"What's going on?" The kid came out of his room right after Mary left to go to hers.
"Hey Pony, nothing we were just talking about Franki," Soda smiled. I didn't think the kid needed to be lied to. They always babied him, treated him like he was 3 instead of 13. When I was 13 I had seen a lot and done a lot, I already knew how to survive.
"Ya'll sounded angry," Pony moved towards Soda.
"We're all just tired," Darry hardly even looked up. I didn't know how much of this I could even handle. I was well on my way to drinking the day away when Johnny came and got me. For a kid of few words he knew how to use them. So I sat on their couch with my leg bouncing up and down like it was on a damn pogo stick. What else was I suppose to do?
"Is Mary, okay?" Pony looked scared. Watching him react to the days events it did make me realize that he was young and he wasn't anything like me, and maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.
"Shoot kid, she's fine. You think a bad break up, or a stupid fight will bring down a Curtis? Not even a bunch of Soc's can bring down a Curtis," Two-bit could talk out of his ass all day. He was the worst to be beside in a cell.
"Her and Franki broke up?" Pony didn't have a clue.
"Nice going Two-bit," Steve grunted.
"They did Pony, but Mary's okay with it. She was just with him," Sandy had a little bit of a motherly smile that annoyed me for some reason.
"Shouldn't someone go talk to her?" Everyone was getting on my nerves.
"She may just need some time," Soda told him. Besides the kid, Soda probably looked the worst. It was most likely because he was always smiling. To see him not was a real fast reminder that something was wrong. Maybe if you didn't know him you wouldn't be able to tell. Steve's eyes were mad as fire. I knew he was like me and he wanted to punch someone. Two-bit looked like he had just seen a puppy get kicked. He had the droopy eyes, the sad long face, he wasn't all smiles today. Darry, you could never read Darry. When he first walked in the door you could tell he had cried. His eyes were puffy and red, but since then he mostly just looks scared. Which is the most unusual look of all. Can't say I blame the guy. Going from college football star to parent of three over night is enough to scare the hell out of anyone. Mary, well she was about as hard to read as Darry, because none of us even know her. She's never around, keeps to herself when she is. She hardly interacts with us at all. But, she looked normal, her make up wasn't smudged, her eyes weren't red, she looked fine. I was pretty sure that wasn't a good thing.
"You're not suppose to leave a room angry," Pony pointed out. That kid would be a damn good lawyer one day. He could argue with a fence post.
"You're also suppose to choose your feelings," Darry muttered. I had to smile when he said that. I remember Mrs. Curtis telling me that time and time again. She told me anger was a waste of an emotion, and when life was unfair you had to choose to not let it being you down.
"Maybe we should call it a night?" Johnny suggested when we were all just standing there looking at each other.
"Maybe that's not such a bad idea," Soda agreed. I wasn't about to go to sleep. I was about to go get wasted. If Two-bit or Steve didn't want to go I had no shame if meeting someone else. I wasn't one for making friends, but I was all about drinking buddies.
"I'm going to search for some action," I told them.
"Don't be stupid man," Steve warned. I thought about making a smart ass remark, but decided against it. I could control myself on a good day. I wasn't about to do anything that would cause the gang anymore grief.
"See ya'll tomorrow," Steve spoke up. "I'll drive you home, Sandy," he lightly punched Soda's arm. Soda gave greasers a bad name. He treated Sandy like she was royalty. That's just not how greasers are! The Curtis' were raised that way, that's why they blew a gasket on Franki, when I reality, Steve, Two-bit and I have all done much worse.
I walked to Buck's. I knew If I had really wanted I could have bummed a ride, but I probably needed to ride. My heart was racing even hours after Two-bit told me what happened. I knew that I could just take somebody out right now out of built up anger. I felt like a Volcano.
"Dallas, ain't it a little early for you to start?" Buck called to me as I pushed open his rotting door.
"You got no idea," I told him approaching the bar. I light a caner stick and waited for him to give me a drink. When he put it in front of me I drank it with out even setting it down.
"Damn Dallas, trouble with your new girl?" Buck look amused. Buck was a good guy, he helped me out when I was young, stupid, and new. But since then I've come a long way, and he always acts like I owe him something, when I don't. One then my dad taught me was to never take anything from anyone. Never be in debt.
