I kept telling myself to keep going. Even though I was mad at Franki, and frankly I didn't care if I ever saw him again I couldn't get what he said about today being the worst day of my life out of my head. I kept reminding myself that it won't get worse than this and to just smile a little longer. I tried to look each person in the eyes who shook my hand or squeezed my shoulder. I tired to do all work so the guys didn't have to. I think it's harder for guys to hug and smile when they don't feel like it. An older women was holding my hand talking to me, I was looking over and Soda and Sandy. They were hugging real tight under a willow tree over some graves. I looked for Pony and found him with Johnny and Steve smoking. Seeing them smoke made me want one. "Take care dear," the lady let go of my hand and I smiled at her.

"Officer Bates," I shook his hand when he walked over.

"I don't mean to take up none of your time ma'am, I just wanted to come over and tell you I'm real sorry for you loss, all of us are," he gave me a firm hand shake and a sincere smile. I put my left hand on his arm.

"Please, call me Mary," I insisted.

"Well, Mary, beautiful service." I wondered if they came to everyone who died funerals? Tulsa's a small town and all, but its not that small. "Please don't hesitate to give me a call if you need anything, my personal number's on the back," he handed me his card. I took it with a smile as he turned to leave putting back on his hat.

I had just enough time to let out a long exhale before my boss walked over.

"Mary, lovely service," he hugged me. Mr. Ford was always hard to read. I had been working for him for a while, but I never knew what he thought of me or how to act around him. I was a little surprised he came.

"Thank you for coming sir, that was real kind of you," I told him with my head in his shoulder. He was a large man, his arms swallowed me.

"Of course dear, we look after our own. Now listen to me child, take off as much time as you need, your job will be waiting for you when you come back, just give me a ring when you are ready, you hear?"

"Yes sir, thank you," I hugged him again before he left.

"Two-bit!" I called him and he looked over to me. I took a few steps towards him and he jogged over meeting me.

"Go on back to my house will you, and try to make everyone comfortable will you please? I'll be there when I finish up here." I knew no one would steal nothing, but I still didn't want people to be there alone.

"Not too comfortable they never leave though, right?" He nudged me smiling.

"Exactly," I smiled as well. He nudged my shoulder with his fist, like a light punch. Steve dropped his smoke on the ground but didn't step on it following behind Two-bit. I watched it burn for a minute. I wasn't sure why I just couldn't take my eyes off of it.

"Hey," Angela stepped on it, she probably didn't even notice.

"Hey," I responded.

"How are ya holding up?" She looked concerned. It made me laugh because that wasn't her. I was never really sure how Angela became my friend, we just were. We had nothing in common. She drank regularly. I never did. She slept around, and Franki was my first. She cheated and lied, and although I sure wasn't perfect, I rarely did. But still, we enjoyed each other's company.

"Oh please, not you too,"I rolled my eyes resisting a smile. I was real tired of that question, she knew it too.

"Well shit, what else am I suppose to say?" She sat down on someone's tomb stone and pulled a flask out of her purse.

"You're going to hell, we're still at church," I snickered.

"Probably so, as long as it's warm and I can have a tan we should be alright," she handed me the flask.

"Whatever you say," I laughed shaking my head.

"We'll I gotta go, this day is really cramping my mood. I'll see ya there," she titled her head back.

"Where, you coming to my house?" I unscrewed the top on the flask.

"No hell," she pointed to the flask walking away. I cracked a grin watching her leave. The gentleman from the grocery store, and his wife Meredith were standing behind me. I turned smiled for real when I saw them."It was real kind of you to close down so you could come. I know my parents would really appreciate you being here," I meant it too. That was a big deal for them. Money was real tight.

"Oh honey, wouldn't miss it for the world. We will be praying for you, lovely service, they'd be so proud." She gave my arm a squeeze and walked away. I turned to walk back to Pastor Mark who was talking to Mrs. Mathews. Jared and his wife caught my eye first. I turn back around to walk over to them.

"Thanks for speaking first, man you certainly set the stage for me, that was really good," I pulled on the clip in my hair. I had forgot it was even there.

"Oh please, you did great. It's not easy to talk about them in the past tense, huh?" Jared had that glaze in his eyes. I was very familiar with how dangerous it could be.

"Thank you both for coming, it means a lot." I know I had said that many times, and I did mean it, but I was staring to get tired of my own voice.

