Again, I completely apologize for the amount of time that it took to write this. Life hasn't been going my way once again and having to write Sora dealing with his own issues was kind of hard when I was barely able to handle my own.

My goal was to post this chapter before or on Christmas so that I could write the next chapter for New Years Eve but unfortunately I missed that mark… I hope you guys still enjoy it even though it's a tiny bit out of season lol.

I CAN BARELY SAY

Chapter Eighteen: Letting Go

"Are you done yet?" Sora leaned against the wall tiredly with several shopping bags hanging from his arm, watching Riku circle the jewelry counter for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Just give me literally ten more seconds." He mumbled in response before finally asking the associate for what he wanted and paying for it. As he walked back to Sora, he sighed, "You're lucky because your mom just tells you exactly what she wants. Mine wants to be surprised."

He shrugged in response, starting to walk towards the exit, "I let Santa deal with the surprises."

"What's with all the presents, anyway?" Riku pointed towards the multiple bags.

Sora looked down at the bags and answered sheepishly, "I got stuff for everyone at Disney Castle. And something for Ariel and Eric's daughter, Melody. Plus a few others…" He took a breath and shivered as they stepped out into the cold, explaining, "I asked about it the last time I was in Christmas Town. You can just leave things under the tree for people in other worlds and Santa will take care of it. But I just mostly got small stuff; he already has a really busy night so I don't want to make it too much more difficult."

He listened thoughtfully with wide eyes before commenting, "That's really great that he's willing to do that… I guess I need to go back to the mall soon, then." Riku gave a little laugh, "You just made my Christmas list a lot longer." Stopping in his tracks, he asked, "Wait, wait, wait. How recent was this trip? Did you know that you could send stuff here?"

Sora rolled his eyes and reached into his pockets to grab his gloves, "It was at the beginning of this year, when it was starting to look like it was possible to come home. And I don't owe you any presents."

Riku groaned, "Seriously? I'm sorry about the Santa thing. How was I supposed to know?"

Sora didn't answer as he struggled to keep the bags from falling off of his arm as he put his gloves over his hands.

"You're not gonna be grumpy at the Christmas party, are you?" The older boy asked in a teasing tone, but the way his voice lowered told Sora he was definitely asking earnestly as well.

It'd be the first time that all three of them would be together ever since Kairi confessed what had happened and Sora couldn't decide if it was good or bad that the Christmas party only involved their families rather than the whole island like the Halloween party.

He shrugged, answering back with a muttered joke, "Maybe I'll get into the Christmas spirit by then."

"I hope so." Riku let out a breath of air. Watching his friend's sapphire eyes give him a questioning look, he defended, "I mean I obviously understand why you're like this… but you know. I just want us to be able to have fun and enjoy it."

"Yeah." The brunette stared forward, his expression blank.

Letting a moment of silence pass by, Riku asked, "So, you doing anything else today?"

"I'm gonna go over to Kairi's after I wrap all this stuff." He answered automatically, vaguely lifting his arm to motion towards the presents.

With that, he gave a small smile, "Oh, okay."

Sora caught a glance of him and frowned, scrunching his face as he asked, "What? It's not like I ever stopped seeing her."

"I know. Just glad you're not keeping to yourself." The older boy answered honestly.

"Okay…" He huffed and looked away.

They walked in silence after that until they had reached the road that lead down to Riku's house. Before he departed, he gave a small wave, "See you tomorrow night!"

"Right." Sora nodded and kept walking.

Finally alone, he sighed. He didn't really want to be like this, either; especially when Riku was trying so hard to stay on his good side. But it was like the words escaped his mouth before he could even think about what he was saying lately.

It was the same way with Kairi. Every time he fired back a cold response, the look she got in her eyes crushed him. He tried to make up for it, but he couldn't stop it from happening, and it was starting to get to the point where it seemed like just being around him made her nervous.

At first he wanted to believe she deserved it in some way, as did Riku, but he was already tired of trying to hold a grudge. He just wanted to move forward, but for some reason the way he was acting wasn't reflecting that at all whenever he was around them.

But that had to change tonight.