"Drinking to forget tonight man," I motioned for him to give me an other one. Truthfully I hadn't thought about Sylvia at all today.
"Yeah, Dallas, and who are you tying so hard to forget?" He asked me, but I ignored him drinking quickly again. When I put the glass down this time my face hardened as I drank the last sip. When I swallowed it burned a little. It wasn't a smooth drink, but I liked that. It reminded me that I was alive.
"Alright, pace yourself, ain't no one worth forgetting that much so you barf on my floor," Buck didn't know what he was talking about. I ignored him at first, but I felt my fist balling, maybe the alcohol was kicking in, or maybe I was just itching for a fight. I slammed my glass down again.
"Watch it!" Buck was getting aggravated. Little did he know I was just getting started, and he was taking my bait.
"You causing problems already Winston?" I didn't see him, but I knew it was Shepard behind me. I turned and faced him.
"I don't usually go looking for it, usually it finds me, but tonight, I'm looking for it, you know any?" I knew I was desperate to be asking Tim.
"It's a Tuesday in Tulsa, what do you think is going down?" Tim was making fun of me, I heard Buck snickering too. That was just the little bit of an excuse I needed. I pulled back my arm and nailed him right in the nose.
"What the hell!" Tim hadn't see it coming and he almost ended up on the floor.
"Winston get the hell out of here man!" Buck shouted.
"Or what? You gonna make me Buck? Just give me a reason, all I need is a reason to fight right now!" Buck started to come around but TIm beat him to me and tacked me to the ground. We were wrestling on the ground throwing punches and cursing. We both got in a few good hits before we were both dragged by the shirts out of the bar. I stumbled down the steps sitting down leaning up against a car Tim was holding his nose a few feet away.
"What the hell was that about, huh?" Tim hissed at me. What I liked about Tim was that he could take it. He wouldn't complain like a little girl after, or he wouldn't be out for blood every time he saw me after.
"Fuck you," was all I could manage to say.
"Where's your boys right now anyway? Huh, could they not control you? Did you escape?" Tim was annoyed at me. It wasn't like we hadn't had meaningless fights before. Even though we'd beat the tar out of each other, I would consider Tim a buddy. But not right then, I didn't have any buddies just then.
"Probably watching their lives crumble before them," I muttered not even sure he heard me.
"What are you, a damn poet, spit it out for Christ's sake, cause I know you ain't this stupid!" Time egged me on. I gave him a glance before looking down. I couldn't even look Tim in the eye and tell him.
"Their parents died this morning," I reached over and took Tim's flask. He was so thrown off he didn't even see me take it. His face was a shocked like a halloween costume of a Ghost made out of a sheet with a hole cut for the mouth.
"No," he said in disbelief.
"I shit you not," I said with a hiccup.
"That's messed up." Tim sat there with a blank expression on his face. "Well shit," he said a few moments later. All I did was finish off his flask. That was some nasty what ever it was in there. "How?" He asked.
"Hit by a train." I answered easily.
"Well shit, what are the odds of that happening?" Tim asked, but I knew he wasn't asking me. He rolled on to his knees and lit a smoke handing it to me, "how are they?"
"As good as you can expect," I took his smoke but didn't stand up. I'm sure I looked stupid with blood coming out of my nose, cheek, and hand while sitting next to the guy who did it sharing a smoke, but I didn't have a need to get up.
"Darry's home?"
"Yeah, got here this morning. He's got custody. But apparently he'll have to go to court to show he's a good guardian when its all over." It made me mad the state had to approve of Darry. Why do they get to be on his case, when they don't give a damn about Johnny? Darry already is a better parent than most greasers. Mine included.
"Bull shit, the state doesn't give a damn about us, they don't got nothing to worry about." I wish I believed him. I stood up and started to walk away. "Where are you going?" He called after me, I just waved my hand I didn't say anything. He wasn't my damn babysitter.
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I could hear Soda and Pony talking through the wall, I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but I had a pretty good idea.
I couldn't hear Mary, but her light was still on. I could see it under the door. I thought about going in, but I didn't know what to say. I simply walked back to my room instead. I looked at the phone sitting on my night stand. I glanced at the clock 9:15. I figured i better make the call.