"Honey, call us when you need anything," Jared's wife, who I had only seen once or twice hugged me then together they both walked off. I found it funny how she said when I need anything, not if I need anything. Which, I knew she was right, it was all going to get real at some point, we couldn't be living a life of mourning for forever, and once we moved on and got back to school and work I had a feeling this would seem like a cake walk.

"Mary, I've got an emergency I need to attend to, I'll swing by tonight to check in on you okay?" He ran his finger across my back with out even slowing down. I hoped everything was okay. I looked back at the graves briefly before heading to the guys. The term being laid to rest was off putting and it kind of made me nauseous. They weren't resting they were dead. If they wanted to rest they'd rest at home, they were gone forever, and forever was a long ass time.

"Ready bud?" I put my hand on the back of Pony's head motioning to Soda. Pony pulled away from me kinda quick, but I didn't think much of it at first.

Sandy surprised me when she hugged me before getting in the car, "you're real brave Mary," she whispered. I kind of appreciated it, but I also thought it was a bit unnecessary. I didn't dislike Sandy, but I wasn't a huge fan. First off, her parents were nuttier than a fruit cake, and I don't think the apple falls too far from the tree. Angela didn't like her either, and even though you form your own opinions on people I've heard about how much Angela and Sylvia don't like her for a long time, even before Soda and her started to date. She'd never done anything to me personally but when you hear that people don't like her there's something about it already in your mind you can't really get it out. I guess I was going to have to try a little harder to forget about it.

The car ride was silent, I knew I needed to say something, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say anything that could upset someone, and seeing as we were all pretty vulnerable right now, I didn't want to risk it. So I let out a sigh instead and thankfully Soda spoke up.

"It was cool Darry's team came that's pretty tough," Soda said through a yawn. Thinking about it more I was surprised we all weren't more tired, we hadn't done much sleeping.

"Yeah, you're right," I agreed.

"Whatchu thinking about Pone?" Soda asked him noticing the quiet as well.

"I just wish Darry was here," Pony shrugged still looking out the window.

"Well, you got us kiddo," I reached over and squeezed his knee. He pulled his knee away, and I shot him a confused look, but he wasn't giving me the time of the day.

"Pone," I started as we pulled into the drive.

"Whatever Mary," he closed the door and walked to the house.

"He's only 13 ya know? He just needs some time this is hard for him," I said when Soda looked worried.

"Yeah, it's hard on all of us," Soda said but he still looked worried.

"Hopefully this won't last long, ya'll look exhausted." Sandy stated the obvious. I didn't blame her, if I looked as bad as they did then I woulda said the same thing.

I slammed the door to the truck and the headed toward the house the same direction Pony did. I was instantly grateful for Two-bit, something I didn't experience often. There were only about 5 people in the house, none of which I recognized, but they were sitting down with snacks and drinks and Two-bit was telling these stories about my parents, and they were so funny. I walked in and no one hardly looked up. I watched Pony disappear out back with Johnny and Soda and Sandy in his room, but I was caught cross armed leaned up against the bathroom door listening to Two-bit talk. It was real nice to hear him talk about them with out it being sad.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Baby, what's wrong?" Sandy sat beside me on my bed running her fingers through my hair around my ear. I thought about saying my parents died, but I knew she meant what else way wrong.

"I just can't listen to anyone talk about my parents talk right now s'all," I leaned my head into my hands. She moved her hand down my back and around my shoulders giving them a comforting squeeze.

"I'm here for you Soda, what ever you need," she whispered pausing from the massage. I always knew she was there for me, and I knew she would do anything for me, but there was something about her saying it just then that made me pause and really appreciate her. That's what I had been wanting someone to tell me the last two days, people kept saying they were so sorry, and telling me how great my parents were and brining nasty casseroles, but I knew I needed something else, and Sandy she just gave it to me.

"All I need is you," I looked up at her. The way her eyes light up when I told her made me smile. It was like she didn't know how beautiful she was, but she didn't need me to keep reminding her, but when I did she appreciated it. She was perfect.

She kissed my check leaning over me. She paused her face beside mine our breathes were in sync. Now I pulled her hair out of her face and brushed it behind her ear and she sat on my lap. Slowly I lowered her to her back. We kept kissing as I kicked off my shoes.

"Soda," she whispered between breaths.

"What?" I asked pausing, not wanting to pause.

"Are you sure, it's been a hard day?" She tried to sit up, but I was already on top of her.

