Chapter 22
Time had no meaning for the current emotional state that Sam was in, time meant nothing, not here, not where she was still in shock over the news that Aidan had delivered to her. What seemed like a lifetime of pain and darkness were only a couple of days. A couple days of nothing. She barely slept, barely ate and was barely able to get her mind to work. Ever since Aidan had told her that Jason was gone, Sam had asked him to leave her alone and that was the last she had ever spoken since then. She spent her entire time laying in this bed and staring out the window. She felt like she was dying inside. Correction. She already felt dead. How was she supposed to go on living her life without him? How was she supposed to do it alone? She needed him. It was never about wanting him around, it was never about wanting to see his beautiful blue eyes, or his radiant smile, or see the mischief in his eyes when he has a surprise planned for her, feel his touch when he wrapped his strong arms around her… she didn't just want those things, she NEEDED them.
She made the mistake once of having Jason the center of her universe, made the mistake of not having anyone to turn to but Jason, but this time it was different, this time she had a family, her mom, her sisters, her cousin, and she had Maxie and Spinelli. So why did she feel the same pain from the first time she lost him? Why did she feel like her entire world is crumbling all around her? Why did it still hurt so much? No matter how much she pushed for her independence, fight so that she could be smarter, stronger, more in control of her own life, it suddenly didn't matter to her anymore. Nothing mattered. Nothing mattered…. without Jason.
Without Jason. She still couldn't believe it, still couldn't believe that he was gone, that he was never coming back. Her mind would replay what Aidan told her over and over again, but it just didn't seem right, it seemed like something was missing. And the more she thought about it, the more she tried to remember that night. She remembered walking into the penthouse, talking to Spinelli and setting up the laptops but that's it, after that it gets really fuzzy. If she concentrated hard enough, she could see the shape of a man standing close to her but then it would fade away as fast as it came in. The more she tried, the worse her headaches would be.
Hearing the door open, she finally lifted up her eyes to look at Aidan for the first time in a couple of days. The look of shock on his face at her acknowledgment made her feel guilty. He was her friend, trying to protect her from the Balkan, and she was ignoring him. "Samantha?" The way he said her name, a question filled with hope, increased her guilt. She watched as he stepped further into the room with a tray of food and water with somewhat shaking hands. She heard it rattle as he placed it on the night stand next to the table and took a seat in the chair next to the bed, all while staring at her as if she wasn't real. Reaching for the water bottle, she took a few sips then set it back down. Lifting her eyes to meet his for the first time in a long time, she cleared her throat and finally spoke. "Thank you." She whispered out brokenly.
Finally, FINALLY after so long she looked at him with those beautiful brown eyes. Sad brown eyes, but he vowed that he will change that one day. Her voice was husky, washing over him like the warm tide, cleansing him, invigorating him, he couldn't help the sudden erection that he had just imaging what his name would sound like from her lips as he pushed inside of her. "How are you feeling?"
Swallowing hard, she averted her eyes and tried desperately to hold back the sob that was desperate to escape. She answered the only word that came to mind. "Lost." Shaking her head and biting her bottom lip, she tried to express her feelings. "I feel like I'm dying inside …like I'm drowning. I feel like I'm a million miles from shore and there's no land. And Jason… Jason was my lifeline…" Her last words were broken, half cried out and half muffled as she covered with her hand trying to keep her sobs at bay. Dropping her hand after wiping her eyes, she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry…"
"What are you sorry for?" He looked at her in shock, an apology was the last thing that he expected. Reaching carefully, he touched her hand and his skin came alive. Her touch was magic and he treasured it, but he was feeling daring. When she didn't pull away, Aidan wrapped his hand around hers and picked it up. His heart nearly exploded when she didn't yank it back, she let him hold her hand, let him comfort her, let him bring her soft skin to his eager lips. Kissing the back of her hand, he never released it, holding it close to him. "Samantha, you have nothing to be sorry for. It should be me who needs to apologize to you. I'm sorry for all the pain that you are going through. And believe me, if I could, I would take away all your pain for my own."
"No, you've been so good to me, protecting me, making sure I'm safe and healthy. My God Aidan, you've been taking care of me and I haven't said one word of gratitude to you…."
"I know your still hurting over Morgan." He had to hide his disgust. He hated seeing her morn for another man, hated to see her hurt, but it was for her own good. One day, she will come to realize that. She lowered her head and nodded. He felt joy when she used her free hand to wipe her tears instead of pulling the one that he still grasped next to his heart. "I'm not going to pretend that I liked the man, but… I know how much you lov… loved him." He swallowed the bile that rose. "And I'm sorry for your loss."
