I rolled over on my back expecting to see Pony beside me, when I didn't see him it scared me at first. It was that kind of scared that hit you in the gut right away but traveled across your body like a jolt in the nervous system. I had been so jumpy since the accident. It didn't take me but a quick minute to realize that there was talking outside the room. I got out of bed quickly getting all tangled in the sheets before making it to the door. I came out quickly and immediately saw Pony standing outside the kitchen. I pulled him into a hug before he even realized I was coming.
"Morning Soda," Pony said sheepishly. "Everything okay?"
"I didn't hear you get up, I didn't know where you were." I continued to hug him. Mary looked over, I could tell she knew what I meant. I wasn't so sure about Pony. He just stood there like a lame dog.
"What time is it?" I asked. It didn't hardly look bright outside.
"Almost 7," Mary answered from the stove.
"7, glory we're a mess, up before the birds!" I laughed moving towards the couch. "Where's Darry?" I asked looking around.
"Hasn't gotten up yet." Pony told me. "Meghan stayed last night," Pony added.
"Oh she did, did she," I resisted a smile. So did Mary. Pony was so young.
"Mom would have had a fit Soda," Pony told me and my smile dropped. I didn't want to think about them, it made me too sad.
"You gotta cut him some slack Pony, it's been a hard few days, okay?" Mary spoke calmly. I was impressed. I didn't really expect her to be defending Darry from what I had heard. It worked though, Pony didn't say anything.
"Whatcha making Mar?" It didn't smell like breakfast.
"Some snacks for today, I didn't get around to it last night. You hungry?" She read my mind. I was always hungry. "What are you in the mood for?"
"Bacon!" I smiled, Pony did too.
"You eat yet?" I wasn't asking anyone specifically.
"Not yet, "Pony answered distracted by a book. Darry walked in behind us dressed in clothes like he was about to run.
"Where you off too Dar?" I asked and Pony looked up from his book.
"I thought I would go for a jog," Darry looked a little surprised, maybe it was because we were all up.
"What?" I asked before he sat down.
"I guess I'm a little surprised to see everyone up," Darry shrugged his shoulders. "What are ya'll doing up? Did you have trouble sleeping?" Darry turned to Pony, I saw his face get red like he was embarrassed.
"I just woke up when I noticed Pony wasn't beside me," I said picking up one of Meghan's cookie things she made. I took a bite and put it back. She didn't see me, but I was sure she'd notice later.
"How did you know I wasn't there? I'd been gone for a long time, how'd you just wake up then!" Pony propped his feet on the table.
"Along time, what do you mean? What time did you get up?" Darry sounded concerned, and I understood where he was coming from, we all needed to sleep, but I also understood that Pony hated to be fussed over. I was about to make a joke, but Pony started to talk again.
"I watched the sunrise with Mary," he answered calmly.
"Oh yeah, was it a good one?" I asked them just to have something to say.
"Yeah," Pony smiled like he was remembering it. I thought that was tuff, the way he dug sunrises. I didn't, by any means, but Pony wasn't like me.
"Okay," Darry nodded. "Get you feet off the table Pon, mom would have a fit." I was thrown off by him bringing up mom the way he did. I didn't understand how people could keep talking about her like she just went down to the store or something. Pony was thrown off by Darry telling him what to do, and Mary was trying to pull both of us back together.
"How come I have to listen to mom's rules and you don't?" Pony asked. Honestly I hadn't even heard Darry's comment to get your feet off the table an outrageous one, but I guess Pony was always more sensitive.
"Pony come on," Mary tried.
"What is that suppose to mean?" Darry looked shocked.
"Nothing Pony you're just tired, right?" Mary said with her back to us as she was cooking.
"Never mind," Pony mumbled. I was glad he let it go, I didn't think it was a good idea to open that can of warms. Darry finished tying his shoes but he just looked at us like he was trying to read a book.
"What'd you mean Ponyboy?" Darry asked like he couldn't handle not knowing.
Pony didn't even hesitate he just started talking, "I saw Meghan leave this morning. She wasn't on the couch when I got up last night either." I hadn't heard Pony get up last night or this morning. It worried me that I wasn't hearing him. What if he was having a dream and I didn't hear to wake him? I use to think being a deep sleeper was a blessing when sharing a room with you little brother, but its not anymore.
"Wait, you were up last night too? Pony you gotta sleep, kid," Darry sounded genuinely worried as he put a hand on Pony's forehead like he thought he had a fever. "What's making you not able to sleep?" Darry hovered above Pony.
"What about you and Meghan, Darry?" Pony was desperate to get the attention off of him.
"I don't know if we should get into all of this right now," Mary spoke up from the sink. "Go on for your run Darry, I'll have some breakfast ready when you're back."
