A/N: Hi guys! First off, thanks for the reviews last chapter! I took an idea from user listhefan. Thanks so much! It helped me get over my writer's block!
Second, this chapter is longer than my last ones finally because I actually had some good inspiration and it has a huge backstory in it. I'm so excited to share this chapter with you!
I hope you enjoy! Merry Christmas!
G.
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They're holding hands – the man with the lion tattoo and the brunette sitting beside him – his thumb is rubbing the back of her knuckles as their plane takes off. Trina is sitting down, watching the couple from the stewardess' seat, buckled up. They look so in love, and maybe – only maybe – she wants that with Tom. The openness of the love, not just the openness of the sex. She notices the peculiar tattoo on her wrist and it makes her smile to herself, wondering what that was about.
Sometimes passengers would come on with odd tattoos, and she's always wanted to ask but ends up never doing it in fear of it being weird to the passenger. She would be weirded out as well if her stewardess asked that question on a flight.
She can faintly hear Tom's voice (he's talking to Rex, of course) through the big door that seperates the pilot's cabin and the rest of the plane. Her back is against the wall, he's just on the other side of it, directly behind her. She wants to be able to reach back and hold his hand, too, just like the couple in the very first row are doing.
They're now looking out the window, the plane reaching the altitude it's supposed to be at. Trina unbuckles her seat belt and stands, readying herself to wait on passengers. Before she goes into the pantry, though, she makes a turn and opens the cabin door. Politely asking Rex to give them a moment, she sits down in Rex's seat as he steps out to use the lavatory after putting it on auto.
"Is everything alright?" Tom asks, a gentle but concerned tone in his voice.
Trina smiles and nods, looking down at his hand that's just resting on the arm of his seat. She wants to reach out and touch it, smile at him, and say I love you, but something inside of her is telling her no. Maybe it's that old school girl who had been broken hearted that her longtime boyfriend didn't work out. Maybe it's the woman who has sex to relieve the pain of her feelings. She's not sure what's telling her no, or who, but she wants it to stop.
Instead, she simply takes his hand and squeezes it, looking away from his eyes (she's pretty sure she'll stutter if she looks in them right now). "I just...I want to be more open with our relationship, Tom. Maybe I want to make this...more than..." She pauses and takes a deep breath, trying to steady her shaky voice, "More than just sex and dates. Maybe I want this to go further..." She says lowly, but her voice still is clear. "I'm not saying that I want you to propose to me any time soon, nothing like that. But maybe...I don't know..." She says and shakes her head.
"No, go on, Tri..." Tom pushes, squeezing her hand and rubbing the back of it just like the other man was doing to his girlfriend.
She looks up in his eyes, getting caught there. Maybe it's because of Valentine's Day, the whole month is filled with hearts and love and trying to find dates to go out with, but she feels like she could just scream that she loves him. She's feeling her heart warm by the second, and she's realizing, too, that maybe it's not so bad to be in love. "But maybe that's in our future one day, Tom." She finally whispers, keeping her eyes fixed on him. Her voice came out shakier this time than she meant for it to be, but the immediate smile on his face made her feel so much better about her decision to tell him her thoughts.
He clears his throat after trying to say something, but it coming out as nothing but a squeak. "You...you really would consider marriage one day?"
"One day." She says, "No time soon at all. Years from now..." She coos, looking back down as if she were afraid to disappoint him by saying that.
He turns to face her in his seat, leaning forward and taking her other hand in his other as well. "Tri, I'll wait until I'm ninety to marry you." He whispers, "You're the one I really have my heart set on."
"Really?" She asks, shocked and stunned that someone wanted her enough to wait that long. Luke didn't even want to wait the few years that it took to finish his college schooling.
"Really." He assures, and he brings one hand up to her cheek, rubbing his thumb underneath her eye socket very gently. "I love you. And I've stated that many times."
"I love you too, Tom." She blurts out. A lot has changed since their debate on sex and making love, the differences between the two where she almost admitted that she loved him. She was afraid then, she's been afraid since then, and she's still afraid now that one day he'll break her heart. But right now, the butterflies in her belly are helping her get over that fear. "I really do." She says, just to make her statement sound more sure.
He smiles at her, leaning forward a bit more to kiss in between her brows. "Thank you." He whispers against her soft skin, closing his eyes.