As it rang I found my self hoping he wouldn't answer, then my dream could at least live on one more night. After three rings he answered. I could hear his family in the back ground.
"Coach, Darry Curtis, I hope I didn't call at a bad time."
"Darry, son, how are you," there was concern in his voice. Something you didn't hear from a coach much.
"They both died sir," I said through gritted teeth. I heard him cuss under his breath and was silent for a minute.
"I am so sorry," I knew it was a common nature to say you were sorry, but honestly it just made me mad to hear how sorry everyone was. Because no one was as sorry as we are, and them being sorry doesn't do any good.
"Well, coach, I'm sorry because this means your going to have to find an other offensive line man," I felt the knot in my guilt growing.
"Are you sure son? We'll hold your seat, maybe next season." I appreciated him saying that, but I knew this was the end of it.
"Maybe," I found myself saying even though I knew I was wishfully saying.
"Well listen, when you're ready to come back, you call me." He wasn't one for small talk, and neither was I.
"Okay," I found myself struggling to say.
"If there is ever anything I can do for you," he started, but I interrupted.
"You'll be my first call. Have a good season," I told him than hung up using all of my strength not to cry. Still, somethings are inevitable and the tears fell. I wasn't balling, but I sat on the floor leaned up against the bed. Mary walked in with out knocking. I looked at her shocked to see her come in here. I knew it was too late to dry my tears or act like it wasn't happening.
"Two people can play the ease dropping game," She told me walking in my room. I couldn't resist a little smile then. She sat on the bed above where I sat on the floor.
"I'm sorry," I forced out, but my voice cracked the way it did when you cried.
"Being upset about having to quit football or drop out of college doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean that you don't want to take care of us," she told me with out looking at me. I appreciated it, I didn't want her to look at me just then. "All it means is that your dissipated because you worked so hard for so long, it ain't fair it was just snatched from you like that." I tried to clear my throat to clear away the tears I started to feel as well, but I couldn't hide them. Mary slid down on the floor next to me and put her arm around me. I was too big for her to get all the way around me, but it felt food to have her beside me. Eventually I calmed down enough to get my head on her shoulder. She sat so still I would have thought she was asleep if her eyes weren't open.
"I promise I'm going to be a good guardian Mary, or I'll try to be," I was whispering, but I knew she heard me.
"I know you will too, and I'll help," her eyes hadn't moved from the place on the floor she was staring at.
"You already have, and I don't think I've said thanks," I remembered what Two-bit told me earlier.
"They're my family too," she told me as I moved up to the bed patting beside it for her to join me.
"I'm sorry I gave you a hard time about Franki. Meghan made it sound like he raped you."
"I know he's a bad guy, but I did love him Dar, but he's in the past, and our family is moving forward so lets not talk about him, okay?" She told me and I pulled her into my chest.
I was in a deep sleep but I woke up to Mary shaking me, "That's Pony," she told me darting from the bed. I followed her, but I couldn't tell what that noise was. When I got to Pony's room Soda was standing at the foot of Pony's bed, and Mary was stroking his hair.
"What happened?" I asked squinting at the light.
"I think he had a nightmare," Soda looked just as confused as me.
"I'm sorry Pone, those are the worst." I watched Mary with him.
"What was it about bud," Soda looked like it had scared him to hear Pony screaming like that.
"I don't remember," I could tell even at my half conscious state that he was lying. It was about our parents, I was sure of it.
"Come on, let's get some water," Mary pulled him out of bed. Soda and I followed her out. Soda sat next to Pony on the couch as I leaned up against the wall not really sure what else to do. She handed it to him then sat on the coffee table across from them.
"I'm sorry I woke ya'll up," Pony apologized after drinking most of the glass.
"Don't worry about it," I sighed moving to sit in my dad's recliner. Pony watched me when I did it. I thought about getting up and sitting on the couch too, but at some point someone else would sit in my dad's chair, it seems ridiculous to simply not sit in it.
"You want to try going back to bed Pon?" Soda asked. Pony vigorously shook his head. It worried me how scared he still was.
"We'll sit out here with you for a while," Mary smiled and Soda nodded agreeing.
"Hey Pony, com'er," Pony hardly hesitated, he just walked over to me. I took both my hands and I placed them on his shoulders looking at him square in the eyes.
