True story, I really intended to update "Renewed" before this but the ideas were just flowing much more freely for this story. By this weekend, I promise. Anyway, the reviews were amazing, and I loved hearing from you guys. Your feedback makes this whole experience a million times better. Thank you!
Paige heard rustling from the kitchen and glanced up to see Toby walking through the doorway with a blueberry bagel in one hand and a soda in the other. The day had come and gone uneventfully, and Walter was attending a mechanics lecture while Cabe, Sylvester, and Ralph were participating in a rousing night of ice cream and miniature golf. She wasn't sure why her son and Sly were so fond of the game when they just used physics to get holes-in-one, which took away the excitement as far as she was concerned.
But she was surprised to see Toby still in the garage while she stayed late to finish up paperwork. She'd been caught off guard by his presence early that morning too. Paige watched as he plopped down in his desk chair and kicked off his shoes before a thought dawned on her. "Are you staying here?"
Toby met her questioning stare and shrugged nonchalantly as he popped the tab on his can. "For a few days."
"Is there something wrong with your apartment?"
"Yeah." He took a long swig and crushed the soda down on his desk. "Happy's stuff is everywhere."
Paige squinted. "Her stuff is everywhere here, too."
He shrugged again. "It's different. The garage is neutral territory. And she's not here."
Happy had been conspicuously absent that day, thought she'd at least sent a text to Cabe confirming that she was alive. Unlike Walter, Toby loved to talk about his feelings, and Paige was sure that not being able to communicate openly with the mechanic was excruciating. "You still haven't heard from her?"
Toby sighed and shook his head. "I'm trying to give her space. Which is a hoot, because she's the one who dropped a bomb on me, for once." He slouched back in his chair, shooting Paige a resigned look. "But I figure maybe I can get a chance to be the stable one while she screws up. It'll be a nice change of pace for us."
Paige felt a pang of guilt as the shrink seemed to withdraw into himself for a moment. "I'm sorry, Toby."
"It's no one's fault."
"No, that's not what I meant." The liaison recalled how demanding she had been with him that morning, snapping at him for answers and not thinking twice about the hellish weekend he'd probably endured. "I was so wrapped up in my own problems and I…I was a terrible friend. I'm sorry that I didn't check on you as soon as I got back."
Toby offered her a crooked smile. "Thanks." He hesitated for a second before straightening up in his seat and clasping his hands in front of him. "But other people's problems are a heck of a lot easier to handle right now, so what's the deal with Walt? I hardly saw him today."
"I think he stayed up in the loft, mostly." The psychologist arched his eyebrow, waiting for more information, but Paige wasn't sure if she wanted to relive that particular brand of heartache. "Do you have any tequila left?"
"It went that well, did it?"
Paige's defeated expression answered that question thoroughly enough, and Toby wordlessly reached into his drawer and pulled out the half-empty bottle along with two glasses. He pushed off in his rolling chair toward her desk and skidded to a stop next to her, pouring out a shot of the liquid and handing it to her. She cracked a smile and downed it.
"Okay." She shook her head as the liquor burned a path down her throat. Paige didn't drink often, but she held her liquor well and one or two shots was unlikely to impact her too drastically. And if it did, well, she could stand to get out of her own head for a while. "Talking to Walter went…exactly the way I should have expected it to go."
Toby narrowed his eyes. "Let me guess, he wouldn't tell why he followed you to Tahoe."
"Not all the way to Tahoe. Eighty miles," she repeated the genius's words, pointing her index finger for emphasis. "And no, he wouldn't tell me why. He wouldn't tell me anything."
Toby exhaled loudly, the way he always did when he was frustrated with his friend's emotional dysfunction. She heard that sound often when Walter spoke back to clients on cases, when he instituted petty rules for the team, and especially when he expressed disapproval of Happy and Toby's relationship. Paige even found herself emitting a similar noise sometimes.
"I can't keep doing this," she continued, leaning her elbow on her desk and resting the side of her head against her outstretched palm. "It's not that I don't think he's worth waiting for, but…god, it hurts, Toby. Every time he pulls me in and then disappears, I feel it. I don't know why I keep believing that something's going to change. You should have seen him this morning. I practically begged him to say something and…" Paige dragged her hand through her hair. "He made it pretty clear he had nothing to say."
The shrink slammed his glass down on her desk, startling her. "Well, I take issue with that, because he had plenty to say to me." Paige noticed a fire in his eyes, and she had the odd thought that she was glad her romantic misadventure could provide some distraction from his own pain. "I really thought that Walter should be the one to say this, but clearly he's not going to, so I will. He loves you, Paige. Like, he's in love with you. I may have been plastered, but I sure as hell remember that. I've never heard those words leave his mouth before."
The liaison felt a sudden rush of heat through her body, and she wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or Toby's revelation. She'd allowed herself to consider that possibility, occasionally. The things he had done for her and Ralph…he had very nearly given his life for theirs more than once.
But there was still a line that Walter wouldn't cross—the line between friends and something more. Now and then the line became blurred, but inevitably the genius would step back and redraw it, thicker than before.
"And they probably never will again."
The shrink clicked his tongue sympathetically. "Paige…"
"I love him, Toby. I'm sure you've been able to tell that for a long time." Paige glanced up at him expectantly, and he gave her a small nod of affirmation. "But it's not enough. It's clearly not enough for him to risk everything he's built. And it's not enough for me to keep putting my life on hold."