Both hands are on her cheeks, and it makes her feel warm and safe. More warm and more safe than she's ever felt in her life, like she could spend eternity here in his hands and be okay. She may melt before then, but she'll still be okay as a puddle in his hands. "Thank you for talking with me..." She whispers back, opening her eyes and looking up to search his happy ones.
He gives her a small smile, one that's awed, still, and still filled with love, too. "What made you change your mind on love and marriage?" He questions, pulling away slowly from her and sliding his hands down to her hands, holding them tight.
"There's this couple out there." She starts, shaking her head and letting out a quiet chuckle. "There's a ton of couples out there. It's February 13th, everyone is going on romantic getaways." She corrects herself, still smiling soft. "But there's one in particular that's in the very front row, and they were in love and...I just...I saw the look in his eyes when he sees her and that's the same exact look you give me. And the way she looked at him, like she just would die to save him from anything...they're so open about their love and-" She stops and shrugs, her smile fading slowly. "I wanted that too. I want to show my love for you out in the open, hold hands like a real couple instead of lovers."
"I thought we were past that stage, anyway?"
"Well, we are." She says, looking down. "I just...it's hard for me, for some reason, Tom. I can't let go of this weight that's holding me back from really just loving you. At first our relationship was about sex and smoking and...fun." She says, "But now I want to consider a future with you. I want...I've never wanted a white dress and to walk down the aisle, but you're the only one I can ever imagine doing that for." She murmurs, looking up once more. "And I think I should probably start acting more like I'd like to marry you one day in the future." She states, a tiny, proud little smile gracing her face as she awaits his answer to that.
It starts to fade again when he doesn't say anything, and maybe, she's thinking, that this was a mistake. Maybe he thinks she's pushing too hard too quick all of a sudden. Maybe. "Tom I-"
Before she can finish (or really, even get started), his lips are on hers for a gentle and love-filled kiss. "I'd love that." He whispers after pulling away, smiling close to her lips. "In the future."
"In the future." She repeats, a relieved smile now. "I should probably get back out to the passengers..." She says, chuckling softly as she slowly pulls her hands out of his.
He nods sadly and re-positions himself back in his seat, "I suppose you should." He says.
She stands and gives him one kiss on the temple, "Of course, this doesn't change anything in the bedroom. Or countertop. Or couch...wherever we decide we want to do it." She says in his ear, winking and clicking her tongue before walking to the door. She slides it open and suddenly Rex and Patty both are falling in the door.
"Oh! I- I!"
"You!" She snaps, "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Trina hisses, quiet enough so that customers can't hear. She pulls the door shut and makes them sit in the floor as she and Tom both stare them down.
"Listening." Rex says simply. "You better eat her out right in that hotel, Tommy." He says, turning up to Tom. He just smirks a little, only giving him a hint of what he'll do for her, and then shakes his head in disappointment at him listening to their conversation. Patty has stayed quiet, and Trina knows it's because she may start crying if she yells at her. Which is good, she likes making her feel a little bit less after the mean things she's said.
"Out." Trina says to Patty, her arms still folded as she stands above her. Patty crawls to her feet and opens the door, getting out before Trina steps out and slides the door shut, leaving Rex and Tom in the cabin.
The first thing she sees is the couple again, and they look so happy, but not as happy as she feels. For once, she feels like she could just jump over the moon.
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Miami Beach, hands together and swinging, and Trina is leaning in gently on his shoulder as they walk through the sand. They got the opportunity, tonight (February 14th) to be able to stay over in Miami, and she's thankful for the layover today because it couldn't have come at a better time.
She feels her shawl blowing gently in the crisp, mid February Florida wind. Not cold, but cool enough she wishes she would've brought a heavier shirt. "This is really nice, Tom." She coos to him, both of her arms wrapped around his bicep, linking her hands with each other.
He looks down at her as they walk beside the waves, "A nice date night." He confirms, bending his neck to reach and kiss her head.
They walk a little further before she stops, letting him know this is the spot she'd like their picnic to be. He sets it all up and she sits down on the blanket, moonlit with the assistance of one lone candle. "You know, I used to hate working around Valentine's Day. All of the couples...they just looked so happy. It made me feel sick." She states, taking a bite of her handmade sandwich (courtesy of Tom, of course). "Now, I realize that I'm a half of one of those couples. I'm so happy around you, and I think that's what love can do to a person. Kind of crazy how it'll change someone."