Nodding her head, not being able to acknowledge his condolences, she switched topics as she slowly pulled her hand free away from his. For a second, something flashed in his eyes but it was quickly gone. "Have you heard from Sonny?"
Aidan shook his head. "No. Not for awhile." He was careful on what to answer, having rehearsed the plan and his words a thousand times. "The last I spoke to him, he told me to keep you safe and hidden."
"Right." She nodded, remembering his words from before. She knew that Sonny would be on top of everything, especially now that Jason was….. no, she wouldn't think of it, couldn't think of him being gone. If only she could talk to her mom, maybe her mom would know what to say, to lessen some of the pain. But if the Balkan was still out there, she didn't want to get her family involved. "Can I please use your phone to call Sonny? I want to make sure that my family are ok and that they know that I'm safe." She held out her hand, expecting him to offer it to her freely.
"I'm sorry Samantha, I can't do that." He hated to deny her anything but if she contacted Sonny then his plan was shot to hell. No. She would never be able to see or speak to her family and friends ever again.
"What do you mean? Aidan, I need to make sure that they are safe. Please, just let me use your phone." She pleaded.
Standing up, Aidan started to pace to release some of his aggravation. "I CAN'T let you call Sonny… or anyone. The Balkan might have his phones tapped or even traced, and if they find out where we are, they will be coming for us." He stopped in front and looked at her straight in the eyes. "Sonny told me to keep you hidden and that's exactly what I'm going to do."
"For how long?"
"For as long as it takes to make sure that you are safe." Turning around, he walked towards the door. "I'm going to town for some groceries and some other items. Do you require anything?"
Not being able to think of anything but the definite command in his tone, she just shook her head no and slumped back against the pillow as he walked out. There was only one thing she wanted and that was… Jason.
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Scrubbing his hands over his tired face, Jason was getting increasingly infuriated as each second without word of Sam's whereabouts passed by. In the past couple of days, since finding out the woman he loved was still alive, he and Spinelli had been on phone and the computer non-stop trying to bring her back. He had Bernie and all his men on the job as well. That bastard Aidan had kidnapped her and they had no idea where she was.
Hearing a knock on the door, Jason stood up from the sofa that Spinelli currently occupied as well and headed for the door. He opened it up, not surprised to see Alexis standing there with Nikolas behind her. After Carly had left Alexis' that day, he was paid a visit by her. She wanted to know what he was doing to make sure that she got her daughter back and she wanted to let him know that she trusted him to do it. THAT shocked the hell out of him. She had called him on the hour, every hour since. "No Alexis, I haven't heard anything about Sam yet." Getting ready to close the door and go back to work, he was stopped when she pushed the door open and marched in. Jason felt like he was going to drop any minute now, having no sleep for the past few days, he didn't have the energy to argue with her.
"What the hell is taking so long? Have you tried…."
Jason held up his hand to stop her from rambling….. just like Sam. "I've had Spinelli freeze all of his accounts, he can't so much as spend a penny without alerting us. We're watching the airports, train stations, bus stations, and car rental companies for any sign of them. Devane is going to run out of money soon and when he uses his cards, we're going to find them." And then he's going to kill him. He chose to leave that last part out even though he knew that Alexis was thinking the same way.
Another knock on the door had Jason groaning again. He didn't need any more visitors, he just wanted Sam. Opening the door, Jason was tempted to slam it back against the man's face. "What do you want?" He chose to forgo the pleasantries; he was so not in the mood for them right now.
Sonny was hoping that Jason would have cooled down by now, at least to the point where he would be able to see reason. Brenda was the love of his life and he was only protecting her. He was incredibly sorry that Sam was caught in the crossfire, he never meant for it to happen. "Look Jason, I just wanted to apologize again and to tell you…."
"I don't want to hear it." Jason held up his hand to stop the man from talking a whole lot of nothing. "I have given my whole to life to make sure that you and your family were safe. I protected you, I protected them, and this is how you repay me?"
"I'm sorry but I couldn't let Brenda go, she's not like Sam, I had to protect her…."
"You're right, she's not like Sam, she will NEVER be like Sam. You should've trusted me when I asked you to, you should've trusted me to protect her. I had a chance Sonny, a chance to get Sam back and you ruined it."
"I'm sorry…" Sonny whispered out.
"Yeah, I know. You didn't trust me…." When he saw Sonny shake his head in denial, Jason pressed on. "You didn't trust me to help you, so how in the hell am I ever going to trust you?"
"I trust you Jason, I swear, it was never about that. I just couldn't let Brenda do it, come on, you would've done the same if it were Sam."
