Disclaimer: I don't own anything not even the formula used to calculate why today is the most dangerous of the year.

A/N Hello happy peoples! Today is the sad panda 97. I decided that today we would step back from the insane since 99 is insane is as OOC and hysterical as I can make it. So here's your average day at the office with a not so average outcome.

Hojo sighed waking up grunting, he had been asleep on those lumpy, hard, miserable hotel beds since his room at Shin-Ra was under repair and none of his employees would take him. He stood up and shuffled into the world's coldest shower, he let out a yelp as the cold water hit him. When he'd finished getting ready he pulled on his pants and shirt but when he bent down to get his tie there was a loud rip and a sudden breeze by his posterior, he'd ripped his pants clean along the seam.

He straightened up sighing, he fixed up his tie and walked out of the room he wandered down the stairs to his waiting convertible, the weather report that night had called for clear so it came as a surprise when he found his top down car was full of water and there was mud everywhere. He climbed into the car and drove down the street and took his car to the car wash. "Now I don't want any scratches on her," he told the workers as he put the top up.

A short while after it had gone through the wash Hojo was walking around his car inspecting it; the wax finish was so shiny you could see yourself reflected in it. He was impressed that his new car was intact until, "oh my Shiva." He muttered, there on the driver's side door was a scratch so small it would take a microscope to see it. "You scratched my car!"

"Sorry sir, no refunds," the manager replied. Hojo grumbled before checking his watch, he leaped into his car driving away. He was running late to a very important meeting if he didn't hurry.

He pulled into Shin-Ra leaping out of his car and taking off at a sprint, not thirty seconds after he ditched his car a tow truck pulled in and hauled it away for being in a fire zone. Hojo didn't notice though but he ran to the door before stopping and lifting his foot, "eew," he groaned seeing a piece of gum stretched between his shoe and the sidewalk. He ran forward until the gum snapped and headed for the door flying through the lobby to the elevator but stopped dead at the sign, 'closed for maintenance.' He grumbled and went to the stairs and went up the sixty-nine agonizing flights of stairs, gummed shoe sticking every step of the way.

At long last he made it to the laboratory before walking to his office, he entered looking at the flashing computer monitor. He turned it on and saw the email notification blinking, 'Dear HojoIsBringingSexyBackShin-Ra.xxx we regret to announce your email account has been terminated and you have also been fired. You have 24 hours to leave the premises of the office or risk termination. Time remaining: 00:00:30. You have been fired for missing the meeting which we informed you was to be held yesterday."

He blinked disbelievingly at the computer while the thirty-second timer whittled down to 0. He smirked, "well I'm still here." He dipped his hand into his desk and grabbed a box of toothpicks. He blinked again seeing all of them were gone. Sensing someone's eyes were on him, he turned around to see Jenova's head sitting on the desk looking up at him innocently. He smiled, "ah Jenova, I see you found my last 100 all natural, wax coated, mint flavored, Nibel pine toothpick." She grinned positioning the toothpick in the center of her mouth before tilting back and spitting. The toothpick whizzed through the air and cleanly through Hojo's jugular vein.

A few minutes later Kelly came by and replaced the sign on the door from 'Professor Hojo, Head of Science Dept.' to 'Professors Aaron Hyneman and Jenkins Savage, Co-Heads of Scientific Dept.'