Author's Chapter Notes:
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me
Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
The lyrics belong to Garbage and were taken from the song Crush. I just felt they worked well in this context.
As he placed the last crystal in the DHD and connected the ZPM, Rodney shivered. The gate lit up in shades of blue and he felt Eve insinuating herself into his thoughts. She was looking for an address. As soon as he thought of the gate in Cheyenne Mountain, the shield popped in his mind before he even had a chance to try and conceal the knowledge. He felt new tears stinging the corners of his eyes.
He only felt revulsion now.
She moved through his thoughts with grace and ease, picking addresses from the list stored in his memory. Fortunately there was not much information about the planets in the Milky Way for her to extract.
His head felt like a throbbing boulder of granite and his vision blurred as he felt her retreat. It was like her consciousness had kept his in function, and now as she left him, Rodney felt his life slip away. It felt like water swirling through the drain of a gigantic tub. Fear washed over him in blood-hot waves as he realized, in a split-second that he was dying.
Suddenly the pain in his body felt like a welcome sign of being alive. He wanted the pain and clung to it with his every breath. He was lightheaded with blood loss and concentrating was harder and harder.
I'm dying! OhGodohGodohGod... I don't want to! Please, please don't let me die! Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease...
It felt like the limbo state held him a second past forever, a litany of 'please don't let me die' running through his mind over and over. He didn't even realize the pain had stopped at some point until he felt it again. His lungs felt like they were being torn apart from the inside. He didn't feel his eyelids opening, but the first thing he registered was a pair of yellowish eyes, peering into his.
"My Queen will be pleased," came the booming voice, making him wince as sound invaded his ears. He tried to speak, but his lips would not cooperate. When he tried to clear his throat it became clear why. He was completely dehydrated. The dry skin pulled and cracked and as he moved his tongue over his lips he tasted his own blood. He succeeded in gathering some saliva to swallow before he attempted speech again. His head swam.
"Water... Please..." It came out hoarse and broken. But he didn't have to beg, liquid spilled over his lips before he had time to draw a new breath. He knew it wasn't water as soon as he tasted it. He didn't care.
Rodney felt himself drifting to sleep this time.
***
Lilith stood by her First Mate as the Ring of Lanteans opened in its usual bright blue ripples. The human lying bloodied at her feet amazed her over and over again. Just hours ago he'd wished for death so fervently. She would keep her word and grant his wish. But as she retreated from his mind to let it crash in on itself, he reached for her. He wanted life. He wanted the gift.
"Ereshkigal, this one is chosen. He may still prove valuable." She spoke in a neutral tone of voice as the dark hared queen moved closer and picked Rodney's body up and carried him away.
She didn't look after them. Instead she stood still beside the Ring as her fleet broke the event horizon, glider by glider. Each one returned with full cargo. Humans. So many... They were rematerialized and placed in cocoons in the five hives orbiting the planet. Reports were good. The planet they had accessed was populated by an unadvanced race, they were easily overcome. It would do as first base in the conquest of the new feeding grounds. And there were so many other worlds there-worlds full of life and possibilities. She could feel the excitement in every single Wraith gathered there. They would no longer suffer starvation.
Lilith knew that one of the worlds was Rodney's home. That one, she was willing to bet, would put up a fight. She planed to attack the planet he called Earth first and subdue its inhabitants swiftly. Letting out a long breath, Lilith reminded herself she had to be patient. The hives could not travel through the Ring and it would take some time before she could coordinate an attack.
But now they had nourishment for the long journey to the new galaxy and patience was her strongest attribute. She stepped through the gateway with Lucifer and her Allegiance Council briefly to give out the orders and instructions for those who would wait there for the arrival of the Hive Fleet.
***
Blood. Salty and warm and sticky. Everywhere. The coppery smell filled every breath and the metallic pang of it lingered on the tip of his tongue. Rodney had been properly baptized in blood.
