"Soda," I whispered. He rolled in the bed but didn't speak. "I'm scared." I whispered again. He still didn't open his eyes. I heard movement outside our room, a light was on I saw it under the door. I started to go open the door, but I didn't make it to the door before I heard them all arguing.

"Where ya been Mar, we've been worried," I heard Darry ask. It had to be after 1 now.

"With a friend," she answered coolly.

"You can't do this every time we have a fight Mar, what kind of example is that to set for Pony, to run away?" Darry wasn't yelling at her, but I could tell he was tired.

"What kind of example is it to have a girl in your bed?" Mary retaliated.

"I see your point, but Mar… can you sit down?"

"No, I can't, I just need to get all of us through tomorrow, so whatever you have to say hold on to it." Mary started to walk towards her room, I could hear her footsteps getting closer.

"There you are Mary, I wondered where you went. I found the perfect guy, if we hurry we can parade you the way Franki paraded Sylvia, they still haven't gone upstairs!" I think I recognized Angelia's voice.

"Angelia, I don't think so, that would make me no better than him," Mary sounded tired like Darry. I heard the two of the whispering, I couldn't make out what they were saying or where Darry was.

"Oh don't you get soft on me, come on!" Angelia pleaded. I wondered where Darry was or if he was as confused as me.

"Just do me a favor," Mary asked pausing.

"Anything," Angelia seemed eager.

"Let me tell Dallas. Promise me you'll let me tell him. I'm serious."

"Okay, Mary, I won't say anything." Angelia agreed. "I'll see you tomorrow." I heard the front door open. "I'm real sorry he's such a loser." Then I head the door swing shut.

"Mary," Darry started sounding sad.

"It's fine Darry," Mary really did sound fine.

I heard the kitchen sink water running breaking the silence in the room. "Meghan told me you came by work and that ya'll had an argument."

"Of course she did," Mary muttered.

"Mary come on now, I'm trying to talk to you."

"Darry, I don't want to talk to you right now, you're really making it hard for me to follow mom's rule if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all rule."

"Don't talk just listen. You're right, I'm being selfish and I'm sorry I haven't been any help with the funeral, I'm sorry I got so upset about the job, I'm sorry that I'm acting like taking you guys on is a burden, and I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it. You're absolutely right, my pride was getting in my way, and you took a bullet that wasn't aimed at you. We've got such a long road ahead of us Mar, and I need us to be on the same side. I didn't mean anything by my graduation speech, its not that I don't need my sister I do, now more than ever, and I'm sorry I didn't see that before." I was impressed with Darry's apology. I didn't even notice that he didn't mention her in his speech. That seemed like so long ago now.

"For a guy who doesn't apologize much, your not half bad at it." Mary turned off the water.

"So are we friends again?" Darry was probably trying to be funny.

"We never were friends though, were we? I can't stop thinking about how if they hadn't died would we even know anything about each other?" I heard them in the kitchen, so I opened my door and peered around the corner.

"I know we ain't exactly best friends, but I like to think that we're close." Mary didn't respond to Darry she just looked at him blankly.

"Goodnight, Darry," Mary said after a pretty long pause. She started to leave, but Darry didn't let her, not this time.

"Don't leave like this," he sounded surprisingly calm.

"Darry it's late, tomorrow's going to be a long day."

"I promise you, I am going to keep our family together Mary. It's what I want. I shouldn't have ever doubted it."

"Okay," Mary spoke up.

"I uh, I love you Mar Bear." It looked like it pained Darry to say that, I saw his eyes water. It made mine water. I hadn't even thought Darry and Mary were having troubles. I didn't know that she was upset with him. Mary turned and ran to the bathroom. I heard her throwing up, Darry went after her, but he saw me first.

"Pony, what wrong? Nightmare again?" I could hear the concern in his voice. It made me feel guilty he was so scared all the time. It also made me uncomfortable, I wasn't use to my brothers having to take care of me.

