Roxas

Roxas stood in an empty room, people surrounding him.

"Did you see who the attacker was?" A voice called out. Roxas shook his head.

"It happened in a blur. All I saw was Sora get shot by a person in a hood. There was blood everywhere. Then, Sora told me to run. Before I got shot too. So I left Sora, and the attacker. Then I ran here. I-I didn't think that the attacker would have taken his body..." Roxas burst into tears, pulling himself up into a ball. Voices drifted around him menacingly.

"We'll find whoever did this."

"We have no evidence!"

"What about the blood on the boy?"

"We don't even know what the shooter looks like!"

"Its hopeless.."

Hopeless...

Roxas snapped open his eyes, the dream- no, memory, leaving him shaking, tears streaming down his face. He had to relive everything, every day. It was like life was becoming hopeless... The hope that they'd find Sora was almost gone. Dead or alive, he was... gone.

Then the headache hit. It felt like a truck had hit his head, was hitting his head, over and over again. Every noise seemed to intensify, like the birds chirping outside weren't outside, but in his head, purposely trying to make the headaches worse. Roxas groaned, rolling over onto his side. Every part of his body felt bruised and battered, and he struggled to remember why.

Wait.. Was this... a hangover?

The blonde had never actually experienced one before, despite turning 18 a few months ago. Sure, he had drunk some alcohol, but obviously not enough to make him feel this bad. One thing was for sure, he wasn't going to drink that much. Ever again. Roxas couldn't recall anything from last night; he remembered seeing Axel, but everything else was just a blur. Before the first swig of the foul-tasting vodka he had bought, he remembered everything. They boy sighed, wishing that he had forgotten it all, that the entity of yesterday could've been wiped from his memories. It... looked so much like him.

Enough to make him go bat-shit crazy and probably make Axel worried out of his goddamn mind...

Roxas muttered in defeat, realising that he should probably go apologise to the redhead. And to go get some pills for the pounding headache that was continually spreading over his head.

After ten gruesome minute of almost passing out, Roxas reached the bottom of the stairs, almost doubling over in pain. Axel was nowhere to be seen, which was going to make things a whole lot harder. Roxas managed to fetch a glass of water and down a couple of pills before he blacked out, the glass crashing on the floor next to him.

x

A cool, wet towel was placed on Roxas' head, causing him to regain his consciousness. As he slowly opened his eyes, a hazy view of Axel appeared and Roxas groaned. At least his headache was feeling slightly better..

"Axel?.." He murmured, managing to balance himself up on his arms, rubbing his eyes. He realised that he'd been put on the sofa and frowned. "What happened?"

Axel chuckled, taking the towel away from the Roxas' face. "I was peacefully sleeping, when I was interrupted by a certain blonde passing out on the floor. He made a very loud crash, almost gave me a heart attack." He looked at Roxas sadly, standing up and grabbing a fresh glass of water. "How's your hangover?"

"Hurts. Like hell. I cant remember a thing from last night..." Roxas sighed, lying back down on the sofa. Axel visibly stiffened, but Roxas chose to ignore it, out of the fact he really didn't want to know what he did in his drunken state the night before. He gladly took the water that Axel had offered and downed it, savouring the cool water as it ran down his throat. "How long was I out?"

"About half an hour. You should probably get some rest Roxie, you look tired." Axel sighed, and Roxas noticed he was looking unusually sad. Roxas knew something must be wrong; when Axel was acting off, something was going on in that messed up head of his.

"I'm fine, but I think I'll go get a shower. My head's really hazy, it might help.." Roxas muttered, slowly making his way to the stairs. He needed to relax with a long, calming shower. He needed to clear his head a little, really. His leg hurt a bit, probably when he fell, but he managed to get to the shower without falling over, luckily.

Stepping in and turning it on, he sighed happily when the heat hit his overworked body. It might have been a little too hot, but it didn't bother the blonde as he just seemed too content to notice.

He took a glance at his arms, sighing at the mess. The cuts along them were jagged, some deeper than others, and a few overlapping at some points. Axel hadn't brought up anything about his arms, so he must have not seen; thank god for Roxas' overabundance of sweaters.

