Chapter 16: Taking Chances

Hermione and Severus didn't see much of each other after Bath aside from the odd evening when the kids were with her parents or the Weasleys as Ron had been sent to Spain with Harry. Sometimes when the day felt like it was droning on and on, Hermione would pop over to St. Mungos and watch Snape make potions through a tiny window at this door and wait until it was his break. The time between Bath and Harry's birthday party seemed to her completely devoid of all the companionship she'd previously shared with Severus, causing her to worry something had happened that she either didn't know about or hadn't registered. At first, when she'd noticed the change, she didn't quite know how to bring it up but then decided that things would return to normal once they went to India in August. Yet, she still carried it on her heart like a war wound.

For Harry's party, Ron and Joanna took the children and Hermione followed with gifts and brooms, other things for the kids to do while the adults ate and caught up. She'd thought Snape would go with her, but she hadn't heard back from him when she'd sent the invite, so she went alone. Hours passed in happy celebrating, wishing Harry into his forties with a bash unrivaled by any of their parties throughout the year.

"Hermione, where's Snape?" Ginny asked, as they cut up the fruit for the dessert.

"I honestly don't know, he never replied to my owl. At first I didn't know if Ron and Harry would even be back in time, so the invite went out late." Ginny noted the dejected look on Hermione's face and wondered if perhaps Snape was having second thoughts.

"Maybe I pushed him too far, inviting him to our family vacation? Maybe it was too much, I mean we are a laugh but it can be overwhelming to be with us sometimes." She admitted, losing her concentration and slicing right into her finger.

"Drat! That really hurts." Her voice rang through the kitchen, echoing into the other rooms and outside. Harry ran in, thinking one of the children has hurt themselves.

"What happened?"

"I cut my stupid finger. Can you fix it, please." Hermione held out her hand while Harry cast a quick spell to stop the bleeding and another to close the wound.

"You'll need a potion for infection." Ginny remarked, a hint of playfulness in her voice, but Hermione was too focused on her finger to notice. Instead she left the chopping to Ginny and Joanna and went to watch Rose, Hugo, and their cousins playing quidditch. The air cooled as the sun descended, making her sleeveless arms covered in goosebumps each time she got a slight chill.

"Here, Mum, you can have my jacket." Rose took a seat next to her, watching as her Uncle Harry shot fireworks into the sky in varying shapes and sizes, and wrapping her mum in her jacket. It was always the perfect end to the evening, that and the toasted marshmallows.

"Did Mr. Snape get invited?" Her precocious daughter asked, leaning her head on her mother's shoulder, obviously looking at Teddy, helping Harry pick out the fireworks.

"Yes, honey, but I'm sure he's busy at the hospital. We'll see him soon."

"He's not so bad, you know, he isn't like Dad describes him sometimes." Rose's voice was soft, her eyes almost closing.

"Well, we knew him as a very different person a long time ago, he was often cruel to us, but he was doing a very hard job. Hugo was right, you know, Severus could help you with potions if you'd like, he can be patient when he needs to be." Hermione believed her words wholeheartedly, but also wanted him to be present. She needed to know he was willing to be part of their lives.

"Do you love him?" Rose asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Yes, poppet, very much." Hermione answered, pulling Rose closer to her and smoothing her sweet, red hair. She could see Ron and Joanna sitting together by the fire, he was telling her a joke and she laughed, but in a real way, not just stroking his ego. It made her happy and jealous, if only for a second. It brought back all the feelings of wanting to please him, to love him without expectations, but being unable.

"How do you know you love someone?" She'd never been asked so many questions from her daughter, but Hermione knew that Rose's infatuation with Teddy Lupin had just grown stronger throughout the years.

"Well, it's different for everyone. But, a good general rule is you love being with them, even if you don't talk or have much going on, and you think about them when you make decisions, making sure to include them. They become part of your family and you want to be around them, to include them in the things you enjoy and they enjoy. It's more complicated than that, obviously, but that's a start."

"Do you think Teddy will ever love me?" Rose pondered, staring at him again.

"I don't know, poppet, but he'd be a fool not to...not that you can date, young lady, for a long time." Hermione joked, snuggling Rose close to her. They both laughed and watched as Harry sent that last of the fireworks up and waited for the explosion. It was glorious, as usual. Rose and Hugo opted to stay with Harry and Ginny for a sleepover and Ron and Joanna went to her house, leaving Hermione to go back to the house alone. More than anything she wanted to find that she was overthinking things and that nothing was actually wrong.

