On Monday morning, Stone was and wasn't looking forward to going into work. On the one hand, he no longer had one secret weighing on him. Having his co-workers know about his child care situation would make things so much smoother all around. On the other hand, he wasn't looking forward to the talk with Baird that was promised.
Baird was waiting for him when he arrived, holding out a cup of coffee. "Let's go have a chat."
He nodded, taking her offering and followed her to one of the work rooms.
Stone assumed Baird would break into a lecture but instead she pulled up a stool at the work table and motioned for him to do likewise. And for a while, she didn't say anything just sipped her coffee in silence, he eventually doing the same.
Finally, just slightly irritated with her silence, "Baird?"
"I'm gathering my thoughts and deciding how best to do this," Baird sighed. "Just when I'd figured out exactly how to handle you guys, you throw this into the mix."
Stone nodded. "I realize that."
"Look Stone, I didn't know your situation but you did. And you've taken unnecessary chances. I expect a certain amount of that behavior out of Jones because he thinks he's invincible and Cassandra because she thinks she's expendable. . ." Baird didn't miss the look of pain that briefly crossed Stone's features but she continued her train of thought. "But you, like I said, you know you have a kid at home. That should have kicked in your self-preservation instincts."
Stone bit his lip but said, "it does. More than you realize. It's just . . . ."
"Just what?"
"I compartmentalize, Baird. I've done it my whole life. I had to. I know none of you understand why, but just believe me when I say I had to do it to survive. Art historian, that was one box. Oil rigger that was another. Husband and father. And then . . .well Librarian became an entirely different box. I'm so used to doing that, that it became second nature. Librarian Stone is all about the job and even though Max is always, always in my thoughts, my actions don't always indicate that. I'm tryin' Baird, but you gotta understand this is as hard for me as it is for you."
Baird took another sip of her coffee, understanding crossing her features. "I get it. I actually should have realized that about you. And Cassandra probably would try to keep you grounded, but she was sworn to your secret?"
He nodded. "It's not that she hasn't . . . ."
"Expressed the same worries?"
"Yeah, that's a good way of puttin' it."
"Well now that we all know, we'll make sure we keep you focused. I'm certainly reevaluating what we need to do. And don't worry, you're not going to be grounded. I know what you're good at. But again we're concentrating on your brain first. You're good in a fight, but you'll be even better now that we know to keep your head in it. And having a reminder of what you have at home? I've seen that work wonders."
Stone smiled, "is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Mostly, yeah," Baird said. "I have an idea of how to proceed and how to best approach an idea Flynn had over the weekend. Don't worry, it'll all work out."
"Well, that's a relief. I was kinda afraid you were gonna yell at me."
"I'm a bit disappointed in you, Stone, but other than that. . . ."
Stone couldn't quite hide the expression that crossed his face. But Baird was surprised that it was less shame than resignation. She was also quite certain that he wouldn't confide in her over why exactly that was. So she tried a different tact.
"Are you okay? I mean, I'm sure you're overwhelmed. But if you need to talk . . .I know you have Cassandra but sometimes you need a different ear. Now that I can put the pieces together, I can see you're treading water. I had been concerned the job was too much."
Stone had moved to get up but he slid back in the chair. He knew he should just tell Baird it was all under control. That was how he always handled things. Everything was okay, everything was fine, he had this. But her face held no judgment, only concern. He'd come to feel a connection to the woman, a totally different one than he had with Cassandra. Cassandra . . .he couldn't even go down the road with how he felt about her. Not if he didn't want to lose her completely. But his feelings for Baird were clear cut. What had started as respect had gradually turned into an almost sibling like bond. It was this connection that caused him to decide to open up to her.
"It's not the job, though you know, I think we all are treading water there."
She tilted her cup toward him with a smirk. "I hear ya, I mean I died the other day."
"Don't joke about that."
She nodded, "go on."
"It's just . . . ." And he scratched the back of his neck and just went for it. "It's being both parents to him. It's far tougher than I ever imagined. Josie . . .well there are reasons why we ain't married no more. But all in all, she was a damn good mother to him. Even when she got in with the wrong man. And even now she's tryin' to be a good mother. She wants him to have everything, you know? She thinks I can give it him. But I'm not so sure about that. I was always more a traditional father . . .well no . . .I tried to be more there for him than my old man had been. But that ain't sayin' much really. I was workin', tryin' to provide. And now? I'm still not there for him the way I'd like. "
"Well," Baird said gently. "I can't say that I'm any sort of expert at parenting. And I don't really know Max outside of seeing him for those few minutes. But until we got loud and scared him? That was a happy little boy. Your apartment is full of happy little boy. It's obvious that you love him very much. You're doing your best. You said you put him in a program? That's how he met Cassandra?"
He nodded. "I briefly dated a single mom in my building. We kinda realized that was going nowhere very quickly but we stayed friends. She knows a lot about raising a kid in Portland so she helped me get him in a lot of things that have helped him adjust. I watch her kids when I can and she watches him when she can. Cassandra has a friend who has a son Max's age, so she babysits quite a bit. Cassandra has been a big help, of course. But you know, she's here too so . . . ."