It's not like he enjoyed doing it, and it brought along quite a bit of shame, having to hide them constantly. It had started years ago, he couldn't even remember why he did it. All he knew that when he did, the relief shocked him. Almost as if the pain was punishment for being who he was. He often thought that it should've been him instead of Sora, that his brother was more intelligent, better than him at everything. Everyone loved Sora; he became popular quickly, while Roxas was the loner. Everyone commented on how weird it was that they were almost opposites, but looked the exact same, apart from their hair. Roxas didn't really have any friends before Axel, while Sora was always surrounded by adoring friends, which sometimes made Roxas jealous. But behind closed doors, Sora and Roxas were inseparable. It was more the blonde's choice that they didn't hang out in school, because he didn't tend to like being around a lot of people. He felt awkward, to be honest. When it was just them, though, they would tell each other everything. When their parents had died, Sora and Roxas had turned fifteen a few months previous, so they had to go live with their aunt who lived in Twilight Town with them. Sora was so strong, comforting Roxas every night. When the brunette found out his twin brother was self harming, it took a lot of coaxing, crying and comforting but Roxas eventually stopped.

A week or two after the deaths, Axel had broke the news to Roxas that his family was moving, as his dad had a job opportunity that he couldn't refuse. Heartbroken that he'd never see his best friend again, he watched him go, feeling completely alone. That night, Sora and Roxas ate takeout and stayed up all night playing video games, which was Roxas' way of being comforted. He missed them days... The last real family he had was Sora. But when he lost him..

Roxas put his head against the shower wall, feeling the hot water scalding his back. It was his fault. He knew it was.

His life seemed to be getting better again after the twin's seventeenth birthday- they moved out, got a small place that they could finally call home. They both got part time jobs, and then a few months later, Axel came back. Apparently, since Axel had turned eighteen recently, they let him move out- and he chose to come back home. To him, Italy was crap, and too hot for his tastes. Roxas couldn't contain his joy, but Sora often voiced how suspicious it was. The blonde found his suspicion strange, but he reassured him that he was just happy his best friend was back.

And then..

One day, they were walking to Axel's, about three months later...

When, out of nowhere...

Sora was shot...

The rest felt like a dream, so surreal. His brother's panicked face, blood everywhere... The questioning was the worst. He had to relive every single moment, even though he did really know what happened himself. Hours of them asking if he saw the face of the shooter. All he knew was that the guy was tall, and wore a black hoodie. Wasn't really much help in their eyes.

To this day, six months after Sora died, they still haven't found the body.

Roxas turned his back against the cold shower wall and shrunk down, wrapping his arms around his legs. His tears mixed with the water as they both trickled down the drain. He knew that crying wouldn't bring his brother back- nothing would, but he felt hopeless. Roxas had nothing in his life to be happy about. The boy could get a job, but they're so scarce nowadays.. There's no point when he'd probably get fired anyway, for moping or not working hard enough.

He was hopeless.

Glancing up, a small piece of lifeless metal caught his eye. It almost called out to him, promising to temporarily relieve him. Sad, how a little bit of metal could do that much.

Staggering a little, he reached up and grabbed the blade, holding it in the centre of his palm. It shone slightly, the small rays of sunlight coming through the bathroom window bouncing off of it. Roxas wished he'd never started doing this, entrusting his happiness in a blade- but now that he started, he couldn't stop.

Starting at his upper arm, the blonde lightly dragged the blade across his skin, unflinching as a small trickle of blood ran down it. The next cut was a little deeper, allowing more blood to flow out- it silently dripped on the floor, turning light pink before flowing down the drain with the water. The blonde made a few more, almost coating his shoulder and arm in blood, before moving to his inner arm, and wrist.

His hand hovered above his wrist, the blade millimetres away from touching the skin. Hot, fresh tears ran down his face, as his face was screwed up in mental, and physical pain.

"Why can't I just do it deep and end it all.." He whispered, creating a few long, deep cuts along his forearm. Not enough to kill him; just enough to numb him momentarily. Which is all he needed. He silenced himself as he dragged the blade across his wrist yet again, smiling at the crimson blood that was dripping down into the shower drain, tainting the clear water with pain. It didn't faze him, the amount of blood; he was used to it.
The sense of feeling a little better had to come with some price.

Roxas steadied himself and made a few more, digging the blade in a little deeper each time. He needed to feel more pain, needed to feel something other than hurt. The relief seemed to fill him fuller with each one, the demons growing quieter with every drop of blood that escaped his body. The splitting of skin filled the blonde with a strange satisfaction that he couldn't begin to explain how stupidly happy it made him. The blood trickled down slowly, and he watched as thick, red droplets fell onto the shower floor. The blood kept flowing, and the more he made, the more happier, the more free he felt. It gave Roxas a stupid rush, making him happy and regretful at the same time.

Sinking to the floor, Roxas rested his head into his sore arms. The boy hardly noticed the scalding water burning his skin, the stinging of the fresh cuts was fading by the second. He knew the temptation would come again shortly; it'd only be a short time before the darkness claimed him again. Roxas went through this same painful cycle every day; it first began with the thoughts. Then temptations.

