To be honest I had a lot of trouble with Skittery, I couldn't think of anything witty to say because well he's not that big in the movie. [I counted, only nine lines, including solos. Poor Skitts. So I tried my best, here's the SKITTERY unit! Review to let me know what you think!
Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies...or Skittery. -emosigh-
THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL TO:
SKITTERY
COPYRIGHT: DISNEY
MAKING GIRLS SQUEE SINCE 1992
CHIEF TECHNICAL AND MECHANICAL ADMINISTRATOR: STAR LEWIS
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PURCHASE OF
SKITTERY
You now have a brand new, life sized, SKITTERY unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope for you to be buying more NEWSIES units from us in the near future. To enjoy your SKITTERY unit to the greatest pleasure please follow the simple instructions which we have provided in all languages, (sarcasm included)
TECHNICAL INFORMATION:
Name: Skittery
Type: Human Being (Male)
Manufacturing Company: Glum and Dumb Company
Height: Five foot, ten inches.
Controls: Your SKITTERY unit has been programmed to be voice activated, but will probably not listen to you as your SKITTERY unit's thoughts are not easily swayed.
ACCESORIES:
Your SKITTERY unit comes with the following, with extra shipping fees, only you're not aware of that-
Newsie Hat- Your SKITTERY unit is a Newsie, Newsies need newsie hats. Your SKITTERY unit's newsie hat is a brownish color.
Note: One size fits all.
Stick- Your SKITTERY unit comes with a stick. A nice, long, brown stick that may also be used for fencing.
Pink Long-Johns- Your SKITTERY unit is a real man. Real men wear pink.
Note: Fangirls love pink.
Clothing- Your SKITTERY unit comes with gray SLACKS, a grayish SHIRT, blue SUSPENDERS, a brown VEST and shoes.
Note: Please restrain to take clothing off for CLEANING PURPOSES ONLY!
OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS
Your SKITTERY unit was manufactured and designed to be user-friendly and a hottie. But we didn't say that.
Besides bragging/showing off your SKITTERY unit he has a few sensible and very practical uses for your every day life.
Amazing- Your SKITTERY unit is flat out amazing, why? He can jump over his own foot. Show that amazing talent off.
Pessimistic (AKA Emo)- Your SKITTERY unit is a pessimistic, but that does have a good side! Do you have a friend that has no sympathy at all? We gaurentee that your SKITTERY unit will have your evil friend wanting to give him a hug.
Note: If the friend is a fangirl of your SKITTERY unit...watch out, or is the RACETRACK unit you'll get no sympathy.
Talented- Your SKITTERY unit is very talented. He can sing, dance, act AND direct!
Huggable- Since your SKITTERY unit is pretty much emo, he's in need of a lot of hugs. Your SKITTERY unit enjoys them..really, he does.
Note: Your SKITTERY unit will not enjoy them if you hug him too many times. Sorry. See TROUBLESHOOTING if this happens.
CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS:
Your SKITTERY unit loves anything from Bath and Body Works. Why? Not so sure. Just pamper him or else...the results aren't pretty.
FAQs (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)
Q. How can I wake my Skittery up in the morning?
A. Slap his foot and then his face.
Note: PLEASE do not do this every morning.
Q. So what? You get your picture in the papes, so what's that get you huh?
A. Oh shut up, you've been in a bad mood all day!
Q. Is WINter WAITin'?
A. Welcome to New York.
Q. Oh, you're an AD?
A. Um. Sure.
Q. How come I can't kill Skittery?
A. WHAT? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOUR SKITTERY UNIT?! WHAT HAS HE EVER DONE TO YOU?
(Your SKITTERY unit is also the MICHAEL GOORJIAN, which means he's invincible.)
Q. How can my hair be as amazing as Skittery's?
A. Pantene works wonders.
Q. Can I leave my Skittery unit alone with my three dogs, five cats, four fish and Elmo?
A. Your SKITTERY unit is very kind to Elmo. However, he does not like fish. So don't leave your SKITTERY unit alone with fish.
Q. What about my kids? Can I leave him alone with my kids?
A. Of course! Your SKITTERY unit adores young children and is a great mentor to them. Especially nameless ones in orange shirts.
TROUBLE SHOOTING:
Glum and Dumb Company are NOT responsible for the following issues. We just make them we don't break them. If you cannot find your soultution SUCK IT UP and get on with your life. Or buy another NEWSIE unit!
Problem- I hugged my Skittery too many times.
Solution- Bad move on your part. Wait at least 24 hours for your SKITTERY unit's memory drive to crash and then you may hug him only three times a day.
Problem- My Skittery is barely making a living right now!
Solution- Striking makes everything better. Just let him listen to your JACK unit and all will be well.
Problem- HELP! Skittery stole my towel!
Solution- Give your SKITTERY unit a buck and a cookie. He likes chocolate chip.
Problem- I think my Skittery is stalking young children.
Solution- Nah, your SKITTERY unit loves them. He huggles and squees with them.
Problem- Skittery won't die!
Solution- See FAQs...and may I add...WHY ARE YOU KILLING YOUR SKITTERY?!
Problem- Skittery doesn't want to take queens.
Solution- Send him with Bumlets and Specs. Your SKITTERY unit will enjoy that.
LAST NOTE:
We thank your for buying your SKITTERY unit, we hope that you will start squeeing uncontrollably and love your SKITTERY unit to death. Remember you can always order more NEWSIES units by calling 1-800-NEWSIES today!
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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know!
Up next...is MUSHY! Yep, MUSH's guide is next. Which should be very fun. After Mush tell me who you want next. [Don't worry Blink fans, he's my favorite so I have a lot of things for Blink. He's going to be either one of the last or very soon.