Riku could maybe handle being a punching bag for a while, but there was no way he could handle seeing Kairi close to tears again. He wanted to see her smile; and really smile, not the half-hearted ones she'd been giving him for the past week or so.

He spent probably a little under an hour digging out the wrapping paper and bows, hunting down a pair of scissors, and actually wrapping the gifts before he finally started to make his way over to her apartment. But among all that chaos, he finally came up with a plan.

If words were what kept messing him up, then he wouldn't use words. He had thought to himself during their first kiss since he'd returned to the islands that it seemed like that was the better way to show her how much he'd missed her. So maybe the same thing was true now; to show her how much he still cared about her and how much he wanted to move forward from this.

After being let in and giving Selphie a brief greeting, Sora pulled Kairi into her bedroom and shut the door quietly.

"Sora, what—" She started to say, but he lifted his hands to cup her face and his lips covered hers before she could finish her sentence. She kissed him back awkwardly at first, thrown back by his intensity, but started to match his passion as his lips wandered down to her neck and his fingers started to brush against the bare skin underneath the hem of her shirt. Kairi let out a few sharp breaths as she felt his lips and tongue continue down a path to her shoulder and she tugged down the zipper of Sora's jacket, pulling it off enough so that he only had to shrug his arms slightly for it to completely fall off.

With that done, she imitated him and reached under his blue sweater to run her hands across his stomach and around his back, admiring and tracing the lines of his muscles as well as the few scars that he had gained over the years.

He dipped his head, catching her lips again and pulling her tightly against him. Still, she kept pulling him even closer to herself until they ended up toppling over onto her bed. Though she looked surprised for a moment, she continued kissing him eagerly until Sora pulled away. He kept his one hand at her side, still underneath her shirt, but moved the other to cup her face again and grinned, "Whoa, calm down. I wasn't planning to let it go this far."

Kairi flushed, "I wasn't either! It was an accident."

"I'm just teasing you." He kissed her forehead, still leaning over her.

She flashed a smile, her eyes looking up to search for his. "So what exactly was that?"

He let out a small sigh and lowered his head, lightly pressing his cheek against hers as he hid his face, "I'm sorry I've been so distant lately… I've really been trying not to be, but for some reason things that I don't even really mean just keep flying out of my mouth. So I figured that I could just show you how I feel, instead." He lifted his head again, giving a small smile as he asked, "Did it work?"

Kairi laughed and reached up to run her hand through his hair before resting it against his cheek, "Yeah, it did."

"Good." He closed his eyes, "I just want to move on from this. I know it's not going to go away, but I'm just tired of hurting. And I'm tired of hurting you and Riku even though you've both already apologized a million times and there's really nothing else you can do."

She didn't answer verbally, but lightly rubbed her thumb against his cheek in a comforting way.

Blinking his eyes open, he gave a small smile again as he suggested, "I know it's sudden and it's cold outside, but do you want to go watch the sunset today?"

She nodded and he started to lift himself off of her before she pulled him in for another kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too." He pulled himself upward before tugging on her arm and pulling her up as well, "C'mon, we've gotta hurry if we wanna make it on time."

oxoxoxoxoxo

Decked out in the traditional ugly Christmas sweaters, they walked into Riku's house together and got bombarded by what felt like dozens of older adults. Aside from the standard "Merry Christmas", they heard several comments about how much Sora had grown, how everyone just knew they'd end up together, and even someone asking about when Sora intended to propose and he promptly proceeded to choke on the water he was sipping on at the time. Plenty of people on the islands did get married young, but Kairi was in school and he was only just about to start. Not to mention the fact that he was constantly traveling between worlds on top of that.

Kairi, on the other hand, found the whole thing hilarious (after making sure he didn't actually choke).

Finally making it into the den where Riku was waiting on the couch, Sora collapsed backwards onto it with a heavy sigh and the older boy laughed, "That bad on the way in, huh?"

"Someone asked if he was going to propose soon and he nearly died from choking on his water." Kairi answered in an amused tone, sipping on her own glass of water after she finished speaking.

He let out a laugh, "That definitely sounds like something that would happen to Sora."

"We're only twenty—I just really didn't expect that question at all." He defended with a wave of his hands.

"Oh, so now it's only twenty." Riku pointed out with a smirk, "A few months ago you thought twenty was getting old."

