Roxas

Roxas was sitting quietly at the table in the kitchen when Axel entered, holding a cup of tea and staring out the window at the unmoving trees outside. He was lost in thought, only noticing that Axel had come downstairs when his name cut through the air. The blonde smiled at him when he clocked him, while the redhead seemed to be baffled that the boy was up.

"Why are... you... has somebody kidnapped Roxas? Or possessed him?" Axel grinned, crossing his arms over his bare chest. "Any reason why you're actually up and not looking and acting dead?"

"Because I felt like it." Roxas shrugged, sipping his cup of tea. Axel shook his head, the red spikes bouncing everywhere. It was a mystery how they'd stay perfect after a night's sleep. Even more of a mystery how he got the red colour naturally. It was the brightest and deepest red that could probably be imagined.

"I don't get you sometimes, Rox." He put his head into his hands, laughing. "I haven't seen you willingly out of bed since-"

"I know." Roxas interrupted, and Axel sighed, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "I just felt like getting up today, that's all."

Axel muttered something inaudible and walked over to the kitchen, probably to prepare breakfast. Out of the corner of his eye Roxas could see Axel smiling, which made him smile a little too, feeling like maybe today could be a better day. He still felt a dark cloud over his head, but it had stopped hailing, and was now raining softly. That was the best way he found he could describe his emotions; weather expressed things he couldn't. It didn't make much sense to anyone, but it did to him.

The redhead obviously wasn't expecting the blonde to be up and awake- he was only wearing a pair of loose, baggy trousers, leaving his torso bare. Roxas blushed slightly at this- It was more toned than he ever remembered from school, although Axel was always fit, he sported more muscle now. A new addition was the tight abs that ran up Axel's stomach, and the blonde wondered how much time in the gym did he actually spend to get them to be so toned. A whole lot different to Roxas' flat stomach. Roxas' gaze flicked up to Axel's arms, which had a hint of muscle, but not too much- he actually looked good. Like some sort of model..

Roxas quickly looked away before Axel could notice him staring, and luckily Axel had started to cook breakfast so he probably hadn't noticed. Roxas stood up, awkwardly clearing his throat.

"I'm going to go freshen up." he mumbled, realising he probably needed to change the bandages on his arm. He could feel them start to soak through, which must have meant they were deeper than he thought. If they had soaked through- well, he didn't want to risk Axel seeing them. Axel just hummed in response, leaving him to quickly hurry upstairs.

Slightly closing the bathroom door, the blonde sighed, pulling his long-sleeved top over his head. Underneath was a thin black t-shirt, hugging his body awkwardly. Compared to Axel, he was a short, skimpy kid. An ugly, drained short skimpy kid. Though he really was anything from fat- he had lost a considerable amount of weight, leaving his ribs sticking out awkwardly.

Slowly taking off the soaked-through bandages, he turned the tap on full, watching as the blood from his arm turned the water to a pale rose colour. They stung a little when he washed them, but he ignored that as he started to feel a little lightheaded. 'How much blood have I lost?' he thought, closing his eyes. Roxas had almost fainted from blood loss, once, but he convinced the redhead that it was just because he hadn't eaten. The blonde put his head in his hands, resting his elbows on the sink. He wanted to tell Axel, he really did, but who knows how he'd react?

"Rox?..." A watery, unmistakeable voice called from behind him, and he almost fell over, gripping the side of the sink for support.

Which, unfortunately, did nothing for hiding his arm, as the bloody cuts were on full show for Axel to see.

Roxas barely had time to face Axel and say anything in response before he was grabbed by the wrists and pinned to the wall, leaving him screaming and crying in pain. He could feel that the cuts had re-opened, tightly closing his eyes in both fear and pain. He could feel Axel's hot breath on his face, joining the burning heat coming from his arms; but his legs felt cold and weak, and he could barely feel them shaking, but he knew the rest of his body was.

When he reopened his eyes, Axel's eyes were staring at his, a mixture of despair and rage contained in them. He didn't know which one was stronger, however, and how Axel would react.

When tears began falling faster out of his eyes, Roxas gasped in shock. Not once did Axel's eyes move from his, which was just making him feel more guilty, and the tears came heavier. Roxas could feel Axel grasp his wrists tighter against the wall, and saw a few trickles of blood run down his arm slowly. When he looked back at Axel, he recoiled instinctively. His eyes looked like they were on fire because he was so mad.

"Why?" Axel growled, not moving from towering over the blonde. While Roxas was a good five foot six, Axel was around six foot, which gave him a massive advantage in standing over the blonde. Roxas swallowed, unable to speak. He couldn't find the words, didn't know what to do apart from stand there and wonder what Axel was going to do next.