Several days later, when she still hadn't heard from Severus, Hermione decided to send him another owl, but didn't get a response. It was all so unlike him, or at least unlike the man she'd come to know since Todd Vance had passed. Noting her finger was not healing properly, she went to St. Mungos and was proud of herself for not stopping by the labs. If he needed space, she would give him space. On her way out, she did stop to see the portrait they'd commemorated of Madame Pomfrey and then started out the front door, thinking perhaps a walk or ride to the Ministry would do her good. She was surprised when she felt a tug of her sleeve and turned to see Seamus Finnegan and his toothy grin.

"Bless me soul, it's Granger." He pulled her into a tight hug, squeezing her so hard she audibly gasped. "I was just on me way to see Snape, have you seen him?"

"No I had to have my finger looked at." She replied, hoping to avoid seeing Snape or causing a scene.

"Well, come on then, I'm sure he's dying to see his girl." Seamus walked with her to the laboratory and waiting for Snape to come out. He immediately noted her bandaged finger and Seamus ridiculous grin.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" His sarcasm dripped from every word, though a small grin broke across his mouth.

"Just got in from the field, thought I'd get checked out. Do you have a minute? I know you'll ask fewer questions. " Snape nodded and walked in the direction of his office, but Hermione didn't follow, suddenly she felt miffed and didn't feel like entertaining either of them.

"Have fun, gentlemen." If it was possible over their raucous catching up, Hermione's tone, overwhelmed with sarcasm, caused both men to pause. She left them in the hallway, noting an odd look from Seamus and an even odder one from Snape. Perhaps when he wanted to clear the air, he would find her. As far as she was concerned, the ball was in his court.

After returning to work, Hermione filed the remaining paperwork and looked over some legislation she was working to get passed regarding lycanthropy and didn't notice that it was already seven in the evening. Packing up her satchel, she turned off all the lights and left her office, walking to the elevators. Seeing him had plagued her entire day; why was he being so standoffish?

Once home, she heated some tomato soup and toasted a few slices of bread before settling down in Ron's recliner to watch a movie, though it wasn't really holding her attention, nothing seemed to stop the never-ending chasm of thought that was her brain. Finishing her soup, she poured a glass of wine and went up the stairs, noting how empty and dark the house was save for a small glow from Ron's room. Perhaps he was home with Joanna. She didn't let that thought take precedence over her own ridiculous thoughts, reminding herself that she'd chosen to create the plan wherein they remained in their home until Hugo graduated. Maybe they needed some kind of signal downstairs, to alert the other that there were guests over. 'I'll deal with that in the morning', she thought, turning her knob and entering the sanctuary of her room. It was then she noticed Harlow was gone and remembered she hadn't seen her tawny owl for at least a week, which was extremely odd. Deciding that she couldn't go to sleep straight away, Hermione ran a bath and soaked, her eyes filling with tears as she tried to relax. She felt increasingly stupid by the minute.

After a good, long soak, Hermione toweled off and upon opening her door, found one Severus Snape sitting on her sofa, practically asleep. Her tears hadn't stopped for most of the duration of her bath, so she was sure her nose was red and her face puffy.

"What are you doing here and for how long?" She asked, taking the towel holding her hair up out and trying to dry it. He looked alarmed at her tone.

"About an hour; you ran off this afternoon and I was worried. You haven't answered any of my owls, I was starting to worry about you. " Dumbfounded, Hermione dropped her towel.

"I haven't answered your owls? I've answered all of them and even sent you invitations to things, like Harry's birthday party and you didn't come. Rose asked about you, yeah Rose." He looked as perturbed as she felt, both accusing the other of the same thing.

"I never received anything about Potter's birthday and I invited you to coffee three different times and you didn't show." With that she sat on the bed across from him, realizing that poor Harlow had probably been overworked or something had happened as their communication had been so terribly messed up. Tears fell harder suddenly making her feel silly for second-guessing Severus, seeing how exacerbated he was. They'd thought the same things about each other for weeks, just hadn't trusted the other to say something.

"Well now I feel like silly fool; I've been crying all evening like a teenager," She said, pausing, "I thought you'd changed your mind." He reached for her hands, so soft from her warm bath.

