A couple of days after his talk with Baird, Jacob got his chance to talk to Cassandra. She'd had Max for the day and he was waiting for their return. They were running late, but it wasn't an unusual occurrence. The two were prone to "just one more" and often lost track of time. It happened prior to Peru and he never worried. Cassandra would take good care of Max and if she ran into trouble she would call. His son was still the bond between them.

He'd been in the kitchen working on a grocery list when he heard an odd sound against his door. Less a knocking than a scuffling. Curious and wondered if it was the lady down the hall's cat again (it often got out and then confused and scratched at a variety of doors until it found the right one), he glanced through the peephole. And he had to laugh, he was still chuckling when he opened the door.

Max was sound asleep in Cassandra's arms and she was struggling with him and the weight of the bag she was carrying. Cassandra wasn't much shorter than him, but she was very slight and Max had just gone through a growth spurt. Plus the bag appeared to have more stuff in it than he'd sent her out with in the morning.

She shot him a look at his laughter, but it wasn't a cold or angry one this time, it was more of a "don't wake him" look. He reached out to take Max.

"I've got him," she whispered. "But can you take the bag?"

He nodded reaching for her shoulder. Neither mentioned the physical contact necessary for him to get the bag. He sent the bag on the sofa and then jogged down the hall in front of her to get Max's door. Between the two of them, they managed to get his jacket, pants and shoes off without too much of a fuss. The boy barely woke and was soon back fast asleep, Jacob tucking him in. It all seemed like they'd gone back in time to before Peru. Cassandra had gone to the living room to separate her things out of Max's bag and Jacob took a deep breath as he closed Max's door.

She had sorted things into her own purse, which she'd had stuffed inside the bigger bag. "I bought him a few things too, they're in the bag. Well, I guess . . . ."

"Cassandra? Would it be okay if we talked?"

"About what happened?"

"Yeah, we need to talk. But I understand if this isn't a good time . . . ."

"It's fine," she bit her lip, awkwardly taking a seat on the sofa.

Jacob ran his hand through his hair pacing the length of the living room. "I'm sorry."

"What for exactly?" Cassandra kept her voice pitched low due to the sleeping child but he could hear the anger in it. "For kissing me? For running away? For ignoring me? For keeping me from Max?"

He stopped his pacing, standing directly in front of her. "For everything but kissing you."

"Everything but kissing me . . . ."

"Cassie, I handled everything wrong. Absolutely everything. I am so incredibly sorry. The thing is, I wasn't sure how to handle the aftermath of that kiss and I panicked. I only hope you can maybe forgive me."

"Well . . ." Cassandra wrung her hands in her lap, she knew she wasn't completely blameless in the situation. " I could have confronted you. We both know I used to have no trouble calling you out on your behavior before."

The tiniest hint of a chuckle came from Jacob. "No, you certainly haven't. I was actually hoping you would. This coldness . . .it's not you, Cassandra and it . . .I guess I could have dealt with you yelling at me a lot better."

"You weren't the only one who didn't know how to deal with the aftermath. That was . . . ."

"A hell of a kiss."

She nodded. "Did you regret kissing me? You seem to not regret it right now. But immediately after?"

"I was more ashamed than regretful. I felt like I may have taken advantage of you. After weeks to think about it, I realized you weren't pushing me away."

"Far from it. But did it mean anything to you? Or was it just passion in the heat of the moment?"

Jacob sat down next to her on the sofa and reached a hand out to turn her head toward him. "It meant . . .I don't have words to describe it. I've always liked you Cassandra, but it's so much more than that now."

She nodded against his hand. "I feel the same way about you. But I have this feeling we both have buts."

He nodded. "All of my relationships fail." Cassandra opened her mouth but he shook his head. "Please just hear me out. I know that there are reasons for that. None of them knew me the way you do. But I kept pushing you away because I didn't want to hurt you like I did my ex-wife, my girlfriends. Until Peru happened and we were apart. I had a conversation with Baird not that long ago. "

"She's in town?"

"I don't think she is any more. She was only there that day and then she was gone. But anyway, afterward I took a long hard look at my relationships and thought about myself. The voice that I hear always telling me I'm gonna disappoint everyone."

"Jacob . . . ."

"The truth of it is, Cassandra, is that I don't like myself. I never liked who I pretended to be. I hated that guy. And I'm just now coming into who I am. I'm not comfortable with who Jacob Stone really is yet. It's so easy to hide under who I used to be, because like him or not, he was my safety net. It's cliché as hell, but I can't love you until I love myself."

He'd removed the hand he'd placed on her cheek, allowing her to leave if she chose to. She took a deep breath.

"I kept pushing you away because I didn't want you and Max to think of a future when I have none to give you."

"Cassie . . . ."

"It's been so selfish of me to keep being in that little boy's life when I know that. That's why I didn't confront you. I told myself it was for the best. Until I saw how upset Max was. And the other day, you looked at me like you just missed me so much . . .and it broke my heart. I had my own soul searching to do. Jenkins gave me some advice about how he didn't regret his friendships even when he lost them. But I'm so afraid of death Jacob. That's what caused me to do what I did. I'm not ready to go. And until I face that fear and let myself live, I can't love you either."

