Lock and Load
In Knothole, the Freedom Fighters were preparing to move on Robotnik. In order counter their false plan they intended to leave early, with hopes of catching Robotnik unprepared and unawares. They packed all the equipment and other peripherals they needed, and starting making their way to Robotropolis.
"Are we there yet?" Tails asked.
"Would we still be fucking walking if we were there, shithead?" Rotor countered.
"Is it possible to go anywhere without some kind of confrontation?" Sally inquired, as she looked from Tails to Rotor.
"Uh no," Antoine replied, "But zat was being zree questions in ze row."
"And your point being?" Sally asked.
"I am being ze only one to not be asking ze question."
"Well Hun, Rotor's question was rhetorical," Bunnie put in.
"So, is zat making it not ze question?"
"She got ya mate, you asked a question," Knuckles pointed out.
"Am I supposed to not be doing zis?"
"I don't know, are you?"
"Huh huh, now you have been too asking ze question," Antoine said proudly.
"Is this really the best help we can find?" Sally asked Bunnie.
"I guess so, Sugar, I don't even know what the hell they are talking about. Why does it matter if you've asked a question?"
"Zat was ze question, everyone has been asking one of zees now."
"What the fuck has that got to do with anything, Hun?"
"I hate to break this to ya," Knuckles responded, "But you can't say 'fuck' and 'Hun' in the same sentence when you're angry. You just sound too sweet mate, say asshole or somethin similar."
"Antoine's an asshole," Tails acknowledged.
"That's right, mate…"
"What? Zat is being ze bullshit…"
"Tails! Why would you say that?" Sally asked.
"I don't know, I'm pretty sure I heard it from Sonic, though."
"To respond to you, Sugar," Bunnie said looking at Knuckles, "It's just the way I talk. Just like you say mate, I say Hun and Sugar. By the way, where I'm from, mate means something quite different."
"No kidding," Sally agreed.
"Well you blokes gonna tell me or what?" Knuckles questioned.
"Making fuck," Antoine answered.
"Strange how we'd get our mates mixed like that."
"You guys need to start shaping up, or we'll blow this whole plan," Sally informed everyone. "We'll get captured by Robotnik, and then we'll be sitting around, wondering how the fuck we got there. Then someone will say hey, when we were planning this operation, all we did was tell fucking jokes. Get the message?"
"That was intense, Auntie Sally," Tails responded.
"Come on, I can see Robotropolis from here. So everyone be careful, it's time to stop bullshitting," Sally said, as they began their descent into the city.
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"Is everything fucking set now, Snively?" Robotnik shouted.
"Yes sir, the cage has just been placed over the vat, and the mines have been planted."
"Hey, I can kind of hear you guys," Sonic said from the cage. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Well asshole, if you really could hear us you'd know. Now, you're sure everything is set, Snively? I really can't afford to make a mistake at this point. This is, in effect, our last stand."
"It is all set to your specifications, sir."
"Good, good. Are you ready to eat shit and die?" Robotnik asked as he walked closer to the nuclear vat. Sonic grabbed his crotch at the remark.
"Sure thing, I've got my junk all in place, I'm fuckin set. I just want to tell you, I was crying earlier."
"Really?"
"Well, mostly because I sat on my balls," Sonic replied.
"Hardy fucking har. Now if you're finished, I'd just like to say that you were a huge pain in the ass while you were alive. I'm not going to miss you, and I hope you die a slow painful death, you rotten motherfucker," Robotnik said, grinning.
"Sir! The Freedom Fighters are making their way here."
"Prepare to dispatch of the hedgehog, Snively."
"Ready sir," Snively said, holding the lever that held the cage.
"Pull it when those assholes are in perfect view of it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
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"Is that Sonic in that cage, Auntie Sally?" Tails asked.
"Yes…"
"Is he giving us the finger?" Rotor asked.
"It sure looks that way doesn't it, Sugar?" Just as Bunnie finished speaking, the cage dropped into the vat.
"Looks like he just got his ass melted, mate," Knuckles stated matter of factly. Sally took off toward the vat, a mine exploded after impact, throwing her a few hundred feet. "I think I'd refrain from doin that again, mate," Knuckles advised. As he finished, Antoine went running after Sally, with the same results. "What a fuckin idiot, I told that silly wanker not to do that." All of a sudden, there was a power surge, and then the power completely shut off. In the near distance the Freedom Fighters heard a rumbling.
"Maybe it's the power trying to come back on, Sugar," Bunnie suggested.
"I don't think so, mate. You grab Sally, and I'll get Antoine. Then we best get the fuck out of here," Knuckles said, and then they both ran over to pick the others up. They turned to leave, but just as they did, the vat of nuclear waste exploded.
"OH FUCK!" Rotor exclaimed. "Let's get going, come on FAST!" Heeding Rotor's advice, the Freedom Fighters took off into the Great Forest. As soon as they hit the rendezvous point, everyone dropped from exhaustion.
"I'm glad everything went according to plan, mate, otherwise we might have had some clusterfuck on our hands," Knuckles said sarcastically.
"Is Auntie Sally dead?" Tails asked.
"No Hun, but she is unconscious at the moment," Bunnie stated.
"I think Antoine is alive too, if anyone gives two shits," Knuckles said. "He was lucky, he could have received a hole in the head. Then he'd have to wear some sort of a dumbass hat. I also wasn't aware that hedgehogs were explosive, were you blokes?"
"That wasn't quite the reaction I was expecting," Rotor admitted. "Something incited that, it wouldn't blow just because."
"Either way, I'm fairly certain Sonic's dead, Sugar," Bunnie said dishearteningly.
"I wouldn't fuckin write me out just yet, how could you have another story without me?" Sonic asked, walking over to them.
"Sonic!"
"How'd you do that, mate?"
"Let's just say I'm a clever motherfucker," Sonic said, tossing Knuckles a Power Ring.
"You are a clever sum bitch, Hun," Bunnie said, hugging Sonic.
"Hey, I don't want anyone else to get any ideas. I'm not a toy, don't fuckin hug me. Bunnie has special permission, so don't go there," Sonic explained.
"What are we going to do now, mate?" Knuckles asked.
"Lock and load motherfucker."
"Sorry Sugar, but we have two unconscious, plus our plan went to shit. There is also a bunch of radioactive goo over there now."
"Funny thing about that is it's going to drain down into the fallout shelter," Rotor laughed.
"Really?"
"He prided himself on the fact that all of his trap doors lead to his fallout shelter, which up until this happened, was a useful thing," Rotor explained. "Now Robotnik's only safe haven will be flooded with radioactive shit, tough luck really."
"Well you know the saying mate, shit runs downhill," Knuckles said.
"That doesn't mean he's fucking dead, I want to see that pricks corpse," Sonic growled.
"We have to go back to Knothole, Hun. Robotnik will pay for this, don't you worry."
