I was in one of those sleeps where you are sleeping so hard that when you wake up you don't even know where you are, and why you are awake.
I sat up with a start , but I didn't know what startled me. I sat up in my bed looking around the room trying to connect some dots. When I went off to college Soda moved out of his shared room with Pony into to my room. At the time I didn't care, because I never thought I'd be home for more than a week at a time. Oh how wrong I was. In the midst of all the changes going on in my kid brothers life, I didn't want to add to it by forcing them to move back in together. I told them it was silly to have an empty room, I told them I would bunk in there. I told them it was no big deal. At least they believed me.
The sun was probably just starting to rise, it was still dark, but my eyes adjusted to the darkness slightly.
It wasn't but a second until I heard a screaming followed by thrashing. If I hadn't experienced this screaming a couple night prior I would have thought someone was in the fight of their life. I beat Marry to his room this time. When I got there I wasn't sure what to do. He was tossing and turning,"Ponyboy, wake up!" I called, but it was useless. Mary appeared lest than a minute later and quickly went to his side, she grabbed his shoulders and shook him, gently at first, but when that didn't work I stepped in and shook him harder. "No stop!" He yelled throwing his arms in the air smacking me right across the face. It wasn't hard by any means but it scared me. "It's just a dream Pony!" Mary pulled him into her chest for a hug. Soda joined her putting a hand on the top of his head.
It was like a light turned on and he immediately woke up. "Mary, Soda?" What's going on!" He jerked away. I could hear his hear racing from where I was standing.
"You had a nightmare Pony, don't you remember?" How could he be as scared as he was and not remember it?
"No-?" He spoke in a way like he had more to say.
"What is it Pal?" Soda proded.
"It felt so real, but I don't remember what it is." He finally said.
What was I suppose to say to that?
"Well, it's over now! We won't let anything to happen to you buddy, you hear me?" Soda added.
"I know I know," Pony shrugged Soda's hand off his shoulder. We all sat there in silence. Soda was on the bed with Pony, Mary had one knee on the bed but was still standing, and I was leaned up against the wall.
"Was it about us, Pony? Were you worried something was happening to one of us; that we were dying?" Mary asked him. I wondered how she would have thought to ask that.
"Aw Pone," Soda cooed when Pony's face broke.
"Ain't nothing going to happen to us," I said as Mary stepped over Soda and sat on the other side.
"How can you say that!" Pony choked back tears.
"I just know," I told him sitting on the edge of the bed awkwardly putting a hand on his leg.
"They died. Both of them. What if one of you is next?" Pony collapsed to Soda.
"Ain't gonna happen. I ain't going to let it!" Soda's eyes watered too.
"It just happened! And you can't tell me it couldn't happened again! Darry could fall off a roof, or you could get cut by the machines at work, Mary you could be in a car accident! What if Soda or Darry gets a draft letter, it's always in the paper." Pony was getting all worked up.
"You've been thinking about this a lot, huh Pony?" Mary held his hand. "We're still a family. Just like we'll always be a family! Whether we are a family of six or a family of two, regardless we will always be a family, and someone will always take care of you. Pony there is still as much love for you in this house as there was when there were 6 of us to love you." Pony's tears turned to all out sobs to the point this body was shaking.
"I miss them too buddy," Soda whispered loud enough for all three of us to hear. That was it. That was the final bullet being fired.
I felt my face fall and my chest tighten. I needed to get out of this room. With no warning I just left. I walked all the way out the front door down the steps to the back of the house and ended up on my knees in the back yard, and I lost it.
Time must have passed faster than I thought, because in the mist of my ugly crying I smelt cigarette smoke behind me. Mary sat beside me with two cancer sticks in-between her fingers and balancing two coffee cups in the other. She sat beside and put an arm around me. I tried to pull it together, honest I did, but it was useless. I cried into her arms the same way Pony cried into Soda's. The difference was Mary didn't cry too. She drew circles around my arm, and she hummed lightly in my ear "This little light of mine." Mary's this families rock.
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Two updates in a week #crushed it. Happy Father's Day to all. For some Father's Day is a hard memorial day, thinking of all fathers- past and present.
