I was just about to leave the office for the night when some old paper work caught my eye. It seemed like my work kept piling up. I was down one of my best men, and I was already feeling the wrath of the loss after only two days. I reached for the phone to call my wife to tell her I was running late, and as I dialed the number I pressed my fingers hard agaist my forehead.
"Hello?" My youngest son answered the phone. Even though I couldn't see his face I imagined his smile.
"Hello Benjamin, this is Dad!" I felt myself smiling thinking about him.
"Dad!" Benjamin cried. I loved hearing my kids' excited voices.
"How's your day been son? Have you been good?" I knew he had been good, he was afraid of his own shadow.
"I've been good!" He giggled.
"I'm sure you have, do me a favor kiddo, put your mom on the phone." I heard the phone rattle around as I waited.
"Hello?" My beautiful wife of 8 years answered.
"Hi sweetie."
"Jared, how are you holding up?" Nothing could get past my wife.
"I'm calling to tell you I'm running late, it could be an other hour," I sighed with out even really meaning to be.
"Just be careful, I'll be here when you get home." She was always understanding.
"Don't wait up for me sweetie," I told her even though I knew she would. I hung up the phone a little harder than I meant to, and when I looked up a young woman startled me.
I recognized her quickly after. We both looked at each other dumb founded briefly. Mary was Darrell's angel. I'd recognize her smile from anywhere. But, man had she grown up. Darrell was one of the few guys who had a family. Most of my guys didn't stick around long time like Darrell did. Darrell'd been working for me for nearly 20 years. When I first took over my dad's business some of the guys gave me a hard time because many of the workers were older than me, but not Curtis. He knew how to be thankful for work. My dad told me to keep workers like him around to influence the others.
"Come in, come in," I stood up.
"Thank you," She smiled again. She could light up a room. She looked good, especially good, all things considered.
"I'm so sorry for you loss," I moved away from behind my desk and sat on the corner of my desk closer to her.
"Thank you," she smiled back at me, I could tell she wasn't really looking at me though.
"They were great people, your parents," I clarified like she didn't already know. She nodded her head in agreement.
"They talked about your Christmas party all year, you really meant a lot to them too sir, I'm sorry they are going to miss it from now on." Mary didn't even blink. Her eyes didn't even glaze over. She was a still as a statue.
"It certainly won't be the same without them, that's for sure." I found myself starting to go down memory lane. I pulled myself out when I realized the hour, and how it was unlikely Mary came here just for a social call. I also knew that since she was raised by such well-mannered parents it was unlikely that she would just come out and ask for something. Her dad once did just about everything outside of taking me on a date to ask for a Friday evening off so he could watch his son play football.
"You kids holding up okay?" I had to start somewhere.
"Yes sir." She answered me.
"You're parents probably didn't leave a will or nothing did they?" No one ever thinks about dying, especially both parents going together like they did.
"No sir, they did not."
"Call me Jared, please Mary." I wanted her to feel comfortable. She nodded her head agreeing. "What's the plan Mary?"
"The plan, sir?"
"What now?" I clarified. She looked at me, not the same look I'd expect to get from an 18 year old.
"I need someone to speak at the funeral, I was hoping you would want to tell some stories?" She fidgeted with her fingers as she spoke.
"I would be honored," I smiled as warmly as I could.
"I appreciate it, sir," she took a sigh of relief.
"Tell me Mary, have you ever been to a funeral before?" She looked at me and let out a nervous smile.
"Not even in my dreams."
"Has someone been helping you, I'm assuming you're doing the planning?" She was a vault just like her mom, wouldn't let anyone in.
"The funeral home on Central, has this man who was a huge help," she handed me a news paper clipping with the information on the service. I took it and kept looking at her.
"I wish there was more I could do," I put my hand on her knee. The feeling I got when she looked at me was that there was more I could do.
"Have you found someone to replace my dad?" She pulled on her hair. Her question caught me off guard because I felt like it was a catch 22.
"Not yet, he'll be hard to replace." I tried to say the right things, but I wasn't sure what they were. We both looked at each other. She opened her mouth to speak a couple times but nothing came out. Finally a long minute later she spoke up.