"No I couldn't fall asleep, what's wrong with Mary." I felt like such a baby for not being able to sleep and having problems when I was sleeping. It made me not even want to sleep.

"I'm sorry Pony, try to go back and lay down, I'll be in there in a few minute, okay?" I could tell Darry wanted to go talk to Mary. At this point Mary had closed the bathroom door and I heard her lock it. I listened to Darry and went back to my room. But I listened to him try the handle, and I listened to him try to get her to open it. It wasn't much long after that he gave up and came back into our room. At this point Soda started to wake up.

"Sorry to wake you little buddy," Darry sat on the end of the bed.

"What's wrong?" Soda asked.

"Nothing, just checking on you guys," Darry put his hand on my knee under the blanket.

"You okay Pone?" Soda asked me.

"Yeah, go on to bed Darry, we gotta be up in a few hours, tomorrow's going to be a long day." Darry looked at me shocked.

"You heard us?" He asked me.

"Yeah,"I looked down and even in the dark I could feel his eyes on me.

"It's okay Pony, what'd you hear?" Soda now looked more alert.

"Mary and Darry talking." I told him.

"Oh yeah, did you guys work it out?"

"She's just upet right now, we'll talk more after the funeral." I could tell Darry was upset by Mary's bitterness.

"It's not you she's really upset with Darry. It's Franki." I tried to make Darry feel better.

"What happened with Franki?"

"He was with Sylvia," Darry filled in the minimalist amount of information.

"What a prick," Soda huffed. I had only heard him curse a few times in my life, that's how I knew this was more serious than Darry let on.

"She'll be okay," Darry assured us.

"She loved him you know, like you love Sandy and like you love Meghan. I heard tell Dad."

"She told Dad?" Darry seemed shocked.

"Yeah, and he promised to be nicer to him, that's why they went to play pool."

"Geeze Pony, you're just a little sneak aren't you!" Darry ruffled my hair.

"Her virginity, boyfriend, and parents in one week, what a cruel joke." Soda spoke up when the room was silent.

"Tough break," Darry agreed. "But like Mary said, tomorrows a new day, and we've got a lot to do, so we need to sleep. You guys okay now?" Darry asked the both of us. We both nodded, but like we were just on cue Mary puked again. The walls in our house were super thin.

"Is she?" Soda started.

"Yeah,"Darry agree.

"What do we do?" Soda asked again.

"She asked to be left alone, so we leave her alone." Darry stood up. "I'll see ya'll in the morning." He got up and left.

"Were they fighting?" Soda asked when we heard Darry close his door.

"A little," I laid back down when Soda did.

"Aw, Pone, why didn't you wake me?" He asked me rolling over to his side.

"I was already up, they didn't wake me up. You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to ruin that," I told Soda as we heard the toilette flush and heard the front door close.

"I'm going to go check on-" he started, but I guess he could sense my hesitation.

"Don't leave," I knew I sounded like a 5 year old instead of a 13 year old, but I couldn't help it.

"Okay, I won't," he draped his arm over my shoulder. "Having trouble sleeping huh?"

"Yeah," my eyes watered when I said it.

"Shh, it's okay," he pulled me in closer to him.

"I don't want to say good bye," I sobbed.

"Me neither." Soda admitted. "We'll get through it together, we have to there's no other option."

xxxxxxxxxxx

I could hear my dad's voice echo in my head, "you're going to catch pneumonia out here." I didn't care I sat out in the porch swing anyway. That was mine and my mom's favorite place. There was something very relaxing about rocking back and forth. It could help you forget all of your worries.

I started to jot down what I was going to say for the funeral, I had been so caught up in bulletins, and flowers I hadn't even thought of that part. I assumed it would be easy to talk about good things they did. They certainly had many qualities that would be easy to talk about. I wasn't really feeling up to writing though. I was feeling pretty nauseous. Damn you Tim for trying to show me a good time. I thought about what I was going to say to Meghan in the morning when I saw her. I thought about what I was going to say to Franki at the funeral tomorrow. Maybe him and Sylvia didn't really do anything. I thought about how I was going to tell Dallas, I wondered when he'd get out. My thinking came and went like my sleeping. I would doze off for a bit but then wake and and my wondering and worrying would take over. This process continued until morning.

