounded at Ash as the other boy tried to put on a smile seeing the light rose red move across Alex's cheeks. "Um... Hi." He slowly held up the rose as he lowered his gaze.
"Hi..." Alex repeated as though he was tasting the words in his mouth. "Hi?" his stare became a dark and loathing glare. "That's what you have to say... Hi?" He adjusted his shirt self consciously before scolding himself for caring enough about his appearance. "We're not going to do this here." Alex stated quite firmly as he watched Ash's smile slowly slide away.
It didn't matter even if ash looked really cute in his black shirt... his sapphire jacket. His typical jeans and trainers, that damn hat which made his hair spike out wildly. His over all presence of a future champion. No. Alex turned his head away as he couldn't stand even looking at the boy any more. He was like the sun... stare for too long and you would blind yourself.
Plus... it was way too easy to lose himself in those brilliant eyes. Right now he had to focus. He couldn't do that if he was going to become smitten with those beautiful orbs. Shut up. His thoughts snapped coldly back to him in a simple response to anything positive about Ash. "I just wanted-"
"Not. Here." Alex stated coldly again. "That is, unless you're expecting company?"
That low shot hit Ash right in the gut.
He gave a curt nod. "Good." Alex said quietly.
"Pika Pika!" Pikachu looked at Jack with a curious glance as he kept his tail curled around the rose which he had been holding out a minute before.
But both Jack and his trainer turned in sync away from both of them and began to walk down the long path into the forest way. The dirt flicked and wound up into small spiralling clouds as Alex held out his arms for Jack who leapt up gratefully and nuzzled his head into the boy's chest. "Eevee..." His pokemon whispered softly and quietly.
"I know." Alex responded under his breath as one hand caressed the soft ears of his most trusted partner. "I know what you mean."
Jack reached a paw up casually onto his trainer's shoulders and rested his head against Alex's. His ears wiping away the oncoming tears which had tired crawling down the boy's cheeks.
Neither of them dared looked back at the two following them.
Even when the gravel ground changed to the sound of crunching snow, neither looked back in any want or desire of Ash and Pikachu. Right now, the pain and shock of seeing those two was just like this blanket of snow; dominating and plain to see.
Alex had been here only once with Ash... it had been the day that his father had beaten him and walked out on him and his mother. The day that he had found out about his son and Ash.
The day that he thought would have been his last.
But still. Both boys remembered that day without any problem.
-Flash back-
It was only when they reached the other side of the park where he knew no one else ever went did he finally come to a stop. The rose bushes were fading under a weighed blanket of snow next to the broken ice covered river, while a coven of strong standing oaks stood around the area as though they were soldiers protecting their king. He had come here for long runs with Ash and their Pokemon. They could just cut through the tunnel which wasn't too far away... It had been so funny. The other idiots in the town had ran through up on the hill taking a ridiculous amount of time to carry on... but it just wasn't right without having Ash around to cut through.
But it had been hen he was tracing his memories of hiding from his father, that he had found this area.
He liked coming here, he often did when his mother was working late and his father was too busy smoking cigars, drinking to the bottom of the bottles and talking to his imaginary protégé; the boy he wished truly was his son, Alex would feel lonely at home... it was no wonder he had brought himself to this.
He would sit on the old rope swing and gently push out as it rocked him back and forth over the water. Jack would swim and dance along the water ash it sparkled under the sunlight... but that was during the summer when the water was kind and forgiving.
Now it was winter, the water had grown tired of holding people passenger to it's cooling grace and it too had become merciless and weary with the bitter cold. "Why can't anything in my life just go right for once! I'm sick of these stupid dreams! I'm sick of always being alone!" He whispered and wiped away the slowly oncoming tears which froze quickly to his cheek.
Jack looked at him sadly as he nuzzled closer to give the boy any warmth that he could. He had watched his trainer getting treated worse and been wronged on many more occasions than one. Right now Alex kept his fringe covered over his eyes as he slanted his head slightly so the shadows of the trees moved over his face. Jack was more than worried of the boy's next move... but either way, he loved Alex.
He would follow him no matter what.
The water was freezing; he would be dead in a matter of seconds. His body would sink to the bottom and they wouldn't find him till summer… that's how long it would take his parents to even realise that he was missing, but as he was the smallest step away from stepping into the sweet oblivion of the after life; a place where even his parents couldn't hurt me. No more having to listen to a pissed up father exclaim what a waste and freak that his son was.
His fingers trembled as he pulled Jack closer to his chest. "I love you. You know that right?" He whispered softly but couldn't seem to look down at his Pokemon as he placed him slowly on the floor.
"Alex. What are you doing!"
The boy half turned as in the snow, his hair stood out amazingly bright against the white backdrop. Ash and Pikachu were in a full out sprint to catch up with him. They had heard his screams back from his house. They had seen Alex's mother break down into tears as his father went wild smashing windows and giving out orders and attacks as he roared in a drunken state. "Don't do it!"
"PIKA PIKA!"
Pikachu sprinted over and quickly grappled his arms onto Jack with a great hug.
Ash froze as he saw the boy's hair blow back with the caress of a breeze.
Alex's right eye was swollen almost completely shut. Thick lining of purple bruises and large cuts lined across his face. "W-What happened to you." Ash whispered. His voice trembled as the boy turned more and he saw the complete thick and black circle around the boy's other eye. His cheek was swollen and continued to drip blood down which stained the pure ground crimson. "After I told you to run..." Alex turned his head back to the water. "He took it out on me."