"Would you consider Darry?" I could tell she was having a hard time speaking, so I tried my best to hide my shock, this was up there in the last things I expected her to say.
"I don't understand. The oldest boy, he's at OSU, am I wrong?" As soon as the words came off my tongue I knew how wrong I was.
"He uh, uhm, Darry, he's, err, he withdrew this morning." It pained Mary deeply to say it. It must have been a tough decision.
"I see," I nodded my head still not understanding.
"He has temporary custody," she blew out slowly like she was blowing through a straw.
"Is that so?" I was surprised, and I didn't know why. It wasn't like Darry wasn't able to take on the kids, and its not like they had anywhere else to go, I just couldn't imagine Darry not finishing school, it's all I heard about for year, Darry the college ball player.
"I'll be 18 in a few months, maybe he can go back next semester." The tone of Mary's voice let me know real fast that it was wishful thinking.
"If he's half the worker of your father I'd be honored to hire him on full time." I reached out my arm onto hers, "I heard good things about this past summer." It wasn't a lie, and I had heard good things, but mostly what I heard was his promise of going to school so he wouldn't have to do this the rest of his life, funny how things turn out.
"We really appreciate it sir, you have no idea. This will certainly help the judge as well, keep us together I mean." I could see relief in Mary's eyes, but there was still something she had looming, I could feel it.
"How are ya'll holding up, really?" She looked at me, and her smile faded. I could tell she was pondering what to say. She was her father's daughter; never spoke without thinking.
"It's just been so hectic, it's hard to tell. Once the dust settles I'm sure we'll be okay, we have to be," she shrugged her shoulders standing up.
"Just make sure you know there's help out there for you kids," I stood up too wishing I had done more. Wishing I could do more.
"Sir, giving Darry a job is more than enough," she assured me. I walked behind my desk and pulled out Darry's folder. I also picked up a tool box, "your dad's. I thought it was weird he left it at the sight." Darrel Sr. was one of the most responsible guys out there. Some of the other guys would always leave their stuff behind, shoot they would leave their heads behind if it wasn't attached to them. Mary looked at the bag letting out a painful half smile. I knew that behind every tool box was a story. A story of tree houses, front porches, and life lessons, especially for a family like theirs.
"I guess we'll never know," Mary started out the door.
"Guess not," I followed her. The walk out to her truck felt like a long one she pulled down the hatch and I slid it in.
"I remember when you learned how to drive this thing," I patted the hood. That got a smile out of her.
"We only had two cars, if I wanted to go anywhere I had to drop Dad off at work," she slammed the hatch and turned towards me.
"Make sure you get those papers to Darry, I'll see you tomorrow," I gave her arm a squeeze. She didn't say anything. I just watched her drive off.
Xxxxx
I went down the aisles of the grocery store like I had done for as long as I could remember, but it was different this time. I didn't know what I was shopping for, I didn't know what I was doing, and I didn't know where to start. The store was pretty dead, it was a Tuesday night in Tulsa, there wasn't much going on. Accepting defeat I left with nothing but flowers, cups, and some pepsi in my hand. I figured I'd call Angela and get her to help.
"Mary," the gentleman behind the register smiled. One of the few perks of Tulsa was that if you could find the good people, they made an impact on your life. Mr. Taylor watched me grow up right before his eyes. He told me so on many occasions.
"Pick up some extra flowers on the house, from me and Meredith." Meredith was his wife, a real sweet old woman who I saw from time to time. People's nice gestures honestly made it harder to keep it together. Before I could thank him he spoke up again, "we'll be there tomorrow."
"Whose going to watch the shop?" I asked confused. He gave me a gentle smile like old men do.
"We're closing it for the morning." My heart sunk to my stomach then. They never closed the shop, not even on the holidays. They didn't have any kids or family.
I felt guilty for them being alone, but then I realized we are alone too. I was thinking about that when he handed me my bag. I picked up both bouquets and started to leave.
