A/N: I do not own these characters and I am not profiting from this fanfic.

Chapter 3: Fields of Gold

Weeks later after finally seeing a healer for the visions and nightmares, Hermione took a short leave of absence from work to visit her parents in India. Free of their memory loss, the Grangers often went to India to visit shrines and work with relief efforts for impoverished poor in the countryside.

Christmas had been in shambles, seeing Remus Lupin walk around her living room while her children opened Christmas presents was the final straw. Without really explaining much to Ron, Hermione checked herself into St. Mungo's and spent a week under sleep study…unfortunately it did nothing for the visions or the eerie feeling of being followed. Finally, Hermione's mother convinced her to join them in India where ashrams were known to help people work through trauma, though she still doubted whether anything would help her heal after so many years.

After putting Seamus Finnegan in charge of the task force, because Snape had taken leave as well, and filing all reports, Hermione left the ministry for her short break to India. Bags packed, Hermione kissed Ron quickly and disapparated to meet her parents in New Delhi, from there they would take a long train to the ashram; for once in twenty-one years since the final battle, she at last felt she might feel normal again. Lost was the confident fighter, the book reader, the planner…it was all a façade now. Each day she went to work, fought a different kind of battle, putting forth her best foot and trying desperately to be the woman she lost during the final battle.

Sitting across from her parents, she wondered how different things would have been had she never developed magic, if she would've had a happy life as a muggle. Images swirled through her brain of a life in dentistry, living in a flat in a London suburb, probably single, no children…maybe someone more like Harry or Neville…She would never have had the love of the Weasleys or the passion of humanitarian work. She worried about "what if" thinking, vowing to stop once they actually crossed into the countryside, she would focus on healing. Healing. Forgetting about the choices she'd made since that fateful day in May and instead focusing on the blessings of those choices, her two beautiful children and her home, her job at which she was the first muggle-born to hold. Lost in thought, Hermione did not notice the man watching her from across the cart as she walked from their private cart to the food cart, taking in her mood, her longs lines and furrowed brows, but he enjoyed the watching more than he cared to admit. Finally, he caught her eye and for the first time in months, he saw her smile, then immediately her eyebrows raised in question, but he disapparated before she could question him.

"Hermione dear, who was that?" Jean Granger asked, as Hermione sat down next to her mother, accidentally bumping the table and spilling her father's tea.

"Snape, Professor Snape."

"Is he traveling to India?" Mr. Granger refiled the water in his tea and added another lump of sugar. "He could do with a bit of rest, I'm sure."

"He's supposed to be in Romania meeting with Charlie Weasley on leave." She brushed off the odd feeling that had washed over her and joined them for tea. What had he been doing on the train?

In her mind, Hermione saw a melting forest, the trees becoming lakes and the sky floating off into oblivion. She saw Hagrid's hut and the Whomping Willow, but they too melted, as though an invisible fire was raging around her but refusing to burn her skin. Suddenly, a unicorn appeared to her right, bringing with it the calming feeling now snow, a light breeze, and the air so clean she could not remember such a sweet smell. Without hesitation, she reached out to the unicorn and felt its' soft hair, becoming the unicorn in one fluid motion; she roamed around the grounds of Hogwarts and felt serenity envelope her. In an instant, she was transformed into an tawny owl, perched on one of the melting trees, each drop threatening to pull her into the torrent below, but she flew away just in time, her wings dipping into the black lake and flying further north to the Caithness of Scotland, away from Hogwarts and all the turmoil that had almost engulfed her. Before she landed again on a branch, she noticed a raven flying next to her, its' eyes obsidian but so clear. She felt comfort, like she'd felt from the unicorn but more so, like her mother's arms around her after a bad dream or her father's steady hand in hers when she went to Diagon Alley the first time or even Molly's sweet embrace on the day of her wedding.

"What did you see?" her guru called out, bringing her slowly from the foggy land of meditation.

"It's hard to describe…a melting world…my problems…my past." Tears flowing down her cheeks onto her soft, white linen dress.

"Yoga tonight and prayers. Think not of sadness, remember that this is one plane of existence…death is not the end, only the return to yourself." Hermione shook her head, why was she speaking of death? She felt completely consumed by her guilt for surviving, for getting to live on when so many had died. In thinking about her guru's words, she wondered what it felt like to die.