"Maybe we should make some rules." Darry thought out loud. "I guess there's no point in thinking things are going to be the same." I wasn't liking where this conversation was going. It wasn't that I was worried about any rules it was just too soon. It was way too soon. I couldn't even think about the changes.
"I think we should just keep mom's" Pony added.
"We've all already broken those. Your feet on the table, Mary didn't tell anyone where she was going, and Soda went out on a school night." Darry pointed out. My dislike for this conversation was growing. I stood up because I was getting so uncomfortable.
"I'll think of some on my run," Darry suggested. I was glad this conversation was almost over.
"Does that make you in charge? Like you can boss us around? More than you already do?" I hadn't really thought about what all of this meant either and I wasn't planning on thinking about it now either.
"Mary's right lets not do this right now, or ever," I mumbled the last part, but Darry heard me.
"Just do what you did with mom and dad and we won't have any problems, okay?" Mary was now turned around standing beside me. "I left my pack on the swing," she nudged me. I started towards to the door, it seemed so far away.
"Yeah, but," Pony started by Mary cut him off.
"Pony, when your Darry's age you can bring a girl into your room too, okay? Here eat the bacon." Mary put an end to the conversation once and for all.
Darry followed me out to the porch. I sat down and he started towards his run.
"How ya doing little buddy?" Darry looked over at me. I must have looked real bad for Darry to notice. Darry was the most unobservant person I'd ever met.
I didn't answer, I couldn't answer. I was numb. Darry walked over to me and put his hand on the back on my shoulder.
"This can't be real," I said already getting choked up. Now it was Darry's turn to be speechless. "They're going to come through the door and it's all going to be a dream," I cried out. Darry pulled me up into a hug.
"I wish they were," Darry cried with me. I was too upset to even realize Darry was crying with me. "I didn't want to believe it either."
"I don't want them to be dead," I gripped Darry's shirt in my hand. "I'm scared of everything, when I woke up with out Pony this morning I thought he was gone too." Darry started to rock me back and forth against his chest.
"It's going to get better," Darry promised. I didn't believe him this nightmare was just starting.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
My best friends life just shattered in front of him, and here I am laying wide awake looking at the ceiling of my car. Dad came back home drunk and looking for a fight, and I was upset and not willing to get out of the way. So here I am, I had nowhere else to go. I can't stop thinking about how cruel the world is. It's so full of bull. Great parents like the Curtis' die, but SOB, like mine and Johnny's they just keep on living. That can't be right. When Mr. and Mrs. Curtis died, a lot of parts of people died with them. A lot of lives were wrecked because of it. I wanted to turn to the bottle to get through today. I wanted to and didn't want to for the same reason: my dad. My dad always turned to the bottle, it's what I'd always known. It was instinct for me to reach for one too, but I also didn't want to be anything like him.
The rear view mirror caught my eye. It caught me off guard. I didn't like what I saw, and I didn't like what I'd become. I didn't think there was a damn thing I could do about it. I thought I could use the defense I didn't know better, I wasn't raised right. My old man got violent whenever the mood struck him, and from a young age I had to learn how to fight back. Getting out of the way didn't work anymore. The more I thought about the childhood he robbed me of the angrier I got. The more resentment I felt. It a moment of hostility I hit rear view mirror just hard enough to knock it to the floor. I didn't mean to break it, I was just trying to bend it away from me. I muttered curse words under my breath as I bent down to pick it up off the floor. A crinkled up piece of paper caught my eye. I left the mirror and picked it up.
Happy Birthday Steven, I hope it is a special as you are. You are an important part of our family, thank you for allowing us to celebrate with you. It was signed Mr. and Mrs. Curtis at the bottom. I thought about when they gave that to me. I remembered it was my 16th birthday a few months back. I was kinda hoping my old man would help me buy parts for a car I'd been working on, I didn't tell anyone, because I knew he'd let me down. The Curtis' knew. They knew what all of us where thinking at most moments. Mr. Curtis spent the whole damn day helping me strip apart an old junker for parts, and I wasn't even his kid. I kept thinking about memories like that and I just felt so damn sorry for Soda. If the memories I shared with him were that meaningful to me, I could only imagine how Soda was doing. How could this happen? I was still angry when I pulled my seat up and dug the keys out of my pocket. I slept surprisingly well considering I spelt in my car. I didn't pull into the lot until around 2, so it wasn't surprising I had slept the late. My old man rolled in around 12, I just happened to get in the way. After he threw me our I landed at Bucks. I could have stayed there, but people would ask questions. I didn't want people to know my dad kicked me out. First, I'm bigger and stronger than him for the most part, so people would think I'm a wuss for letting him push me around, but even more it's just embarrassing to not be loved by your dad, especially when you're all he has left. I guess not all he has left, he does have his drinking buddies. I put the keys into the ignition and was about to turn the key when I saw Mary. She was dressed in a black lacy dress. It was longer than most dresses I'd seen her wear. It was simple and it looked nice. She was wearing heels, but not typical greaser heels. These weren't too tall, she didn't look too lanky in them, and they were just plain black. They were funeral shoes. I wasn't sure what she was doing. She was looking for someone. I strained my neck to see who was walking her direction. I could spot that loser from a mile away. I rolled my window down so I could hear what they were saying.
