The light around the room was a pale shade of orange and faint vibrations from the walls made his skin tingle pleasantly. Lucifer stretched his wings to their full span and gave a little flap before refolding them. It felt good to be alive again, to have Lilith by his side again. Even if the population of the Hive was not made of their offspring, he felt at home.
He hadn't thought of her in his centuries of loneliness.
The first separation, when she was taken by the Lanteans, had driven him insane. Being separated from his Queen was the worst thing any male of his species could endure. He'd lost all sense of direction, flying into slabs of rock or just circling aimlessly in the air. Without her scent to guide him, he was lost.
They had taken their offspring as well, ten individuals from every stage of development within their nest.
Then she was returned to him and he almost killed her before recognizing her. They had changed something in her. She smelled different. He knew she was different when he first met her. Yet he did not care.
Then humans started coming to her as if mesmerized by the new scent about her. They made a new nest for themselves, and their new offspring grew strong, for nourishment was plentiful. When the humans took her the second time, he killed all the unborn progeny she left behind and set fire to their nest. He didn't want anything to survive if she died. He believed they would kill her this time. He became wild and a loner. No other Queen managed to hold his interest.
He roamed many worlds, marking them as his hunting grounds and eliminating any other Wraith spawn he encountered there. The Queens that tried to tie him to their own Hives either gave up soon enough or died by his hand. The years and centuries and millennia went by like the slow, agonizing heartbeats of a dying creature.
Now he had her again and the Lanteans were no more. It was ironic, really. They had done their best to ensure his species went extinct and instead they were the ones that had. Only this time she wasn't his Queen, not yet. They were allies, old acquaintances, yes, maybe even lovers. But not mates. He was quite fond of his free male status. He had been thus for so long, he doubted he could be a bonded mate once more.
The newcomer was an intriguing creature. Lucifer wondered idly if he would find a mate among the dwellers of this Hive sooner or later or become one of Lilith's companions. Lucifer didn't think she would be bonded with the newcomer, but then she had done many unthought-of things before. The new one would be a fool to allow himself to become companion to a Queen as old as Lilith. He would be used to exhaustion, and buried without ceremony when he finally succumbed because of it.
For some reason, Lucifer liked him. He liked him enough to want him around as long as possible. Maybe it was because there was so much strength and resilience in him. He would make a fine soldier, an excellent scientist. He had the wisdom and the resourcefulness for it. He must have been one or the other among the humans as well, Lucifer was certain, if not they had been foolishly wasting his potential.
Lucifer sighed softly as he stood up straight. He set out toward the Great Hall. There would be celebrations there soon, and they would be mostly in honor of the one called Rodney. Thus he would be welcomed into the Hive and celebrated for his insightful actions during the encounter with the human's vessel. The newcomer, the one they called Rodney. Yes, Lucifer mused, he will be great company.
Lilith was already there, surrounded by the Hive's sisterhood. All of them were holding hands, standing in a circle as they shared the joy of a won battle, their bonded mates and companions swarming around them. Lucifer was pleased to see Rodney standing in a group of free males. He only looked a little frantic, but otherwise held his own in the conversation. Lucifer walked over and let one of his hands fall on Rodney's shoulder. This startled the young male, and he turned a little too fast, fear mixing with aggression in his gaze. Lucifer bared his teeth in a pleased smile.
"Hi. I was wondering when you would show up." Rodney said trying hard to keep the nervousness out of his voice.
He was overwhelmed. He had acted on instinct and the impossible-to-resist desire to please Lilith when he made the maneuver that got them out of harm's way. He had been shocked afterward. He just stood stock still, staring at the screen in front of him as the others in the room surrounded him and proceeded to pat his shoulders or embrace him and rub their cheeks against his. He'd killed so many with a simple gesture and he'd saved the Wraith from the humans. His humans.
No. Not his anymore.
He had felt the touch to his mind just before he managed to get the Hive to leap into hyperspace again. He recognized her almost instantly. Teyla knew. She knew what he was now and what he had been about to do. He hadn't tried to block her, to close his mind. Instead, he'd opened it wide for her to see it all. He'd wanted to feel her close. It had comforted him to have her familiar presence there, even if it for only a few seconds. He'd felt human again for those seconds, and had been appalled by what he was about to do. But he couldn't stop himself, and even if he'd been able to, doing so would have given Teyla's presence in his mind away to Lilith. This way he could keep his last brush with humanity to himself, like a precious secret.
When the Hive moved into hyperspace and severed the connection, Rodney had felt like one of his limbs had been torn off. He'd kept the pain hidden away, along with the joy of having felt a human touch when he'd given up all hope of that ever happening again.
