AN: This chapter is a flashback and takes place after MAtH chapter 25: frivolous daydreaming. Its shortly after Snow confesses about being jealous of Sidney in FTL, and Rumple gives Regina the idea to use Sidney to kill the king. I've had this chapter written for like, a year now, but the chapter before was such a slow process to write. So, I'm glad to be posting this finally, but also it's totally just flashback filler, so it's kind of a disappointing lead up for me lol


It was almost inappropriate. The gown I chose for the day was red with a simple corset but a flowing skirt, and it wasn't one of my normal picks. No one thought it too odd though, because sometimes I enjoyed spending my days in empty ball rooms practicing my dances or indulging myself as I read by a window. Frivolously daydreaming. So perhaps for any other princess on a day that held no importance, it might have been an inappropriate gown, but I was always a bit odd and the servants knew that.

Besides, Regina liked me in this dress. Which of course was the real reason for me to wear it as I made my way down long hallways, careful to lift the skirt of the gown as I moved. The last and only time I wore it, was at a ball my father was throwing, a masquerade that allowed me to deviate from my usual lighter pastels. I saw how it affected her the moment her eyes landed on me in the crowded dance hall. Her eyes went black, full of dark thoughts and bad intentions, scanning my form and then glaring at me with an angry lust she couldn't satisfy. It made me feel powerful and dangerous. It made me feel sexual. What Regina most likely felt on a daily basis, with the way she affected me. That's how I felt.

That fueled me through diplomats and princes, all the while feeling her eyes on me, sensing her unusual silence. It was as if she was stalking me like prey, and I would admit, it was more than welcomed. It had my skin flushed the entire evening, and allowed me to dance a bit too close to all those boys and men alike—just to feel those dark eyes burn into me a bit more.

After the dances had dwindled down, and the first opportunity that presented itself, she quickly took my elbow in her hand, leading me out of the room with a firm grip, and my body was on fire already—already humming and alive, all for her. We didn't even make it to a bedroom. She took me in the hallway, one that was abandoned in lieu of the activities, and it was so dangerous and wrong, but it didn't cause me to protest. It only made me come apart by her fingers even faster than usual, my red dress bunched around my waist as her hand worked expertly between my legs. I bit hard into my lip to keep from crying out as her shallow and uneven breath hit my neck. Once I finished and looked at her, she was glaring at me, smearing wet fingers along my inner thighs.

"Never wear this dress again."

The order was angry and undone, and I reveled in it but nodded softly all the same.

And I didn't wear it again until this day when I finally found myself in front of Regina's bedroom door, hesitating only slightly and wondering if I should knock or just enter her space without invitation. Open her double doors in some romantic fashion, take her in my arms and kiss her until her anger and isolation fades and lifts away from us. Until she saw that those dark moods she fell into would be so much easier if I was there by her side.

I hesitated, then I knocked.

Without an answer though, I did open the doors, my eyes searched the space to see if I found her. Which I did, but she wasn't alone. I went cold all over, because for the briefest moment, I thought it was my father who was walking back from the balcony, alongside Regina. He was still out for the day, but it was possible I hadn't heard of an early return. My steps stuttered to a stop, and it took a moment to recognize that it wasn't my father but the former genie that was placed in my father's court. And who was occupying Regina's bedroom in his absence.

The cold feeling I had turned into a hot anger suddenly.

Even if the space of her room was massive to say the least, and I had seen her entertain people here and there, more personal friends and such. Even if, it was still almost inappropriate.

Regina had a small smile on her face when she had her gaze on him, the skirt of her simple royal blue gown was lifted with her hand as she walked. With my distraction though, her eyes went dark on me. Dark for a many different reasons, I could tell, as her eyes scanned the length of my body, taking in the dress I wore for her.

None of us spoke for a long moment, as I looked over to him, noticing the glass of wine in his hand, then back at her. The silence grew and I felt more and more out of place, uncomfortable and angry. She couldn't possibly have any interest in the new adviser, her eyes always looking through him any other time, but now here they were sharing a drink, and not another soul in sight. Finally, Regina arched an eye brow, her sight never leaving mine for an instant, as mine flickered between the both of them.