"Baby, if I've learned anything from this its that life is short, I want to be with you everyday for as long as you'll have me," I sat up so she could see my face. I wanted her to see that I meant it. She gave me a real big smile.

"Then what are you waiting for, unzip me?" She winked at me. I pushed the dresser over the door just incase. It didn't take but a second, when I pulled back around Sandy was coming out of her dress, I helped her the rest of the way. Sandy was my first to go all the way with. I was her first to do anything with. Two-bit said the first time ain't anything special, but what Sandy and I did was nothing short of a miracle. She was still laying on top of me when we finished. She looked like she was thinking, but she looked like she was happy.

"You okay?" I asked just to be sure.

"Never better," she informed me kissing my nose.

"What did I do to deserve you, huh?" I played with her hair like I always did.

"You held your cards right, that's for sure," she pulled the covers over her as she got to the edge of the bed and turned her back to me. I wondered why, I had just seen her naked, why was she bashful all of a sudden? Still I didn't ask, I just reached for my pants instead.

"That was something huh?" I asked her when she turned back to face me.

"Better than Evie lead me to think it'd be, that's for sure!" Sandy looked at herself in the mirror. I thought she looked great.

"Ready?" I asked her holding out my hand.

"I guess the real question is, are you? Ready to listen to some stories?" I knew she wasn't talking about the sex like I was. She was already back to the real world. I didn't want to be back in the real world. I wanted to stay on cloud nine with her forever.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Being with the guys helped me forget about the real world. It was like old times. These guys and I made it through preseason training together. We training in scalding heat 2 sometimes 3 times a day. Until this week that was the hardest thing I had ever done. Those guys became my best friends they kept me going. The fact that they all came here was very incredible. I tilted back an other beer in the company of my buddies. They were filling me in on what was new on our team. They kept talking about parties that someone got with some girl, and I was feeling a little left out. Just showing how strong our bond was one of the guys hit me on the shoulder, he didn't have to say anything I knew he knew it was hard for me. I appreciated the gesture.

Andy, our QB 1 was innocently flirting with Meghan, I looked over at them shaking my head. My roommate, or I guess old roommate Mathew caught my look. "It makes it easier for you and Meghan now that you won't be long distance I guess," he shrugged his shoulders. I knew he should be right when he said that, but I didn't feel that way.

"I don't know man," I told him and he knew what I was saying.

"Just don't make any rash decisions for awhile, you really love that girl from what Brad says. Don't be so willing to forget it," He told me and I listened to what he was saying.

"When she came up to watch me play, when I looked up in the crowd and saw her there it not only made me play better," we both laughed because I made my best catch of my career right after I saw her, and all they guys gave me a hard time about it in the locker room in all good fun, "but it was also just like old times, when we were in high school, when football mattered to more than anything in the world." I was talking in a hushed voice to make sure she didn't hear me.

"There ain't nothing wrong with that," he reminded me.

"Now I got three kids, football's not the of all end all anymore." It hurt me to say that, but not as much as it hurt me to see the look on his face when I said it. He didn't speak he just put his hand to his face. He covered his eyes and it looked like he was praying.

"Where is Brad?" Brad and I went way back to little league. We played together in high school, and we were both real excited to be playing together again in college. We would have been roommates too if the coach didn't assign it randomly. He was probably my first best friend, but when we both got girl friends, and I got a summer job, we weren't quite as close. He came from a little more money than we did.

"Man, he's had a hard time," Mathew still didn't look at me. I thought about what he could be having a hard time with, I was confused.

"What do you mean?"

"When coach told us in the locker room the morning you left, Brad didn't leave the locker room. He didn't come to practice yesterday either. I heard coach telling the other coaches that he needed some time to cope." When Mathew spoke my mouth dropped open. He was having a hard time? He needed time to cope? They weren't his parents.

"You're parents really made an imprint on his life, I wish I could have known them better," Mathew made me stop in my tracks. I never knew my parents touched Brad, but he wasn't a pansy, he didn't make things up, so if he wasn't going to practice than he really was hurting. I wondered what they did to mean so much to him? How many people did they effect with out me even knowing?

"Where is he?" I looked around not seeing him.

"Outside," he pointed simply. I stood up and walked toward the door.

When Brad saw me it looked like he'd seen a ghost, "hey Brad," I offered not knowing what else to say.

"Darry," he said my name in a pleading pathetic way. Not one that I was use to hearing from him.

"What's going on man?" I asked genuinely concerned.

"I'm so sorry, I should have been here, or something." What was he talking about? Should have been here? What good would that do?