"Oh, it definitely is." He says, taking a bite as well. "My mom – I told you she used to be a hooker. My dad and her...it was an accident. I was an accident." He admits, swallowing thickly. He looked as if it hurt to admit that he wasn't planned, even though he's known that all these years, and he even told her once. He looks more hurt right now than he did then, though. "And my mom was going through a lot. She was messed up pretty bad and all, which I told you that...but...when she changed-" He pauses, shaking his head and smiling at a memory in his head (she can tell because he's closed his eyes tight, and he always does that when he's thinking back), "She met someone who got her out of the hooker thing. He took her in, helped her get off drugs, and they fell in love once she got back to her right self. They dated six years...he was like my dad, just not officially. She was so happy and she was the most beautiful I'd ever seen her. She was completely, fully in love, Tri." He states, and she smiles softly as he tells her his memories. She likes hearing about his past, she's realized. "And one spring afternoon, they found him dead. He'd died of what they said was a major heart attack during his sleep."
"Oh Tom..." Trina says, her expression immediately becoming more concerned. She was heartbroken for him, she could feel his emotions running through her just like they were her own. Just like she'd been there to experience that, too. "I'm so sorry." She says, automatically reaching for his hand and holding it tightly.
He takes a shaky breath, looking out to the waves. She can tell he's tearing up. "You make me that kind of happy, Tri. You've always made me that kind of happy and if something happened to you, I won't be like my mom and still be able to live. I will die without you, there's not doubt."
She tilts her head, shaking it sadly, "Tom, you don't-"
"Trina, I mean it...I'm serious."
She swallows thickly, rubbing his hand and leaning forward to kiss him. "I love you, Tom. And you make me that kind of happy, too." She whispers, biting her lip as she pulls away to sit back down in her spot like she was before. "Since we're sharing stories of our past, you want to hear the one about my father?" She asks, and he tilts his head with a confused expression. "Remember the day that we were talking, and you asked about my mother and why I didn't like her?"
Trina watches him close his eyes again, just like he always does to think of a memory.
..."Will you tell me anything about her?"
She looks back at him again, a sad smile making her whole expression look broken. "Like what? Like how she used to drag me to...to galas? To political events for my father? She hated my father, and as soon as she-" She stops, she can't admit that. She's never told anyone. She's never let that leave her lips.
"As soon as she what, Tri?"
"Nothing." She answers. "Just drop it. Please." She sounds cruel, but she can't help it. She needs to let him know she's serious. She needs to stop him from asking...now. "I don't ever want to talk about it again. It's just something you'll never know about me, Tom."
Now her mind is buzzing with memories. The day her mother picked the knife up, stabbing him in front of his daughter. She didn't realize Trina was standing there, and Trina never told a soul. As crazy as her mother is, she would probably have killed Trina, too. She couldn't let anyone know what she saw. And it was all because her father no longer wanted to run for mayor, all because her mother was going to lose the social limelight. But then she killed him, and she got all the social attention she ever wanted. She even has a scholarship in her name, because of her dead husband. How sickening.
She doesn't know when he moved over to the couch, when he cradled her in his arms, but it startles her a little when he realizes that he's right there. "I know it's a hard subject. I don't know why. But one day, I'll find out. One day I'll finally peel back all of the layers that you have built up because of her, and I'll probably be shocked at the outcome but...oh well." He shrugs softly and presses a kiss to her cheek...
"Yeah, I remember..." He says softly, directing his eyes back on hers.
She clears her throat, looking down at her thumbs twiddling. "You have to promise to not tell anyone." She starts off, swallowing thickly as she watches him nod. "My father was the mayor. Mayor Russo, very rich man of course. You have to be rich to be in politics." She states, "He was about to run for his second term. Years before his mayoral career, of course, he was a big time business man who came from nothing but businessmen. A long line of them. I was never a huge fan of my father, he never wanted me all that much, but I loved him more than I love my mother. Anyway..." She says, realizing she's stalling. "My mother and father were talking late one night in the kitchen as I was sneaking in, and they had no idea I was standing there where I could see them. They were arguing, yelling – but quietly like parents do when they think their child is upstairs in bed, asleep." She says sadly, the memory making her hands shake as she reaches for his to hold. "I didn't know what it was about until I heard him say it was too much for him, he didn't want to be in politics anymore. My mother-" She has to stop, gather herself and her emotions before they take the imaginary reins away from her.