I felt surprisingly calm. Maybe hearing Darry say he was sure he wanted to keep us, or that he was sorry made me feel better, I don't know. I pulled the blanket over my shoulders more as I craned my next to watch the pink fade to yellow in the sky. I light an other cancer stick. I had been chain smoking all night, I was sure I'd get sick because of it. With each exhale of the weed I felt a little bit better. I was drifting off a little when I heard the door close. I opened my blinking not really ready to talk to anyone, much less Meghan who came out with her shoes in her hand.

"Jesus!" She gasped when she saw me. Just her reaction made me jump a little too. I didn't say anything I just looked at her. "I didn't realize you were out here. I was just, uh, leaving. Nothing happened if that's what you're thinking, I just came over after work. Darry was awfully upset." She babbled and I just kept looking at her. I guess she was more uncomfortable with the silence than me because she started up again. "Aren't you going to say anything?" She almost sounded angry. Her being angry made me feel a little better. I wasn't really mad at her, she didn't really do anything wrong. I was just really tired of her being around all the time. I was tired of everyone being around and fussing. I was tried of everyone sitting around and being sad. I was done with sad.

"You're just going to sit there?" She spoke again. I was thinking about what to say when she started again. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I know we were friends before Darry and I dated, but boyfriend trumps friend, it just does. I'm sorry if that upsets you!" She started to get upset, not me. I was just trying to watch the sunrise. "Fine Mary, ignore me, but I'm not going anywhere, and it would be nice if you would at least be civil," she hissed. "I'll be back here before the funeral, I'll be at he funeral, and then I will stay around until Darry tells me to leave."

"I'm a little busy right now remembering my parents Meghan. Today's about them, not you, not Darry, not how long you are staying here, or hell how long any of us are staying here. It's about them. So please will you be quiet so I can remember them." I meant what I was saying, I really just wanted to be at peace right now, at least for as long as I could.

"Whose being immature now?" Megan grumbled as she tore down the steps. Maybe she was right. Maybe by not apologizing and by not talking to her I was holding a grudge, but I didn't care. I didn't have the energy for it. I didn't have long to think about it because the next face to appear was one I would much rather have a company.

"Moring bud," I smiled. I meant my smile towards him to. May have been the first one I hadn't faked in days.

"Did Meghan just leave?" He asked sitting down beside me. I pulled the blanket off my shoulders and put it on his.

"Yeah, she came over after she got off work," I figured there was no point in lying to him.

"Mom would have made him sleep on the couch," Pony grumbled. He probably didn't mean for me to hear, but I could help but smile. He was right. My parents had a strict no girlfriends in the room.

"Things are different Pone," I sighed circling my finger on his shoulder. "We're going to be okay," I tried to sound sure. Pony bought it, he didn't ask any questions.

"I like sun rises better than sunsets," Pony said a few long moments later.

"Yeah, why's that?"

"A sun rise is a promise of a new day, a sun set is the ending of one," Pony spoke wiser than his years.

"That's beautiful Pone." I meant it to. We both sat there in silence. Pony was like me, he was a thinker. He didn't need to be talking all the time.

"You scared Mar?" I had a decision to make just then. As Pony's brother I had never lied to him before. That's probably what made us so close. Neither of us ever held anything back, but I also knew that he was 13, and if I told him how I was feeling he wouldn't be able to look at me for support.

"No, nothing to be scared of. We've got each other and we are a pretty united force." I looked at him to see if he believed me. "Sad, yes, scared, no." I didn't even feel bad about lying to him. It just goes back to what I told him earlier. Things are just different. I needed to get use to that.