"I know this is really sad, and it's really scary to think about what it's going to be like from now own, but I want you to that I love you and I am not going anywhere. I will do anything I have to do to raise you the way mom and dad would have wanted," I thought I would have seen relief in his eyes when I said that, but he almost looked worse
"You can't quit Darry. You've worked too hard to quit, you have to go back." Pony begged. He literally was begging me. I looked to Soda and Mary who both were at a loss. I was going ot have to figure this one out on my own.
"I can always go back to college, but I will only ever get one shot with you three. Ya'll are my family." I pulled him into a hug. He pulled away.
"Darry, you'll resent us, you'll wish you went!" Pony was trying to get out of my grip, but I was much stronger than him.
"Ponyboy, I could never ever resent you!"
"Pony, he already called the coach, it's final. He's made up his mind." Mary spoke from the couch.
"No, call them back!" Pony started to panic. At this point Mary and Soda were both standing up.
"Pony I need you guys. You guys are the only family I have left, and I don't care what I have to do I never want to leave again. I can't be away form you kiddo, you are stuck with me." I held him tighter.
"You promise?" Pony cried into my shirt.
"I swear Pony." He cried for what seemed like forever. We moved back to the couch and eventually both Soda and Pony fell asleep on either side of me on the couch. Mary was hugging her knees to her chest in my dads chair watching. I felt myself nodding off. I leaned my head into the cushions on the couch behind me getting pretty comfortable, and I too fell asleep.
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I tried to convince myself that I liked coffee, I liked the smell of it, but I wasn't huge into the taste. I watched Two-bit walk over, I don't think I'd ever seen him this early before.
"Mornin sunshine," he greeted me.
"First time I've seen you up this early, well in forever," I smiled as he got closer.
"You have too, but usually when you see me coming to your house at this hour it is to sleep off a hang over," he was right and I laughed thinking about it.
"What made you think we'd be up?" I ran my finger over the rim of my cup.
"I had a feeling," was all he said sitting on the rail. He must have seen everyone through the window, he looked at me raising an eye brow.
I shrugged my shoulders closing my eyes briefly, I could have told Two-bit Pony had a nightmare, he would understand, but wouldn't really understand. So, I just stayed quiet.
"Why are you up?" I finally asked. I didn't mind quiet, but I knew Two-bit hated it.
"Why do you think?"He had a grin on his face that made me regret asking.
"You don't look hung, and you definitely not drunk, so beats me," I put my coffee cup down.
"Ain't you quite the detective," Two-bit smiled, but not for long.
"Dallas got hauled in." The second he said it I felt anger.
"What a coward," I said while letting out a breath. The way Two-bit looked at me you would think that I had insulted his mom.
"He ain't a coward, what a thing to say," Two-bit scrunched up his face.
"Yeah, its just a coincidence he won't be at the funeral." Dally could be a real sorry son of a gun. He never cared about anyone but himself.
"Did you really want him at the funeral though, think about it, maybe he's doing us a favor," Two-bit's serious face faded as his dirty minded self returned.
"Probably not," I agreed shaking my head like an old man would.
"How long you gonna sit out here?" I could feel him getting fidgety.
"Figured i'd let them get sleep while they could. Not like they'll get much for the next few days." I remembered what Franki said. How tough it would be.
"You don't need sleep?'' I didn't answer, I just kinda shrugged looking at the crack in the sidewalk.
"Did you sleep at all? You're in the same clothes as you were in yesterday." I hadn't even noticed.
I looked at him before I responded. "Sorry Two-bit, I've been a little busy." I tried not to sound sassy, but Two-bit was getting on my nerves.
"How is everyone, really?" Two-bit pulled out a flask. I realized then that I needed one of those.
"Darry told his coach last night he wouldn't be coming back." I didn't know why I told Two-bit, I guess I figured he'd find out at some point.
"Shit, I bet that was hard." He muttered a few other words. I felt a small smile at the corner of my mouth. "What about Pony?" I thought for a second with out speaking."He's worried." I finally spoke. It wasn't enough for Two-bit.
"What's he worried about, the funeral?" I wanted to smack Two-bit and ask him what isn't he afraid of? However, I didn't think that would be productive.
"He didn't want Darry to quit school, he's worried he'll regret it." I was going to make Two-bit work for his information.