"It's okay..." Tom coos, squeezing both of her hands.
She looks up at him and nods, clearing her throat to go on, "My mother yelled back at him, a little louder this time, enough to make me jump because at first I'd thought she'd caught me. But no...instead she yelled about my dad being a bastard and that because he was down in the city polls he just wanted to give up. And she reached over for a sharp kitchen knife and-" She looks away, her eyes overflowed with tears and down onto her cheeks. She closes her eyes and tilts her head back, willing herself to go on and open up completely to him. "And she stabbed it through his chest. I-I've never told anyone, Tom, and you can't either. If anyone finds out she'll kill us both."
His expression was completely numb, he was too shocked to do much of anything but say, "Your mother doesn't know you saw her?"
She shakes her head nervously, "No." She states, "And she never can. She'll kill us both, Tom. A slow and painful death, too." She says. "You think I was just joking when I said I didn't like my mother? I wasn't...it was because she murdered my father and unfortunately used a napkin to pick it up with, so they never found her prints on it. She staged his body to make it look like a suicide. I'd ran upstairs to my room after that, crying myself to no end, trying to sleep but the flashes of that knife going through him wouldn't stop playing in my head. She shrieked, a completely fake shriek, at about 6:30 AM, and I ran downstairs. I thought maybe – I'd hoped, maybe – that she'd somehow died too. But to my dismay, she made everything out to look like a suicide. My father was pegged as a coward and my mother got tons of money from his death." She explains.
All Tom can do is stay quiet, he's got his arms wrapped tightly around her and his lips are stuck to her cheek. "Trina I'm so sorry..." He whispers, "No one should have to see that, let alone see their own parents do that..." He murmurs, cradling her and rocking her side to side to soothe her.
It brought back horrible, raw memories for her. The funeral, the way she acted like it was just a horrible way to die – suicide. It was a horrible way to die – murder. But no one knew and no one would ever know, except now Tom. "Please, Tom, don't ever tell any-"
"You have my absolute word, Trina. I'd never tell that." He assures, hugging her in his arms tightly. "I see now why you didn't want to talk about it before..."
"Yeah." She whimpers, trying to stop crying.
She slowly pulls away and wipes her tears from her skin, sniffling and trying to regain her composure. "It's a horrible burden to have to carry for six years." She whispers, her voice breaking up too much to actually speak out loud. "Almost seven."
He nods in reply, running his fingers gently through her curls. "You're right." He says, "But your secret is more than safe with me, Tri, I promise." He says. "I'm here for you...just – just know that." He assures, holding her hands again.
"Thank you." She replies, swallowing hard and clearing her throat again. She takes a shaky breath, finally able to speak better. "I love you, Tom. My whole heart...I wouldn't have told that to you if I didn't and that...that is my insurance that I'm completely in love with you."
"I don't need insurance." Tom corrects.
"Sometimes you will. When I'm mad or cranky or upset or moody...you'll want that insurance that I still love you no matter what. Just like your story of your mom with the hooker thing..." She sniffles, shaking her head side to side slowly, "Secret is safe with me, Tom. I love you and I know that you love me or you wouldn't have told me that."
"Right." He says, kissing her lips softly.
After a few moments of silence, Trina takes another shaky breath and continues to eat her sandwich now. He starts back, as well, and looks out at the waves as she does. It makes her feel so much lighter now – she has a best friend who knows her deepest, darkest secret. It's a huge boulder lifted from her chest, and she feels like – for the first time in years – she's able to breathe correctly again.
She feels refreshed, like the waves on this beach have rolled over her and taken away an old piece of Trina Russo. And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it's the piece of her that was telling him to not love him, and she's pretty sure it is when she says, "I love you, Tom. Very much."
He seems happy by this, looking at her and holding one hand across the picnic blanket, "I love you too, Trina."
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A/N: Soooo? Did you like Trina's first I love you to Tom? I did :P I hope you did too. And thanks again to listhefan for the idea about the OQ scene in the plane. HAD TO DO IT! Best idea ever lol.
There is proof that I NEED Y'ALL'S HELP IN EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER IF YOU HAVE IDEAS! I had such a horrible writer's block for the past week or whatever and as soon as I saw that I just was waiting for the time to write it. And it's currently 1:42 AM and I just finished it.
Hope you enjoyed and PLEASE let me know if you did! Also if you have any ideas let me know those too!
Thanks!
G.