"Why the fuck would you do this to yourself?" He spat the last word, glaring at the blonde with such an intensity that Roxas instinctively looked away. Axel slightly lessened his grip, maybe he finally sensed the blood, Roxas didn't know, but he didn't make an effort to try to escape. He just looked at Axel with defeat, which made the redhead visibly soften a little.

The moment Roxas picked up his head and faced Axel again, his lips were crushed by Axel's, making his gasp and stiffen. It took him a few seconds to realise that the redhead was actually pressing his lips against his, and when he didn't respond to Axel's kissing, the other male began to trail light kisses down his neck, making Roxas unconsciously moan. The way Axel was ferociously kissing his throat made his head spin, he couldn't think clearly, his only thought of what Axel was doing, and how good it felt. His mind felt lost in a haze but he savoured it.

When the redhead returned his lips to Roxas' mouth again, the blonde was more than eager to reciprocate, Axel's lips soft against his, but with an intense heat which made Roxas feel like he was on fire with desire. He closed his eyes, pushing his body slightly towards Axel, savouring the feel of Axel's lips against his own. Axel released Roxas' wrists, continuing kissing him fiercely but still taking care, like he was something that had to be treated with caution. Roxas wrapped his sore arms around Axel's neck, ignoring the fact he was probably dripping blood on Axel's shirt. The older boy's hands never stopped roaming Roxas' body, moving through his hair, down his waist and to his neck, finally being able to be close to the boy after so many months of wanting, even if it was just to hold him, comfort him. Axel finally settled his hands on the sides of Roxas' face, unwillingly pulling his face away to stare at the panting blonde.

Roxas whimpered at the sudden loss of contact, opening his eyes to see Axel's emerald eyes staring at him with lust. He just stared at Axel, and Axel stared back, silence wavering between them, but nothing needed to be said. When the blonde's breathing had calmed, Axel pulled away and moved to turn on the shower.

"Come on, lets get you cleaned up." He said sadly, eyeing Roxas' arms. Flinching, Roxas made an attempt to conceal his arms with his chest, and Axel sighed in response.

"It's not like I'm going to rape you in the shower, Roxas. Please." Axel extended his hand, and Roxas reluctantly took it, and was unexpectedly pulled into an embrace. Axel moved Roxas so he was sitting on his lap, and began to wash the blonde's stained arms, to which made Roxas' eyes well up. The boy felt drained and tired, and most of all confused, confused that Axel was so angry, but then he kissed him, and now he was being so kind and gentle- Roxas just didn't know what to think.

The shower was continually falling on the two, but the blonde didn't mind, staying silent. He was mulling over what just happened when the redhead brought a hand up to his face, wiping away a few stray tears.

"Hey. Don't cry." The redhead weakly smiled, pulling the boy closer. Roxas rested his head on the crook of Axel's neck, smelling the comforting, familiar scent that came naturally to the older boy. Axel began stroking Roxas' dripping wet hair, resting his chin on the top of Roxas' head. The two sat like that, in silence, Roxas savouring the warmth of another body, something he hadn't experienced for so long.

Before long, he felt his consciousness slipping, and fell into a deep, happy sleep, free of any blood or torment.

x

Roxas woke up later that evening, noticing it was still light by the bright sunlight streaming through the small gap in the curtains. The blonde frowned, realising that he was dry, despite falling asleep in the shower. He sat up slowly, staring down at his arms cautiously. They were neatly bandaged, and showed no signs of leaking through- Axel must have bandaged them up when he'd fallen asleep. The light pressure on his legs indicated that they'd been bandaged up too, he didn't even have to check to know that. A light blush crept up his face when he realised that the redhead must have undressed him out of his wet clothes- which escalated into a full-blown ruby-red blush, as he remembered the kiss.

It was a good kiss, no doubt about that. The blonde laid back down, staring up at the blank, white ceiling. A million thoughts was racing around Roxas' head, making it hard to think. It seemed like a passionate, real kiss, but that's the thing about seemed- what if Axel was just doing it to calm him down? Obviously he would have noticed the tears...

Did Axel really like him?

The blonde groaned, pulling a pillow over his face. One minute he was angry at him, looking fucking murderous, then the next.. he was kissing him, in probably the best kiss he'd ever had. Granted, the only other one he'd had was an awkward middle school girl, who had a crush from him. It was around that time he was questioning his sexuality- and that kiss, well, it put him off girls. He'd never been attracted to a girl in his life, and he knew that he should, but even in his teenage, hormonal years, he wasn't thinking about girls.

No, he was thinking about a certain cocky redhead...