The brunette groaned, holding his forehead as he tried to think of a response, "It is, but it isn't... Ugh. I don't know." Kairi leaned against his side with a small smile, linking her arm in his and resting her hand on his leg.

"Well, you seem to be back to your old self today." Riku smiled and reached forward for his glass of wine, taking a swallow.

Sora lowered his hands into his lap, "Yeah. About that—I've been trying to let go and move on but I was really struggling with it. So sorry for being a jerk, I guess."

"Apology accepted," Riku took another swig before jokingly adding, "I guess."

The brunette gave a little glare but it was quickly followed by a small laugh, "I deserved that." He leaned backwards against the couch, "It feels sort of weird being at one of these parties after such a long time, but it feels right too."

"I think that's just the feeling of getting older, because I can say the same. Especially seeing Riku just casually drinking wine." Kairi motioned towards him.

"I'm legally allowed to have it now, so of course it's going to be casual." He shrugged in response, "But I mean, I see what you're saying."

"Everything just stayed the same for so long that we didn't really think anything could change." Sora managed to put the feeling into words, "At least until we got off the islands. But being back home just sort of gets you into that mindset again."

Riku nodded, "Hmm… Sounds about right."

"So that means you need to get us off the islands more, Sora." Kairi teased him with a small poke to his shoulder.

He scoffed, "I can try, but between both of your schedules… and now mine, I can only imagine it's going to be chaos trying to even get my life sorted out."

"That's right. I almost forgot you're starting school next month." Riku put down his glass, focusing on his friend intently, "Are you excited? Nervous?"

"A little bit of everything is the best way to describe it. I don't even know." Sora gave a little sigh, "It's gonna be tough, that's for sure."

Kairi gave a small smile, "We manage, I'm sure you can too. You may just have to make your naps a little bit shorter so that you can manage time better."

"Ha ha. Very funny." Though he answered sarcastically, a wide grin spread across his face, "Well, at least I've still got a little over 2 weeks before I have to worry about it."

"It'll go by faster than you think." He heard Riku say from his side and he turned his head to look at him.

"Gee, thanks. That's just what I wanted to hear." He raised his eyebrows in disbelief, but a smile still pulled at the corner of his lips.

Kairi exhaled, "It's really not that bad. I know it seems a lot more intimidating than high school, but it's kind of better for a few different reasons. First of all, your classes are split up by days and it'll probably be rare for you to spend 6 hours in class like you did in high school. Once you get used to the classes themselves and the workload, I think it's better. You have way more time to do other things."

"Seems pretty hard to believe when you and Riku complain you're busy all the time." He looked back to her, doubtful.

"It's all about time management during the semester. You'll get the hang of it." She answered simply, "Just wait till summer—then there'll be plenty of free time."

"For you," Sora quickly corrected, "I'm basically going to be in school forever since I'm so far behind. I have to take summer classes."

She gave a sheepish smile, "Sorry."

Riku, however, shook his head, "Summer classes might be a little more intense, but they're shorter, so you'll still have plenty of free time."

"Hmm." The brunette blinked, "Then I guess maybe this won't be too bad."

"Well, I know you two are stressing me out by talking about school when we're supposed to be on break," Kairi placed her hand heavily on Riku's table, making a loud noise to interrupt the two boys, "So let's do some Christmas-y things already!"

"Food, presents, games, movies?" Riku listed everything off the top of his head, "What do you want?"

She elbowed her boyfriend, motioning for him to choose, "Sora?"

"Presents." He answered automatically, tilting his head slightly to look at Riku, "Though I still don't think you deserve what I got you."

Riku practically fell off the couch before a look of annoyance crossed his face, "What do you want me to do? Send Santa an apology letter!?"

Sora shrugged, "Maybe. Doesn't sound like a bad idea."

He sighed heavily, "Okay. Okay. I will, but later tonight after we run out of things to do."

Sora hummed to himself in thought and Kairi smiled, watching the exchange quietly. "Promise?" He finally asked, his face completely serious.

"P-promise." Riku stuttered, a bit taken back.

Sora flashed a grin before jumping up from the couch, pulling Kairi with him, "Alright, then let's do it."