"We were discussing our politics." She finally said, as she gracefully took the glass from him, walking more into her room from the outdoor balcony, and placing it on a side table next to another half empty glass filled with the same drink. It was an explanation that I didn't ask for but certainly expected. After everything, at least. "It's important that all are bound by the same standards," Her sight finally broke and went to him, eyes lightening instantly, even a small smile grazing her features. Oh, how it burned at my very soul to see. "Considering you are foreign to this land, yet so close to the king."

"Does father know of this?" I spoke, before even thinking, and there was a threat in my tone. Not a real one, but enough to have Regina glare daggers at me, voice full of ice and venom.

"Of course, and I don't appreciate the accusation. He was welcomed and invited, which is more than I could say for others." She snapped, and I glared right back.

"My apologies, step-mother." A flash of something more dangerous than anger sparked in her eyes at my words, and I should have feared it, but it was a reaction at least, and I was desperate for anything at that point. She hated it when I called her 'step-mother', so I never did, and I assumed it was because she hated to be given such a maternal title when her thoughts of me were so impure. It brought such wrongness to our roles, that reminder of who we were supposed to be to each other. I knew I had overstepped once it was said, but I was angry and jealous, so my childishness came out in spades, pushing her in the most dangerous of ways.

"Leave us." The sharp order was given, while she scowled at me. I huffed a bit, utterly rejected and humiliated. There was obviously something more attractive to her than me or this dress, as I turned on my heels and started to walk to her door. "Not you, dear." It was emphasized with such a cold and sharp tone, sending a chill up my spine, and not all of it was from fear. I stopped my steps, and stayed frozen with my back to her, tensing and breathing becoming shaky while I heard the former genie move quickly and quietly. A hushed 'your majesty' as he departed with all his dubious intentions, and I couldn't bring myself to move. Not even once the two of us were alone, the quiet settled and stretched longer than appropriate.

I felt her eyes piercing into my back, her movements barely heard, but I saw the shadow of her behind me after a moment—I felt the heat of her anger burn a blush into the back of my neck.

"What did I tell you about this dress?" She whispered darkly, close to my ear, and it gave me confidence when the anger was not as prominent in her tone. My body turned towards her, and the way we stood eye to eye, it was hard not to kiss her—damned if she wanted me to or not.

"I missed you." The words sounded as anxious as I felt, but Regina acted like she didn't even hear me, eyes moving down to glance over my frame.

"I told you never to wear it—"

"You haven't looked at me for over two weeks." I interrupted desperately, and it took her aback. "You won't talk to me, you won't touch me." I try to close the space between us but her steps were subtle in keeping our distance. There was a part of me that suspected what I had done wrong, the last time we were together, it was in the study, and I confessed a jealousy that she seemed to indulge. I had taken too much liberty, pushed too far, just as I always did. Wanting her body and mostly wanting her walls to crumble around me. To find my way past her final mask and to see truly the woman that I was so weak for, just as she was weak for me in kind. And when I pushed too far, she'd deny me for a while and then we'd find ourselves back together, with more passion than before. Lately though, punishments like that would last the day, maybe two, but nothing like this—this coldness that came off of her like waves, bringing about a chill I couldn't shake "What were you doing with the genie?" My words were verging on an indignant demand as her silence grew long, and I realized that I didn't just want her eyes to look over me, or her hands on me. I wanted her. I wanted her to open up and give me something real. "You told me that he had nothing to offer you."

Regina started to pace around me, slightly uneasy, and trying to hide her nerves with an air of boredom.

"Perhaps I found a use for him after all."

"I could do for you anything that he could." My insistence brought my hand out, trying to still her movements, but she turned sharply at the movement, facing me with a disapproving glare.

"So sure of that, are you? As you play princess to your father and consort to your mother?"

She was trying to hurt me with her words, but even the knowledge of that didn't take the sting away. These were old games she was playing, trying to feed off of my shame, but my feelings for her shifted from shame to something else quite a while ago. I knew her too well to be led by her own insecurities.