"I'll see you tomorrow," I offered the best I could. He nodded his head, I could tell that he was thinking, I was too. I was thinking a lot about everything. I was thinking about Franki, I was thinking that I hoped he was wrong about tomorrow being as bad as he said it would be. I was thinking about how much I missed him, and I was thinking that I was stupid for missing him. But I couldn't help it. It couldn't have all been a lie, because we spent almost every day together, and he told me he loved me, he wouldn't lie to me, I knew him better than that.
"Curtis," I heard my name called and I turned around.
"Tim," I repeated his name the way he said mine. Tim had a way of showing up at the least convenient times. He wasn't a bad guy, I think I saw the good in him more than most because before he dropped out we had a class together, we were the only two greasers in it, and he wasn't so bad. We would spend most of the time making fun of the other people in the class. It's not like I would trust Tim hold onto my money or keep a secret, but I would trust him to be a decent human being, to a greaser at least.
"Dally told me," he spoke calmly as if he were talking about the weather.
"Would that be before or after he got hauled in?" I didn't take my eyes off of him, something I learned from my mom.
"Before, he was the one too dumb to run when we heard the sirens." Tim grinned like he had something to be proud of. I wasn't entirely sure why I was so pissed that Dally got arrested, but I was.
"Good ole Dal," I mumbled under my breath heading towards the car.
"What'd you expect from a hood, doll face?" He lit a smoke and handed it to me. "Here, looks like you need one." He had a smug grin on his face, just like Dallas does when he's being a smart ass. He had to add the last part just to piss me off more. I looked at him, but kept my mouth shut. Some battles were not worth it.
"What are you so fiery for, you on the rag?" He exhaled his cigarette.
"No, Tim, my parents just died, I've got a lot on my mind, so if you don't mind?" I rolled my eyes heading towards the truck again.
"Well shit, Mary, you ain't gotta say it that way," he looked like he was offended. I was not about to put up with is crap. I was too exhausted.
"Well it's the truth ain't it? I don't see a point in sugar coating it." I said over my shoulder. I should have known he wouldn't let me have the last word.
"You're such a tease, how Franki does it is past me," he grabbed my arm and stopped me. I must have looked as hurt as I felt just then because he let go really fast. I didn't know what to say, I just looked away.
"Well shit, did he dump you or something?" He pulled my arm harder.
"Screw you Tim," I tried to get out of his grip. He didn't let go right away.
"Jesus, right after you parents died, a real winner you picked there, I mean shit!" He let go of me and I pushed him back.
"You don't know shit," I quotes something I had heard Dally say plenty of times.
"I guess not, because I can't think of a damn reason you'd put up with such sorry son a bitch who had the nerve to dump you after you did the dirty." He words sent shivers down my spine. I stopped dead in my tracks. "Tulsa's a small town, Princess." I was so enraged by him when he said that. I didn't even know how to respond. I just left, giving him the satisfaction of pissing me off. Him and Dally were alike that way. They would do whatever they needed to in order to ruffle some feathers.
I got back in the truck and slammed the door, it took the heat Tim deserved. I typically didn't let them get under my skin, it was use to it, Dallas Winston was as much of a hood as it came. Maybe I was loosing my edge, or my tolerance for ass holes. Maybe it was because I was really missing Franki, and I was maybe I was wishing I could have my dad tell me how there was someone better.
Xxxxxxxx
"Where's Mary?" Soda walked out of his room with puffy eyes. I wasn't sure if it was from crying or sleeping.
"She's not back yet," Two-bit answered from out couch with a beer in his hand. I was contemplating getting one. I had seen my dad drink on numerous occasions, and I had drank with him as well, but I felt uncomfortable doing it now. I was already worried about being a good role model and setting standards. I knew that Pony looked up to me, and Mom always told me Soda did too, and that I had to always have a good attitude, and I felt like I usually had, but now I felt even more pressure. I felt like every decision I was making mattered much more. The sacrifices were starting to sink in.