The next morning, Hermione splashed her face with water and walked to the temple to see her mother and father before prayers and to get the washing started. It was a mindless task and she loved every minute of it. Hours spent helping others without being responsible for saving other's lives or the endless paperwork, it felt like heaven on earth.

"You're looking happier." She heard from over her shoulder as the blankets boiled in the bins. Turning, she met Snape's gaze, his face as relaxed as hers felt. Her brows met in question once more, but before her question could leave her lips, he spoke.

"I'm not stalking you, I promise. This happens to be where my guru lives. When I saw you on the train, I didn't want to frighten you from coming; I honestly didn't know this is where you were headed." He took a paddle and helped stir the boiling blankets, the lye smelling so strong.

"I'm surprised you follow Eastern medicine, seems kind of optimistic."

"Potions master? I feel that automatically qualifies me for the mystical work." He smiled back, his lip still curling but not quite in a sneer.

"Well I am glad to finally know where you disappear when you should be hunting retired death eaters and neo-death eaters. Always elusive, Severus Snape." The stirring stopped, the boiling water disappeared and quickly the blankets were moved to a cooling drum. The guru's didn't mind magic if it meant efficiency.

"I wanted to speak with you before you take your vow of silence for the remainder of your experience. Also," he paused, she searched his face, he looked suddenly gaunt and disturbed," nevermind…"

"I hate that…I hate when you do that. Just tell me or don't act like you have something to say." She raged, her hand pushing his chest, annoyed. He had done that so frequently in their ten years working together. It had only been in the last few years that he'd started finishing sentences.

"I come here for peace, to remind myself the gift of a second life is one I need be thankful for every day, seeing you here, knowing that you gave me that gift, I am humbled." He paused again, this time facing the wall, and falling to his feet in prayer position.

"Severus, I didn't save you because I believed you needed to atone for every sin you've ever committed. I saved you because that's what we do." She kneeled next to him, her hand on his, touching for the first time in years; since a fateful night when they'd caught another known death eater who almost killed them both. They hugged that night, both desperate for affection and to believe that all people weren't as bad as those they hunted, but they'd never spoken of it again.

"In the ladder of my life, forgiveness is a rung I cannot climb." Those words stung her, perhaps that was what she feeling, she couldn't forgive herself for living when so many had died. She couldn't love like she used to, so freely. Every emotion guarded, every wall built brick-by-brick higher towards a rung she could not grasp.

"Did Dumbledore not ask you for his death? Did Lily Potter not choose her own path? You cannot blame yourself for their choices, Snape." Continuing to rest her hand upon his, Hermione squeezed slightly, his he shrugged her hand away. It was too intimate for him.

"You don't know all the answers, neither do I. I've committed horrors you cannot fathom, far before your birth and after. Even if he asked for it and even if I feel that I gave him piece, killing Dumbledore has ruined me."

"We've both committed horrors, Severus. You told me to deal with my problems, my dreams and visions…how else can I deal with them then by trying to find answers?" Her legs cramping, she stood and placed her hand on his shoulder. "I know you want me to think you are the same irritable and crude potions master from my youth, how often you lamented my raised hand, but we are colleagues now and I respect you. I wouldn't be here without you, I would never have gotten help." His hand reached hers, patting it slightly then lacing his fingers into hers. Something happened then, a feeling she couldn't quite describe. They stood/kneeled like this for many minutes, his breathing slowed as though he were in meditation and she felt comfort she could not describe. He was the unicorn, the raven, he soared with her on a melting plain, through clouds that bled into stars, over a golden field with lavender and lemongrass. The vision was so sudden and ended just as quickly. She jumped away as he stood, but he caught her before she fell in the boiling water, his face mere inches from her own, his obsidian eyes boring into her soul; had he also seen the vision? She wanted to drink him in, to free him of all his guilt, to make him feel loved. This man she'd worked with for over ten years, this hated man, she could think of nothing but the relief she knew in his hands. Her wedding ring trembled beneath his touch as he helped her stand again.

"Enjoy your silence, Ms. Granger, I'll be waiting for you on the other side." With that, he turned and went into the building, leaving her lost in thought. He had no idea what he'd awakened in her and just how true his words were because they met on the other side and experienced a life she could only dream about every day that followed.