"We've learned a lesson about owls for sure." He replied, running his thumbs over her knuckles as he normally did. "I hate that you were worried, I promise I grow more attached to you daily. I did want to make sure you were free to spend as much time with Hugo and Rose as you liked, but not to push you away." He kissed her hands and pulled her over to him, her bathrobe gentle against his skin.

"You're so thoughtful." Kissing him, she sensed them both ease noticeably she she sat across his lap, her legs dangling into the sofa. It took a moment for her to realize how easily her robe fell from her body, but she didn't mind so much as his hand traveled up her leg and rested on her thigh momentarily, before traveling further up to rest squarely on her hip. It had been weeks since she'd been able to be as close with him and she wasn't letting a moment pass.

"Do you have anywhere to be early in the morning?" He asked, playing with the belt of her robe.

"Not particularly, but I think Ron and Joanna are here, so we should probably cast a silencing spell." Without hesitation, Snape cast muffliato as Hermione stood, untying her robe, letting it drop and inviting him to bed. It was much like the first time, reestablishing their comfort levels, but just as rewarding. Though she couldn't sleep cocooned in his arms all night, she did enjoy a post-coitus snuggle, especially when he propped a leg over hers.

"I love you, old man." She teased, pulling his arms across her as they spooned, slowly massaging his hand as she held it with hers.

"I love you more, cheeky temptress." She turned off the rest of the lights using wandless magic and looked forward to sleep with her brooding man.

The next morning, Hermione woke slowly, her eyes adjusting to light streaming through her window, still no Harlow. She felt behind her to the other side of the bed, but Snape was nowhere to be found. Putting appropriate lounge clothes on, she tied her bathrobe around her waist and slowly walked down the stairs, smelling the distinct scent of black pudding and bacon.

"This is the last bit of bacon." She heard Ron call out, as she rounded the corner to the dining room, where Joanna and Snape were sitting and discussing Seamus while Ron toasted from bread and brought it into the dining room.

"Last one up washes dishes." He called out, recalling their old rule regarding morning breakfast clean up. She smiled and nodded before kissing Snape's cheek and taking a seat next to him. It was odd being being around Ron and Joanna noting their evening proclivities as evidenced by Ron's strange hair, which only ever appeared that way after a night of sex.

"Don't forget Albus, James, and Lily are coming over tonight with Rose and Hugo and maybe even Victoire, Dominique, and Louis, if Fleur let's them." Hermione said as Ron and Snape's eyebrows shot straight up, a house full of Weasleys and Potter.

"I'm ordering pizza and getting some salad for Dominique and Victoire since Fleur doesn't allow them to eat pizza unless it's 'French' pizza." They all snorted, except Joanna who didn't know Fleur or her particular brand of eccentricities.

"You wouldn't want to stay and help me corral them, would you?" Hermione asked Severus whose mouth was conveniently full of black pudding. Ron avoided her eyes as well, cramming his mouth full of beans and toast.

"Come on, Severus, Hugo will be pleased to see you and Rose."

"Somehow this evening sounds worse than being stuck in the Sahara with Seamus and the camels who wouldn't stop spitting in our faces while we tried to sleep. "

"I don't recall that mission."

"You wouldn't; you and Todd were invited to stay with the imam while Seamus and I slept in the barn. But for you, I can make it through an evening of Weasley and Potter children. Maybe that's what all those years as a spy, being cruciod for information or stunned, was preparing me for." Ron and Hermione laughed heartily, unable to really contradict him.

"I promise I'll make it up to you." Realizing how sexual it sounded, Hermione immediately blushed, but Ron, Severus, and Joanna all had another good laugh before they carried their plates to the kitchen for Hermione to wash. Ron and Joanna went to the den to watch quidditch and Severus remained behind to help her.

"You don't have to help, Ron and I made this rule after Rose was born because neither of us wanted to do the dishes." He rinsed the dishes after she washed, placing them on the drying towel.

"You know there are spells for this, right?"

"Of course, I just think they feel cleaner this way." She blew soap bubbles towards him then catching him in a quick kiss.

"You really don't have to stay tonight, the kids are pretty self-sufficient now that they're all at Hogwarts. Mostly, it's just extremely noisy."

"I don't mind, honestly, I meant it when I agreed that your children are part of the package, I guess by extension the Weasley and Potter kids are too."