Roxas sighed, closing his eyes. A few months before Axel left, he had started to develop feelings for him. He was quiet about it though- he was good at hiding things, and that came in handy around that time. Roxas was devastated when Axel left. When he came back, however, almost the same Axel he'd always been; the feelings rushed back at Roxas, full force. Being older, having turned seventeen a few months before, the blonde dealt with it better, but Axel always knew a way to make the tell-tale blush appear, mainly with inappropriate quirks, and Roxas could feel himself getting closer to Axel. But then the whole incident with Sora happened, and little crushes was the last thing on his mind. He closed up, he knew it, and he didn't care. About anything. The little nicknames left. The cheek-strokes stopped. The way he could make anything he said flirty- It lost its appeal. Of course he missed the maybe-a-little-bit-more-than-friendship, but it was really Axel's personality- even before, Axel may have never liked him as more than a friend. His whole being consisted with his cockiness, and just him being a downright flirt.

Everything became grey after that.

But now.. There's a little red, making the grey seem not so bad.

x

After a couple hours of thinking, and re-thinking, Roxas decided to go downstairs and face Axel. If he acted like nothing happened, then Roxas would too. Just like all the other months of hiding feelings.

When he came downstairs, it was empty. It was a little strange to be downstairs after so many weeks of being reclusive, barely getting out of bed, apart from eating and showering. Taking a look around at the familiar surroundings, he walked into the kitchen. They had an open plan living room, with a fifty-inch television and a sofa, which led into a kitchen with a small table. It was pretty spacious, but also meant he didn't have to walk far to get food. Roxas never really used it to his benefit, but all that had to change, really. The blonde was fed up of being stuck in his room, wasting the day. Even if he wasted his days in front of the television; well, at least he was taking his mind off things.

Walking over to the fridge and grabbing a can of coke and a big bag of crisps, Roxas jumped and laid across the sofa, flicking through a few channels before he found something familiar.

When Axel came through the door, Roxas was fully engrossed in the tv, a blanket wrapped around him.The blonde noticed it was dark outside and eyed the redhead curiously. Axel didn't seem to realise Roxas was there at first, appearing to be in deep thought. When he did notice him, however, he seemed more than shocked. His eyes moved down to Roxas' bandages, then back up to his face, not saying a word.

"Did I turn irresistible when you left? Because you really can't seem to take your eyes off me." Roxas drawled, before turning his head, continuing to watch the programme again. Axel just sighed, putting the plastic bags he was carrying on the side. He sat down next to Roxas on the sofa, making him sit up and look away.

"Roxas. We need to talk." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Roxas just ignored him, trying to return his concentration back to the television. The words swam though, and he couldn't concentrate; his blood was pounding in his ears, and pleaded that Axel wouldn't bring this up now.

"Why?" He frowned, echoing his words earlier. His voice now, however, was not laced with venom like it was previously.

Axel reached out to touch his arm comfortingly, but Roxas flinched, slightly moving backwards. He subconsciously held his wrist, to which Axel sat back back in horror.

"Oh god, Roxas, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean..." He ran his fingers through is unruly hair, obviously exasperated. "I-I never meant to hurt you, Roxas. I would never, I was just angry, angry at myself that you were in so much pain." Roxas kept his gaze locked on the redhead, slightly shocked. "You don't know how much you mean to me.." He laughed slightly, looking away. "I overreacted, Rox. Please, just... Tell me why.." Axel pleaded, his emerald eyes staring into Roxas'.

"How can I tell you why when I don't really know the answer to that myself, Axel?" He started, and laughed when he saw Axel frowning. "How can I explain how I feel when you'll never understand? This is my method of coping. Which... is something you'll never understand." Roxas put his head in his hands, taking in a deep breath.

"I can't be bothered with this shit. I - I don't need your help... I'm perfectly happy fucking destroying myself into oblivion. Anything to fucking end all of this." He stood up, pointing at his head. "I just - I can't anymore, Axel.." Unwelcome tears pooled into his eyes, and he wiped his eyes hastily using the back of his hand. He heard shuffling behind him and was embraced comfortingly by the redhead. Roxas blinked a couple of times, unable to hold back the tears as they started to spill down his cheeks. Axel stayed silent, keeping his arms locked around the blonde as he bawled his emotions out.

Roxas buried his face into Axel's chest, letting out sobs of frustration and it felt good. Axel didn't seem to mind that his t-shirt was staring to get wet, or at least he didn't say anything, as they both stood there in silence, the only sound in the room was that of Roxas' heaving sobs. Tears spilled continuously; tears of loneliness, tears of frustration, tears for his brother. Roxas felt like a dam had opened inside him, and now the emotions swamped him. After what seemed like an eternity, Roxas' wail's started to ease off, and he pulled away from Axel, wiping his eyes.

"I'm sorry.." Roxas murmured, looking away. Axel didn't speak a word, sitting himself down on the sofa and looking up sadly at the blonde.