He hadn't seen Eve... Lilith... The Queen yet. But Rodney knew she was somewhere near by. Ever since he woke up he realized he could feel her presence. It lingered like the cold touch of death enveloping him from all sides. She never showed herself. It was always Lucifer, or Batty as Rodney liked to call him, who came to see him, bring him food and drink.
It had been Lucifer from the very beginning. As the haze retracted from his memories, Rodney remembered the huge alien standing beside him, holding him up with a sneer of contempt all over its ugly features. And yet it taught him to walk and eat and talk all over again. Well, helped him remember, anyway.
***
Elizabeth was sure she would eventually wear a hole in her office floor with all the pacing. Her shoulders ached with tension and she'd somehow managed to chew off all the cuticles from around her finger nails, leaving her finger tips painfully raw. In a couple of places she even broke the skin, drawing blood. Every minute that passed grated on her nerves.
When the door to her office finally opened she all but jumped out of her skin.
"Finally! Where were-? Major? Why are you being escorted by armed Marines?" She looked at him with huge eyes, not really wanting to know the answer.
"I can fill you in on that." She closed her eyes as she turned to face Everett and crossed her arms over her chest. "Major Sheppard just returned from an unauthorized rescue mission. I've immediately placed him under arrest."
"And why, pray tell is he in my office, then? Or is this the new brig and nobody told me about it?" Weir was losing her patience and the arrogant Colonel and his ways did not help one bit. The bastard had the nerve to look sheepish at her outburst.
"He insists he'll only tell you about where he went-accompanied by two civilians and a junior officer, I might add."
"Ah! Well?" She gestured to Sheppard.
"The Wraith are in the Milky Way. We went to the planet Eve's from and we found a depleted Z.P.M. attached to the Gate. She has Rodney and she somehow got him to jury rig the DHD and-"
"Nonsense! Do you have any proof of this? Did you actually see Dr. McKay on that planet?" Everett interrupted loudly.
"With all do respect, sir," John drawled in a tone of voice that contradicted the words, "it is the only reason the Wraith would have a Z.P.M. We know Eve worked with Rodney on building one while she was here."
"Even so, Earth has a shield-"
"What if they didn't dial Earth? They're smart creatures, Colonel. We need a defense plan and to warn Earth ASAP."
"If we leave on the Daedalus right now, we have a chance!" Elizabeth spoke as she moved across the office to the microphone and turned it on to city-wide range. "Attention please, this is Dr. Weir."
"What do you think you're doing?" interjected Everett, only to be ignored.
"All personnel report to the Conference Room on level one in the Main Tower in thirty minutes. Thank you." She turned the microphone off and faced the stunned soldiers. "This is a public matter and we need volunteers for the journey." Elizabeth answered the unasked questions in their eyes with a shrug. The calm and composed leader had returned, she looked determined.
"What journey, Doctor? This is a military situation and I'm the ranking military officer here!" Everett sounded outraged.
"Then act like it! The Wraith are in the Milky Way Galaxy right as we speak. The only thing we can do is try our best to warn the people back home!" Elizabeth felt very out of place facing Everett. She'd gotten used to rows with Sheppard over matters of authority, but they had gotten to a point where they could work together to everybody's advantage. However, a new military leader meant new dynamics, and to make matters worse, everything about the Colonel rubbed her the wrong way.
But he just smiled at her like an old fox would and pulled himself up to his full height before speaking again.
"Don't you think they'll find out anyway? And that they will find out before we can reach them with the Daedalus? The ship is due in two days, and if we leave straight away it will still take a little over two weeks to reach Earth again. What if this is a ploy of the Wraith to get us to leave Atlantis defenseless?" He had the expression of someone speaking to a particularly stubborn teenager.
"They only wanted Atlantis to reach Earth in the first place," John argued. "But you're right-we will be too late if they choose to attack Earth immediately... Sir," John interjected just as Elizabeth opened her mouth to retort:
"They know our level of advancement and as I said before, they're not stupid. It would be a tactical error to go against Earth with an armada of darts. We can shoot those out of the sky and they know it."