"What are we going to do?"

"Can you wait for me?" Cassandra asked.

"Of course, I can. The question is, can you wait for me?"

A tear ran down her cheek. She knew she was the one with the limited time. She got now that she was the only one who feared her future. Jacob Stone would take what she could offer him. She wished she could give him more. But she could wait for him. They could wait for each other. She reached forward and took both of his hands in both of hers.

"I can."

"And can you forgive me for being an ass?"

She grinned slightly. "Given a bit of time, yes."

"I should let you get home," Jacob sighed, not letting go of her hands.

"Can we at least go back to being friendly while we figure our own stuff out? I've missed you."

"Yeah, I'd like that. I missed you too. And I've kinda missed Cathy. I've been dodging her like crazy."

Cassandra laughed. "Yeah, me too. I heard you've seen Tim though."

"Yeah a bit, but it's not the same."

"So maybe next time I have Max you come with us? Provided you don't have a case."

"That sounds good."

They stared at each other, not quite sure what to do or say next. Cassandra did have one lingering question though she was pretty sure now that she knew the answer.

"And Josie?"

"What about Josie?" Jacob looked completely confused which confirmed things.

"I used to have this belief that you were still carrying a torch for her."

Jacob snorted. "No. I didn't. . .I cared for her but we didn't love each other. I suppose I may have said some things. . . . There was a time I suppose that I missed her because I was lonely. We had fun. If I'd never met you . . .we'd not have gotten back together, way too much water under that bridge. But the regrets of it not working out used to be stronger. Does that make sense?"

"You kept talking about wanting her here. But yes, I do get it. She's your son's mother."

"And that's why I want her here. He always had both of us. She's a really good mother and she gets him in ways I don't. I can't say that I don't still care for her and want what's best for her. She had it tough growin' up too. I think Portland would be good for her. But that's it. I realize I'm not quite ready for a relationship. But when I am, you're the only one I want."

"Thank you."

She looked like she was going to cry, he wasn't sure why. He did the only thing he could think of. He tugged on their still entwined hands.

"C'mere." And just like in Peru, when his lips met hers, she went willingly. This was the sweet gentle kiss he'd have preferred for their first kiss. It only lasted a few moments before they parted.

"We probably shouldn't make a habit of that. Not that I'm complaining about this kiss," Cassandra giggled.

"No, you're right. We can't jump into this not til we're good with our own stuff. Can't complicate it so friends only from now on. I just needed to . . .seal our deal I guess. Let you know that I do want to be with you at the end."

She smiled softly and nodded. "Yeah. Same goes for me by the way. I wanna be with you when we're ready." She sighed softly looking at the clock. "I gotta get home."

"Yeah, I gotta get back to my shopping list. Do you need help with your stuff?"

"Nah, I got it." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Night Jacob."

"Night Cassie."


They'd made Max very happy a couple of days later when they both went with him to the zoo. It wasn't quite the same friendship as before, both of them realizing they needed to give the other space. Max and Jacob dropped Cassandra back off at her place and they didn't eat dinner together. It was more like their friendship at the beginning when they weren't much more than friendly co-workers. Jacob knew that's the way it had to be, they had to work through their personal issues, they couldn't muddle things by getting too close. But he missed his best friend. He knew the only way to get her back though was to concentrate on himself.

But they didn't have much time to think or see each other for that matter. Both of their clippings books went crazy for three straight weeks.

"Max, this time I ain't lyin'. Daddy's been busy savin' the world, so that means so is Cassandra. We can call if you want? Last time I tried she was too busy to talk."

"Can we?"

Cassandra sounded out of breath when she answered the phone. "I'm sorry, I bet your book is goin' nuts too. But he don't believe that you're busy after last time."

Cassandra chuckled. "Put him on, I have a few minutes."

She talked to Max for a few minutes, assured him she actually was really busy just like his Dad had been. "I promise as soon as things settle down we'll go for ice cream, okay? I miss you both, but I gotta get back. Can you put your Dad on?"

"Yeah?"

"Quick question, how do you say 'it's just an atmospheric anomaly' in Russian?"


Jacob was glad as he was changing in the locker room after his last mission in Japan, that Josie's birthday was this week. The clippings book was not giving Cassandra a break at all and it barely was doing its usual consideration of his child care duties. He was down one babysitter with her being gone (and Jacob hadn't seen hide nor hair of her in three weeks) and he just couldn't keep burdening his usual crew. The clippings book must have known that Max was in Oklahoma or it never would have given him a case before he even finished the last one.

Soon he was in New York City, in the courtyard of a museum where he was supposed to be investigating a chess set. But he soon realized that there was a reason why the clippings book had gone off before he was done with one case. He watched with amusement as Flynn and Baird caught Jones in the act. Well at least Jones was still a Librarian even though he hadn't seen a sign that he was even around in three months.

Then there she was. He'd missed her and that outfit she was wearing was gorgeous. He tried to play it cool as he walked over and greeted the others.

But then she said his name, his first name, in front of the others. In a breathless tone like she's missed him too. So he winked at her. And even as he turned to greet Baird, the smile she gave him in return caused a tingle to roll up his spine.