"What is the real story with you and Cassandra?"
"There's no story, Baird. She loves Max and Max loves her. It's good for him to have her in his life. That's it."
"Stone . . . ."
"Baird . . . ."
"It's amazing, Jacob Stone. For someone who made a career out of lying, you're having a really difficult time convincing me that you and Cassandra are just friends. Or are you lying to yourself?" Stone blinked, irritation rising on his face but Baird wasn't the least bit scared of him. "I'm right, aren't I?"
They stared at each other for several moments and finally Stone caved. "I can't, Eve. I can't be anything more than friends with her."
"Because of her tumor? I suppose I could see why you wouldn't want to get Max . . . ."
"Nothing to do with that. "
"And it's not Max because he loves her."
"It's me? Alright? I will break her heart. I can't . . . I can't talk about it."
"Oh, Stone."
Stone looked at her, pain and despair crossing his features. He bit his lip, looking like he was going to tell her more. But finally he just shook his head, got up and walked out of the room.
Baird shook her head and rested her chin on her hand in thought. She had a feeling she knew what Stone's issue was. But only time was going to change his mind. Until then, she was going to have to be there for both of her friends. Because she had a feeling that more than one heart was going to get broken before they even began.
A much more composed Stone joined Cassandra and Jones in the main Annex room on Flynn's request a few hours later.
"Colonel Baird, the graduation gifts I believe are on your desk," Flynn said with a grin.
"So what are you kickin' us out? You just said you weren't gonna fire me."
"They were gonna fire you?" Cassandra asked, surprised, Jacob hadn't told her that last night.
"No! Of course not, I'm pushing you. Out of the nest. It's time to fly. I'm graduating you."
"We had Jenkins make up small versions of the clippings books. Every day a new mystery," Baird smiled, handing them off to Flynn.
"Different ones?" Stone asked.
"Yes! But don't think the Library hasn't taken into account your situation, Stone," Flynn winked handing him his clippings book. "Team up on some, split up on others, come and get us if you need any help. But not too much help, that would be disappointing."
After assurances from both Flynn and Baird that they'd be okay(and a reminder from Baird to Stone about using his brain before his fists), the three new Librarians were left alone with their clippings books.
Jones proclaimed that despite his many feats of "awesomeness" that it was time to take a well earned vacation before he took a crack at his book.
Stone bit his lip. "Well Max has been askin' to see his mama. So maybe I should swing back home for a couple of days and let her visit with him." His tone was reluctant though. It wasn't that he wanted to deny Max a chance to see his mother, but going home right now just didn't sit right with him.
Cassandra looked a little crestfallen. "Well, my family and I aren't really, well you know. And if you're taking Max to see Josie, then he isn't going to be needing me for a few days. I guess I'll try a case."
She opened her book, it admitting a glow like it's parent book. The case looked really tricky and she wouldn't mind some help with it.
"This is a tricky one. Deep breaths." She smiled nervously. "Gonna have to research this before I go."
"Really? Where ya . . . ." Stone stopped himself, he needed to let her go. He needed to take Max to Oklahoma. He needed to do a lot of things but instead . . ."where ya going?"
"Lima, Peru."
Behind him, Ezekiel was wishing her luck, but the only one in Stone's focus was Cassandra. He needed to let her go and this would be the perfect opportunity to put distance between them. He'd grown too attached as it was. But her eyes were begging him to go with her. He wasn't sure he could refuse.
She couldn't keep doing this to him. She told herself that she needed to push him away. She wasn't Max's mother and she wasn't Stone's wife. Or girlfriend. Or anything really. This was the perfect opportunity to put some much needed distance between them.
So she finally turned away and headed out of the room. He couldn't even bear to watch her go, resolutely turning his back to her.
Until he felt Ezekiel brushing past him heading off after Cassandra. And he was damned if he'd let them go off by themselves. They'd get into trouble.
He tore after them and after getting into another petty argument with Jones, Cassandra finally showed him the case.
He whistled. "Okay, maybe I will take Max to Oklahoma for a few days after all."
"You're not coming with us?" Cassandra sounded alarmed.
"I am. I'm just thinkin' I won't be able to leave him with a sitter that long. He'll stay at my sister's and see Josie."
"Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I never really thought about long term care."
"Yeah," Jacob sighed. "This is why I wish Josie would just come out here," he grumbled. "I'm gonna head home and make some arrangements. Oh . . . ."
"Oh?"
"I was just assuming Back Door . . .but I don't know . . . ."
Ezekiel rolled his eyes. "Okay, while you two sort out your domestic situation, I'm going to go sort out the technical stuff for this. Text me when you're actually ready." He stalked off in the other direction.
Cassandra rolled her eyes at his back. She turned back to Stone, "well you know what you'll have to do first."
"Talk it over with Jenkins." Stone groaned, "oh boy. Not lookin' forward to this."
Cassandra giggled. "He's not that bad. I'll come with you."
"Now you're talkin' to me like I'm 4." Stone grumbled, but he fell into step with her as they headed back toward the Annex and Jenkins.