Having heard enough, Alexis pushed her way in front of Jason, ready to confront Sonny again. Natasha was coming out to play. "You may be right Sonny, Jason would've have done anything to protect Sam. He would've given his life to protect her and the same goes for you and your family. YOU should've done the same for HIM." Not wanting to see him anymore and had more important matters to deal with, Alexis slammed the door in his face. And it felt good.
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"I'm sorry sir but your card is declined… again." The grocery store cashier said as she handed his card back. This was the second time she swiped it through, not including the other two times when she manually punched in the numbers or the other cards he had. The teenager was due for her break soon and she was getting annoyed. The man was hot and all but he was flat broke.
Aidan couldn't believe that this was happening to him, card after card after card had been declined. What the hell was going on? "Uh… thanks anyways… sorry…" He was trying to be polite, trying not to draw unwanted attention to himself, but what he really wanted to do was go mental all over the store. Leaving his items that he picked, he walked out and headed for the SUV he had stolen from the Balkan. Flipping the card over, he pulled out his phone and called the bank. After going through ten automated menus and waiting over five minutes, he was finally transferred to someone that would be able to help him only to tell him "I'm sorry Mr. Devane, but all of your accounts have been closed out." WHAT?! There was over half a million dollars in his accounts, including his credit cards and they were all gone. "SON OF A BITCH!" He yelled out as he slammed his fists on the steering wheel. He could only think of one man that had that kind of power, and that was his Special Ops Leader. (Not realizing that it was actually Jason.) They wanted him back, but he won't go. He had too much to look forward to now, he had Samantha.
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It was eerily quiet back at the penthouse, the only sound that echoed off the walls was the constant pacing that Jason was doing back and forth behind the couch. He could barely contain himself, barely control the anger and anxiousness that was flowing through his bloodstream. He was impatient and he didn't know how much longer he was going to last. He was desperate to find Sam, desperate to bring her back home safe and sound.
Back and forth, back and forth, and again, and again, Jason was pacing and it was making Alexis dizzy. She was already feeling nauseous waiting on news of her daughter, but then add the dizziness and she was ready to do a dance with the toilet. She didn't know how much longer she could sit there, her leg was doing a whole lot of shaking, her nerves were shot and she figured that having that third cup of coffee was NOT helping matters much. But it was comfort and that's what she needed while she waited, and waited, and waited watching Jason pace back and forth, back and forth. "Would you please sit down?!"
"I can't." Was his only reply as he kept up with the pacing.
"Look." Alexis stood abruptly and went to him. "I know what you're feeling, ok? I'm scared and anxious to hear any news as much as you are. We all are, that's what we're here for and with Spinelli's help, we will find something, you just have to believe that. And believe me I feel the same way, but we need to remain calm, we need to be patient, we need…."
Jason's eyed widened knowing with all the fast talking and hard breathing that she was doing was going to send right into an attack. "Alexis…"
"We need… we need…. OH! …. is it hot in here? What's the temperature at? 100?" Fanning herself with one hand, Alexis lifted her hair off her shoulders with the other as she made her way to the couch.
"Alexis?" Nikolas saw his aunt starting to hyperventilate and immediately went into the kitchen, coming back five seconds later with a paper bag. She was still yammering away and her breathing was getting much quicker. "Here, you just need to breath, just calm down."
"I AM CALM!" She snatched the bag from his hands and breathed in and out. The paper bag's collapsing and expanding noise was now added to the sound of Jason's boots pacing the floor. Breathing in and out, and pacing back and forth, lasted for about another five minutes until everyone froze when a sudden beeping came over the computer.
Immediately, Spinelli jumped to attention, his fast fingers flying over the keys. "We have a hit!" Alexis and Nikolas huddled tight around Spinelli as Jason took quick steps to the closet to retrieve his gun and jacket. "The evil one tried to use his canceled card at Dash Market on Main Street in Akron, New York."
"Akron? What the hell is he doing in Akron?" Nikolas questioned out loud, he wasn't clear on the answer but when he and Alexis both looked up at Jason, Nikolas' eyes grew wide at the realization. Aidan was heading west on Toll Road 90 and the only reason for that would be….
"He's taking her into Canada." Jason barely managed through clenched teeth. He could already feel how flat his molars were getting from all the jaw clenching and grinding that he had been doing since Sam was gone. Without waiting for… anything, Jason tucked his 9mm into his waistband and grabbed his jacket as he was walking out the door just as Lucky was about to knock. "Send the address to the GPS." Without acknowledging the man before him, he dodged out of the way and ran down the stairs before Lucky had a chance to talk. He came to offer his condolences to Jason, but the other man seemed to have other plans.