Ash stared in horror.
"So tell me... Am I still cute and beautiful now?" Tears of blood and sorrow fell from his eyes into the ground.
-End of flash back-
Alex remembered that day better than any other in his life.
But now as he stood here in the exact same spot by the river, his gaze was hardened and as cold as the snow which once stood dominant and did still. "Why." He said so quietly that it was almost lost on the passing breeze through the trees. The emerald canvas above them protected them mostly from the slowly beginning to fall snow. "Why should I listen to you... I trusted you. Against my better judgement Ash." The black haired boy turned his gaze down at that. "God... you made me feel alive in a time I felt dead to myself!" He looked up slowly for a moment. "And... you betrayed me."
"She kissed me first-"
"YOU STILL KISSED HER BACK ASH!" I screamed as the pain hurt.
The pain hurt more than anything else I have felt. It hurt more than having my own father beat the shit out of me and leave my family. It hurt more than the ice did when I fell in that river and almost died.
No... dying would have hurt less than living with the aching pain. "I didn't mean to!" He exclaimed and tried to walk towards me but I just backed up slightly. "Please, just listen to me."
"Give me one reason why-"
"Because I love you." He stated.
My jaw fell open in agape at his admission.
"Pika Pika." Pikachu said quietly to Jack and held out the rose just as Ash was.
Jack's mouth fell open mirroring his trainer as the pokemon had just repeated Ash word for word. "You're serious." Alex whispered and held his hand over his mouth as tears were threatening to burst from his eyes. From pain or from joy I wasn't sure... I was finding it increasingly to tell both of those emotions apart. What do I do? So what, he just turns up after all these years and tells me he loves me!
This was almost like some taunting dream...
"Alex." He stepped forward and slowly wrapped his hands around my waist before placing his lips as softly as he could to mine.
Immediately I melted into it and felt him lean me back slightly as I closed my eyes in pure bliss while wrapping my arms embracingly around his shoulders. I could feel it as his tongue slowly entered my mouth and I felt the warmth fill me. It was as though suddenly summer had exploded from inside my chest and was wrapping around both of us.
We didn't even break apart as we fell down into the deep snow beneath us.
His kisses slowly began to trail down my neck and I let out a slight gasp as my face turned bright red. This just felt right. Having Ash kiss me. Having his fingers slowly lace with mine as I slowly looked up to see his beautiful dark eyes watching my face for any expression or movement of emotion. Those beautiful orbs were just like mine, half closed and hiding secrets that would never surface. "You changed your hair style." He mention casually as he reached out and traced it with his finger. "I missed this." He whispered softly as he laid in the snow next to me but kept tracing the outline of my face or jaw as though he was scared I would disappear like a ghost.
"It never had to have ever changed." I turned my gaze away from him and watched how Jack had his tail wrapped around Pikachu as they were laid back against a tree. They were snoozing lightly... I had never seen Jack so open to someone else other than me being so close to him. But even with the way he was laid back... I could see he looked tense. He was nervous.
Just as I was.
Ash curled one arm softly under my head like a pillow. He ran his fingers across my numb cheek. "I never meant for it to happen." He insisted quietly.
I closed my eyes as his words washed over me. Why does he keep doing this to me! Drawing me in and making me love him like a fatal venom! Why could I just not move on now and forget him... because I knew I was never going to be able to forget him kissing that girl. "But it still did Ash." I slowly stood and began to shed the wet shirt and jacket which were now soaked through.
I reached into my bag and pulled out a new set of clothing gear. I had been prepared for the cold snow.
The cold biting into my cheeks hid my blush well as I felt his eyes keep glancing at me as I slowly slid a shirt and long sleeved white wool jumper over my head and let it slide down. The cold was so vicious and relentless now that it seemed to be taking every opportunity to make a wound or take a bite out of someone. Well I was used to the cold and far worse.
I slowly pulled on some gloves and my black coat but as I reached for my scarf Ash whispered quietly. "Let me."
The thing was ridiculously long but I didn't object as he wrapped it once around my neck and let the two long strands fall in even lengths down my torso. They blew with the slight breeze and we both paused as he looked into each other's eyes. "I'm sorry Ash... I just can't do this."
"Eevee." Jack agreed quietly as he slowly pulled away from Pikachu who's eyes almost seemed to tear up slightly like his trainers.
Me and Jack just couldn't forget... what would be the point of forgiving them. We never truly could. Not out of spite of malice, but we would never be able to forget that someone else had kissed the ones we loved... or that even for a moment they had returned that kiss.
I crouched and picked Jack up as he rushed to me and buried his head in my chest. "Move on Ash." I glared at him and watched out the corner of my eye as Pikachu jumped onto his shoulder with great agility.
"But... I love you." His voice trembled and I turned away as tears moved down my cheeks. Before they could freeze, I pulled up the large fur lined hood of my coat. The inside of the fur material kept me and Jack warm as he sneaked inside of my coat and stood his head out of the collar where my scarf was loosely wound. I curled my fists as they quaked. I was completely sure that The pale of my knuckles shined through my grip was so tight. I had to stop now, I had to stop this before it got out of hand for the both of us.
Ash was always going to be my greatest what if... he was always going to be...
The owner of my heart.
I let out my shaky breath as quietly as I could. "Move. On. Ash." I growled quietly.
I half turned my head and showed him only half of my face as my eyes hardened at him. "I already have." I lied.
I turned and began the long walk back down the path. The blizzard coming down heavier... But I didn't mind.
It hid my falling tears.
