Chapter 7: The End of the Innocence
Hermione finally found Ron in Croatia, the day after Todd Vance was buried and she said goodbye to Snape for six months, the duration of his first rounds as a healer apprentice and her promise to herself to give Ron a legal separation. He was sitting in a dark bar, almost the perfect ambiance for a wrecked relationship, she didn't let the symbolism slide.
"I've a feeling I know what you're going to say." He said, as she sat down, he wasn't smiling and for the first time in a long while, she saw a version of Ron she'd only seen when they were carrying the horcrux around.
"Really?" She parlayed, hitting the ball back into his court.
"I missed both appointments, Harry and I have been in the field for months...you are angry."
"I'm not angry, at all in fact. I am here to talk about that time, though, and something else." Worry furrowed his brow, but Hermione knew she had to be strong.
"How can you not be angry, I've been a sad sod of a husband." Her date with Snape crossed her mind and she wanted to say, 'No, actually, I have been a terrible wife.'
"Ron, I love you and I have for a long time, even before I really knew I did, but things have changed." He drank the rest of his pint and motioned for another, realizing this was more serious a talk than he had anticipated.
"I love you, too, may not say it enough but I do."
"I know you do, Ron, we've both loved each other for over nineteen years and that's never going to change, but I can say, without a shred of doubt, that I am not happy nor are you. We may not fight every day, but honestly, I just don't care to fight. I used to, I used to care a lot. Something awoke in me and I cannot deny it." He nodded, letting her words sink in, trying not to interrupt though he wanted to, to say she was wrong.
"I want a legal separation, Ron, I want to give you six months and then if in that time we both agree it is best to part ways, we will divorce." She choked it out, almost tripping over her words, but it was the truth she needed to say and he needed to hear.
"Where is this coming from?" A question she expected.
"I love being in the field, I love hunting down bad guys but when I get home, I no longer want to tell you about it, or at least not like a wife to her husband. We are different people, Ron, we've known this since school.I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone, except our children, but that love is similar to the love I have for Harry and it's a love you don't deserve. You deserve a wife who cheers you on, who wants to be at your beck and call, who admires everything about you. When we used to fight all the time, I felt like this was something worth saving, but we stopped fighting and we both took on more responsibility. " He had tears in his eyes and so did she. It was heartbreaking, admitting her faults and seeing the pain in him.
"I have always wanted to be a Weasley, to be loved by Molly and Arthur, to have siblings like George and Ginny, to know I belonged...but you see that's how I feel, like a sibling. I was never really a Weasley, but I am. I love you so much, but I can't stay married to you. Please give me the six months and I promise you, in time you will see that I am right." He nodded, but she waited for his response.
"I want us to stay in the home, to live there until Hugo graduates, at least. To make a vow to always take care of our children together and to live harmoniously."
"But if you want that, why can't we do that as a married couple? Why do we need to divorce?" He spat back, his lager smelling sharp on the air.
"Because you will meet someone and fall in love, and want to do those things with her. You always wanted more children and a bigger house. We can build a new wing, change the house so we can all live together until the kids are grown."
"You've made a perfect plan, for you. I don't want to imagine a life without you." His hands shook a bit, had he really not thought about this before?
"You will never be without me, ever."
"It will never be the same. What if you marry someone else, he has to live in our house? And you would like me bringing home someone new? How would this even work?" She sighed, knowing that she was being optimistic, of course he was upset and caught off guard.
" I don't know exactly, but we have a duty to our children. I want them to have Christmas with us and Easter, to see us together. I know it won't be easy, but they deserve that." His head bobbed like he'd been defeated, he knew there was no changing her mind once it was set.
"Six months, legal separation? What does that mean?"
"You get six months, we agree not to date anyone else and if at the end, we both agree to end things, we will be divorced. If we don't agree, I will have to petition for divorce. Either way, we make a vow." She payed out the paperwork before him, including the vow, both agreeing to terms.
"What if you change your mind?"
"Then in six months, this will dissolve and we will remain married." She was surprised he hadn't asked if there was already someone else.
"I guess I can sign that, seeing as you will see we are supposed to be together forever." She made sure he read the entire thing, agreeing that they wouldn't date and that they would live in the same house until Hugo graduated from college, their spouses also living there if they ever remarried. When his name hit the paper, she knew by Christmas she would be a free woman.
"So what does this mean now?"
"It means when you come home, I'll be in the new wing or at least Rose's room and it will be much the same as it ever was, we are rarely home at the same time. When the kids get home from Hogwarts, we will take our regular vacation to Bath and I think we should tell them that we are legally separated, so the divorce doesn't come as a shock should it happen. We will accompany them to Hogwarts together every year and greet them together when they come home." Though he had fought back marginally, she wondered why he wasn't more angry. He seemed neutral almost with a hint of forlorn.
"Is there anything else? This wasn't how I saw the night going." He sort of pushed his pint glass across the table, the first sort of real anger she'd seen in him so far.
"No, Ron, except that I am sorry, I tried to make it work, I really did, but with Rose and Hugo gone, the house is a shell and I am overworked. Snape has resigned and Todd is gone, maybe it's time I thought about a new job, too." He didn't meet her eye this time, but she was sure he was still crying. It hurt her, too, to fail.
"Maybe…" She suddenly hugged him tight and prayed that he would always know she loved him.
"I love you so much, I just want us to be happy. I'm so sorry." She felt like a teen again, saying goodbye to Ron before going to her room in Gryffindor tower.
"It's going to take me time, Hermione. I am shocked." With that, she let go of him and grabbed the contract, tucking it safely in her knapsack.
"It's going to take time for both of us, that's why they demand six months. I stand by every promise." He kissed her then, one last deep and sensual kiss, and then let her go. She cried the entire way home, from grief and relief, she had never seen look so distraught in her entire knowledge of him and that pierced her heart squarely, making her wish she had been able to ignore her dissatisfaction with him.
When she arrived at their house, she immediately imagined how it would look once they added a new wing upstairs. She was sure in her plan, that they could make it work for their children. Six months, she could easily do six months.
On her table she found a letter from Snape, nothing much just details of his first day, with a promise for another letter everyday of the six months, also joking that he did have something to write her about. She replied in kind, telling him that Ron signed the contract and the details therein, and that she hoped he enjoyed his apprenticeship in healing. Feeling suddenly so free, she ran a bath and submerged herself, truly happy. She knew Ron would not accept this so easily, but she also knew without a doubt that marrying Ron had been wrong and that even if Snape denied her in six months, she would be happy alone.