"You're not my mother." I said with a cool tone and serious features. This was my fault, I supposed. I thought any attention from her was better than none at all, and when my mind was that starved for her, it never led anywhere it should. Regina sighed at that, turning away and walked slowly back towards the balcony. I was following her, not wanting the space she was trying to put between us.

"I am married to your father." She practically scolded, her back to me. I felt it like a weight on my chest. "With that knowledge and you still want me to pledge loyalty to only you? I am not yours to have." Regina finished, and I swallowed hard, gaining courage to stop her depart before making it to the railing of the balcony. My hand gently held onto her arm, causing her to jerk her head towards me, and there was so much anger in her eyes.

"You don't love him."

I didn't know exactly why I said it, because we didn't talk about him. Some things were known without speaking, though. Obviously she didn't. Obviously, she couldn't if she was with me at all.

Regina snapped her arm out of my light grasp, spinning on her heels to face me once more.

"Still not yours to have." She hissed, and her misplaced anger made me shake my head and plead with her.

"I don't think of you as property." That broke apart her rage, if only slightly. "You must know that…at least." And after those words that held too much weight, an equally thick feeling surrounded the silence between us, while she watched me. I don't know what she was waiting for, but the longer we stayed staring, the darker her eyes became, a violent sort of dark that was only getting worse in the moments that they would come, and it scared me. I dared not show it though. Her darkness was something I had gotten more used to, it soaked more into my skin every time, settled with the blood in my veins.

Then she smiled—no, it wasn't such as that—it was more of her face cracking open and showing teeth. A snarl that was disguised as a smile. My eyes looked away, but she followed the sight and kept me locked to her. Her hand raised and gentle on my chin, so I had no choice but to stand taller and bare her scrutiny of my face.

"Do you love me?"

It was hardly even a question, it seemed more like the punchline to a joke, so my features showed shock at that. Shock at the cruelty of her tone, and I felt young and childish for ever expecting anything else from her. I imagined many times her asking that very question, myself saying the answer, but now, hearing her say it aloud, with that bitter disdain lining her voice—it only seemed cruel, and nothing else.

Her hand wrapped around my waist and settled on the small of my back, pulling my body against her. Despite her cold tone, her body was warm, and I sighed without realizing. Regina's other hand went to wrap fingers gently around the back of my neck, spreading out into the thick of my hair. Much like a dance, the fluidity of her movements spun me around, and I felt the banister of the balcony press into my hips. My arms went up to grab her waist out of instinct.

"I always see you," Regina began, whispering and distant. "Looking at me like a child, with love in your eyes…" Her head tilted to the side, as she considered me. "But are you in love with me?" My mouth opened but my throat would make no noise, so she continued over my quick and shaky breaths. "Would you do anything for me? Anything a love sick genie would do?"

She knew I would. She knew I loved her. This wasn't a question asked because of secrets finally revealed, or for her to admit the same. I knew what she wanted, a part of me knew exactly what it was that she was asking for.

What she would ask a foreigner that let his eyes linger on a queen, who ruled a kingdom he had no loyalty to.

It terrified me, made me shake with fear, and she must have felt it against her hands. Because for a moment I thought she was going to actually ask me. I was afraid, because it was then I realized that I would do it. I would do more than anything, without hesitation—and what a terrifying weakness to have for someone who could be so terribly cruel.

But silence surrounded us, and because of it her eyes opened up, just as the cracks in her walls did. Her lips were close to mine, though no amount of smirk or sneer on her face could take away the pain I saw in her deep brown eyes, waiting for my answer.

"If you wish." I whispered, as I felt a tear trail down my cheek.

Regina kissed me, quick and harsh holding me tight before releasing me, and the force of it had me gripping the banister behind me instead of her, afraid we would both fall over the side. Her mouth ripped away from mine, her eyes opening to mine that never closed, and I saw that pain on her face was gone, nothing but a cold cruelty replacing it.

"Love." Regina spat the word out like poison on her tongue, lipstick smeared just enough to be a jarring sight to watch. Regina turned quickly away from me, my grip still tight on the banister just to feel like I had a grip on something. "It's weakness." The words tossed over her shoulder as she walked away without another word, and the next time I saw her was at my father's funeral.