He had been led away to an adjoining room, and there two females had painted a pattern on his right temple. They'd told him it was a reward, that it would tell every one of his great deeds that day. When they were finished, there had been a design of intricate little spirals adorning his skin. Just when he had begun to wonder how the paint would stay on, a third female had come in with something that looked a lot like a tattoo needle.
Rodney had found that some things stayed the same even if he had changed species somewhat. He still hated needles with a passion.
The greatest shock had been yet to come, though. When she had been done branding him (no matter how much he tried to, he couldn't think about it as other than that), she'd held up a polished square of metal in front of him. That was when Rodney saw himself for the first time since his transformation.
"Oh," was all he'd managed, as he'd looked into the light purple eyes looking back at him from the mirror. His skin was tinged blue, like his hands, so that was not such a big surprise. His hair had grown darker, closer to Sheppard's shade of brown.
Sheppard. Rodney's throat had tightened. They all knew, now, what he had become and what he had done. He'd been overwhelmed by the situation, his two opposite needs-pleasing his Queen and having a brief contact with another human, had raked havoc on his thought processes, reducing him to an instinct-driven creature.
He was in constant turmoil. Sometimes he couldn't remember his human past at all. There was no hint of Atlantis, Stargate Command or his family in his mind. Those times it was like he had always been a Wraith. But then there were other times, when memories came flooding back...the smallest thing would trigger them and he would be lost. It was in those moments that Rodney thought he could empathize with schizophrenics.
***
"He's still alive, dammit! I'm not going to give up on him!" Sheppard said through gritted teeth, trying hard and failing to keep the rage from his voice.
"No, John, he is not." A soft voice replied. He hadn't expected her to speak. He hadn't expected her to say such a thing. But it was Teyla's voice all the same. "The being I contacted was a Wraith. He killed thousands of people without remorse. Rodney McKay is dead."
John's eyes burned a hole through her as he looked her square in the eye. He had never wanted to hit a woman before, but he did now. During training sessions, sure, when he knew he would get as good as he gave. But now he just wanted to make her shut up. His hands balled into fists at his sides and his nostrils flared as he inhaled deeply.
The fact that her eyes were wet with tears she wouldn't shed didn't change how he felt, how much he hated her in that moment.
"There you have it, Major. The man you knew, your man, is dead. This isn't about leaving someone wounded or captured behind. This isn't Afghanistan. The mission of this ship is now to reach Earth before the Wraith do. Should we manage to encounter the Hive again, we will shoot to kill." Caldwell's voice was calm and even, and yet it held a provocation that made John's already-tight nerves fairly snap with rage. John was sure that his superior officer was just waiting for him to respond to it, so he could have him confined to his quarters for the rest of the journey. He couldn't afford that. If and when they ever encountered the Hive again, he had to be able to act. To save Rodney, to bring him back to them.
So John just smiled a feral smile and nodded.
"There are five Hive ships headed toward your galaxy," Teyla said. "I only saw one Queen-Eve." Teyla was speaking in her usual soft manner, though she was frowning, as if remembering exactly what she had found during her mental connection required an effort. "The other Queens are already there, with the majority of the population of their Hives and with their soldier drones. They will establish strongholds on worlds where they encounter least resistance, and wait to be reunited with the Hives and Eve before taking Earth."
"Good. This gives us an advantage. We can get to Earth before they do. We can mount some sort of resistance. We can get help from the Asgard. Maybe even the Nox..." Caldwell mused. "Doctor Zelenka, how long before we can communicate with Earth?"
"Nine days before we'll be in range for deep space communication," the Czech answered without looking up from his laptop. "That might be outdated information, however. I am now calculating their possible new trajectories through hyperspace given their point of entry." He took a breath. "There is a sixty-eight percent probability that they are not headed toward the Milky Way anymore. We may have disrupted their route with our attack." He finally looked up as he finished speaking.
"Or they are going back to Atlantis?" Caldwell asked the table at large. He turned to Teyla. "You said McKay made no actual effort to stop you getting this information from his mind-what if he was feeding it to you on purpose?"
John bristled. "With all due respect, sir—"
"No, Major Sheppard," Caldwell interjected. "This could be a wild-goose chase and you know it! We just may have given up our claim to Atlantis on a ruse. We left people there. Don't you care what happens to them?"
Elizabeth had grown paler in the last few minutes than anybody had ever seen her before. Caldwell's words were a low blow and she knew he knew it, even if she had to concede that it was a possibility.
She had to mediate the situation between the two soldiers before things got even worse between them than they already were. The last thing Atlantis-and Rodney-needed was pointless jockeying for position. Not with so much at stake. She stomped down an impulse to knock their heads together. She needed everybody to calm down and think.