"What are you talking about?" Everett sounded pissed again.
"Hive ships, Sir," John explained. "They don't fit through the Gate. And we have reason to believe they are somewhat slower then the Daedalus. Even with the two day delay, we can catch up to them and pass them. And if I may make a suggestion, Sir, we should try and inflict as much damage as possible while passing them by."
The Colonel was silent for a few minutes, but when he spoke again all the fight had left him. He looked Sheppard straight in the eye as he ordered the Marines flanking him to release him from the restraints.
"Consider yourself reinstated as Military Commander of this expedition. I know when I'm out-gunned, you know the enemy better then I do. My men and I will stand by for your orders." The short speech ended with a brisk salute.
***
When he woke again Rodney felt much better. The only dent in his mood was that the giant bat was in the room with him again. He had a brief moment of panic as the clawed hand rose above him slowly. He realized he was incapable of movement as he was tightly held in a cocoon. The sharp claws tore through the fiber holding him without harming him and he found himself tumbling to the floor in a heap.
"You could warn me before you cut that thing off!" he huffed as he stood. The alien said nothing but helped him regain balance. No matter how often they met, Rodney could not help himself but take a moment to stare at the creature's wings.
"My Queen shall see you now," spoke Lucifer, indicating an exit from the round room they were in. Rodney hesitated for a couple of seconds, but then decided there was no other option than to go see Eve. He wanted answers and she was probably the one who would give them to him. Where were they? How much time had passed? Why wasn't he dead? Oh, God! What happened to Earth? It hit him with crushing force. He remembered himself, not dead and not really alive either. Screaming.
One brief flashback was all there was, but it was enough for Rodney to realize that he had lost his mind and was somehow brought back from the edge of madness. They repaired his body and his mind. But how? Why?
He only realized he'd stopped in mid-walk when Lucifer poked him in the shoulder to make him resume the course out of the room. Rodney shook his head lightly and went through the passage the alien indicated.
He was surprised to find the Queen standing in front of a console, engrossed in the information displayed on the screen instead of sitting on a throne looking royal like he expected. He cleared his throat as he stood behind her.
He kneeled as she turned around and stared at the floor as he greeted her in a whisper. He wanted desperately to make the right impression. He didn't know why he had been given a second chance yet, but he intended to use it wisely.
"Greetings, great Queen of the New Allegiance." McKay surprised himself with the almost instinctive knowledge of her proper title. It must have shown in his eyes when she lifted his chin to look at him, because she gave an indulgent smile before she pulled gently to signal she wanted him to stand.
"I am pleased to see your strength has been restored. I see confusion in your eyes." Her voice was painfully familiar.
"What happened to me?"
"You asked me not to let you die. I gave you the gift. You are one of us now," she answered, caressing his cheek with a feather-light touch. "I'm afraid my Mate broke you completely by the time you gave in. I thought you wouldn't be able to recover your sense."
"Why did you help me?"
"I promised I would do whatever you wished me to after you helped us. And so I did. You wished to live. And you proved yourself worthy, and valuable."
"Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait! 'One of us'? What does that mean?"
"You are transforming. Every feeding brings you closer to the moment when you will be able to feed alone. More than able-you will be compelled. I'm sure you feel different already."
Rodney's hand came up to cover his chest as he remembered a clawed hand resting there while... While he watched someone wither away and die. Lucifer had fed him with other people's lives! He'd acted like a huge... Winged transistor. Rodney looked at his palms. There were no slits yet. But there was a faint outline in the centre, like something growing under his skin. He was changing, and not just in a physical sense. The detachment he felt and the instinctive awareness of Wraith etiquette... The part of him that was still human shuddered.
"No... No! Stop it! Make it stop!"
"Soon you will forget," Lilith said simply. "By the time we reach your world you will be able to feed by yourself and join us in the feast."