"You know how Walt is with his emotions…"
"It's not about that," she said abruptly, causing him to drop the rest of his thought. "Whatever he feels, or says…the truth is that Walter doesn't want this. That was his decision, and if his mind hasn't changed after two years, I don't expect it to."
A weight pressed on Paige's chest as the statement crushed into her. She'd never really admitted it to herself before. Certainly not out loud. And now she knew why, because it felt terrible.
Why had she let things get so far? Walter was a detractor of romantic love long before he met her, and even if he was capable of a great deal more emotion than he realized, believing that she might be the exception to one of his most deeply-held beliefs was arrogant, at best.
"He's not going to find anyone else like you," Toby said softly, chewing on the inside of his bottom lip in deep thought. "The way he connects with you, that's once in a lifetime for someone like him. And you, Paige, do you think there's anyone else who would risk everything for you, who loves Ralph the way he does—."
"You think I haven't thought about that?" she snapped, noting the psychologist's wide eyes and deciding to blame the tequila for her shortened fuse though, in reality, her emotions already had her plenty on edge. "Of course I've wondered what it would be like for the three of us. But it's not up to me. There's nothing that I can do if he doesn't want it too. He pushed me out the door to Lake Tahoe and he pushed me out the door this morning and that's all he's going to keep doing, over and over again, forever."
Toby was quiet for a long time after that, and Paige figured she'd finally succeeded in stumping him. She was prepared to drain the rest of her glass and then return to her paperwork, a little less focused but competent enough to work, when he spoke up again.
"Have you ever said any of this to Walter?"
She stared at him blankly, taken back by the question. "Of course I haven't. What purpose would it serve, other than to make working together even more awkward?"
"Maybe you've always held back your feelings because Walter did. But," he considered his next words carefully, "you shouldn't, Paige. It's hurting you to keep this all locked up. And if you tell him the truth, and he still decides to be a stubborn ass and deny himself the chance to be with you, then…fine. Screw him. But at least you won't have to wonder what if. You wouldn't be doing it for him, you'd be…doing it for yourself."
Paige let her head fall into her hands. It was spinning a little. She'd been perfectly honest with Walter about her feelings, hadn't she? She initiated their first (and second kiss), she'd reached out for his hand at the beach, she…was full of it. Suddenly all the liaison could see was the slew of times she alluded to her feelings in vague terms or flat-out lied about how Walter's actions affected her. Jealousy-laced barbs at Linda, insistence that she didn't want to jeopardize the team, stolen glances that she told herself meant nothing.
"Crap."
Toby smirked and opened his mouth to respond when they were both distracted by the vibration of her cell phone. She saw Tim's name on the caller ID and ignored the shrink's curious stare as she pushed up from her chair and walked with her phone to the back of the garage.
"Hey," Paige said once the line connected. "Good timing."
He didn't ask. "Glad I could help. I didn't get a call, so I assume there were no cases?"
"No, uh, just a lot of the team working on…things I don't understand."
"Gotcha," he chuckled, before his voice took a more serious turn. "Look, you know why I'm calling, Paige. I wanted to see how you're holding up. If you talked to him."
She felt that familiar heat prickling at the surface of her skin again. No matter where she turned today, everyone wanted to talk about the infuriating genius. He wasn't even there and she was still being haunted by his ghost.
"Sort of." Paige shook her head even though Tim couldn't see her and kicked her foot lightly against the bottom of a row of cabinets. "We don't need to talk about that. It's not important."
The trainee laughed lightly, and Paige could easily picture the self-satisfied smirk on his face. "I'm pretty sure it's important. You said his name in your sleep."
Paige groaned. She was full-on blushing now, she was sure of it. "Please don't remind me."
It had been one of her more mortifying date experiences. She and Tim crashed in separate beds when they first arrived at Lake Tahoe, exhausted by the lengthy drive. Paige remembered very little of the night, but over breakfast Tim had casually revealed that she was repeating a certain other man's name in her dreams. Her first instinct was to smooth it over, but he knew the truth, and she was shocked by how calm and unfazed he'd seemed.
The liaison leaned forward on the counter, balancing the phone between her neck and shoulder as she stretched out her arms in front of her. "Are you coming in tomorrow?" she asked to change the subject.
"Nope. Back-to-back physical exams. Come nightfall, I'll either be cleared for duty or dead." Tim cleared his throat, and she knew instinctively that she hadn't managed to sway his focus. "Did you tell Walter that we're not…you know…together?"
Paige pushed down the lump in her throat. "I didn't really tell him about the trip. We, uh…we kind of avoided a lot of topics, actually."
"Well, if it's still weird between you two the next time I come to the garage, I'm locking you in a room together. You need to hash some stuff out."
The liaison laughed. It was surprising, how comforted she was by Tim's voice. Paige felt so secure with him; she had since they met. But it wasn't the real thing, and his lack of jealousy over her feelings for Walter proved that conclusion was mutual.
"I don't understand how you're so great."
"Neither do I," he said without a trace of irony. "But it's for precisely that reason that I am going to meet another gorgeous woman and forget about you completely."
She grinned. Perhaps, in a perfect world, the man who made her laugh and the man she loved would be the same person. And yet it was Walter, the world's least funny person—at least intentionally—who had managed to throw her for a loop.
"I hope so," she said sincerely. "And I'm, uh…I'm sorry for the way this all worked out."
Tim sighed on the other end. "Paige, I've been in love before. It doesn't always make sense. And it's sure as hell not always convenient. But you have to face it, because ignoring it like you guys have been doing…well, clearly it's not working out as you planned."