"That kid, what the only alternative? He doesn't think Darry'd let him go to a boys home did he?"
"He's young and scared Two-bit, it doesn't have to make sense what he's thinking," I sighed lighting up a smoke. I was going to try not to smoke with early, but I couldn't help it.
"Well, what about Soda?" Two-bit finished off taking role. "He's so in love he can't see past the end of his nose," Two-bit giggled like a little school girl.
"I haven't talked to him much, I thought I'd see if he wanted to ride over with me to give the funeral home the bulletins." Two-bit reached in my pack and took out a cancer stick for him too.
"If you can pry him away from Sandy that long," Two-bit nudged me with his elbow.
"I guess," I shook my head again. It was quiet for an other long minuted and I wondered what he was stirring up.
"How are you Mar?" My least favorite question.
"I'm just peachy. Don't fuss over me." I swatted at his hand.
"Ya know Mar, I noticed how much you've stepped up with the state, the funeral, and everything your parents would really be proud," I could tell Two-bit was flirting with the idea of putting his hand on my shoulder, he decided against it, I was glad.
"I didn't do anything anyone else wouldn't have done Two-bit," I meant it to. I did what I had to do.
"That ain't true, and you know it! You don't have to be so serious Mar, you can fall apart a little." At this point I honestly didn't know what he was talking about.
"I'm fine, there's just a lot going on." I hoped he would just drop it.
"Yeah, but there's a lot of us to help," he kept at it.
"Two-bit come on," I pleaded.
"Mary, you come on, I'm trying to be serious, and you know this is new territory here." He added that last part to try to joke, but I guess I wasn't in a joking mood.
"We'll don't Two-bit, just don't," I stood up and walked off the porch. I didn't wander very far, I really just walked so I could enjoy my cancer stick in peace. When I smoked it helped me feel like I was in the moment. It helped prevent me from thinking about everything else going on in the house. It didn't last long, I had to face the music. I walked back to the house surprised to see Two-bit where I left him, and the lights still off inside.
"Want breakfast?" I offered.
"I was really just coming to sleep, but since you offered," he grinned following me in the house. Darry was awake rubbing Pony's back, but Soda was asleep too. I smiled at him walking to the kitchen.
I scrambled some eggs, put some bacon in the skillet and poured some milk. I made a mental note to go by the store. The boys went through milk like it was oxygen.
"Rise and shine boys! You lazy bums I'm up before ya'll!" Two-bit yelled walking out of the bathroom.
"Why are you up?" Darry slightly smiled standing up when Pony and Soda sat up.
"We slept here all night?" Soda rubbed his eyes.
"Darry, you snore," Pony stood up.
"Yeah, sure, little buddy," Darry gave him a love tap as he went to the table.
"You not eating Mar?" Pony asked.
"I gotta shower and head over to the funeral home, bud," I told him over my shoulder.
"Eat first, don't get sick," I kinda felt like Darry said that because he felt like he had to.
"I already did," I ignored their request.
"Coffee doesn't count," Two-bit chimed in. I reached over and took the toast out of his hand and walked to the bathroom. I heard them chuckling as I got in the shower. I turned on the water, and the cold water stung my skin. Usually I would shiver away from the cold, but today I liked it. It helped me feel alive. Once I felt like I had shivered enough I got out to get dressed. My heart was racing, and I didn't really know why. It had been this way since the accident. I felt like it was almost fluttering. The way it would when Franki would whisper in my ear, or surprise me at work. The mix between being startled and curious. But, I wasn't excited, or curious, so I was unsure of what was going on. I walked out of the bathroom like I had millions of times with a towel around my head.
"Soda," I called his name, he turned and looked at me with a mouth full of eggs.
"Want to come with me to the funeral home?" He looked like he was surprised I asked him. It made me realize I needed to include him more.
"Yeah," he smiled standing up to go get ready. I went to the sink to do the dishes while I waited.
"I got it," Darry gently pushed me out of the way.
"Nah, you got a lot to do today." That was my way of reminding him not to drop the ball. He looked at me, and I couldn't read his eyes. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He was even harder to read than Pony. He gave him though.
"I can do it," Pony offered. I couldn't help but smile at him. Darry's eyes softened too, "Thanks little buddy," Darry ruffled his hair disappearing to bathroom.
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