"Think she skipped town?" I knew Steve was kidding, but he didn't even crack a grin. I just rolled my eyes listening to everyone fool around. Pony was killing Two-bit in poker, I knew Two-bit was being a pal and letting him win. Two-bit would not graciously loose poker any day of the week. In fact, he would throw cards and claim people were cheating before he lost this many times in a row. Still, Johnny and Pony went along with it. I think Pony was completely oblivious. The age gap between the two of us seemed so big now.
I went to shower thinking it would give me something to do, I thought it would make me less rushed tomorrow, but I kinda doubted we'd be in any rush tomorrow. Still with nothing else to do I walked into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me looking at myself in the mirror. Was it possible I had aged this much in two days? I looked like I was sick. My skin was droopy, I needed to shave, and I had bags under my eyes. I guess I did look as bad as I felt. I turned on the water hoping to transform when I got out. I couldn't help but think about our futures, what was going to happen. What I had in store for me. I felt selfish for thinking about all of the sacrifices, it wasn't like the kids asked for anything, I just happened to be the oldest. I was also angry and wished I wasn't. I was angry at them for dying, and I was angry that they never gave me any instructions to what the hell I was suppose to do. I shaved and toweled dry slipping on some fresh clothes.
As I peeled out of the bathroom Pony came in from the porch. "Hey kiddo, how are you doing?" It was a reflex to ask. I didn't have a clue at what else to say.
"I'm okay," he shrugged. He didn't look okay.
"Hell kid, you should be better than okay, you busted my chops I can't even tell you how many times in poker!" Two-bit piped in.
"You let me win Two-bit," Pony hissed. I chuckle to myself thinking about how quick Pony was.
"You hungry?" I asked him as he sat on the floor leaned up against the wall. The only open seat was dad's chair. I decided against pressing the issue. So did everyone else.
"Not really," Pony shrugged again. I knew he needed to eat anyway. I went over to the icebox and pulled out a casserole and turned on the oven sticking it in with ease.
"You sure you know how to do that?" Two-bit seemed skeptical.
"You got a better idea?" I glared at him. Sure enough Mary was walked in the house just in time. She looked fine. She didn't look old, scared, and exhausted like I did. What was her secret?
"Mer-Bear, about damn time! Darry here is trying to feed us," Two-bit said dramatically. Mary half smiled dropping a bag on the table. She changed the temperature of the oven and put tin foil over the dish.
"Looks fine to me," she smiled stepping back.
"Yeah, now that you fixed it," Steve muttered. We all ignored him.
"Darry, can you help me grab something from the truck," Mary pulled her hair down.
"I'll get it," Soda volunteered patting Steve's arm.
"Nah, it's okay, Darry's got it, right?" Mary tried to be subtle but everyone knew something was up.
"What's in there, a dead body?" Two-bit asked. "Let me tell you, if it is something illegal, I know a guy," Two-bit babbled.
"Nothing like that Two-bit," Mary said through a sigh.
"Yeah, I got it," I tried to play it off like it was no big deal, but I knew that ship had sailed.
"What's going on?" Pony spoke up.
"Nothing, don't worry," Mary assured him.
"Are you two that dense, they need to have an adult conversation. No kids allowed," Steve laughed. He could be such an ass. I regularly want to give him an attitude adjustment.
"Is that true?" Soda asked. I didn't answer because I honestly didn't know if it was true or not. I didn't know what Mary was up to. Even before my parents died I never knew what Mary was up to. "I should be included in this." Soda argued.
"Me too, we're all we've got left, no secrets." Pony added.
"It's not about you guys, it's about Darry, so don't worry." Mary tired, but I knew it wasn't going to work. I knew this wasn't going to end well.
"Now wait, what makes Mary boss? Darry and I are the oldest!" Two-bit stood up. Everything was always a game to him.
"You ain't blood." Johnny spoke up shyly for the first time of the evening.
"Well incase you ain't noticed they're down a few blood members," Steve grumbled.
"If it concerns ya'll it concerns us! We ain't blood, bull shit, we're thicker than blood!" Two-bit spoke his uncalled for opinion as usual.
"You're making it out more than it needs to be," Mary tried to reason.
"This isn't house, you two can't play mom and dad!" Soda added. That was usual for Soda, because he wasn't usually quick tempered.