"... I just want to know why, Roxie." Axel said after a moment's pause, his face seeming slightly strained. The blonde put his head in his hands, sighing deeply. This was the whole reason he never wanted anybody to know. It obviously was hurting Axel, and all he wanted to know was why..

The boy sat down, holding the redhead's gaze. "You... want to know why I do it?" Axel nodded with his watery eyes, waiting for Roxas to continue.

Roxas opened his mouth and closed it again, trying to find the right words to use, and the right thing to say... With Sora, he didn't press Roxas to explain. Roxas knew Axel most probably didn't know what to think, so he was probably entitled to even a brief explanation..

"I know.. Its not a healthy way for me to... get relief. That's what doing it does; give me relief, and a temporary sense of control. Thoughts in my head.. They just build up, and I just feel like I have less and less control over how I feel, and self harm- it takes some of it away, like spilling out all of my emotions so I have a better control over them. The more I do it, and deeper, I guess I feel more numb; and when I feel like shit all the fucking time, the best option is to feel numb."

"Rox.."

"It gives me a temporary distraction. I know its not a good way to do it, but I'll tell you the exact same thing I told Sora. It's so fucking hard to stop, and I really don't think I'll be able to. Not easily." Roxas sighed, looking at a blank spot on the floor. He hated talking about his emotions. It made those exact emotions resurface, and right now Roxas really didn't want to become a bawling mess in front of Axel. Especially since he didn't know how he and Axel stood, but he did know that he felt something for him, and didn't want to embarrass himself...

"I'm here for you, Roxas..." Roxas cut him off, looking back at Axel's troubled face. "Maybe I have you, but I don't have Sora. Not anymore.." A single tear slipped out of Roxas' eye, and he looked down at his hands sadly. Axel was unusually silent, staring at Roxas with an expression mirroring the blonde's. They both sat like that, Roxas avoiding his gaze in silence. He fiddled with his fingers a little, feeling rather awkward. Roxas should've just stayed upstairs...

"It'd be nice, just to hear his voice again, you know? Jumping around the apartment, cracking jokes... I wouldn't be like this if he was still-" Roxas was cut off mid-sentence by a warm pair of lips pressing against his, but unlike yesterday, this kiss was filled with desperation. That fact slipped his mind, however, when Axel shifted himself so he was straddling the blonde, and began weaving his hands through Roxas' hair. He moved down to Roxas' throat, and Roxas inhaled a sharp breath when Axel began biting and sucking, soft mewls escaping from his throat when Axel started to nibble softly on his neck. Roxas slightly tilted his head to the side, giving the redhead more room to freely do whatever he wanted with his neck. Roxas moved his hands up Axel's top, feeling his well-built torso before feeling Axel groan while attending to his neck. Axel began to become a little rougher on the blonde's neck, as the urges to go further began to kick in. Roxas felt this too, as he began to melt under Axel's touch. His mind felt hazy, and although he knew Axel probably kissed him as a device to console him, he was filled with pleasure and didn't care, not at this moment anyway.

"I definitly prefer this distraction.." Roxas said, slightly breathlessly, and heard a slight chuckle coming from Axel.

"You should come out of your room more often then." Axel's breath tickled against Roxas neck, causing him to moan again.

Axel broke away from the blonde's reddened neck and pulled his top over his ruffled hair, his hands exploring all over Roxas' malnourished body. Roxas closed his eyes, savouring the touch, and gasped loudly when Axel ran his tongue over his nipple and sucked softly. Axel brought his lips to Roxas' again, kissing more passionately this time, moving his tongue to enter Roxas' mouth fully and kissed him demandingly, Roxas feeling his pleasure build up with each kiss. The redhead broke off the kiss again, the pair panting loudly, before attending to Roxas' body again. This caused Roxas to moan out a bit louder. his own hands now weaving through Axel's hair, gripping onto it as he arched his back against the sofa. He felt good and the redhead had barely done anything.

Axel gritted his teeth together as he pondered going further with the blonde, and grabbed onto the waistband of Roxas' trousers before looking up at him expectantly, his beady green eyes was filled with desire and lust, asking if he could have what he wanted. However, for a few seconds Roxas came to his senses and shook his head. Obviously he wanted Axel, but he wasn't ready for that.

Axel looked slightly dejected before nodding and falling back next to Roxas, both of the panting breathlessly with flushed faces. Roxas had his eyes closed but he could sense Axel's eyes was staring at him, and he smiled slightly.

"Can you stop staring?" He said between breaths, "I'm sure my face is as red as a fucking tomato right now."

"It's cute, Roxie."

"Am I ever going to be able to get you to stop calling me that?"

"Not until you stop being cute, Roxieeee."