Dropping the blade, it clattered to the floor, blood washing off of the metal, erasing any evidence of what just happened, apart from his scarred arm. Roxas was shaking, his eyes closed as he tried to calm down. He put his head in his hands, the blood slowly tricking into his hair. The tears were still falling at a steady rate; he felt weak, that he couldn't even put up the courage to end his life with a stupid blade.

After a while of mulling over his thoughts, Roxas washed his stained hair and damaged arm, being careful not to press too tightly or make the wounds bigger. Stepping out of the shower, he dried himself off and re-hid the blade again. Grabbing a bandage, he slowly applied it to his wrist and arm, as not to cause any further bleeding.

After he was finished, Roxas looked at himself in the mirror, and almost recoiled; he looked close to the brink of death. His once shining blue eyes had dulled, showing no trace of happiness. The dark bags under them were starting to turn faint purple, like bruises. His cheekbones seemed to be higher, probably out of loosing weight. His lips were dry and chapped, and even his hair colour looked dull. All of the bones on his body stood out, and Roxas had to look away in disgust. The blonde hated the way he had become. He was slowly destroying himself, and he couldn't stop. He knew he needed help.. he just..

He was hopeless.

x

Sora

"Axel invited us round his tonight, can we go please?"

Roxas was currently sitting on the sofa, with his hands clasped together begging the brunette. Sora sighed, crossing his arms.

"And why do you have to bring me along? You know that I find him.. sketchy." Sora looked away, frowning. A couple days before, he'd found out something about the redhead. How he wasn't really in Italy. Italy my ass. Really, he was in Hallow-fucking-Bastion.

The psychiatric hospital.

He'd had yet to question Axel about it, and he didn't want to create an outburst, or tell Roxas. But if he really had done what Sora suspected... Roxas would never forgive him.

Bringing his attention back to the blonde eagerly smiling in front of him, he caved.

"Fine. Just try not to be all lovesick around me, please?" Sora smirked, causing a blush to creep across the blonde's light skin. It was plain to see that the two liked each other- maybe even more than a little childhood crush. Roxas' eyes always lit up whenever he saw Axel, and the redhead was smitten. When Sora had first met Axel nearly four years ago, when they were still in school, Axel was a complete whore. Chatting up anybody he saw. But a while before he left, when he had known Roxas for about a year, he'd changed- he seemed to only have eyes for Roxas. It didn't faze Sora that his brother was gay, not at all.. Before his friend Riku moved away, he was in a relationship with a guy named Terra, so he didn't mind. It was quite sweet actually, but he still couldn't get what he knew out of his mind. Whenever he saw Axel, all he saw was... someone that should be in jail, not around his brother.

"I- we- I'M NOT LOVESICK!" Roxas blushed harder, frowning at Sora. Sora just laughed at Roxas, sitting down on the empty chair.

"So, when are we going to your boyfriend's?"

"SORA!"

x

An hour later, Roxas was muttering at the mirror in his bedroom, re-doing his hair for the seventh time. Sora chuckled, sorting out a few stray strands.

"Roxas, you look fine. If you take any longer, we're going to be late." Sora reminded him, walking to the door. Their two bedroom bungalow was cozy, but him and his brother was glad for their freedom. Being with their aunt was hell. Luckily, the bungalow became free and with all of their savings, they paid the deposit and got a mortgage. Only just turning eighteen, it was hard for them to get jobs that paid for all of the bills, but they didn't mind working harder. It was worth it, really. Ever since their parents, it was hard for the two. When Sora had found out Roxas was self-harming, he was devastated. He managed to help Roxas, though, and months down the line his brother hadn't gone into old habits. Sora was proud of his brother more than he wished to admit sometimes. They stuck together, through thick and thin.

"Fine.." Roxas sulked, following Sora out the door. The chilly winter air hit them at an instant, making them shiver.

"Sora, it's snowing!" Roxas exclaimed happily, pointing at the sky. It was, in fact, snowing heavily, thick flakes beginning to settle on the ground.

"Lets get to Axel's before we freeze our asses off." Sora wrapped his arms around himself, shivering heavily. It was a couple minute walk to Axel's house, luckily, as neither of the two could drive.

Roxas did the same, smiling like a child as snowflakes started to fall in his hair. There was nobody around, and it seemed a little too quiet for Sora's tastes.

As they cornered into a small alleyway, a figure stopped in front of them, but Sora couldn't make it out who it was, since the light was dim. Since the alley was so narrow, the figure had blocked the path, and Sora stepped back instinctively.