"What's going on?"
Alexis' head quickly spun to Nikolas, not knowing what to say and hopefully saying everything with her eyes. The only people that knew that Sam was alive were Jason, Spinelli, Nikolas, Alexis, her daughters, and Carly. Thankfully Nikolas knew what her look was asking of him. He grabbed his jacket and keys and was walking toward his brother. "Spinelli, text me the address of the market, Lucky and I are going too." Before Lucky had the chance to ask again, Nikolas grabbed his arm and pulled him out the door. "Come on, I'll explain on the way."
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She couldn't stay in bed anymore, she couldn't handle being alone or the quiet, she didn't need rest and she certainly didn't WANT it. All she wanted was Jason. Every second she thought of him, her heart would break more and more, she wondered what was left of her heart, of what was left of her. Feeling her throat about to seize up, she yanked the covers off and stood up from the bed. She had to pause a moment to ease the dizziness that she felt. She had been in bed for days and the only time she would get up was to go the bathroom. But no more, she couldn't do this anymore.
She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle in the almost bare fridge. Aidan had gone out to get more supplies, which was a good thing as she looked at the only few items that were left. Twisting the cap, she took a few deep gulps and relished the feeling of the cool liquid gliding down her parched throat. She sat the bottle on the counter and something on the wall to her left caught her eye. She turned to find an and old phone in the corner of the counter. Thinking about what Aidan, she weighed the chances of Sonny's phone being traced. All she needed was a few seconds, just one question she needed to ask him. Her head knew what Aidan said but her heart, no matter how broken it was, was having a hard time wrapping around the fact that Jason was gone. She needed confirmation and she needed Sonny to give it to her.
Her heart won. Lifting the receiver and placing it to her ear, she reached up to punch in the buttons but realized… no dial tone. She felt a wave of defeat. She needed to make that call. And as she was putting the receiver back, her hand stopped in mid air at the wires that she saw sticking out of the phone. Someone had tampered with them. Picking up the phone base, she took it apart and made quick work of patching up the wires. A small smile graced her lips as she heard the dial tone. As she reached over to press the numbers for her call, she realized that her fingers were dialing Jason's number by auto. She quickly hung up. No, she couldn't call him. Tears slid down her cheeks without her realizing how blurry her vision had gotten or how tight her chest felt. If she called his number and it went straight to voice mail, then that in a way was her confirmation. She couldn't handle that, she wouldn't be able to make it. Dialing again, more carefully now to make sure that she dialed Sonny's number, she put the receiver to her ear and waited as the phone rang.
Sonny was sitting at his desk in the dark, a glass of the finest scotch in his hand. He wasn't supposed to drink while he was on medication, he knew it was wrong to relish and enjoy the burn, but he couldn't help it. His life was falling apart all around him. Because of his actions, he lost a friend who was in a way the mother of his child, lost his best friend, Carly was mad at him, Alexis hated him, and his children wouldn't even talk to him. But at least he had Brenda. She vowed never to leave him, no matter how tough life was going to be and he believed her, he needed to believe her, he needed her in his life. He felt like shit, Jason was right, Sonny jumped the gun and because of it, Sam was dead.
The phone on his desk broke him from his depression, picking it up, he cleared his throat and answered. "Hello? Hello?" No answer. He was not in the mood to play this game. Preparing to hang up, he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a whisper from the grave. "Sonny? Sonny?" She repeated when he didn't say a word.
Shaking himself out of his stupor, he answered. "Sam? Is that really you?"
Sam heard the phone cutting out and knew that the phone call wouldn't last too long, she didn't do a good job on the wiring, she was too shaken up, too much in a hurry to care. "Is it true? Is Jason really…. gone?" She managed to get out, struggling as she held back her sobs. Her tears were nonstop and she didn't know how much longer she could hold on.
"Oh my God Sam! We thought you were dead…. Where are you?"
"Please, just tell me… is it true? Is he….?"
"What? Sam?" The phone kept on cutting out and Sonny was getting frustrated fast. "Sam! Just tell me where you are. Where are you?"
"I…. I don't know…" She looked around the cabin, outside the windows for any landmarks or signs. She remembered what Aidan said and she probably figured that it was for the best. "Please Sonny, ….. tell…..is…..Jas….. go…?
"Damn it Sam, your breaking up. Say again! Where…"
The phone cut out completely and she couldn't hold back any longer. The sob that she was fighting desperately to hold back broke free and she couldn't stop it. Setting the receiver back down, she wiped her eyes and turned, only to run into… Aidan. He was holding up the other end of the wire that was connected to the wall. He had yanked the wire out and Sam could see that he was mad as hell.