"You're here now, right?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"I just can't believe it, I know your parents came to the games to see you, but they always made me feel like they were there to see me too, and I can't imagine playing with out them. Every time I got tackled I could hear your mom's gasp, and every time I didn't get up I heard your dad's encouragement. I'm gonna miss that." He looked like a kicked puppy. I felt bad for him.

"I like to think they're watching," I leaned up against the wall. He looked at me with hope so I kept talking. "Every time you play I'm sure they are still watching, and just because you can't hear them doesn't mean that aren't gasping, cringing, or cheering. So you better not slack off. Don't let them down 6," I pointed my finger at him. He eyes glazed over and mine did too thinking about my parents and how much I missed them already. We were both like middle school girls trying not to cry over heartbreak. All the guys started to pile out of the restaurant Brad and I shook hands then hugged before he got on the bus, I did a similar gesture to many of the guys. "Wish you could be getting back on the bus with us man," someon patted my back.

The coach stopped and stood beside me watching all the guys get on. The bus cranked up with a roar.

"Listen to me son, He put a hand on my shoulder near my neck. There is always a place for you on our team, you hear me? Your talent isn't going to go away. You were born with it, and when you're ready I'm make damn sure your back where you belong. No matter how long it may take." He didn't have the stone cold coach face I was use to. It was a softer more concerned look, but he still stern and serious. I bit back a hic up cry trying to cover it with a cough. "The athletic department took up donations for your family, it ain't much, but it'll be enough to get you and your family a little cushion," he handed me an envelope. I took it with out looking. He pulled me into a hug and I let out a tear or two. "Keep your head up, you can do this," he told me firmly patting my back and getting on the bus.

Meghan stayed a few steps behind me as the bus pulled away. I waved and the bus honked. Once they were out of sight Meghan came up to me and I cried. I cried like a baby in the parking lot with no shame. Megan cradled me rocking gently as I cried. I cried for my parents, and I cried for myself. I cried for watching my dreams drive away on that bus with my friends. I cried for feeling control less. I finally calmed down and the tears stopped. The shaking stopped, and the hurt lessoned. I pulled back from Meghan not looking at her right away.

"let's go back in, drink are on me, I'll drive," she kissed my cheek.

"Thank you for standing by me," I told her taking her hand.

"Of course." She didn't say much, but she didn't have to. The waitress came back over, Meghan ordered me a drink and her a soda.

"Now what?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she put her hand on my arm. "You gonna take your Dad's job?" She asked me.

"I guess, for now at least." I didn't know what else I could do.

"What do you want?" She emphasized the you.

"It's not about me anymore, its about us," I finished my drink. She nodded her head like she understood, but I doubt she really understood.

"I'll do what ever I can to help, my whole family will, hell all of Tulsa will." She successfully made me smile.

"Good turn out today, huh?" I knew a lot of the people, but not everyone, I was real grateful they all came out. Meghan nodded her head agreeing.

"I'm really proud of you, your parents would be really proud." It still stung to think about them in the past tense. I wondered how long that would last.

"Come one let's get out of here." I suggested.

"Do you want me to drop you off at your house?" I asked her.

"You think Mary's still mad at me?" she got in the truck door thanking me for opening it for her. My parents taught us all manners from a very young age.

"You're always welcome at our house," I told her as I pulled off my jacket and tie.

"That doesn't answer my question though," she wrinkled up her nose like she was thinking.

"I'm sure you're the last problem on her mind right now," I told her honestly.

"You don't think there are still people at the reception at your house?" That was Megan's nice was of asking me if I should be taking off my clothes.

"It's almost been three hours, I hope not," I started towards home. It was only about a three minute drive. We drove in a comfortable silence.

"They're still cars here," Meghan point out and I swore putting my jacket back on.

"Thank you so much for coming, and I really appreciate the casserole, I can't wait to heat it up. Drive safe," Mary hugged the three old ladies and two of their husbands. I waved as they walked past me to their cars.

"perfect timing," I whispered to Meghan.

"I'll say," she agreed opening the door Mary had just let go. Maybe she was still angry.

"Glory I thought they'd never leave, somebody owes me big time. I charge by the story!" Two-bit collapsed to the couch dramatically.

"I'll give it to you Two-bit, that was real sweet of you, thank you," Mary kissed him on the cheek picking up plates and such. I looked around the room seeing which of the guys were here.