"Go ahead," I suggested. I didn't think it was worth a fight. I didn't think what Mary was going to say was going to start a fight.
"I went to talk to Jared today, to ask him to speak at the funeral tomorrow, and he wanted to give me the rest of Dad's stuff," Mary took a breath and everyone assumed she was done, but I knew better.
"Geeze Princess, is that all? You got us all worked up!" Two-bit sat back down.
"Shut up Two-bit, don't call me that!" She hit her hand against the wall. The rest of us just waited.
"He offered you dad's job. You'll start Monday." Mary looked to the ground. No one said anything for a long second, which was good. But the next thing I said I shouldn't have.
"Did you go and ask for me a job?" I could feel my blood pressure rising.
"Come on Darry, that's good isn't it?" Soda asked harmlessly. But none of this was harmless.
"I could get one my own job." I hissed not even caring how immature I sounded.
"I know that Darry, it's just an opportunity, you don't have to take it." Mary kept her temper in tack while I didn't.
"That's not the point," I threw my hands in the air in frustration.
"I'm sorry that you're upset," she started but I didn't give her the time to finish.
"You're sorry for what? Making me look desperate, that I couldn't find a job on my own, or that the best I could do was construction?" I was lashing out, I knew I was too, but she couldn't just do what ever the hell she wanted.
Noone responded I didn't expect them to.
"I'm sorry that you think I would do that." The room got so quiet you could hear a pin drop. She looked at me as I felt my heart beat strongly in my chest.
"Guys, go get the stuff out of my car, please," she sounded desperate and she threw the keys at Pony, who caught them looking to Soda. I watched my brothers, Steve, Two-bit, and Johnny pile out of our house.
"Damn it Mary," I grumbled.
"You want to tell me the real reason your so pissed you now have a new job?" She crossed her arms across her shirt like she thought I was being outrageous.
"I could get my own job," I crossed my arms too.
"Yeah, and you still can, this one doesn't start until Monday," she gave me a look I had never seen from her before. I had seen Meghan give it before, it's an I know your wrong, but I'm going to humor you look.
"Is this funny to you, because it's not to me? I worked to damn hard to be roofing. You had no right to," I was pointing my finger at her like she was a child.
"I had no right to what, help out my family? Because all you need is brothers to keep you on your toes, right?" She used what I said at my graduation against me. I stood there dumb founded, but it still did not help with my anger.
"You don't have a right to go behind my back, I'm the guardian, not you, not now anyway!" I got close to her face.
"Grow up Dar, don't you see what all's at stake here? How else is the state going to let you keep us, because the funeral cleaned me out, so unless you found that money tree you need to look past tomorrow!" She put her hand on my chest pushing me back.
"Shit Mary, I am looking past tomorrow! All I do is look past tomorrow, and I can tell you I don't like what I see!"
"Then you better make up your mind if your up for this!" She scared me when she said that. The first time she asked me if I was sure I wanted to be their guardian it was a no brainer, I didn't even blink. However, now that I've thought about it more I was starting to have doubts.
"I'm not about to let this family go down with you and your pride. Let me remind you that Dad wasn't too good to roof houses for 25 years to feed 6, and he was the hardest worker I know." I had never argued with Mary like this before. I wondered if we would have continued to fight if the guys hadn't come back behind her. She cleared her throat and narrowed her eyes. There was a lot I still wanted to say, I still wanted to argue with someone, but all I could do was open my mouth.
"Take the casserole out when the timer goes off. Let it sit for 10 minutes before you eat, and then soak the dish when you're done. I'm leaving at 10 tomorrow, but you can all meet me at 11:30. After the pastor speaks you'll have an opportunity to talk if you want. We'll open the floor to anyone in the audience. Dad's boss will speak, and then I'll speak last. If any of you want to prepare something fine, but don't get up there an adlib it," She looked at everyone before looking at me last. "So get what ever you have to get out of your system out, because it's going to be a long day."
"Where are you going?" Soda asked when she took the keys out of Pony hand.
"I'll be late, no one wait up," She looked at me again. I swore under my breath when she walked out. Pony ran after her.