"Well, you're free to all the wine you'd like as long as you fill my glass, too." And without missing a beat, Hermione heard the door open and a herd of children ran through the door, up the stairs to all the guest rooms that would finally get use.

"It's started." He grumbled. Severus did have to return to Spinner's end for clothes and toiletries, but returned quickly, placing his things on the left side of Hermione's bathroom vanity.

"I made space for you in there." She said, pointing to the closet, and a separate set of drawers.

"That way you can leave things here, if you'd like, though I would definitely like to spend more time at Spinner's End- I still haven't seen your study."

"That's right, we were a bit preoccupied last time." She curled her arms around his waist, pulling him close and standing on her tiptoes, hearing the crash of something loud and sounding like glass broke them from their moment.

"We can get preoccupied later, but for now, I must watch these hellions. How does Molly do this?" He kissed her quickly and went to shower and change while she handled the brood downstairs. Luckily, he missed the broken sliding door, a broom fight between Louis and Albus, but he did make it down in time to hear Rose and Victoire talking about Teddy in tones he hadn't heard since his days at Hogwarts, the lovesick sounds of young girls, giggling and teasing, it made him shudder.

That evening, after all the children drowned themselves in pizza and soda, they settled in to games, specifically chess for Hugo and James and other Weasley Wizarding Wheezes from their Uncle George. Hermione cleaned the parts of the house where the kids had come through, but knew it was no use until they were all gone in afternoon the next day. When she finally felt like they wouldn't burn the house down, she and Snape went upstairs to have some quiet and calm after along day wrangling children.

"Thank goodness I only had two, and Ron had to beg me for Hugo." She exclaimed as they both sat on the sofa in her room, more mentally than physically exhausted.

"Beg, huh?"

"Yeah, I was happy with Rose, honestly…" She paused for a while, trying to think of the right words, "I didn't want children at all, not after everything with Hogwarts and my job, it was so dangerous, but Ron was adamant."

"Well at least your children are half Granger, it seems to have had a positive effect." He defended, thinking of the Potter children.

"You're saying that because you don't have to teach them."

"I suppose you're right, but as someone who's taught thousands of children, at least Rose and Hugo are respectful and generally pleasant, they aren't rude or arrogant, my godson was a nightmare at their age." It suddenly dawned on Hermione that he was speaking of Draco and she felt physically ill for a moment, all the aggravation of being picked on by him and his cronies boiled to the surface, but then she looked at her love and saw a sad expression crossed his face.

"We aren't on speaking terms, unfortunately." He added, as she pulled his arm around her, wanting to comfort him.

"If it makes you better, I'm not on speaking terms with him either." He smiled, but she could see it bothered him to have a complicated relationship with Draco, the boy he'd saved just as much as he'd saved Harry Potter.

"I know I have asked you before, but if we'd gotten together at an appropriate age, like not when I first left school I guess, of course, do you think you'd feel differently about children...like our own children?" Hermione didn't know why she asked, it was an odd lingering thought in the back of her subconscious. Maybe her reluctance to have children stemmed from being encouraged incessantly by Molly Weasley...maybe if she'd married Snape originally, she would've wanted children with him. In her mind, she imagined a boy with his dark eyes and her brown hair, tall and brooding but scholastic like Hugo and funny like Rose.

"I suppose with the right person and circumstances, I would've been more inclined, but like you, I worried about my profession too much and also what kind of parent I would have been, having had such terrible examples. I guess I'll get a small sense of parenting with your children, but only briefly and rarely do I think I would've had one of my own, and only with you, no one else in my life...except Lily but it was too late for that." He replied, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing his temples.

"It was a silly thought. Come with me, let's have a shower; lock the door, please." He acquiesced and followed her to the washroom, locking her bedroom door, and feeling the weight of the day washing off of both of them.

It took hours for the kids to really settle, Hermione heard snickering from Rose's room most of the night until she and Severus finally fell asleep. She watched him for a while, facing her, his face as peaceful as the first time she'd watched him sleep in such a way, and she didn't want to sleep. His hair was still short, shorter than the first time he'd cut it, and she loved the way it felt between her fingers, so she rolled towards him, cradling him in her arms and ran her fingers continuously through his hair, trying to soak in every second before he would have to leave the next day. It was moments like this she wished he never had to leave.