"It seems to me that if you gentlemen would have it your way, you'd bring all our chances down to zero," she snapped at both of them. Glaring, she continued. "I'm going to do something that no one in my position has ever done before or ever will do, officially. I'm actually going to give you a diplomat's honest opinion. Major Sheppard," she said, turning her glare specifically on him, "if you do not stop forcing the Colonel's hand, you will end up in confinement and might even lose your position. I know you don't care too much about that at the moment, but it would be nice if you considered everyone else on Atlantis, who might benefit from you keeping your job. Rodney included." She knew she'd made her point when John's gaze flicked away.
Elizabeth rested her elbows on the table, steepling her hands in front of her. "Colonel Caldwell. You are Commanding Officer of the Dedalus, and you do hold the superior rank, yet you must consider that on board this ship there are soldiers whose loyalties lay with Major Sheppard." She narrowed her eyes. "The two of you will end up with a small civil war breaking out if you keep up this cock and balls attitude."
Both men were silent for a while after that. Even Zelenka looked astonished.
"Did you actually say cock and balls?" Sheppard broke the awkward moment with a smile. She didn't return the smile, but Elizabeth knew she'd gotten through to them.
***
"Would you speak with me?" Lucifer asked without removing his hand from Rodney's shoulder.
"Ah...yes? Why?" there was a measure of alarm in his voice as he tried to inch away from the winged alien. Of course he couldn't think of him in such terms any longer. Now he was no more an alien than Eve was...Rodney belonged to them. "Yes." Rodney finally said in a firmer tone and squared his shoulders.
"After the celebration, then?" Lucifer asked, his voice strangely kind. Rodney nodded and watched him refold his wings before moving over to where Lilith stood. The other females had left her side and scattered around the room. Rodney watched as she gently touched his shoulder as if to welcome him, and Lucifer bowed his head slightly. It looked like these are well practiced gestures, that they meant something between the two of them, and Rodney felt a spike of jealousy. He missed having her around. He missed having her like he did in Atlantis, when they were equals. Now he felt less than her, too inadequate to pursue her. On a rational level he knew that was because of his new genetic make up. She was Queen of the Hive.
He didn't even see the dark-haired Sister approaching him until she took his hand in hers and pressed her lips to the inside of his wrist. He gave a startled yelp and tried to return her smile. She ran a caressing finger over the pattern at his right temple.
"Most courageous," She murmured, bringing her cheek next to his. Her scent was strong and demanding. Rodney felt dizzy with it. Her pale yellow dress flattered her willowy silhouette, leaving her round shoulders bare.
Eve was on the other side of the room. Rodney could still see her out of the corner of his eye. He wished it was her holding his hands and running a finger over the slit in his palm. She hadn't touched him since he transformed. She kept her distance instead, as if he was no different, no better, than any of the other drones of the Hive. He wondered briefly if that was what Batty-Lucifer-was going to talk to him about.
He caught Eve's eye for a fraction of a second, and Rodney felt the touch of her mind, light like the wings of a butterfly. His black-haired groupie seemed to sense the charge in the air about him, the intensity of his gaze as it fixed upon the Queen. She hissed under her breath and retreated, still keeping an odd grace in her movements.
Rodney wasn't in a mood for celebrations anyway. He felt hungry but he couldn't make himself go to the Feeding Hall. Not now, not while he still remembered. He would go to his room and wait there until everything faded again. He would sleep, and hope he couldn't remember having been human when he woke up.
He slipped away without anyone noticing and hurried along the narrow corridors with their yellow bioluminescence and slightly pulsating walls. A sigh of relief left Rodney's lips as the membrane door slid shut behind him. He sat down on his web bed, covering his face with his forearm. He replayed his mental encounter with Teyla. He hoped he had managed to convey everything properly. He'd never been one for meditation and polishing his thoughts, and delivering the information he needed to pass to her had been no picnic. He wanted her to know there were Wraith in the Milky Way. He wanted her to know about the Hives traveling along with the one he currently inhabited, but he also so badly wanted to tell her how very sorry he was for betraying them, for letting them down and leaving them alone.
He wanted to tell her how much he wished he could be on board the Dedalus with them, instead of on the Hive ship.
Rodney had to order all these thoughts and urges and sort through them carefully, only let through the really important ones, the ones that might shift the balance of the war. Because Rodney was certain that there would be war.
He just hoped he succeeded.
Most courageous, the Wraith had called him. Little did she, did they, know that he was cowardly enough to prefer anything to his demise. That's what everything boiled down to-He had begged Lilith to let him live and she had. It was all his fault, everything that had happened after that. Now he would have to beg again. But this time not for himself.
He was torn. He wanted to forget being human, wanted it to stop hurting, but at the same time he needed to remember.
He missed his labs back in Atlantis and all his minions with their moronic mistakes and misunderstandings. He missed pillows, for goodness sake! Furniture here was absent except for the bare minimum and there were no sheets anywhere. He snorted in the silence of his room as he turned onto his front and put his arms over his head to block out the glow of his walls.