"Mary," Franki went in for the hug. Mary didn't even hesitate. She went right in, I never knew she was this weak.
"Today's the day huh, how are you doing?" He asked like she has a test or something. She didn't answer right away, she looked up at him her face was white and her eyes were red, I was about to see Mary cry for probably the first time.
"I wasn't sure you were going to come," Mary lit a cancer stick, to prevent the tears. I wished Evie could do that, that chick cried all the damn time.
"I wasn't sure I was going to either, especially when Angela bitched me out last night. Killed the mood for Sylvia and I." What the hell was he talking about, Sylvia was Dally's girl. Mary looked puzzled too.
"She just thought you were cheating on me, and I guess Sylvia was cheating on Dallas."
"It's okay for you to cheat on me with Tim Fucking Sheppard, but not for me?" Franki took the cigarette out of Mary's hand. Her sad tears and pale face turned instantly.
"Tim, took me to Buck's because I had no where else to go, the tension you talked about is already happening." Mary sounded pathetic and Franki noticed it. He put his around her. "All Tim did was get me drunk, that's more than you can say about Sylvia." Mary put her hand on his shoulder.
"We're broken up Mary, you can't get upset over who I'm with, I was with people before you, I'll be with people after you." I never really considered myself to have a whole bunch of manners but I sure as hell wouldn't say that to a girl.
"I just can't believe you'd do it that fast, did you care about me at all? Do you not miss me?" If I was Mary I would have taken his arm and twisted it until it snapped.
"Mary you're just so naive, your parents put these ideas in your head about love. It was just sex." My mouth dropped open.
"I don't believe you! All the phone calls, the flowers, the movies, each time you told me you loved me, every kiss, they could not have all been fake!"
"Then you're just stupid, because they were." He was heartless.
"Then what are you doing here, huh? I didn't tell you to meet me here, I never did. You just always knew with out me asking to meet here."
"You're building it up like you always do. I called your house to tell you that I wasn't coming to the funeral, your brother told me you weren't there. I knew you hadn't left for the funeral yet. You're pretty predictable, Mary." Now she pushed his arm off and looked at him.
"So then what, you thought you needed to tell me you weren't going to be at the funeral, why? I would have figured it out when you weren't there."
"I just figured the less surprises the better, it's not like you had anyone else to count on. This is goodbye Mary. I'm real sorry your parents died, I wish they didn't honest, but I'm not your go to guy on this," he stopped talking and Mary looked like she might slug him.
"Go to hell Franki," Mary took a step back.
"I always liked it when you were fiery," he winked at her and walked away. She actually had the nerve to stand there and watch him walk away. She looked sad again, like she was actually going to miss this ass hole. I couldn't believe it. I didn't take her as the girl to be so stupid, I knew that if I treated Evie like that she wouldn't hesitate to claw out my eyes, she probably just waiting on the opportunity to let me have it.
As I watched her walk over to the fence I realize how little I really knew Mary. She was Soda's sister, I was Soda's best friend, I went to the same school as her, she was friends with Evie, but I couldn't tell you the first thing about her. I couldn't tell you how her and Franki met, why she stayed with the ass, and why no one knew he was such an ass. Hell, I knew more about the kid than I did about her. I guessed it was because she was a girl, and didn't hang out with us. Dallas and Mary were friends, I guess. He probably knew more about her than the rest of us, which I never understood. I always thought it was because she'd give him food at work, no I was starting to think that it was their common trend of falling for toxic partners. They were both also so damn mysterious. There was no telling what they were up too, that drove Mary's parents to wits end.
Mary held onto the fence with one hand and put her hand on her stomach with the other. I wondered if I should get out and walk over to her, she was my best friends sister. Then again, I had no idea what to say, I probably wouldn't say the right things. It would probably be the wrong thing, she'd probably tell me to go to hell with Franki. I was waiting for her to get really upset, or to start crying, I figured if she was crying I'd get out and at least offer her a ride, but instead she kneeled to the ground. I sat up a little straighter to see what was happening and she threw up. She looked like she might pass out, so I opened the car door, but she stood up. She brushed off her knees as if nothing happened at all. She started to leave, but she caught a glimpse of me right before she left the lot. Her eyes were watery, you could see the heart break. I thought about what a jerk Franki is, but Mary didn't stick around she left as quick as she came.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxx
a/n: Almost time for the funeral! It'll be a big next chapter!