"Come on baby, I'll drive you home, you've done more than your far share of listening and sitting around," Soda put his hand out for my keys.

"I'll drive her," Steve stood up giving Soda a look. Soda looked relieved that he offered, I wondered what that was all about.

"Thanks man," Soda nodded. "And thank you for everything," he kissed her on the lips more than quick peck.

"Get a room," Two-bit called out and Soda flicked him off.

"I drove myself here, so I don't need a ride, thanks though Steve," Sandy smiled softly.

"Where Pony?" I asked thankful he wasn't seeing any of this.

"Out back with Johnny," Mary answered pulling a dish out of the oven,
"I'll get him in a minute to eat."

"I never want to wear this again," Soda pulled at his nicer clothes.

"I hear that," Steve said sitting back down on the couch.

"Go on and change," I suggested I was going to do the same thing. Mary was in the process of pulling off her heels.

"Here, you deserve this, believe it or not," Mary handed Two-bit a beer with a smirk.

"I always deserve a good beer, I don't know what you are talking about. But you know, I don't like to drink alone," he winked at her. She whispered something I didn't hear, but it had to have been about me, because Two-bit looked up at me and laughed. I didn't have time to question either of them though because Soda came out smiling an unusual smile for the day.

"What are you grinning at?" I asked him smiling, because his smiles were contagious.

"I have an idea," Steve muttered through a grin.

"Don't we all," Two-bit popped open the beer. "To think you were getting down when I was entertaining the elderly, tisk tisk," Two-bit had to make everything dramatic.

"Yeah Soda, pulling a dresser over the door ain't exactly the most subtle, you may as well put a sock on the door next time!" Mary joined in the teasing.

"You all knew?" Soda seemed surprised.

"How'd you get her to go, Evie says she's real bashful," Steve added.

"I told her I realized how short life was," Soda shrugged his shoulders.

"Let me get this straight," I stepped closer to him making sure both Meghan and Pony weren't near.

"You slept with her during the reception?" I must have gotten old over night because I couldn't really follow what they were talking about

"Yeah, and let me tell you, Two-bit you were wrong, it was pretty great!" Soda seemed proud.

"Trust me kid, it only gets better!" Two-bit added his uncalled for tw cents, as usual.

"I don't know if I should congratulate you or tell you have irresponsible that was," I thought outloud.

"I would say congratulate me," Soda gave his toothy grin.

"I'm happy your happy, but I won't be happy if you knock her up, so be safe savvy?" Mary told him from across the room. We were talking about sex here like it was the weather. I wasn't comfortable with that. Then as if it were no big deal she walked outside to call Pony and Johnny in.

"Uh Mar, what is this?" Soda sniffed it.

"One of about 8 casseroles in the freezer," She answered as Meghan walked out of the bathroom. She looked at her but didn't speak. "I feel like if we add a bunch of salt or ketchup it'll be edible," Mary shrugged.

"Or Jelly," Soda suggested.

"Jelly?" Steve asked like he was on crack.

"Why not, it'll add flavor?" Soda smiled.

"You Soda, are an odd fellow," I added handing Meghan a plate.

"Hey guys, ya'll were outside for a while, sorry the reception lasted so long, Two-bit's stories just kept coming. Please dig in to casserole number one," Mary stepped back as the two younger guys dug in with out much question.

"So Pony, I loved the poem you wrote, I had no idea you were so talented, I would love to read more sometime," Meghan complimented, little did she know she just opened a large can of worms.

"I didn't want that to ever be read," Pony casually said.

"Hate to break it to you kid, it's a little late for that," Steve added. Pony shot him a glare. Mary looked confused.

"Why did you go through my stuff? I would have never told you to do that!" Pony shot Mary a look next.

"Why Pone, it was real good!" Soda tried to soften the mood.

"Shoot kid, if I had the brain you did I would show it off every chance!" Two-bit added.

"It was personal now everyone thinks I'm a wuss," Pony offered an answer.

"I'm sorry Pony, it was on the coffee table, I thought you changed your mind and wrote something, but I should have asked you I'm sorry." Mary seemed genuinely apologetic.

"It was in my notebook, did you read all of my stuff?" Pony accused Mary.

"No, bud, I only read the poem it was open to that page!" Mary walked over to Pony but he pushed her away.

"What's the big deal Pony?" I asked him trying to prevent an all out fight.

"Never mind, just forget it," Pony retreated. I could tell he wasn't over it though, and I knew Mary noticed too.