"Are you going to move, or-" Sora was cut off by a loud gunshot, and piercing pain shot through his arm. He screamed out, gritting his teeth together. The figure started to move, and as he glanced up he could see a mass of red hair, underneath a hood.

Axel.

"Roxas.." Sora managed to gasp out, seeing a large amount of blood on the snowy ground. That fucker must have hit an artery or a vein or something in his arm, because he was losing blood, and fast. "You need... to run. He may- he may come back. Please. Just run. I'm... I might be done for."

Sora looked up at Roxas' face, tears streaming down both of their cheeks and falling into the snow. Roxas tried to protest, but the brunette cut him off.

"GO, ROXAS. I couldn't risk something happening to you." Sora growled, his head starting to spin. Axel... must've found out that he knew. That fucker. So everything was true.

Roxas nodded, standing up before looking around.

"He may be back any minute, just run, please Roxas. I love you." Sora cried out as he started to dip in and out of consciousness.

"I love you too, Sora. I wont let whoever did this get free, I promise... I'm not going to let you die, Sora... I'll go get an a-ambulance..." Roxas sobbed, as he turned and ran. Within a few seconds, he was gone, and Sora was starting to lose feeling in his arm. It'd be all over soon...

"Are you- oh my god.."

Sora looked up and saw a halo of dark red hair and bright blue eyes before blacking out.

The brunette shot up, panting. When he realised where he was, he noticed Kairi was next to him, a worried look plastered across her exhausted face.

"Sora?" She whispered, rubbing his back. They'd gone back to Kairi's flat for the night, since they were both too drained to sleep in an alleyway again. Her room was the exact same as it had been that night- he sighed sadly, holding up a hand to his arm unconsciously.

"I- bad dream. I'm alright now." Sora laid back down, pulling the redhead in for an embrace. She leant into his chest, pulling the blanket back up over them.

"Are you sure?" Kairi's concerned gaze met his, and he kissed her nose lightly.

"Mhm... now that you're here, in fine. It just.. being right next to the alley, it's bringing back unwanted memories." His gaze hardened, his mind returning back to the distant past.

"I understand that it must be hard... I'm here for you, okay?" Kairi smiled, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep again.

"I love you." Sora spoke to the sleeping girl next to him, closing his eyes slowly, and returned back to the unwanted dream soon after.

"H-Hello?" A timid voice spoke quietly, and the brunette opened his eyes. He seemed to be in a room, that was illuminated with a faint light. The walls were a dusty purple colour, and filled with pictures and mementos. Sitting across from him was a wide-eyed girl, that looked to be the age of seventeen. She had long brown hair, that was tinted slightly red. Her lips were a soft rosy colour, and her eyes a deep blue. The girl looked at Sora with curiosity, but also fear, and seemed to cautiously keep her distance. When Sora tried to move, a sharp pain radiated up his arm, causing him to whimper. The last moments he had before he blacked out rushed to him, and he clenched his fists.

"You shouldn't be moving that arm too much... You were just lucky my mum's a nurse. She taught me everything I used to keep you alive." The girl scolded, moving slightly closer to Sora. "You don't recognise me, do you?"

"No? Should I?" Sora stuttered, studying the redhead. Her face was a little familiar, but he couldn't think of who it was...

"Kairi? Middle school?" After seeing his still-vacant expression, she laughed loudly. "You're still as much as a dimwit as you were before!"

The brunette sat up, despite the throbbing pain. Kairi was still laughing, and began to open her mouth to speak. Before she could say anything, however, a panicked expression formed on Sora's face.

"I can't stay here. He knows I know.. He wont stop until I'm dead, Kairi. I need to leave." Sora rushed out, his eyes wide. Kairi looked like she was thinking for a moment, then she came and sat next to Sora.

"Not without me, you're not. Especially not when you've just been shot!" She gestured to his arm, then stood up. Sora was watching her with a confused expression, trying to find the right words to say.

"You.. What?"

"I haven't seen you in years, that's true, but I do know you, stupid. And I know you're a decent person... Plus, I cant let you go alone." She shook her head, taking his hand in her own. "If somebody wants to fucking kill you, then they're not going to leave you alone just like that. You're gonna need somebody with you, at least."

"Kairi... why are you so insistent? You'll be leaving.. everything behind.. for me? Why?" Sora sighed, lying back down. He was still really tired, and could feel himself falling asleep involuntarily.

"Because, we we're best friends once. You saved me, and I want to repay the favour."

Kairi's sweet voice was the last thing Sora heard before slipping away, dreaming of a young brunette and redhead playing happily near the sea.