Chapter 19

After riding in his SUV for hours, taking it as fast as it could go, defying the speed limits, ignoring the road signs, not giving a damn if he was in a car accident or if the cops pulled him over. Jason miraculously made his way back to the penthouse without a scratch on him. The woman he needed more than his next breath was gone. His soul was dead, his life was now over, Sam was dead. Riding up the elevator, he leaned up against the wall and closed his eyes remembering the first time he met her.

"It must be crowded around in here if the cops have to double up on two total strangers."

"I don't think it's a coincidence."

"Why not?"

"Cuz their hoping to get something out of it… your testimony against me."

"Well, I might be willing if I had any idea who you are. I'm Sam… Sam McCall. I'm here for aiding and abetting Sonny Corinthos."

"Jason Morgan… me too."

He remembered that day as if it was yesterday, he could picture her clearly, her amazing body wrapped up in black and leather, long silky dark hair, dark brown exotic eyes, and a luscious plump mouth. The ding of the elevator broke into his thoughts. Stepping off, he passed by Max and Milo that were waiting there for him, not saying a word and ignoring their looks of pity, he walked into his penthouse, closed the door and leaned back against it, letting his head fall back with a thud. Remembering.

"You like me?"

"Sure."

"Thanks, I mean that it's nice to hear… I like you too."

He wanted to say so much more to her but he chose to keep it to himself. He didn't just like her, he was falling in love with her. Opening his eyes, he dragged his weary body to the bar and twisted off the cap of a new bottle of tequila, taking deep pulls, enjoying the burn. His gaze landed towards the couch and he remembered their first kiss. It was right after Nikolas and Emily's wedding and she wanted to dance, already in love with her, he didn't want to deny her anything. He held her in his arms, inhaled her rich intoxicating scent and relished in the way she felt pressed up against him. Soon they stumbled and fell and his body roared to life when she pulled him down for a sweet kiss. Taking another deep pull of the harsh liquid, he walked around the couch and stood in front of the coffee table. Remembering.

"I can't cook, I think we've established that, and I can't clean, obviously.
I can't do windows cuz I'm too short and they'll get all streaky and stuff, but if you give me some scuba gear and a salvage operation... I can definitely get the job done."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"And… I'm an expert safe cracker, excellent shot with a hand gun. If you ever need my help… I'm good back up."

He takes another deep pull, enjoying the burn and looking forward to the numbness, to the darkness.

"I'm not afraid of you or your job and I'll never judge you, I mean I don't think there's anything you could do that could change how I feel about you."

"Then there is something that you can do for me. Will you marry me?"

He remembered she thought that he was only proposing to her because of the baby, because of Hope. Normally he would have felt a pang in his heart, the part that was reserved for Hope next to the one that held their baby Lila, but his heart was already gone, dead. He remembered telling her that it was much more simple than that, he told her he loved her for the first time. He could hear her repeating her love and accepting his proposal. She said yes, but they never made it down the aisle. So many things happened after that, so many obstacles, so many problems but it was his fault for not making it a priority, it was his fault for not making HER a priority. Hating himself, he bent down, grabbed the coffee table and flipped it over with a yell. Taking deep pulls of the tequila, he ignored Max and Milo that were currently banging on the door and calling his name, and remembered the love they shared, what they lost, the heartache, the breakup, the lies, the reunion.

"Since, uh, Mexico everything's changed. And I don't know if you want to hear it, because I don't want you to feel pressured, but you know with everything that's going on, I think I should tell you… that I love you, and I'm just glad that you're back in my life."

"I love you too."

Finishing the contents of the bottle as he remembered the kiss they shared, the way her soft lips felt against his, they got back to what was right and they were better than they ever were. Now, she's gone. Feeling the darkness overtake him, he threw the empty bottle against the wall and took much pleasure in the way it shattered. He stumbled over to the desk, wanting to make it up the stairs, but at hearing Max and Milo still call his name to make sure that he was ok, his anger took control and he swiped everything off of the desk. Shoving the chair to the side, he grabbed a strong hold of the desk and shoved it up against the door. "NO! I'M NOT FUCKING OK!" He yelled as he repeatedly kicked the desk with his black boots. Feeling his energy depleting, he stumbled back and off to the right side of the door, back against the wall.

"And when I'm alone, I'm just going to close my eyes and pretend that I'm right here… in your arms."

He remembered her saying that to him when he was going to Pentonville to protect Michael. He loved her even more because she understood, she the only one who understood him. Closing his eyes, his legs gave away and he slid down the wall to the floor, leaned his head back and wrapped his arms around his body picturing himself in the arms of his angel as the tears fell from his eyes.